One-iTis ends up liking me eventually?! HELP!

Improver21

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OK.
Theres this girl i had a HUGE crush on during my freshman year in college. She is a 9, the hottest azn girl that a few independent sources (both male and female) have confirmed to ever known. I'm was a relative chump in my early years at college, which i DO believe i have improved upon in recent years. Anyway, we ended up being good friends, hang-out, study together, etc etc. however i never made a move, as it was obvious that she probably saw me more as a brother/companion more than someone who was confident and could lead her in a relationship. Eventually she gets into a LTR, with some chump, which she dumped, and then onto another which she recently got dumped from. (3 months ago) we've drifted our separate ways during this time, less hanging out, but still maintained contact and friendship. Thinking i've not a chance, i let it go after my freshman year. I treasure the friendship.

Post-dumpage, shes been chased around by another guy, whom she admits was there for her when she was vulnerable, however she did the whole not ready for the relationship thing on her. Hes hanging around. The ex also now wants her back.

Meanwhile, she gets drunk one night at the wharf when we were out together, and is flirting with me etc etc, touching, and eventually after no response from me ( i wasnt drunk, and nevertheless even if i was a lil tipsy, my concience go the better of me. I wasn't about to take advantage of a long term friend when she was drunk + i was quite shocked actually) she blatantly asked me to kiss her. I refused, she got surprisingly pissed etc and the party left for home.
So i eventually confronted her about it, she said she was interested, but doesnt think that i am + shes concerned about if it would work or not, and the impact on what we have. I know a lot of peeps on this board believe the whole Boys n girls cant be friends thing, but the truth is i do treasure her as a part of my life, regardless of being able to take it further or not. We are supportive of each other in hard times, and have a general vibe that clicks.

So the thing is, i know this could be a rebound thing. What do you guys think?
If so, wouldnt she have rebounded onto the other chump that was thowing all he could at her?
Over the years in college i have undergone somewhat of a transformation, become more stylish, taking more attention to my appearance, and becoming much more intouch with who i am and thus becoming more confident. The truth is i WANT TO believe i've got a chance and i WANT to believe that i've a chance, however first impressions apparently last right? This girl is possibly the best package i've come across in my young life, and although i'm by no means attached or 'in over my head' so to speak, i'd like to give it a best go. Whats the best way to go about it, when its a good friend?

I've basically told her, we should hang out and see how things end up. I'd like to make a move to show that i'm interested before she loses interest or some other fish comes along for the food.

Thanks for reading, i know its long.

CHEERS.
 

blackbelt2k

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put some hair on your nuts and show her your a man and not another chump. go out with her, have fun, have sex...if it messes up your friendship in the long run, ohh well...women shouldn't be your emotional support anyway.. Time to stop being a wuss and man up to the challenge at hand
 

Alphamale1821

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why are so many men fine with having good friends who are girls. It's always better to have her as a friend with something more. Hell if it means a kiss here, make out here, or sex why not see what happens. WOMEN DO NO FUUCK GIRLS IN A MAN'S BODY. If your really all concerned with treasuring her friendship with her then just proceed to be another chump who is friends with a hot biitch. But needless to say I would rather be fuucking the hot chick I’m friends with. The choice is yours
 

Obsidian

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Amen, Brother Alpha. Repent of your chumpish ways, Improver. Women were designed to complement men sexually, not to be your friends. If you don't think you have enough friends to risk losing one, then go MAKE SOME MORE MALE FRIENDS so you won't be lonely.
 

Bonhomme

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Meanwhile, she gets drunk one night at the wharf when we were out together, and is flirting with me etc etc, touching, and eventually after no response from me ( i wasnt drunk, and nevertheless even if i was a lil tipsy, my concience go the better of me. I wasn't about to take advantage of a long term friend when she was drunk + i was quite shocked actually) she blatantly asked me to kiss her. I refused, she got surprisingly pissed etc
Damn. Hurts to read that. I've blown similar turn-arounds, usually by still holding a grudge against the gal and being too surprised to re-align my thinking quickly enough. But no point dwelling on the past. At very least you know the potential could be there.

I've basically told her, we should hang out and see how things end up. I'd like to make a move to show that i'm interested before she loses interest or some other fish comes along for the food.
Just make arrangements to hang out, with no mention of anything else. Then just let things flow naturally, and actually see where things go.
 

Improver21

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hmmn.. OK so i go on instant chat program
SHES ALREADY ON INSTANT CHAT PROGRAM

she doesnt make an effort to talk= DISINTERESTED right?

as in.. if i TALK then she does.. but GENERALLY.. if a girl is interested.. she would ask questions.. how is ur day... etc etc.. RITE!

stil havent made a move..

exams are comin sooon .. hmmn maybe THATS WHY?

or regardless of exam pressure.. if a person is interested they woiuld show SIGNS BY making effort to chat?

SHALL I NEXT BEFORE I EVEN START?
 

Obsidian

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girls are flaky, just because she acts stupid one day doesn't mean she's disinterested. (of course, neither does the fact that she tried to jump you when she was drunk)

just be a man and try to schedule something with her if you want. Who cares if she says no. Just do what you want, and start making that a habit.

And read the damn Bible, n00b.
 

Improver21

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never read the bible, but will do once i have time.

anyways.
what i'm saying is. i expect an attracted girl, to act so: ATTRACTED.
as its busy times for us, we haven't been able to freely meet in person.

SO, i'm asking. IF she is still attracted, to any degree: she would show signs of attraction when we get a chance to interact (i.e. msn etc). RIGHT?

or, would she, know that she should focus on oncoming priorties and thus er... u know what i mean. wait it out. As in. WE BOTH KNOW that we'll have the chance to interact in the near future. Read: DOES STRONG ATTRACTION or, ANY ATTRACTION, wait? and can be put on hold?

yes i'm being pedantic,
yes it can be hard to determine,
just post ur ideas?

obvious, either way i'll be making a strong move, eg, go for the kiss or more/ ask out on an exclusive date to gauge her level of interest.

i'm procrastinating at the moment, hence enquiring about the physics behind attraction and thoughts of women is far, far, far more interesting than finance and statistics. hell even watching ice hockey is more interesting.

Ha. i kid.

Cheers 4 the input
 

Docs

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anyways.
what i'm saying is. i expect an attracted girl, to act so: ATTRACTED.
as its busy times for us, we haven't been able to freely meet in person.
You're EXPECTING her to do the logical thing. Logically, if she is interested, she should always show signs. Wrong, wrong wrong wrong!

You cannot be certain of logic and a girl. She could be dying to be with you, but she is scared, thus she might not want to make a move and get hurt.

That is the number one reason we Always Assume Attraction(there is a thread on that BTW..)

SO, i'm asking. IF she is still attracted, to any degree: she would show signs of attraction when we get a chance to interact (i.e. msn etc). RIGHT?
See above.

or, would she, know that she should focus on oncoming priorties and thus er... u know what i mean. wait it out. As in. WE BOTH KNOW that we'll have the chance to interact in the near future. Read: DOES STRONG ATTRACTION or, ANY ATTRACTION, wait? and can be put on hold?
Attraction is a variable. Variables change. Most commonly though, if attraction is based off the amount of positive attraction generating action YOU do, that would push her attraction variable higher. Justly, inaction would bring it down.

So, I'm suggesting that she might (oh my god), become disinterested over time if you remain inactive. So, the best way to maintain (or increase) attraction / Interest, you HAVE to ACT.

obvious, either way i'll be making a strong move, eg, go for the kiss or more/ ask out on an exclusive date to gauge her level of interest.
And quite commonly, people say this, attempt it and get shut down. Why? Because you missed a chance that she created for you, and you're trying to create one for yourself by being blunt about it?

Her interest level is most assured to be lower then what she was at when the chance opened, so I wouldn't be trying for a Strong Move if her interest level is below what's needed.

What I'm trying to say, is that you have to rebuild the attraction first.

i'm procrastinating at the moment, hence enquiring about the physics behind attraction and thoughts of women is far, far, far more interesting than finance and statistics. hell even watching ice hockey is more interesting.
There is physics behind attraction? Right, that involves touching an attractive person, and you're still sitting on your ass?
inline quotes.
 

Improver21

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hehe.... good advice that i needed!
thanx.

well, hmmn how to explain. OK. by strong move i do mean to take her out on an exclusive date, possibly see some type of theatre show etc.. (i'll pay for it no biggie) and honestly i dont think it will result in REJECTION. or will it? I'll explain my train of thought. I believe i am mature enough to know, to not say... "be my girlfriend please" and i guess if i asked her out to such an event it would simultaneously BUILD ATTRACTION, by making a move, and also be used as a mean to MAKE A STRONG MOVE. As in.. its obvious, she might not know it at the time i ask her to see it ( i WONT make a big deal of it, as it really isnt), but she will KNOW for sure (theatre, dinner, walk home etc), that i am INTERESTED. i've made it obvious i want it to be a dating game.
Meanwhile if gauging the interaction, if shes less than keen, i will pick it up, and it can go back to being just jack and jill (i'm assuming no sex took part in that childrens story).

Either way. a fun night to hang out, and watch a show i'd probably couldnt watch with one of my mates at risk of seeming gay.

We are NOT strangers, and i would assume this wouldnt lead to being 'shut down' right?

OR.. regardless.. to reduce 'risk' should i try to BUILD ATTRACTION by.. say.. another LESS STRONG of a move?

apologies as i know i use copious amounts of caps in order to emphasise words.

Cheers
 

RAFCbearfilm

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Improver,
Make time to READ the Bible - If I were to define an AFC I would have them read your post. You even define oneitis in your post. You are classic AFC and I can say that having been in your situation.
Knock her off her pedestal and make your move, or would you rather stay in her life while she screws every guy in sight EXCEPT you. You say she is the best package you have come across, how many have you actually C*M across? You let her date others cause you want to be her friend that she can talk you? Then quit reading this forum cause it doesn't apply to you.
You need to get her off your mind and stop chasing her and let her chase you. Aren't there any other girls out there that you are attracted to?
Every girl is beautiful in a their own way but you keep thinking about "The One" and let all the others go to those of us who can handle them, k?
 

Obsidian

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Improver, don't take her to anything at a theatre for a first date unless it's 1. inexpensive and 2. light-hearted.

You're better off with coffee, lunch, dinner, and/or some type of activity (like throwing a frisbee in the park or something). Whatever you do, don't spend money on someone who hasn't earned it. If the situation calls for it, you might pay for her coffee or perhaps her meal (so make sure it's a somewhat inexpensive place!), but definitely don't go overboard.

You can't buy love.
 

Docs

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Improver21 said:
hehe.... good advice that i needed!
thanx.

well, hmmn how to explain. OK. by strong move i do mean to take her out on an exclusive date, possibly see some type of theatre show etc.. (i'll pay for it no biggie) and honestly i dont think it will result in REJECTION. or will it? I'll explain my train of thought. I believe i am mature enough to know, to not say... "be my girlfriend please" and i guess if i asked her out to such an event it would simultaneously BUILD ATTRACTION, by making a move, and also be used as a mean to MAKE A STRONG MOVE. As in.. its obvious, she might not know it at the time i ask her to see it ( i WONT make a big deal of it, as it really isnt), but she will KNOW for sure (theatre, dinner, walk home etc), that i am INTERESTED. i've made it obvious i want it to be a dating game.
Meanwhile if gauging the interaction, if shes less than keen, i will pick it up, and it can go back to being just jack and jill (i'm assuming no sex took part in that childrens story).

Either way. a fun night to hang out, and watch a show i'd probably couldnt watch with one of my mates at risk of seeming gay.

We are NOT strangers, and i would assume this wouldnt lead to being 'shut down' right?

OR.. regardless.. to reduce 'risk' should i try to BUILD ATTRACTION by.. say.. another LESS STRONG of a move?

apologies as i know i use copious amounts of caps in order to emphasise words.

Cheers
Build attraction via a light hearted date, as mentioned by someone else. Flirt, tease, a little touch tossed into the mix, and act geniune. That's really about it, she'll either not like you or she will like you, and there isn't much you can do with it at your level without major corrective ..... beatings persay of information and time.
 

Improver21

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RAFCbearfilm said:
Improver,
Make time to READ the Bible - If I were to define an AFC I would have them read your post. You even define oneitis in your post. You are classic AFC and I can say that having been in your situation.
Knock her off her pedestal and make your move, or would you rather stay in her life while she screws every guy in sight EXCEPT you. You say she is the best package you have come across, how many have you actually C*M across? You let her date others cause you want to be her friend that she can talk you? Then quit reading this forum cause it doesn't apply to you.
You need to get her off your mind and stop chasing her and let her chase you. Aren't there any other girls out there that you are attracted to?
Every girl is beautiful in a their own way but you keep thinking about "The One" and let all the others go to those of us who can handle them, k?
hehe. shes not on a pedestal... well.. i dun think that she is!~~ There are other girls that i am attracted to, and yes she is on my mind, but no i'm not anywhere near concluding that she is 'THE ONE'.
I think of her, however i dont have high hopes; not because of lack of self confidence nor that she is on a higher plane or whatever, i just know that it doesnt always workout.
i dont think i'm back in the 'onitis'


anyway.. thanks for the advice guys. Its true, i'll probably back off on advances, act normal, genuine, enjoy my life. I'll flirt, and whatever, if shes interested she will come!

CHeeeers.
 
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The question is - did she tell you to kiss her because she was drunk and lonely and needs validation from the opposite sex to feel goos about herself? Or, does she genuinely want to be with you?

Don't back off - this is an opportune time to make your move since the ball is still rolling and it was first pushed by her!! ASK HER TO COME OVER FOR SOME DRINKS - SINCE SHE LIKES TO DRINK :rolleyes:

TELL HER THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE MOMENT IN HER INEBRIATED STATE AND THEN ASK HER HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT YOU IN HER SOBER STATE - MEANING DOES SHE WANT TO PURSUE ROMANTICALLY!

Never become "friends" with girls to whom you are attracted!! Never!!! Only leads to disappointments and heartaches -- always make your interest known immediately!!
 

Improver21

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Last Man Standing said:
The question is - did she tell you to kiss her because she was drunk and lonely and needs validation from the opposite sex to feel goos about herself? Or, does she genuinely want to be with you?

Never become "friends" with girls to whom you are attracted!! Never!!! Only leads to disappointments and heartaches -- always make your interest known immediately!!

well.. i confronted her. and she said she was interested basically.

THIS COULD BE DEFENCE MECHANISMN>... i dunno.. to maintain her integrity or some ****??

but i did say.. its ok to say that u were just drunk.. and it doesnt need to have meant anything.

ah i dunno.. she could be 'confused'.


so... er.... according to the replys.. i should deviate between making a move and not making a move.. ahahha..

OK.. so hmmn.. i'll make a move, without the theatre show. make it low key.
sounds good yes?

=)

cheers.
 
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Ok then!!! The answer is "yes" - now she must prove her words are true --- so invite her to a romantic encounter and make a gentle move for her lips and tell us how she responds in words, actions and expressions towards your advancement!!!
 
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