One "Contradiction" I've Found on This Site

[Francisco d'Anconia]

she cried on the phone when we talked about this. maybe she felt pressured. i feel bad now. should i apologize?

This is what happens when guys are so persistent in finding all the answers, they completely overlook the fact that what they are doing is making the situation worse. Guys are having this type of problem throughout the forum.

Did you understand what LMS said earlier? Why are you surprised that your GF doesn't feel comfortable opening up to you when it's generally in a woman's nature to vent when something is wrong? Step out of yourself and actually LOOK at whats going on around you instead of focusing on your preconceived ideas.

 

[Fela Kuti]

Why are you surprised that your GF doesn't feel comfortable opening up to you when it's generally in a woman's nature to vent when something is wrong?

because i'm his bf and she's supposed to open up to me, right?

 

[Fela Kuti]

so if she's having secrets, it's better not to find out what it's about? but i believe that secrets can destroy a relationship..

 

[DonGorgon]

This is a no win situation for men..
Emotions are illogical...
Women are very emotional.
If you respond to a womans emotions with logic she "feels" conflict with you.
Males are not wired to be as emotional as women.. all you can do is "manage" her for as long as possible.

 

[Fela Kuti]

OT: do you think it's okay to admit to your gf that you cried because you felt guilty toward her?

 

[squirrels]

You've been on this site since August of last year and only found ONE contradiction??

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

because i'm his bf and she's supposed to open up to me, right?

Yes, it would be nice if she could but for some reason she can't. How have your actions helped her to become comfortable doing that?

 

[TheAdonis]

What I've found to work is to at first be reluctant to listening to her ramble about all her problems. then she will try to get you to be more open to the idea; still be reluctant. Finnally give in, she'll feel as if shes won but she wont want to over do her luck so she will only tell you things that are important. And just give little tips on what she can do and when your done with wanting to her her sh!t just let her no. Because you've already gotten her to no that you will say no and mean it.

 

[cordoncordon]

LISTEN to your gf and her issues. Rarely, unless asked, offer a solution. Trust me, if its one thing I have learned about women, that is it.

 

[Fela Kuti]

LISTEN to your gf and her issues. Rarely, unless asked, offer a solution. Trust me, if its one thing I have learned about women, that is it.

Yea, but the problem is how to make your gf open up and tell her issues?

 

[Fela Kuti]

Yes, it would be nice if she could but for some reason she can't. How have your actions helped her to become comfortable doing that?

well, maybe by keep insisting, i'm not helping her to become comfortable. so what do i do?

 

[ready123]

she cried on the phone when we talked about this. maybe she felt pressured. i feel bad now. should i apologize?

that's why you gotta be GENTLE and patient, you can't force it out of her. it's her choice. all you can do is be reassuring and give her space to open up

apologize in a positive reassuring way - let her know you didn't mean to pressure her and you just asked because you care about her and want her to be happy (which is the truth, right?)

and to some of the other guys, the OP's GF is not venting... period. you guys are acting like opening up and venting are mutually exclusive when they're the same exact thing. but this girl is not telling him anything so even if he wanted the mistake of solving her probs so she shuts up he wouldn't be able to get that far

 

[WesCottII]

If something aint broke, don't fix it.

You've decided what a good boyfriend you SHOULD be, before you decided what type of boyfriend you ARE. You must have been doing something right to be her b/f, but now you've thrown a big ol' spanner in the works.

My advice, if she don't want to talk to you, so what? But if you're insistant on doing something for her, take her mind off it. Action "dates" are a sure fire way to keep her mind occupied, whilst she's having fun in your company.

 

[MrGold]

Dude, if shes your girlfriend and you love each other mutually, then i suggest you listen to her. As im sure she'd listen to your problems.

 

[Fela Kuti]

My advice, if she don't want to talk to you, so what?

i don't know, i just feel the urge to know. maybe because i care too much. and if she's not willing to tell, i'd feel down. as if she didn't trust me enough to share her problems. anyone feels the same?