DarkLight said:
Anyone have this issue.
Whenever I dig a chick, I'll be doin my thing... then once it attracts her, and I know I got it, I lose interest.
I've let HB's go like this.
Some foolish sh!t in retrospect.
Anyways... any1 feel me on this?
Comments?
Absolutely. Self-destruction is my MO. In fact, I was just realizing this today.
I had emailed a girl to ask for her phone number. She emailed back sending it, and it was at that moment that I realized something astonishing. I didn't want her to send me her digits.
I didn't want her to.
Background: this girl is great, I get along well with her, she kinda lives far away though and I hate driving. More to the point, I realized eventually that I'm afraid of embarrassing myself in a phone conversation, or on the date, or kissing, or whatever. Part of me wished she would reject me, so at least I could say I tried. I could continue to hide from myself the fact that part of me is afraid of the new challenges and potential embarrassments that now's success could bring.
That was an astonishing thing to learn about myself. Imagine spending two and a half years learning everything about the game, only to realize that you don't actually want to succeed.
Now a lot of people are going to say "have sex with her even if part of you doesn't want to." "fake it 'til you make it", "just push through and you'll be interested in her."
I am less confident in these types of statements than many people on this board. I view them as a sort of wishful thinking, a way of wishing that part of me that was afraid of embarrassment would just go away.
I cannot speak for your life or that of anyone else here. I can tell you that I have often had this problem of losing interest in people who like me back (because I wanted to fail). One big piece of getting out of this situation for me is focusing on
People talk about this a lot on this board, but I mean this in a very special sense. I mean that your behavior at all times should be motivated by fun and not by a desire for results. So you meet some girl and she's pretty cute but the attraction isn't really there. Someone who's "practicing their game" will make out with her, but I say, "I'll do it if it's fun." I don't care how beautiful a girl is though, if I don't feel a connection with her, I feel like my time is being wasted.
Obviously I didn't use to think that way. Like most people on this board, I said "who wouldn't want to have sex with a supermodel." But now that I realize that women are everywhere, why would I waste my time on a girl who doesn't interest me as a person? I'm not saying a girl who's perfect, but one who's interesting.
Life is short, that's just how I choose to spend it.
Dressing down
I'm a fairly good looking fellow by most people's standards. One thing that really bothered me when women liked me was that I was convinced that they liked me because of my looks. I felt like my personality was boring. This turned me off to a lot of great girls, who probably did in fact like me for my personality, because I was convinced they were into my looks.
I know that everyone here will tell you to dress up as much as you can, but I found dressing down to be a wonderful salve for my particular needs.
I wanted to meet women who liked me for me, so I dressed in ratty t-shirts and torn jeans, sneakers. I let my hair and beard grow wild (unfortunately, women love this so letting my hair grow actually counteracted what I wanted to do by attracting women. I'm getting a buzzcut tonight
).
Attracting women is all well and good, but once I had attracted enough I realized that women are everywhere, and I didn't feel complimented by women liking my looks. I want women to like me for my personality. So I dressed and still dress like crap.
I am not attracted to people who want me for my body. I'm attracted to women who want me for my personality.
Dressing down has allowed me to convince myself that a lot of women really just love who I am, and would date me no matter how I looked. At that point, I became interested in people who were interested in me.
Sometimes, though, we're just going to get to know people who aren't for us right now. There's nothing wrong with letting the ones go who aren't for you.
Izza
