Once a girl has 'lost respect' for you, can you save it?

[cactus3178]

Sh*t, I'm having an off week.

First off, it takes a man to admit his mistakes, so try not to bust my balls too hard, gentlemen.


"A man's word is his bond"

We've all heard that maxim. Well, my word is crap, apparently. I have a tendency to be a yes man at times, making commitments that I can't keep. Well, I f*cked up and did it with this girl I've been dating a couple months....long story short, I told her some things that I failed to keep true....details are not really important.....I 'f'ed up and I know it. As a result, she 'friend zoned' me.

We've had sex on many occasions, now she decided that we need to put that on hold until I can become a 'man of my word'.

Thing is, she's right to an extent, but the bad thing is that she seems to have complete control of this situation, and that, my friends, is a problem. She had no qualms about cutting me off from the poonanny. Maybe an indicator of low IL, but if that's the case, I sure as hell couldn't see it.




Anyhow, in your experience, DJ's, can you save an off course situation like this?

Is it even worth it?

Young 'relationships' have problems, but she half ass nexted me so damn fast I was sincerely surprised. The obvious fix is to become true to my word and do sh*t that I say I will, but is it already too late for that?


Now, an obligatory "I like this one and don't want to toss it just yet"

Thanks in advance for your advice.

 

[Austin3.8]

Never ever say "I f*ucked up" to a girl. If you screw something up and she calls you on it then say "Sh*t happens". Don't ever appologize to a girl, and if she doen't like it tell her that there are 150 million other guys out there so she can either deal with it, or go change one of them. Women don't RESPECT f*ckups, but they realise sh*t happens. To answer your question, "NO!"

 

[cave dweller]

caught.......

Hey,

What? You got caught in a lie.
Am I right here?

Hell, you are not perfect.-----Tell her so.---- (also, if she is looking for the perfect man she will have a long damn search, good luck honey)

You can salvage this.

cave dweller

 

[dearsappho]

You know where youre going wrong so take the necessary steps to correct your behaviour towards her.

If she still withholds sex after this then you know whe aint worth your time and effort.

 

[Donald Kaufman]

She might be trying to hold you to a higher level. It could be being supportive. If so it might take a long time to get back the respect.

Is she worthy of the time it will take you to win back her respect?

Does she have the kind of integrity that you would like to emulate?

Is she hurting or helping? If she wants to help you be worthy of respect and you feel she would accept the same help from you she might be worth the time.

 

[MacDiddy]

Cactus.. you are an AFC..

The fact that given all the tell tale signs, you still want her... Its AFC posturing and it will get you nothing...

Seriously....Nothing can help you until you help yourself.... RE: Read the bible and look out for post here about managing relationship expectations.

 

[Chief]

Respect yourself

If someone ain't respecting you its because you aren't respecting and being true to yourself. A man is true to himself and his word. your not acting like a man by telling somebody one thing and doing another. Women act that way changing their minds all the time and telling people whayt they want to hear because they don't wanna hurt their feelings. Man up and stop caring about others feelings in that way brother. And totally give up on her cause it ain't happening now, unless she thinks she can use you for something.

 

[MrHarris]

First of all, you need to get your balls back and let them drop. You are in control of your own life. NOT HER. So what if she cuts you off. A woman like that isn't worth being with to begin with.

When women use sex as a weapon, that type of person isn't worth spit on a side walk.

Secondly, you need to start talking to other women. When you put all of your eggs in one basket this is the results that you will achieve.

Finally, **** happens. Let her grow up and get over it. I understand about the keeping your word thing. I'm surprised that a Don Juan of your caliber hasn't a few othe women on the side willing and ready to go.

 

[Filipe]

Originally posted by Austin3.8
Never ever say "I f*ucked up" to a girl. If you screw something up and she calls you on it then say "Sh*t happens". Don't ever appologize to a girl, and if she doen't like it tell her that there are 150 million other guys out there so she can either deal with it, or go change one of them. Women don't RESPECT f*ckups, but they realise sh*t happens. To answer your question, "NO!"

don't tell her that there are 150 million guys waiting for her, tell instead that there are 150 million girls waiting for you

You have to be the man, she is trying to change you to her perfect male model.

Try to pickup other girls while you are with her

 

[So pimp its scary]

Short answer : NO!
Long answer : Yes, but its not worth the time and effort to prove yourself.

 

[Bonhomme]

Regardless of whether you give up on her ...

If you hjaven't already done so, regardless of whether or not you give up on her, man up and tell her you bit off more than you can chew, you can't blame her for dumping you (she might think: dumping him?!?!... I'm not dumping him!) and apologize for your misplaced enthusiasm. Without begging for her to come back, of course.

A lot of us want to do more things than we realistically can, and one just needs to learn to limit their obligations. I'm juggling way too many things myself, but I'm just upfront about it, and tell people to keep on me to remind me and I'll get to things when I can. It's tiresome, but they don't feel I've led them on.

Then simply leave the ball in her court, and pay mind to other gals. She'll do what she'll do.

 

[StringShredder]

Basically, I'd ignore her completely from now on. That is to say, don't go out of your way to avoid her, or snub her rudely, but don't initiate any contact. No spontaneous e-mails (replies to her e-mails are okay, and take your sweet time), no phone calls (if she calls, be polite and normal, but keep it short and end it first). Always have somewhere to go, and be seen with some other girls, etc.

Let her know in subtle ways that her priority in your life is in accordance with her sexual interest in you, and so by withholding sex, she automatically de-escalates herself to some bottom rung. And do it so naturally, like you are not even aware yourself what you are doing. It's simply the result of you behaving naturally, according to how you really feel about her. Her withdrawal naturally makes you feel less inclined to initiate anything with her, because you are naturally different from those schmucks who initiate more when a girl pulls away from them.

If she starts to ask questions about your behavior, just say ``I dunno! I somehow don't feel that way about you any longer. I was kind of relieved when you said you no longer wanted to be intimate with me, because I was feeling the same thing. After some honest introspection, I realized that that's why I didn't come through on my word that time; I think I was already losing interest, and so it wasn't on my mind. I regret that I didn't look inside myself clearly enough to be able to articulate how I felt, but all turned out for the best anyhow.''

Get it? You failed to live up to your promise not because you aren't a man of your word, but because you had already begun to lose interest and so it wasn't important to you to remember and stay true to your promise. Of course you always keep your word in a relationship that matters to you, or if it is a matter of some material trust, like returning a borrowed item or repaying a loan. When it's an emotional matter that is directly related to your level of interest, you are not obliged to keep your promise when the interest wanes.

Whenever a chick wants to withdraw because of something "bad" you did, you can always put a spin on it that you did it unconsciously because you lost interest in her. That's what she probably suspects to begin with, which is why she is preemptively withdrawing (he doesn't care about me, uh oh!) So, confirm her suspicions, and make it look like it was your loss of interest that caused the breakup, i.e. you really did the breaking up, effectively.

 

[cactus3178]

A quick update...

F*ck this sh*t.

I was chatting with this chick, and she rubbed it in my face (the no sex thing)....so I said "Oh, you really think you have me under your thumb, huh?"...all smart ass like.

She says "I don't want you under my thumb"...matter-of-factly.

Whatever.

Then she goes, "You need to grow up". "I want to be with a man, not a boy!"

WTF ever.

All this from not keeping my word about a couple stupid ass things.

Clearly, my control here is GONE.

F*CKING SH*T. I can bag 'em, but hell I can't keep them.

 

[WaterTiger]

Re: A quick update...

Originally posted by cactus3178

Then she goes, "You need to grow up". "I want to be with a man, not a boy!"

Hmmm...this sounds oddly familiar. Didn't the last evil, toxic ***** you were with say the same thing?

Originally posted by cactus3178

All this from not keeping my word about a couple stupid ass things.

Clearly, my control here is GONE.

F*CKING SH*T. I can bag 'em, but hell I can't keep them.

You can't control a realtionship, if you can't control yourself. Don't make promises you can't, or don't care to keep. Say it bluntly : "I'll try, but I can't promise you that." Let them know that you might fail. This way, the worst thing they can say is: "Well, at least he tried."

Women want a man to be strong, to LEAD them. This new girl even said that she DIDN'T WANT YOU under her thumb. This should tell you something. You've come a long, LOOOOONNNNNNGG way from the guy you used to be. Work on improving yourself, be the kind of man that women refuse to slap into the LJBF zone! Keep your word, or don't give it.

 

[StringShredder]

"You need to ..."

When a chick starts any sentence with "You need ..." and it really has nothing to do with what you need, but what she wants you to do or be, call her on the bullshyt wording!

"Sorry, I don't 'need to' anything. Maybe you'd like to control my behavior or change me into something else, but please don't phrase it as me 'needing' something. What are you trying to say, that a real man will do whatever you want, whereas a boy does what he pleases? Isn't it a little obvious that you have the two mixed up? Let's instead talk about what I don't need, which should be a topic that you like, namely: you!"

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Originally posted by cactus3178
"I don't want you under my thumb"...matter-of-factly.

No, but by her behavior she'd like you under her twaht apparently.

Originally posted by cactus3178
Clearly, my control here is GONE.

This is the first clear thought you've had thus far.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #3
If a woman makes you wait for sex or by her actions implies she is making you wait for sex - The sex is never worth the wait.

Blackmailing you with her intimacy is an automatic NEXT! She might have been a good lay prior to whatever infraction you made, but even if you did conform to her expectations the sex and the desire are now dilluted. Only women can get away with this kind of sh!t. Reverse the roles here, imagine her 'not keeping her word' in the same way you seem to think of it. Now imagine what her response would be if you said "I need a woman, not a little girl. No sex for you till you accept responsibility for yourself." Heheh,..yeah, she'd forget about it too. Time to DTB (dump that b!tch).

It's not respect that you're trying to get back, she never had any in the first place if this was her response. Rather it's interest level you want to recover and that my friend aint gonna happen.

 

[cactus3178]

I'M gonna take a 'break'.

I've decided to suspend any activities with women in general until I get a better grip on myself. I've been a bit of a flake lately, making commitments that I can't keep...I gotta get my sh*t straight before I can effectively 'date' any girls at all, or it's going to be the same old bullsh*t again and again.

Thanks for the replies, gentlemen (and lady!).

One of the fundamentals of DJ-ism is to be a man...obviously I haven't been.

Destroy, rebuild, rebrand.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Your hor is using her vagina as a weapon - once a woman hor (non-virgin) knows that her vagina can be used as a weapon she will use it!! And it is the fool who will comply with her demands - beholden to the power of the vagina!! Seek other hors!! This hor is watching you too closely and is making threatening demands - she cries, "Be honest with me or else I won't be your hor!!!"HUH??? Can any man respect such a demand from a woman who uses her vagina as a bargaining chip to be used for compliance to her wishes???

 

[jprjrjr]

PRL, You've got an interesting, and accurate take on most women. I enjoy your posts.