On the topic of MANOSPHERE

[xplt]

Yeah, I've been a little hard on some members of the board in the past.

We‘re a mens forum, I don‘t mind if someone‘s washing my head here. Sometimes I need that to wake up. I‘m glad that some of the users here spoke the hard and relentlessly truth to me, when I came here first.

 

[lost_blackbird]

So without sounding like I am being an ass, in all seriousness, is it possible you are really attracted to guys and have been hiding from that your whole life?

Because if I am being 100% honest this is the type of thing you hear over and over and over again when guys are trying to live this life they feel compelled to live either through their upbringing or religious beliefs or societal pressures and then after a long period of time when their marriage fails, their relationships always end poorly and they feel withdrawn, they end up coming to a realization that maybe it is because they are living a lie and they know it subconsciously.

Now I am not suggesting that this is the case but I am giving you food for thought to think about because the way they speak about themselves prior to them coming to terms with their sexuality is pretty identical to what you are saying.

No, that's definitely not the case. That's what makes this so difficult. If I was interested in other guys
I would have had ample opportunity by now at 48 years old to at the very least experiment with that idea
by watching some gay p0rn to see if if floats my boat. The issue is that I don't feel a physical drive to get
hands-on with anybody at all. And I wouldn't know what to do with that drive if I did have it, if I'm honest.
I do tug off infrequently, always at female imagery, sometimes f on f stuff.

You see, with me being Aspergers, for those that don't know that's a mild form of autism and it's nowadays
known as "HFA - High Functioning Autism." on the Autism spectrum. A new term that doesn't really do it
justice as Aspergers has some very unique traits. Anyway, compared to some poor souls who are literally
crippled by autism I'm comparatively very high functioning, therefore capable of holding on to employment,
maintaining friendships and even relationships. Although I have a very checkered history of really struggling
with these things because of my confusion with interpersonal relationships, I've been fired more times than I
can remember and I fall out with friends for sometimes years at a time. Hell, me and the wife made it nearly 20
years so I'm almost "normal", whatever that means. But the cracks are still there and some things can set me off
and I can either meltdown or shutdown almost without notice, A nightmare for my wife to live with. I don't
cope well under pressure either.

Aspergers comes with other GREAT free gifts like "excessive rumination", "OCD tendencies", "generalised anxiety and
a tendency for depressive episodes" "physical clumsiness - Plus I often find myself "stimming" when socially overwhelmed"
I'll stop there but the list goes on.

So with all this to deal with I'm kinda wired to need a step by step guide to do things that other people do naturally
with ordinary biological drives and their ruddy ability to recognise social cues. I can work things out, you know take
them to pieces and diagnose faults. But people baffle me and with the additional burden of being wired to have
black and white thinking patterns really doesn't help either. I guess this place is the best version of an instruction
manual for how to interact with these lunatics in ways where I don't get trampled on and become even more suspicious
of and less inclined to get involved with others.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

You have to realize that you need a connection with another human being, even if it's for a short time(during sex). I had a celibate streak longer than you. Once I had sex again after such a long period of volcelity?... I realized that the need for human bonding(even if only during the act of sex) is such an important part of life... I don't think it's low testosterone, it's just, you haven't had a positive enough experience to realize the importance of it.... I'm not interested in any type of relationship outside of plate spinning. I still realize the emotional importance of having one night stand sex. YOU ARE ON THIS SITE BECAUSE YOU CRAVE DESIRE! Realize this and make positive change to actualize it.

This is very true. I didn't meet, talk to, or have sex with a women until 3 months following my initial separation and those 3 months were definitely tough. I couldn't believe how much physical touch, sex, and just being in the intimate presence of an attractive woman makes a difference for my overall well-being. I find comfort in being alone, and I believe it is important to be able to be independent, but damn, having sex with a different woman for the first time in 7 years felt like a surreal experience. I thought I would be saddled with my ex in a passionless marriage for the rest of my life.

I'll NEVER forget that first buck with a new woman post-divorce. Especially because she was a certified freak..

 

[9-3enthusiast]

Hi LB,
I do empathise with your situation, and since my marriage, my story has been somewhat similar - though I'm a few years ahead of you.
I've snipped a couple of relevant parts from one of your posts which I'm gonna reply to...

>>>> My wife and I were like housemates
for the last 4 years of our marriage, separate bedrooms throughout. Sex maybe once every
4-6weeks which she initiated 100% of the time during this period. <<<<

>>>> I am for the time being, still married with the actual divorce planned for October
which is then 2 full years since the breakup. The last time I had sex was summer 2019, maybe June/July?
So I still haven't been with anyone but my wife in about 20 years now, even though for the last two years
I had her full blessing to go and bang whomever I choose, I haven't and haven't had a single experience
even though I go out a lot, that has led to anything sexual or romantic with a female. <<<<

>>>> I don't know, I'm so confused. Without a natural sex drive to compel me to pursue women... <<<<

I'm now 57 - was married for over 20 yrs - Over the last 8 yrs or so, the sex faded off until it eventually stopped altogether, and the last 4 yrs of my marriage were COMPLETELY sexless. She wanted it, I didn't. I thought it was a problem with me, but found out later that I did want it, I just no longer wanted her - I guess we'd just run our course... in my mind at least.

In my early 50s, I had a health scare... without going into it, I had to lose weight (around 6 stones) fast.
Sugar was my main problem, so I cut refined sugars out completely, and the weight started to fall off - I also re-evaluated life in general and decided to leave and start again.
After some months, I'd got my own place, started divorce proceedings, lost 6½ stones (around 90lb for those in US) and was fit again.
My confidence returned - my libido returned... with a vengeance - and the most unusual thing for me.... my original hair colour came back. I was very grey at age 50, and now back to my original mousey-brown colour - There's a few very faint grey flecks left, but barely noticeable. All I can think is that the sugar in all the cr@p I was eating was having a massive lag-effect - And with it gone I've regenerated or something LOL.

Anyhoo - The turning point for me as far as women are concerned, was a ONS that I had, completely out of the blue.
I wasn't looking for it, and to be honest I wasn't even sure if things down there would work as intended - But she came after me, and ended up staying the night - It certainly woke up the the fella in my pants - LOL
Since then I've been dating women mostly early to mid 40s, but a couple in their 30s and even a one night thing with one that was 29 (when I was 54) - If you have your s**t together in your 50s, I've found that it's MUCH easier than it was in my 20s

For you, it might be like me.... you just need to get that first one under your belt - but don't give up on it... keep yourself fit, and I can tell you for sure that you can be involved with women well into your 50s.... and beyond.
Like I said, I'm 57 now.... and have no intention of slowing down any time soon.
Hang in there - It certainly can get better.

 

[9-3enthusiast]

I'll NEVER forget that first buck with a new woman post-divorce. Especially because she was a certified freak..

Haha! - Same!
AS mentioned in the post above - she came after me, and stayed overnight.
From around 10pm, well into the early hours of the morning - then again when we woke up - LOL

 

[derby1]

This is a great topic and proves why women will have men on dog leads within 2 generations.

We simply do not have a herd mentality like they do, neither do we support other men or platforms.

I was watching a podcast i donated to spit facts, total invaluable facts, the men were sending him the worst donations youve ever seen. All Ninja watchers commenting how good it was for free!!!!

if that was women, the donations would be rolling in, like the church of sisterhood. and the platform would have a billion subscribers within a month

 

[Hamurabimbi]

A lot of people here lie about their dating and sex life, they won't admit that they suck sometimes, like anybody else. Lot of people here are really narrow-minded: it works like this and not like that, if this happens it's because of that, don't do this because it will causes that, every women are the same, Tinder is sh!t, cold approach is sh!t.
Dating is not a recipe

I always try to be as transparent as possible, I don't lie. People are quick on judging: "you live in scarcity, you don't have respect for yourself, find a purpose in life, you're a nice guy" when they don't sh1t about you.

Lot of testosterone and insecurity.

So true. Why lie? It’s an anonymous Internet forum. Lying makes the advice one gives or receives less useful.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

Not surprising. I figure a chick that's been married a while only has sex once every 3 weeks.

Hank, there was a point where I didn't have sex with my ex wife for almost 6 months. It was terrible.

 

[2Rocky]