Chuck-
The further your story unravels, the more I can relate. I've been there and heard some of the same excuses and bs. I've made the same mistakes you have made. I felt that same strong desire to make it work when she did not.
Her head is so far up her a$$ right now, that no matter what you say and do you will get no where. You will do more damage than good. She's hurt emotionally and has herself so confused. She's not thinking straight and won't be anytime in the near future. She's not thinking rationally and logically like a smart guy like yourself is. Thats why counseling is a waste of time. Its only good when you have two parties that want to resolve an issue. Right now you only have one party.
I bet her mother talked her into counseling???
Her hamster wheel is running on pure illogical emotion and will be for the next few months until she breaks down and figures out the grass isn't greener elsewhere.
I tried to get my ex wife to go to counseling and she would have nothing to do with it. I couldn't believe it, we had 15years together and she was a very logical, smart, socially skilled, strong individual with great people skills. Yeah you can throw all that logical rational thought out the window when dealing with a chic thats not stable. When women lose emotional stability they get very unpredictable. Don't waste your time trying to figure them out.
You say you feel like there is more to the story than what she is telling.......there probably is. Think it thru and when the answer is still blurry go with your gut. She probably has a guy she is seeing on the side. Women don't often leave one relationship with out having another lined up. They aren't strong enough to do so. They always accuse guys of committing the same crimes they are guilty of themselves. Its how they try and justify their inappropriate behavior to make themselves feel better. But all that is secondary. She didn't go looking for a relationship until her needs weren't being met. So concentrate on the root cause of the problem which is what happened between you and her.
The best thing you can do if you want to have a chance that this deal might go back together at some point, is give her all the space she wants. Let her move out and get her own place and let her sweet little a$$ pay for all of it.
Be strong, professional, don't let her know how tore up you are, be very patient, and keep your composure. Let her go out and live it up acting like a stupid *****. Let that hamster wheel in her head continue to spin out of control until it blows up. When it does thats when she'll be ready to talk and you can get somewhere with her. But until then its going to be hard for both of you, but its the only option you have unless you want divorce.
In the meantime you need to start working on being a better man. Improve your looks, clothes, physique, attentiveness to women, etc. Learn to understand women better. Strike up conversations with women. I did this with mine and it convinced her that I was some how a different person and it reignited her attraction for me. She also saw I had some other highly attractive women around me and that made her desire me even more. (stupid but thats how they work).
You also need to get her social security number and run a credit report on her at some point. There are tons of places on the web you can do this. This will tell you how far she has checked out of the marriage. If she's as gone as it sounds, she'll have taken some of your money and put it in another account that you don't know about and/or obtained a credit card you don't know about.
Don't give her a reason to make yourself look bad.
Find somebody that is very open minded and has some people skills to talk to. Keep posting on this message board.
Believe her actions over her words. She will lie to you. She will tell you what you want to here.
The one who cares the least about the relationship always has the most power.........
Tough times don't last forever.........tough people do
Divorce is one of the most painful things you will ever go thru. Its baggage you will have to carry with you the rest of your life. It will have an effect on every girl you come across in your future. It will effect how you look at relationships in the future and treat women.
This is a big deal........you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink........so let her know you are interested in working this out, but theres no point in pushing your agenda until she's ready for the same thing.
I gave my ex 3months to sort her thoughts out with hopes that would be enough time to begin the repair process. I made it 2months and my patience ran out. I had to get closure on the issue so I divorced her. I'm pretty thick skinned and don't hold punches but it was the hardest thing I've ever done. We knew each other better than any other people on earth. Its like having to pull the trigger on your ailing dog. Sometimes you have to "man" up and do whats right for the relationship and the people involved.
