on plus side my facebook date on Sat went well but now low IL?

[pete101]

ok apart from my other threads about flaky women, i met another on Sat thru facebook which I felt went well but suddenly she no longer seems that interested, not sure why. It took us like a week to arrange a date time cos every time i was available she was busy so we finally settled on Sat, she tells me she's going to be half hour later (not her fault the underground tube line was closed over weekend). when she arrives at 9.45pm she's all over me, doesn't kino me but could tell she was into me, she's a single mother 39 and her daughter is 18 leaving for college next month her daughter is also a model and extremely hot.

i wanted to kiss close but got interrupted by the waitress telling us the pub was closing in 5mins (11pm), 30 mins before that my date suggested we go to the local chinese restaurant cos she hadn't eaten yet (i was thinking great, another woman who wants a free meal when i only invited her for a drink), i suggested she get food from the pub as it's quite good, so she goes off and tries to order food (kitchen was shut) and gets me a drink (good gesture on her part).. i was basically trying to avoid taking her for food after to keep the expense down and maybe she sensed i was being cheap. she was quite drunk already though, only 2 drinks and she's easy (good option in future) so didn't get time to kiss close (my fault for not working quicker, i had an hour to build comfort) so i give her a lift home (walking to car she puts her arm interlocked with mine good kino sign, i was grabbing her a$$ a lot - should have done it sooner could have had sex) with a detour for food for her to pick up as takeaway, the chinese restaurant was closed so she settled on a late night israeli kebab store, she kept asking me if i wanted anything (i think she didn't want to eat alone.. i just didn't want to fork out any more cash on food) asked me twice in fact (this might be reason why she's less interested cos i was reluctant to get food with her, i told her i was full and already ate dinner with my sis)

i drop her off, kiss on lips take her number (she wouldn't give number on facebook till she met the person) i ask her to miss call me so i have it, she did but it did not ring so had to do it again (don't think it was done on purpose just by accident). 2 days pass, i text her yesterday making a joke and suggesting we get together for chiense food in next few days and i get a kind of low IL message back: 'Hi no he's been good. i will let u know prob next as i fell and cut my foot on escalators so walkin is a prob..' (coming out with the injury excuse.. heard this before, may be true but still low IL) i text back something funny about giving her a piggy back and picking her up by car so not much walking involved, she just texts back 'lol'.

why do you think her IL has dropped suddenly? i'm pretty certain it might be cos i didn't want to get food with her even when she asked twice, so took her food as takeaway and ate as home.. must gave her bad feeling that i was stingy.

 

[pete101]

had i been smarter i could have got food and suggested we eat at hers, but there were lots of seats available at that food place so didn't have and excuse why not to eat there otherwise i may have. she's local so i felt i wanted her for a local regular bang esp if her daughter is leaving next month and she'll have home to herself.. ideal scenario although her daughter was out late sat so i could easily have done it too had i been quicker with my moves. left it too late.

 

[hudpes]

Quit doing math and go with the gut. Have a few days break, call and ask for a date, don't chit chat. Take her out, don't think, let things flow and take an opportunity when you see one.

 

[marmel75]

You f*cked up...you were at her house, you should have told her you needed to use the bathroom and then went for the bang once inside...

She was probably wanting you to do something and when you didn't she figured you were too scared or too dense to read the signals she was giving you...either way probably not the best look for you...

Rule of thumb when you end up back at a women's house is always get inside somehow(the bathroom excuse almost always works), then sometimes things "just happen"

 

[pete101]

You f*cked up...you were at her house, you should have told her you needed to use the bathroom and then went for the bang once inside...

She was probably wanting you to do something and when you didn't she figured you were too scared or too dense to read the signals she was giving you...either way probably not the best look for you...

Rule of thumb when you end up back at a women's house is always get inside somehow(the bathroom excuse almost always works), then sometimes things "just happen"

it wasn't as straight forward as that, i drove her back to her place and she got out while i was still in the car, there was no parking on her road and there were cars coming from behind so i had to move. i didn't walk her to the door, i was going to but as i couldn't find parking she was like 'you can just let me out here it's ok'

 

[johnywhite17]

I'm thinking your inner self came across, the insecure one replaying this date over and over to figure it out what happened. That's not a criticism, keep looking for things to improve, just expect girls to occasionally pick up on small inconsistencies between who you are and who you act like you are. It's bound to happen but I find when I am thinking about things like when to "kiss close" on a date I can get akward and incungruent, but when I just have a good time and let things play out organically I have a lot f success. I would maybe focus more on having fun and don't worry if you kiss her or not just for the sake of kiss closing. You can go back and analyze until you're content but during the date I wouldn't be thinking about anything other than enjoying this girls company. That's just my experience anyway, hope it can help in some way.

Also she wanted to spend more time with you and you were being dismissive because of your insecurity you thought she wanted a free meal. She's trying to extend the date and gives more than enough chances. In her eyes she wanted to spend more time by eating somehwhere and you responded with things like "eat at the bar" or "I'm full." She probably thinks you are either clueless, an *******, or not interested in her. If she just wanted food she could have eaten at home or snacked at the bar. Had you not been worried about what every comment meant you'd have avoided this.

 

[pete101]

I'm thinking your inner self came across, the insecure one replaying this date over and over to figure it out what happened. That's not a criticism, keep looking for things to improve, just expect girls to occasionally pick up on small inconsistencies between who you are and who you act like you are. It's bound to happen but I find when I am thinking about things like when to "kiss close" on a date I can get akward and incungruent, but when I just have a good time and let things play out organically I have a lot f success. I would maybe focus more on having fun and don't worry if you kiss her or not just for the sake of kiss closing. You can go back and analyze until you're content but during the date I wouldn't be thinking about anything other than enjoying this girls company. That's just my experience anyway, hope it can help in some way.

Also she wanted to spend more time with you and you were being dismissive because of your insecurity you thought she wanted a free meal. She's trying to extend the date and gives more than enough chances. In her eyes she wanted to spend more time by eating somehwhere and you responded with things like "eat at the bar" or "I'm full." She probably thinks you are either clueless, an *******, or not interested in her. If she just wanted food she could have eaten at home or snacked at the bar. Had you not been worried about what every comment meant you'd have avoided this.

i dont think that was the case, she said she hadn't eaten all day cos she was at work, this was half way during the date suggesting to go for dinner.. i was perfectly happy where i was.. if she wanted food she could have got me to pay for it. i suggested we go somewhere else after but she had work at 10am the next day so we cut it short. i think she just thought i was cheap cos i didnt want to eat with her when we were sitting inside waiting for her takeaway food to be made and she prob didn't believe me when i said i was 'full'.. her expression told me that.

 

[VladPatton]

That's a tough one, when they push and push for food on a first date. The truth is you don't know if she's trying to hit you up for a meal. I would of just exited once she started saying she wants food. Just cut it short. A simple "I'm good, I ate before and I have to get going in a few minutes anyway". These 4 hour first dates always get you into trouble, they're too long. You have to leave them wanting more. I learned this the hard way, too. Be a firecracker, and get out while you're hot.

For now, leave her alone, the foot thing may be legit. Hit her up in a few days by asking how her foot is, and try for another outing. If she's wishy-washy about it and seems unenthusiastic, hit the Next button.

Good luck.

 

[pete101]

That's a tough one, when they push and push for food on a first date. The truth is you don't know if she's trying to hit you up for a meal. I would of just exited once she started saying she wants food. Just cut it short. A simple "I'm good, I ate before and I have to get going in a few minutes anyway". These 4 hour first dates always get you into trouble, they're too long. You have to leave them wanting more. I learned this the hard way, too. Be a firecracker, and get out while you're hot.

For now, leave her alone, the foot thing may be legit. Hit her up in a few days by asking how her foot is, and try for another outing. If she's wishy-washy about it and seems unenthusiastic, hit the Next button.

Good luck.

tbh it was only like a 2 hour date thing, met at 9.45pm, 45 mins later she says she hasn't eaten and suggests going to chinese restaurant down the road, i say get food at the bar, kitchen was closed, 5 mins before 11pm waitress tells us the pub is closing, i drive her back to the road, chiense restaurant is closed she goes next door to get israeli kebab asked me twice if i want anything, i think she just didn't want to eat alone.. i should have just ordered some fries they looked good as well. then i took her back, kissed her on lips, took her number (she didn't want to give her number to a stranger from facebook before she met them), no thank you text the next day everythign else follows.

is it ever worth it to semi-call them out about why they're not interested anymore? like i know it's common on here the girl with have high IL on the date and then inexplicably go cold. the most tiny of things.

is it ever worth addressing why what's gone on or is that just futile?

because i was tempted to send a text next week (assumign she turns down my next date offer) asking why she's not interested anymore when we had such a good time on the first date.. is that ever the right thing to do? like having a heart to heart where she states exactly why she's a bit put off and you addressing those issues.. i always feel with these 'nexting' patterns you never really find out why they aren't so into you anymore and being direct might actually help figure that out.

I wouldn't suggest for one where i thought the date was lukewarm, but this was general attraction and what i would have thought been an excellent date bar the food eating fiasco. so im baffled why she is acting this disinterested.

 

[pyros]

its funy to read how many times you post asking why a girl lost interest in you.

There are several reasons:
1) she liked you a bit, then went on a date with you and did not like you: maybe the way you are, or the way you behave.
2) she's more interested in another guy.
3) combination of the two above.

END.

You better get used to this: girls loosing interest, flaking etc.
Many times its not up to you, you could be doing everything 'right' and she will stop seing you because of 2)

You wanna talk about it with her? not worth it. Why? because 95% of the time she's not gonna be honest about it. She's not gonna tell you: listen, you looked fine but you're boring. Listen, you looked fine but I dont feel any attraction. Listen, you looked fine but I met this other dude who's way hotter than you. Listen, you looked fine, but I just fu-cked my ex last night.
etc, etc

why do they avoid being honest? because they're women. They cannot be upfront, they will always prefer to hide things, manipulate, conspire, escape...

I hope you get the point.

 

[the_stig]

I doubt she lost interest because of the chinese food. But in the future if a chick shows up and wants to order a meal or a bunch of extra drinks, DO NOT feel obligated to pay her way for the entire night. I have no problem buying them the first or second drink as a courtesy, but after that I expect them to kick in.

It's usually the serial daters who are the ones looking for a free meal. I met this girl off POF last month at the bar, she was the type who has had an account for like 3 years and is online 24/7. She's 15 minutes late and one of the first things out of her mouth is how hungry she is. I'm sitting there thinking "like hell I'm paying for your food", and didn't offer.

Back on topic. Like pyros said.. there are zillions of reasons why she lost interest. Most of these women have soo many options at any given time, it completely minimizes who you or the fun date you just had soon as the next shiny object catches their eye.

 

[The_411]

ok apart from my other threads about flaky women, i met another on Sat thru facebook which I felt went well but suddenly she no longer seems that interested, not sure why. It took us like a week to arrange a date time cos every time i was available she was busy so we finally settled on Sat, she tells me she's going to be half hour later (not her fault the underground tube line was closed over weekend). when she arrives at 9.45pm she's all over me, doesn't kino me but could tell she was into me, she's a single mother 39 and her daughter is 18 leaving for college next month her daughter is also a model and extremely hot.

i wanted to kiss close but got interrupted by the waitress telling us the pub was closing in 5mins (11pm), 30 mins before that my date suggested we go to the local chinese restaurant cos she hadn't eaten yet (i was thinking great, another woman who wants a free meal when i only invited her for a drink), i suggested she get food from the pub as it's quite good, so she goes off and tries to order food (kitchen was shut) and gets me a drink (good gesture on her part).. i was basically trying to avoid taking her for food after to keep the expense down and maybe she sensed i was being cheap. she was quite drunk already though, only 2 drinks and she's easy (good option in future) so didn't get time to kiss close (my fault for not working quicker, i had an hour to build comfort) so i give her a lift home (walking to car she puts her arm interlocked with mine good kino sign, i was grabbing her a$$ a lot - should have done it sooner could have had sex) with a detour for food for her to pick up as takeaway, the chinese restaurant was closed so she settled on a late night israeli kebab store, she kept asking me if i wanted anything (i think she didn't want to eat alone.. i just didn't want to fork out any more cash on food) asked me twice in fact (this might be reason why she's less interested cos i was reluctant to get food with her, i told her i was full and already ate dinner with my sis)

i drop her off, kiss on lips take her number (she wouldn't give number on facebook till she met the person) i ask her to miss call me so i have it, she did but it did not ring so had to do it again (don't think it was done on purpose just by accident). 2 days pass, i text her yesterday making a joke and suggesting we get together for chiense food in next few days and i get a kind of low IL message back: 'Hi no he's been good. i will let u know prob next as i fell and cut my foot on escalators so walkin is a prob..' (coming out with the injury excuse.. heard this before, may be true but still low IL) i text back something funny about giving her a piggy back and picking her up by car so not much walking involved, she just texts back 'lol'.

why do you think her IL has dropped suddenly? i'm pretty certain it might be cos i didn't want to get food with her even when she asked twice, so took her food as takeaway and ate as home.. must gave her bad feeling that i was stingy.

Her IL was never there to begin with and the reason is bolded and underlined above.

 

[pete101]

Her IL was never there to begin with and the reason is bolded and underlined above.

i should have been more clear, every time i offered she was busy and every time she offered i was busy.

she counter offered 2-3 times it just happened to be that week and a bit she had plans and i had plans so we eventually settled on the Sat.

she was into me the date reciprocating my kino, letting me put arm around her, moving in closer to me etc.

 

[The_411]

i should have been more clear, every time i offered she was busy and every time she offered i was busy.

she counter offered 2-3 times it just happened to be that week and a bit she had plans and i had plans so we eventually settled on the Sat.

she was into me the date reciprocating my kino, letting me put arm around her, moving in closer to me etc.

Fair enough.

I would put it on post pub food interaction. For 19 year old it wouldn't matter but for a woman at 39 eating food with a date can certainly be an intimate activity. I don't think you even needed to get something but if you had sat down with her and bantered and kinoed I think you'd still be in good shape.

 

[Krueg]

Remember, she has to accept your dates and nothing less!

You: Hey Jenny, lets go jet skiing this saturday.
Her: I'd love to!
You: Great, I'll be there at 1pm, whats your address?

If she says I'm busy, tell her your not interested and hang up!

If she counter offers and says lets go bowling instead, tell her you dont like bowling and ask to play pool. If she rejects your second idea tell her you dont think this is working out and CLICK! If she really likes you, she will follow your lead! This is how you root-out the chicks with Low Interest.

 

[johnywhite17]

she didn't seem like anything special, I don't sense she is even much fun to be around for you. Is this accurate? If so I don't get why you would even care if she wants to see you or not. If it were me the second I got that "lol" as a response to flirty and understanding I would have lost interest.

 

[pete101]

she didn't seem like anything special, I don't sense she is even much fun to be around for you. Is this accurate? If so I don't get why you would even care if she wants to see you or not. If it were me the second I got that "lol" as a response to flirty and understanding I would have lost interest.

i agree, the thing is, she's local (huge selling point) so i can go over for a lot of sex during the week and just take her out on weekends if need be. her daughter is leaving for college in a few weeks so she'll be lonley with her dog and needs company. admittedly she's not hot like her daughter is but the actual convenience of having someone local is an ideal scenario for me.. it should help me get other plates/options with raised confidence if i'm getting sex elsewhere, so hopefully i'll be less needy and desperate like i was with the flake women on other threads.

 

[pete101]

Fair enough.

I would put it on post pub food interaction. For 19 year old it wouldn't matter but for a woman at 39 eating food with a date can certainly be an intimate activity. I don't think you even needed to get something but if you had sat down with her and bantered and kinoed I think you'd still be in good shape.

ironically i did sit with her waiting for her food to be made, i think she wanted me to sit and eat with her she asked me again 'you sure you dont want anything?' i said 'no, im full, i ate earlier with my sis' wasn't too convincing with my reply.. then the food was made we got up and went to the car, i think she didn't want to eat by herself even if i was there next to her.. (might make her feel like the fat girl eating by herself..) kind of the reason why i offered dinner in my suggestion to meet this week as i assumed that was the reason she's lost IL.

like you say 39 year old eating food can be an intimate activity.. i just get the impression older women expect to be fed, like they've been pumped and dumped several times done the whole 'drinks' only dates, just eating with them, even if it's cheap is still better.. i just should have got fries when she asked again.. she was hinting not asking. never mind.

i already asked her yesterday by text how's her foot, she texts a few hours later 'getting better..'

very lukewarm low IL response. i've decided i won't contact her again unless she contacts me, i reck she'll do the whole 'is he still interested' text of 'hi how r you?/what you been up to?' i'll make her suggest to meet because i know full well that if i agree too soon she'll just flake.

i'm not sure if that's a smart move but i've been thinking recently of all the times when i didn't contact them and they contacted me.. i always agreed too soon to their date idea and inevitably they flaked, im starting to understand that if i hold off a bit make them work for a 'yes' from me it has a higher chance of less flakage, because whenever they cancelled again i would get really annoyed with myself for not holding off sooner. i think it's a new tactic i'll try from now on see if i reap any benefits.

 

[johnywhite17]

ironically i did sit with her waiting for her food to be made, i think she wanted me to sit and eat with her she asked me again 'you sure you dont want anything?' i said 'no, im full, i ate earlier with my sis' wasn't too convincing with my reply.. then the food was made we got up and went to the car, i think she didn't want to eat by herself even if i was there next to her.. (might make her feel like the fat girl eating by herself..) kind of the reason why i offered dinner in my suggestion to meet this week as i assumed that was the reason she's lost IL.

like you say 39 year old eating food can be an intimate activity.. i just get the impression older women expect to be fed, like they've been pumped and dumped several times done the whole 'drinks' only dates, just eating with them, even if it's cheap is still better.. i just should have got fries when she asked again.. she was hinting not asking. never mind.

i already asked her yesterday by text how's her foot, she texts a few hours later 'getting better..'

very lukewarm low IL response. i've decided i won't contact her again unless she contacts me, i reck she'll do the whole 'is he still interested' text of 'hi how r you?/what you been up to?' i'll make her suggest to meet because i know full well that if i agree too soon she'll just flake.

i'm not sure if that's a smart move but i've been thinking recently of all the times when i didn't contact them and they contacted me.. i always agreed too soon to their date idea and inevitably they flaked, im starting to understand that if i hold off a bit make them work for a 'yes' from me it has a higher chance of less flakage, because whenever they cancelled again i would get really annoyed with myself for not holding off sooner. i think it's a new tactic i'll try from now on see if i reap any benefits.

that is a smart move.

I think you will notice much more success and have to deal with way less flaking.

 

[pyros]

Its funy how you do not give up eventhough she's clearly not very into you, LOL...