On line dating: Not worth the effort!

[xb3041]

I read the DJ bible ages ago and lost 20kg. I dated a girl I had a crush on for 2 years and had a few other experiences along the way – but while I was on the roll, I figured, lets really push things to the max and meet scores more! I chose on line and bars & clubs (wont talk about those here - nothing to winge about). But my on line dating experience was an absolute disaster.

Here's my story:

Ok.

Firstly, on line dating sites are full of the biggest freaks you will ever know. I had girls just email me abusing me for no apparent reason. I have had some of the girls I've been in contact with saying that they got scores of gifts and presents from older men, and had guys who can barely speak English want to move in with them and abuse them for non-compliance! Some even said they got 'so much' contact in the first week that they had to hide their profile! And every one of them had had some obsessive guy – which basically means that as soon as you wink someone on line, you're on the back foot already.

From what I have experienced, on line dating is one of the most nasty, frustrating experiences you will ever have. In terms of promoting negative thoughts and taking down your confidence, you will have more luck approaching 5 10 out of 10's in a pub as a joke than messaging 100s of women on line.

Let me explain.

I first heard of the idea of going on line to get women at a family dinner about a year ago. One woman there (about 32) said she put her picture on the Internet and in the first day she got 10 winks/kisses/messages (I'll use them all interchangeability in this rant).

I then registered a profile on three separate dating sites. I set an option in each of them to mail me for each contact I did [so I could collect them and make some stats] and I don't mean to 'rate' myself also, but I'm not a bad looking guy – I.e. Movie extra, good clothes, that sort of stuff.

Over the 3 sites, I winked over 1500 profiles. According to the notifications I received, roughly 1 in 10 women even checked out my profile [as a response to the wink notification]. Of that HALF even responded and HALF AGAIN of those were favorably; meaning they would like further contact. I must have paid for 40 first contact emails, most didn't even respond at all to those, but over the time period, I collected 14 contacts. Of those 14 contacts, I got two obsessive stalker types, and three girls who looked really thin in their pictures but turned out to be fattys, and the rest pretty much fizzled out or I genuinely didn't like them: i.e., they had pretty dead end lives/looks or just a generally negative attitude.

Here's what I learned:

Women put their profiles on there mostly:
1. as a joke
2. to broaden their social horizons
3. as an experiment.
4. Some put their profiles on there purely to get attention and I'm sure if you've read all the stuff on this site you'll know what I'm talking about.

and get on average 1 contact A DAY!

So:

-=Don't BOTHER reading the profiles.=- Why? Because the chances that you'll actually 'choose' a women by their profile are infinitesimally small. The trick is to do a generic search and wink as many as you can. Then from the one's that respond favorably, choose from them.

In on line dating, looks matter more than ANY OTHER FACTOR.

And not just good looks, certain things you cant really describe.

Speaking of looks; when doing the online date:

BEWARE THE HIDDEN FATTY!

Smiles are certainly important so they know they're not gonna get a stalker. I found my response rate increased 3 or 4 times when I put a picture of myself 5kg thinner.

Just like in real life, get their digits as quickly as possible.

If you don't get a date in the first week, forget it.

Avoid messaging profiles of older women, as women younger than yourself are more likely to respond.

On line dating isn't for you if you don't:
1. Look hot / down to earth
2. Have a good life
3. Have a good job
4. Pick up in 'real life'

On line dating is for you if:
You are in your 30s and take it seriously, or the opposite of anything listed above.

My low-down:

* Night at an upper class pub approaching ONE girl at random:
Score: Fantastic head. Good cook.

* Hours, hours and hours on line, $100s of dollars in membership, and costly phone bills:
Score: waste of time, energy and money

Any thoughts?

 

[Luveno]

Use a free site like myspace or hotornot.

Don't waste your time with internet dating sites that charge - that's where the fatties go.


I don't know what you're talking about, but I've met, and had sex with, a good number of attractive women that I met online.

I have no problem with the "hidden fatty" either. It's called "brutal truth". If you meet a girl and it turns out she's a cow, you tell her right away that you're not interested because she's too heavy for you. Then you go out with your friends instead.

Online dating is SOOOO easy!

 

[xb3041]

I know everybody on here says its 'easy' but it's given me nothing but trouble [but the sites I tried were 'pay' sites] - I find they were a pain in the a$$ and 1,000,000 harder than in a bar! If there's something I'm doing thats critically 'wrong' then tell me what you do!

Yea I few friends of mine have profiles on myspace and hotornot and swear by it [actually - the guy has his profile on those two exactly]! I havent tried them yet... perhaps it could be worth a go???

 

[Johnnie5]

its unfortunate that you have had a pretty poor success rate

ive had fairly good success over the years and a fairly good nail her rate from women that i have contacted and a lot of those have been nailed on the 1st date

i have found that internet dating has ramped up a lot in the past few years due to a number of things

digi cams are readily available
internet use is more than in the past
the stigma of internet dating is changing

I have found also that reading a profile is like reading an advertisement for a car or house and there is a code to read through and when you can get your head around that then your success will improve

tips for the fatties/'average build' , you usually find only head shots , check the neck and upper arms these are usual giveaways

I try to avoid new profiles that pop up as these ones are caught up in the novely of internet dating and will be hit on mercilously and wil prob be off on several dates meeting a lot of guys , so your general chance of sucess will prob be low there , it also gives all the AFC's and losers a chance to stuff up and improve your chances later when you come along C+F

some sites have password protected pics on profiles , these are the good ones to wink/kiss as most people skip them so your chance of success with these ones is better

like in real life you need to have a good opening email ,
I have a standard email that i run but like when you apply for a job and you rewrite your CV/Resume to improve your chances in the job i do the same with the email

With this i read her profile and respond to it, eg she says she has travelled ,i reply I've also travelled to Europe , i found Italy an amazing place , Rome was fantastic , seeing the colloseum at night is one of my great memories , this shows that you have actually read her profile unlike most other AFC's and is worth big brownie points

When you email women you need to ask questions , this makes it as easy as possible for her to reply as she doesnt really have to think a huge amount

eg my 1st email will be a quick overview of where i live , what about yourself ?

who i live with , what about yourself ?

where i work and what i do , what about yourself ?

talk about some of my interests , even better if we have similar interests

ask about the weekend , what she has planned or what she got up to, this shows how forthcoming she is with info

i also have my age in there

and prob most of all , trust that gut instinct when checking out profiles

so i dunno, whats your profile like ? post it up for feedback , gotta have good photos as well

ah before i forget , my last profile update , i went and read a lot of female profiles and read what they wrote and what they were looking for and from that i rewrote my profile to include some of these things , my success rate inproved from that

 

[TTom]

My first message to girl's I don't know that I've added on myspace usually goes like this:
"Hi, my name's Tom. I don't know you and figured I would do something about that. How's it going?"
But I mix it up as it gets boring after awhile.
:woo:

 

[xb3041]

Interesting Johnnie5; thanks for the time you put into your post - much appreciated.

The ones that I did actually end up meeting were the girls who have been on there for a few years – but when I did the searches that I winked or kissed I searched for the profiles who were new members 'in the last week' – I think there's a big pot-hole there based on what you said. Dead set – the ones that didn't reply were all the new ones. Also that statement 'what she has planned or what she got up to, this shows how forthcoming she is with info' – the OK ones that i did meet were also really open like that. You're onto something. I think a big advantage you have also is your age – 30 – established job, life etc – coz I had the email and profile down-pat. I.e. I looked at the top male ones profs/what women wanted and based it completely on that. But, to be honest, I'd rather just stick to the real world, but to hedge my bets I'll get off the paid sites and try your strategies on myspace or hotornot, and like Luveno said, less hidden fattys, and even though the stigma of online dating is improving, its already there with those two sites. I'd rather not post the entire profile on this site just in-case i can be identified, but it got positive feedback from the few that were decent. Very interesting...

 

[Johnnie5]

yep exactly unless you have something special about you the new ones are too overwhelmed with all the messages they get

well i'm now 30 but go back 5 years when i first tried internet dating and nailed a few quite quickly , the first was a nice little petite 19 year old with a nicely brazilian smoo , met her for lunch during worktime, picked her up that afternoon and she was begging me to stop in the park near her house and banged the hell out of her , and then was skipping out of home many other nights, also back then was driving around in a sh1ttty work van so the transport didnt mean sh1t either and was still living with the parents and she would catch the train an hour to my place so its what you make of it

but also to remember that you are 24 and a lot of the women that are younger are stupid , i have aways preferred older women for this reason and at 24 its a good age as you can get 18-30 year olds , you could always try hitting the single mums as well as they often dont want a relationship and just want some company and of course a good boning on a regular basis , got one of those now, no hassle, hot as 4'10 40kgs and when we go out she pays her share always she is having a great time and so am i , no complaints from either party and no hints of a relationship , just good regular fun

Personally i think and have had better success with paid sites and lets face it the sites i have used like www.rsvp.com.au where back then it cost about 50 cents a message and now costs about 6 bucks a message which is expensive, but because of this it cuts out a lot of guys , and it makes you qualify who you are going to hit , and lets face it go out for a drink and thats $6 , and if i can nail one and get it on a regular basis then that $6 was a piss in the ocean

female friends are also great feedback for profiles and pics , you can also get them to help write them

I have been fairly direct in my profile and that has proven to be a huge + from girls i have spoken to that i know what i want ,

remember girls love sex , and they dont want to be bugged , 2 important points , as per the bible its all a balance , you cant just jump straight into her pants , but play it right and she will be jumping into yours, they will often say i want a relationship, a nice guy etc, but in reality they want the 2 points above , great sex and good company , and to have fun with no hassles

just remembered that the newbies to internet dating are quite nervous and you need to put a bit of effort into these , the seasoned internet daters are going to be more relaxed and you are more likely to nail this ones quickly as they are not going to waste their time meeting somebody that they arent interested in and you can get into the flirting

I have also found that a high percentage of women pay their way when we have met and on some occasions have paid the whole bill , I guess in their minds they are feeling their independance

hit the sms , great flirting there , i have found when they start hinting and you reply be careful what you wish for , has a huge impact and steps up the game tenfold and by a few careful sms's you can be banging her in no time at all , so much fun when they take the bait and start playing the sms game and flirting heavily

 

[Bible_Belt]

http://www.edatereview.com/101category.aspx
reviews of dating sites.

webdate.com seems ok. At least it is free.

 

[hitop]

As with anything else, there are always the exceptions to the rule. Sure, there are going to be "some" fellows that will achieve some success at online dating, but overall for the general male populace, online dating is complete rubbish and a titanic waste of time.

Even Doc Love will attest to this. It's such a pure numbers game that it's ridiculous as the prior post indicated. I too, would much rather go to a nightclub or pub and hit on women there, much better odds to say the least. As with dating today in this day and age, again, the advantage goes to the gals with online dating.

But, that's why all you guys and younger guys are here, right? To get the advantage back on your side. Women have way more leverage ONLY if you let them. Save your time and money and use it wisely. Whether the dating site is free or paid, the numbers and odds will strictly work against you instead of for you.

 

[HereToImprove]

I have gone out with a few from online and even met my last LTR from an older, now defunct, online dating site.

Most chicks, at least the good ones, don't take it seriously. This doesn't mean that if the right opportunity presents itself, they will not do it. If you have good game and push, you will surprise yourself. I get a solid contact (# close) every day that I make an effort (send winks, emails) online. Many of these girls have only (at least they say) met a couple guys off the site before, if that.

I have a group of about 5-7 solid prospects from a minimal time investment on a major dating site. All are in the 7-8 range. No tens, but nothing below a 6 either. All would be fine sarges in the physical world of PU. I could post photos, but I won't out of respect for them.

You must do the following things to be successful:

1. Do something, anything creative with your profile.

2. Have a good photo. Throw a few on a rating site and see which ones are best.

3. Push for the # close. There should be no more than two emails prior to this. If she refuses (which has never happened to me), move on.

4. Push for the meeting at the end of the first phone conversation. Make it very low key and public and you should have no problem getting it if you did decent phone game.

5. When you emaiil, pick something from her profile and grab onto it. As tempting as it is to send form letters, don't.

6. Much more so than in RL, do not mention sex. Her wariness is high online due to stereotypes and the jokes her friends crack about horny, desperate Internet guys. If you must even hint at this, save it for the first meeting where you can do it congruently as part of a normal PU.

7. Meet early. For those familiar with Mystery from ASF, a PU has three major phases. You can do a good part of attract without a meeting, and you can do a boatload of comfort, but if you do too much rapport building on the phone, email, or AIM, you are going to have to go back and pick up the attraction and kino in a backward phase shift to get to a sexual level. Don't fall into this trap, it messes with the normal courtship process. Try to meet after no more than one hour of conversation via IM, Phone, or Email.

8. Don't focus only on online dating. It should make up 1/4 of your total sarging time, at most.

BONUS DRILL: just send your number (along with a brief note) to a bunch of girls via email. I guarantee a few will call you. Use this for phone game practice. Its hard to keep a good conversation going off a cold call, using no observation, BL, EC, kino, etc. Its great practice for future phone game or in person sarges. Working with nothing in a cold phone call helps sharpen your senses for the big games later.

 

[Sasha]

Didn't bother to read not one single post here!

I just met a hotty on the internet not long ago and tonight I am gonna take her out on a third date!

And she is like a nymph! Who says on line dating is not worth the effort!!

 

[Sasha]

In short how to meet women online:

1. ONLY look for girl profiles that are in the same city as you!
2. Get her to chat with you as soon as posible and act C+F
3. Don't waste your time on the net. Tell her you want to meet her! PUSH PUSH PUSH!! You WANT to meet her!