On a first date, how to get them to ask questions?

[TheCWord]

Been on a couple first dates recently and noticed something troubling: I'm talking way more than the girl. I like to go for the quiet/shy girls so it's a bit of a catch 22... but the problem is that I end up overcompensating for their lack of conversation skills by blabbing on and on - giving away way more than I feel comfortable with so early.

I ask them questions about themselves and they'll ask a couple back, but I find that if I don't keep yammering on then I can't trust these girls to carry the conversational ball and we'll have long awkward silences or just not get to know anything about each other.

Tips?

 

[SpazzAttackk]

Doesnt sound LTR material, Id hit next. Even if shes shy she would put some effort into it. If you feel youve already said too much to her, Id go no contact, continuing to talk to her will cause her interest to drop significantly. Want to salvage? NC, if she doesnt make an effort to initiate.. disconnect and move on.

Do your best not to catch oneitis. The currently LTR Im in, the girl shared some of the best workplace stories ive ever heard (Actually had me laughing). And I hate when bvtches talk about work.

 

[TheException]

I like to go for the quiet/shy girls so it's a bit of a catch 22

Irrelevant. Ive been on dates with the dopiest blonde girls ever and they will ask stupid questions just to keep the conversation going....if their attracted.

but the problem is that I end up overcompensating for their lack of conversation skills by blabbing on and on

The real problem^

Overcompensating? There is nothing to compensate for. Its a damn conversation, not trying to drive a golf ball into 34 mph winds due west. Its about vibing. Just be relaxed(body language), ask a couple questions and let her talk...LISTEN with a qualifying mentality and see if you like the girl for who she is. When she asks you a question(and she will if shes attracted) dont tell your life story. Let her piece it together with her imagination.

long awkward silences

No such thing. Embrace the silence...she should feel like the one whose awkward because shes wondering "oh man if i dont keep asking questions this guy wont think im interesting. He ll think im boring".

 

[Mr Wright]

Every girl has something she could talk for hours about, you just have to find it. If you ask the right question she might open up to you, try asking what she really wants to do with her life? It will take her to a different place emotionally because people rarely ask that question.

 

[TheCWord]

long awkward silences

No such thing. Embrace the silence...she should feel like the one whose awkward because shes wondering "oh man if i dont keep asking questions this guy wont think im interesting. He ll think im boring".

Good advice, Ex. Don't you find, though, that when you're across the table from someone you barely know and there's a long pause that it gets a little uncomfortable? I don't even know where to look when that happens - at her? Around the bar?... I always feel sad for couples I see on dates who are at a table together and both just aimlessly looking around, not talking.

 

[TheException]

Don't you find, though, that when you're across the table from someone you barely know and there's a long pause that it gets a little uncomfortable?

No, i truly dont.

First off, i try not to sit straight across anyways...ask for a booth or a table like this: http://www.featurepics.com/FI/Thumb300/20100622/Restaurant-Table-1589251.jpg and sit next to one another. Great opportunity to drop a line like "Ya, i dont like to sit across from one another...always feels like an interview(insert smirk)". Its sets the vibe right from the start and gets rid of the nerves. The girl will usually say "ya me neither...and blah blah" and you get her talking already.

Its just about being comfortable and having the prize mentality. Do you think if Brad Pitt was out with a woman for the first time that he would feel awkward because no one was talking or do you think he would be saying jeez this woman is boring me? Ill look around the room sure. Stare at the waitress, other hot chicks, etc. Just have a good time man, your not there to impress her...shes there to impress you.

 

[bigneil]

If you are uncomfortable, especially during the silences, you are losing points. If she is sufficiently attracted she will talk your ear off.

 

[Marker]

If you are uncomfortable, especially during the silences, you are losing points. If she is sufficiently attracted she will talk your ear off.

I agree with this.

Sometimes I purposely put very little effort into the conversation just to see how she acts. As long as I am not bored with what she's talking about I will let her go on and on for as long as she needs to. In fact sometimes I'd say I let her do 80% of the talking.

I'm not the dating expert here, but I feel like asking each other questions is silly. I have a much better time interacting with women (and people in general) when we're not firing questions at one another, but rather just talking.

What I am saying is I feel a first date where we talk about a single topic for forty-five minutes is much better than one where we learn each other's work, education, fun time activity, etc. The reason being is that when you're on one topic you can keep inferring things, like "what got you into painting?" or "did your dad teach you how to keep a garden?" I don't know if I'm articulating what I'm getting at properly, but I think the key is to find a strong mutual interest for the smoothest sailing.

 

[VladPatton]

Perhaps the overall persona of these "shy girls" is not complimentary to your character. Yeah, they can be cute, homely, non-slutty, even perhaps LTR material, but if they can't keep a conversation you may as well be dating a foreign chick that doesn't speak any English.

Try something in the 'slightly outgoing' department. You might make a better connection without the struggles of simply trying to talk.

 

[elitemulk]

I like to go for the quiet/shy girls

Just curious, but why?

 

[TheCWord]

Just curious, but why?

Don't know, I've just always been naturally attracted to them... Maybe it's because I'm the slightly introverted, artsy type myself so I like the idea of being with someone who also enjoys low-key nights in and that kind of thing.

Plus, nothing hotter than having wild, kinky sex with a girl who is publicly timid as a mouse