Older woman with issues

[Doug81]

I've been regularly seeing an older women (I'm 21 shes 35) for about five months. She's been married,divorced, child and all. She got out of a serious relationship about 10 months ago. We just kind of clicked. She at first was very aloof and held back alot from me becuase she didn't really want anything to do with guys. She works down at a nightclub and guys hit on her and ask for her number all the time. But I just kind of slipped under the radar, gave her my number after we had a long convo, and she responded by giving me hers. The next week we had a few drinks back at her place got pretty wasted, but as soon as things were heating up, she pulls away from me.She did this cat and mouse thing for the next few weeks with me. Eventually introducing me to her little girl and so on..

However, I found out recently that she hasn't had sex in almost a year (we haven't, plus I'm still a virgin) because her last boyfriend got nasty and told her she was a slut because she slept with him on the first date.

Me being a virgin and all, I don't mind the no-sex thing. I'm perfectly content just seeing each other and having fun without sex (and she has told me that she does see me sexually, and we do talk about sex, we've done phone sex a few times here and there, no problem). Usually around her period, she gets a little horny and flirtacoius and I will respond, but the closer we get, she gets mad at me for making her feel that sexual tension. I used to be a take charge/initiative kind of guy, but that drove her away, so I became quite passive and slow moving with her.

My question is if we do finally get down to it, could it ruin things, change the dynamics of the relationship. The sexaul tension keeps building, I have to jrk off about 4 times a day to keep myself under control. I've already learned not to be so touchy with her aroud her little girl (kids are impressionable).

Tonight she was sick so I brought her some medicine she needed and shes letting me be more and more touchy with her as long as her kid isn't around.

She runs away from sex because she feels like a slut from before. I'm afarid to do it because I'm a virgin and scaring her away. She thinks sex ruined her last relationship (also with a younger guy), but she wants to have sex again. But she doesn't want sex with a stranger either because then she'd be a slut. Part of her wants it with me, but shes afrid of the aftermath and I'm afarid of jeapadizing the most amazing realtionship I've had. I like her alot despite her issues (I have a few of my own as you can see) and I won't just NEXT her like you guys tell others to do. Because I don't want to date around, I want a relationship like the on eI've built and I've invested so much in this already.

So what would you do?

 

[Dark Nimbus]

Wtf??

Dude, next her already and find a girl closer to your own age. Why would you want some worn out old tease that's obviously using you. You sound like her little b1tch running around doing things for her and giving her phone sex when SHE is horny, but she's not giving you what you want in return.

Tell her what you want or else it's over, and stop being such a wimp about it. If she isn't interested and lets you walk away, it's for the best. Just remember, do you really think if she cared enough and feared losing you, that she would NOT have sex with you after all this time? She's not an indecisive kid for crying out loud, she's a grown woman who KNOWS what she wants, and from the sound of it she doesn't want you, so why are you clinging on and obviously sacrificing your own happiness in the process?

She says she feels like a slut because ONE guy told her she was? The truth is if she's really that weak minded, you should have no trouble converting her into your own wh0re as long as your grow a pair and stop acting like sex is something you can live without, when OBVIOUSLY from your jerk off sessions we know it isn't.

While I'm sort of spitting out random thoughts, does she know you're a virgin? If she does she should have no excuse to be nervous about not having had sex for over a year, since you probably wouldn't know the difference anyways.

Anyways, I say make it clear to her what you want "or else", and at the VERY least, stop supplicating to her needs when she has no interest in satisfying yours.

 

[Big Pappy]

My question is if we do finally get down to it, could it ruin things, change the dynamics of the relationship.

Yes, sex could ruin it for you. But it may also improve things for you.

 

[Chrispy]

It doesn't sound like there is a future with this girl, not only because of the age difference, but different sexual/life experience.
So your question about sex ruining things isn't relevant!

I think she is playing you with the 'I don't want to have sex' thing. She is very experienced and you're being total puppetted!

You should push to 'do the deed' - maybe the experience would be good..or maybe it will be like the movies where after she gives it to you...you'll get controlled even more!!! Beware!

 

[Jay Gatsby]

You've built nothing -- there is no "relationship" to speak of, just a puppy dog -- and that's you. She's 35, almost old enough to be your mother. She has 14 more years of life experience, which being her entire 20's and first half of her 30's makes her light years more mature than you. It seems to me that you've got a bad case of oneitis, or alternatively, you feel that you've got so much invested (one-sided on your part emotionally) that you CAN'T walk away from her.

Guess what? You can and should. Then again you're probably afraid to walk away and face the fact that you should be dating women your own age who don't have the emotional baggage or a kid. I would even hazard to guess that you're too afraid to even date women your own age because you can't handle their games. So instead, you went for a woman who showed you attention, even though she did so only to get your attention and is stringing you along to keep your attention and the ego boost that comes along with it. Read the DJ Bible, get over your fear and learn to play the game.

To the Moderators: I would expect that a guy who's posting in the Mature Man forum would be able to see this situation for what it is. I thought this forum was for 25+ year-old guys?

 

[princelydeeds]

DON'T WALK AWAY FROM THIS CHICK, RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!

I repeat, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!

You aren't mature enough to handle this chick. She is light years ahead of you. Be thankful that she hasn't sexed you because you would be a pitiful mess (not that you aren't now). Let this chick go, you are officially her play toy. This thing ends brutally for you. It is best to cut your losses and run!!!

 

[Doug81]

Well, you're right about not liking girls my own age because of their games, I want a serious relationship. But hey, you guys know way more than I do, and games are what you are all about. Thanks for your input.

 

[Dark Nimbus]

I don't think most guys like playing "games" Doug, it's just something you need to know how to do in this society or you're going to have a hard time getting and keeping a girl. Don't assume all young girls aren't looking for a serious relationship. From my experience about half of the girls I've been with were very committed, so why settle for some MILF when you CAN find a younger girl who's looking for the same thing? I just hope by the time you find her you realize even in a relationship some games need to be played to keep things interesting in the long haul.

 

[FratAndDiddy]

Bro, put the thinking cap on and quit looking at this woman like she is some sort of saint.

First, she is too old for you. She plays younger guys.

Second, get the this thought of having a LTR out of your head with ANYONE. Never approach any relationship with this thought in the back of your head. LTR's happen when they happen. Life doesn't go as planned in most situations.

Third, youre young and you need to date around. Go get laid by someone so you can get this out of the way. You need a clear head to deal with all women and you need to experience sex to understand the "game."

Fourth, you are not ready for a LTR. Period. Youre going to get clobbered out there by women if you don't have your act wrapped up in one bag.

It sounds like you want something you have no clue as to what you are getting into. You need more training bro, alot more training. Go hang around the females your own age and forget about women your momma's age.

Good Luck to you

Frat

 

[Jay Gatsby]

Originally posted by Doug81
Well, you're right about not liking girls my own age because of their games, I want a serious relationship. But hey, you guys know way more than I do, and games are what you are all about. Thanks for your input.

No problem, but you need to understand something. Nobody likes games. I don't like them, and it's clear that you don't like them. However, this world is built on games -- we compete with everyone for everything -- whether we know it or not. You don't want to compete; you would rather avoid the games and jump into a "relationship." That demonstrates a lack of confidence, which will haunt any "relationship" that comes as a result of it (i.e., your current situation)

Anyone who is looking strictly looking for an exclusive relationship from the get-go is probably masquerading his/her fear of the game with purported selectivity. I used the "I want a relationship" excuse many, many years ago when I didn't know how to play the game. What I ended up getting were leftovers, or socially-inept and insecure women.

Today, I'm in an exclusive relationship, and was looking for one when I met her. The difference between how I was many, many years ago and how am now is that I CAN play the game, and was playing it when I landed my current girlfriend. When I met her, I was with another (very attractive) woman at the time -- a fact she reminds me of to this day. I was using the woman I was with as a f/b, so she was nothing more than social proof. On the other hand, I quickly realized that I was attracted to my current girlfriend at the time I met her, but also knew that I didn't want to share her with any other guy(s), including her then-boyfriend. So I did what was necessary to ensure that she would ultimately focus her attention on me, while I continued to qualify her for an LTR.

Bottom line: Drop this 35-year old leftover MILF and date a few women your own age. You don't need to have sex with them, but you do need to learn the game, which is much more than just sex. Doing so will give you confidence, which will eventually lead to an LTR with a woman who meets your requirements, which your current one clearly doesn't.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

35 year old single mommies are very insecure. they're getting wrinkles, bodies are deflating, etc... and at the same time, they're at their sexual prime. and at the same time, she has a kid. if she's remotely responsible, she'll keep you distanced from the kid until LTR prospects are solid. she can't just fvck a dude whenever she wants even though she probably wants to.

it's all about the kid, bro. you're running third string. 1st is the kid. 2nd is the ex hubby. 3rd is YOU!

nothing would be better for her fragile ego than to "bag" a young stud like you. it might be the case that she just wants a fvck buddy and that's it.

move on...fast...it ain't worth it. besides, do you really want to be a party to teaching her kid that mommy is a slvt?

you're a virgin at 21? if you do fvck her, she'll probably tear you to shreds.

 

[Austin Allegro]

Yes, get out quick. It sounds like you are one of her AFC 'satellites' - men that women keep in orbit in case things don't work out with whoever else they're seeing.

 

[bbc]

I agree you need to quit for a lot of reasons. Though look at the other perspective: if you like her you may just hang out with her,
sex is not coming anyway and start looking for new GFs.

This'll give you more confidence and more relaxed state: "Oh, I already have a female friends, let's look what is better out there".
When you'll talk to women you will feel definitely better cuz it seems "I already have one".
So dont "officially" dump her. Just keep the thing going and _start_ looking for better women.