Older guy dilemma! Help!

[DaddyLongShanks]

I understand this but when we first started talking he brought up relationship talks quite a bit and seemed like something he eventually wanted to try...after a few weeks though he wanted to try out "fwb" whilst getting to know each other and see if it leads to anything because he was badly burnt from his ex wife and was scared of committing. I understood and didn't push him as I thought maybe in time he might come around....everything was going great between us, we'd hook up at least once every two weeks and text everyday with him initiating every time and chasing me. But I did notice that every time id bring up relationship or feelings talks he'd always try and avoid it or turn around and say "baby steps" and let's see where things go.... See mixed messages.

3 months isn't too long for a FWB. If you want to hasten his decision you can add another guy that you date.

 

[Alvafe]

DJgirl what you want you will not find here, what monkey king said from the very start was everything you need to know, there is nothing else, what you are trying now is to someone here tells you, you are right on being feeling like this and you deserve him to notice you feelings and play by your rules, with will not happen if he learned anything from his last wife/marriage, like monkey said, he told oyu UP FRONT ther will be not relationship, the more you press for it less he will be around you, or you take this time and have fun with him and drop him and find another guy

also Bigneil
come on dude, spending money on woman for her to stay around is not cool for you, I hhve a rule to never spend too much money on woman, hell if possible make her pay half the bill of the night, if she offer to paid I normally pay and let it slide, but if she don't offer to pay her half I tell the waiter to bring the bill in half, and never even care to go out with her again.

I belive if a woman want to stay with me is because of me not because i'm spending my money on her, serious if I wanted to spend that much money I would just go with profissional WHo.res, at least they are cheaper

 

[bigneil]

also Bigneil come on dude, spending money on woman for her to stay around is not cool for you, I hhve a rule to never spend too much money on woman, hell if possible make her pay half the bill of the night, if she offer to paid I normally pay and let it slide, but if she don't offer to pay her half I tell the waiter to bring the bill in half, and never even care to go out with her again.

You think I spend money for her to stay around? She must have already proven herself or I wouldn't take her to begin with. I eat at the exact same places whether I'm by myself or on a date.

So Alvafe doesn't even pay for his dates, and yet he wants to give us advice here? "Get her to go Dutch at Applebee's"?? - that's his advice? Pathetic. I don't eat at Applebee's, not even by myself, so why would I bring a girl there? And at age 31 you'd need to date an 11 year old to have a 20 year age difference so you're off topic as well.

If you ever get a job (which will be a challenge seeing your lack of grammar skills) you'll probably find that it's fun taking girls to nice restaurants once in a while. Cheap guys like you made it so women actually appreciate dinner like they once did decades ago. Like I said, I don't do it to spoil them, I do it to spoil myself.

"A successful seducer pays for the date - as a man, your job is to be generous." - Louis/Copeland 2000.

"I tell the waiter to bring the bill in half." - Alvafe 2015 (as if they have waiters at Wendy's)

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

I too think the man shouldn't always pay. In this world of equality it shows a proper level of interest that a woman would reciprocate paying for dates with you.

 

[Bokanovsky]

So anyway he told me from the start he didn't want a relationship as he was badly hurt from his divorce a few years ago and is a bit jaded from it. So we started off as friends for a bit and for the last couple of months have turned into fwb.

Well I know it was probably a lame mistake but I told him that it's basically his loss if he didn't want to commit and that his the one missing out on someone who actually genuinely likes him and would do anything for him . Told him I was going to be moving on and that I'm worth way more then being his little secks toy...as expected he hasn't replied.

So let's get this straight. Old man explicitly tells djgirl that he's not interested in a relationship. Djgirl plays along and they become fvck buddies. A few months later, djgirl tries to shame the guy into a relationship and accuses him of being a commitmentphobe and using her for sex. Typical woman behavior right there. Later on, you will find her on loveshack.org or some similar website complaining about guys only being interested in sex and wondering where all the good men have gone.

 

[ZTIME]

You think I spend money for her to stay around? She must have already proven herself or I wouldn't take her to begin with. I eat at the exact same places whether I'm by myself or on a date.

So Alvafe doesn't even pay for his dates, and yet he wants to give us advice here? "Get her to go Dutch at Applebee's"?? - that's his advice? Pathetic. I don't eat at Applebee's, not even by myself, so why would I bring a girl there? And at age 31 you'd need to date an 11 year old to have a 20 year age difference so you're off topic as well.

If you ever get a job (which will be a challenge seeing your lack of grammar skills) you'll probably find that it's fun taking girls to nice restaurants once in a while. Cheap guys like you made it so women actually appreciate dinner like they once did decades ago. Like I said, I don't do it to spoil them, I do it to spoil myself.

"A successful seducer pays for the date - as a man, your job is to be generous." - Louis/Copeland 2000.

"I tell the waiter to bring the bill in half." - Alvafe 2015 (as if they have waiters at Wendy's)

Ouch, sounds like a bit of a harsh response being that this is an open forum which will have plenty of different advice from a diverse group of men, young or old.

Due to my schedule I find myself dining out quite a bit. Sometimes I eat alone, but being single I find myself meeting a lot of women for dinner. This I do promise: is not Wendy's, Applebee's, or any chain restaurant.

Now, let's say I go out for dinner 4 nights a week with an average bill (for myself) of $45; include a tip.......$56.25. Now if I wanted female companionship for each one of these meals (assuming her bill is equal); are you suggesting that to be a man and a successful seducer that I should double my dinner output to $112.50 or $450.00 per week?

I can't see the logic in this. I don't mind paying occasionally, but that's occasionally! Why can't women pony up for their food? Should every woman I go out with just instantly assume that I'm picking up the tab?

I don't know, maybe I'm just lucky. I don't have a shortage of quality dating material, and I don't always pay for stuff (which includes dinner, ****tails, and vacations).

 

[_sideways_]

Its the old, "i love relationship, it makes me a better human being when someone loves me and i love them back." Then later comes the "i want to slow things down cuz ive been hurt. Lets just take it one step at a time CUZ I DONT WANT TO HURT YOU EITHER" lol
Guys are jerks.

Or hes honest. In that case, dont push your luck.

 

[hithard]

The older guy knows what the situation is. He doesn't see a future with you because of your age. A lot of guys his age don't want to go through the bs a younger girl brings to a relationship. You already knocked yourself out of the equation by mentioning other guys.
His perspective is 'time is precious'. He has already had a divorce and doesn't want to waste a few years with a chick that is badly matched.
However if you have sufficiently dug emotional hooks into him, he will be back.

 

[djgirl]

Yes I did consent to it, I tried to black out my emotions and hope I didn't get attached and it didn't work. Not everyone's cut out to do the whole "f*ck buddy" thing. I've decided that I don't want to continue with it because I don't want my feelings to get further strung along and I don't want my time wasted if I'm not going to get a boyfriend out of it.

It's degrading to know that he probably only views me as a sex toy considering I'm worth more then that. I won't be played anymore and I got better things to do then sit around and wait for him to decide what he wants. I won't do that, after 3 months you should know whether you view that person as relationship material. He just gives excuses like "we'll see where things go or "go with the flow" not good enough.

So my question is do I just cut him off for good and go nc unless he tells me he wants me as his girlfriend?

 

[Bokanovsky]

It's degrading to know that he probably only views me as a sex toy considering I'm worth more then that. I won't be played anymore and I got better things to do then sit around and wait for him to decide what he wants. I won't do that, after 3 months you should know whether you view that person as relationship material. He just gives excuses like "we'll see where things go or "go with the flow" not good enough.

He's not "playing" you. He was honest with you and said he was not looking for a relationship. You are a consenting adult who agreed to a FWB arrangement. Take some responsibility for your actions instead of blaming and shaming others for a change.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

Yes I did consent to it, I tried to black out my emotions and hope I didn't get attached and it didn't work. Not everyone's cut out to do the whole "f*ck buddy" thing. I've decided that I don't want to continue with it because I don't want my feelings to get further strung along and I don't want my time wasted if I'm not going to get a boyfriend out of it.

It's degrading to know that he probably only views me as a sex toy considering I'm worth more then that. I won't be played anymore and I got better things to do then sit around and wait for him to decide what he wants. I won't do that, after 3 months you should know whether you view that person as relationship material. He just gives excuses like "we'll see where things go or "go with the flow" not good enough.

So my question is do I just cut him off for good and go nc unless he tells me he wants me as his girlfriend?

No. I think you can get him to decide he wants you as a girlfriend. you have to make him to ponder the contrast.

You did agree to the FWB. You like him a lot.

He doesn't know how much he likes you or wants to be exclusive to you until:

a. you leave him, FWB was not good enough for me, I was worthy of someones commitment.
b. you say ok, Im just a FWB I'll date another guy(s) and find someone more into me.

He will make up his mind then. But remember, you did agree to go with the FWB.

 

[skinnyguy]

He's not "playing" you. He was honest with you and said he was not looking for a relationship. You are a consenting adult who agreed to a FWB arrangement. Take some responsibility for your actions instead of blaming and shaming others for a change.

Hahahah I couldn't have said it better. Djgirl is complaining about being a sex toy when she agreed to be one in the first place.

Her best card is to walk away but she won't do it, she will pretty much tolerate any crap he pulls on her. She is hooked on him because he doesn't give a fvck about her outside of the bedroom.

 

[djgirl]

Umm all I said was I enjoyed the secks and yes I did agree to it but I can't do it anymore because I'm catching feelings and getting attached which is bad considering he won't give me commitment, hence why I want to end it. I'm done. It's not for me anymore. I want more then just secks now.

 

[ArcBound]

Umm all I said was I enjoyed the secks and yes I did agree to it but I can't do it anymore because I'm catching feelings and getting attached which is bad considering he won't give me commitment, hence why I want to end it. I'm done. It's not for me anymore. I want more then just secks now.

The problem is hunny, despite having the letters dj next to your name, you made the same mistake every girl in the modern world makes.

Just like the guys who hope to get sex from a girl by throwing their commitment at her (and failing), many girls throw their sex at a guy hoping to get commitment.

"So what I want to know is how do I turn this fwb arrangement into a relationship ?"

"So what I want to know is how do I turn this friendship into sex?"

Ahh how funny.

I've decided that I don't want to continue with it because I don't want my feelings to get further strung along and I don't want my time wasted if I'm not going to get a boyfriend out of it.

Did he string you along or did you string yourself along? He told you the deal and you went with the deal hoping he would change his mind later down the road. He is spinning a plate (you). You are spinning what's called the hamster here.

Now you think everyone is being harsh on you in this thread.

And you are correct, they are. But they are also being truthful.

Your trajectory is going the exact way of the sluts who ride the CC, get alpha widowed, and live unfulfilled lives.

If you didn't learn from the warnings on this site, and didn't learn when everybody told you so, don't come crying when your life turns out exactly as everyone predicted.

We could always use with real life examples on the website to illustrate red pill concepts to the new people.

 

[JohnChops]

The problem is hunny, despite having the letters dj next to your name, you made the same mistake every girl in the modern world makes.

Just like the guys who hope to get sex from a girl by throwing their commitment at her (and failing), many girls throw their sex at a guy hoping to get commitment.





Ahh how funny.



Did he string you along or did you string yourself along? He told you the deal and you went with the deal hoping he would change his mind later down the road. He is spinning a plate (you). You are spinning what's called the hamster here.

Now you think everyone is being harsh on you in this thread.

And you are correct, they are. But they are also being truthful.

Your trajectory is going the exact way of the sluts who ride the CC, get alpha widowed, and live unfulfilled lives.

If you didn't learn from the warnings on this site, and didn't learn when everybody told you so, don't come crying when your life turns out exactly as everyone predicted.

We could always use with real life examples on the website to illustrate red pill concepts to the new people.

I lold.

 

[gravityeyelids]

I read just the first post and not the rest, so hopefully i dont gloss over points that were mentioned, but here are my thoughts based just on your initial post:

first, he's happy keeping it strictly physical and actually doing you a favor by telling you thats all he wants. What i mean is that normally when you just want to sleep with someone you dont want to be taking them out for romantic dinners or hanging out too much when you're not hooking up. He's clearly telegraphing that thats all he wants. Be glad he has the decency to keep you at arms length, because believe me it's a lot harder when one person gets all lovey dovey and turns out they just want to bang.

Since you're falling for him, it'd be wise on your part to first try a few subtle things and see how he reacts if you want to push for a relationship. Start implying that you want to meet up aside from just fvcking. Don't come right out and say it...but maybe suggest doing other activities etc.

Now, it's a fine line to walk between being too direct or not...But basically he has all the power right now because you've fallen for him and he appears to be able to cut you off at any point. What you need to do is make it clear to him that you're willing to walk away. If you don't, then he will have all the power and he can essentially do whatever he wants and you'll follow him like a puppy dog.

You could try bringing it up and talking to him about it...although i'm not sure if thats the best option.I would do something more subtle like hint that you want to hang out with him aside from just sex. Don't get angry or defensive, just calmly explain that you're getting a bit tired of just the physical aspect. Assure him that you enjoy it and love having sex with him, but maybe suggest that you'd like him to be open to potentially more. Unfortunately, if he's an alpha guy he's going to be able to work around this far too easily and probably dodge and stall you. At that point you don't have much choice but to make it clear you're willing to walk if all he wants is something physical. You NEEED to believe this. Because i had a girl in a similar situation but she was afraid to leave me, and i picked up on it, so i knew it was an empty threat and ended up stringing her along.

It's important to note that while you may have fallen for him, you really need to search and analyze whether there really is something there that is mutual. He's probably good at hiding his feelings, but some guys REALLY are content with just banging a girl and having no feelings for her. Others try to fight the feelings but it turns out there really is a connection there and some potential romance that just needs to be brought to the surface. You need to be able to accept the idea that maybe he has absolutely no intention of anything romantic and simply likes having you as a side girl to have sex with., Sorry but thats the reality.

Just my 2 cents. Hopefully that helps

 

[djgirl]

It is really hard to read him because as I said he is not open about his feelings at all so you never know where you stand or what his thinking/feeling. However he has sent me mixed messages because as I pointed out when we first started getting to know each other he seemed open about the idea of a relationship and then I don't know what happened but all of a sudden he didn't want one and just wanted something casual because he had been badly hurt from his ex wife and he had a hang up about our age gap. I told him then I was going to walk and ended up caving in which I know was my biggest mistake and I regret it.

But just the other week ago he was saying that he really wanted to see how things go and he might open up the possibility of a relationship. However after our last hookup he has been quiet and distant with me....so I texted him and told him I'm done with the arrangement and it's his loss if his too stupid to see I'm worth more then being his convenient piece of meat . He hasn't written back and I don't expect him too. I don't know what the hell he wants or what his thinking....

All I wanted to know is should I go nc from here unless he suggest we become exclusive?

 

[_sideways_]

All this chatter leads to you got played. The fact that so many dudes have opinions means....or would suffice that they like ur silly questions. Fact is u like him. Hes not into. Youre gonna push him away. He told u da deal.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

It is really hard to read him because as I said he is not open about his feelings at all so you never know where you stand or what his thinking/feeling. However he has sent me mixed messages because as I pointed out when we first started getting to know each other he seemed open about the idea of a relationship and then I don't know what happened but all of a sudden he didn't want one and just wanted something casual because he had been badly hurt from his ex wife and he had a hang up about our age gap. I told him then I was going to walk and ended up caving in which I know was my biggest mistake and I regret it.

But just the other week ago he was saying that he really wanted to see how things go and he might open up the possibility of a relationship. However after our last hookup he has been quiet and distant with me....so I texted him and told him I'm done with the arrangement and it's his loss if his too stupid to see I'm worth more then being his convenient piece of meat . He hasn't written back and I don't expect him too. I don't know what the hell he wants or what his thinking....

All I wanted to know is should I go nc from here unless he suggest we become exclusive?

You agreed to the deal, you can change it. You can tell him it's not working out for you now. That you need more. He can quit his need to have options and take you on exclusively or your going to find someone you can be exclusive with.