Old friend turned a cold sholder on me

[backbreaker]

Could use some words of wisdom on this one.

This girl that I was friends with, did nothing to make her do it, but out of the blue, stopped returning my calls, emails, etc. It's not a girl I just met, ,we have known each other for about a decade.

Normally what happens, and I was too AFCish to let it, but she would get all into this guy, and leave me alone, and once she realizes he isn't worth it, or just needed her ego struck would come back to me to be friends.

I went into surgery about 3 months ago... The last time i talked to her was like 2 days before I went under the knife... I didnt' get a call to see how I was doing afterwards, no explination on why she doesn't want to talk to me, nothing.

So I took the hint and stopped talking to her, moved on. I mean, I don't have time for people who are that inconsiderate, plus as much as I hate to admit it, I did still have feelings for her and the only way I could get rid of them was to cut off contact, which I did.

So I get the bright idea yesterday to give her a call, seriously, just to say hi. I mean, I didn't do anything to her, even when we did talk I rarely ever called her, I don't know...

So she picks up the phone, and first thing, she doesn't even know who I am, which wasn't that big of a deal. But the entire time I can tell she didn't want to be on the phone.

the phone call couldn't have taken 2 minutes, I realized she didn't want to be on the phone so I told her "look, if you ever do decide you want to call me, this is my number, I'll see you around"

Now, I wasn't expecting her to call me back.. she didn't. But the more I thought about it, the more it got under my skin, that here I am, did absolutly nothing but help this chick, yet she is treating me the way she was... and I don't even know why. I mean, I am pretty sure she is back with her ex again, but that's not the point. You would think I would at least get a call to say something like "my ex and I are getting back together, etc" you know, just out of respect.

So I came soooo damn close to picking up the phone and just being as blunt as possible, and say "look babe, what you do is what you do, I don't care, but what I do care about is you treating me like i Have herpes, when I haven't done anything to you" and demand she tell me why she did what she did. IN other words, I just want some freakin closure.. It's just not right. I mean, I have been flaked on before, hell i've flaked on girls, but I have known this girl since Jr High.. and yes, there was some attraction there at one point in time, but she would come to me for anything.. theres **** about her I know that I know her best GF's dont.

All relationships of all kinds will eventually end, one way or another, but I guess I am just pissed because I thought I deserved more than that and don't like being treated the way I was, and I was goign to let her have it.

But then I thought, you know, let me ask some peole that are alittle older and wiser than I am.

Is it right to feel that way? I mean, if she would have came to me and said "my ex and I are getting back together and It hink it's best if we don't talk for a while", I'd wish her the best, it's her decision and you have to do what's in your best interest...

I've long moved on as far as the dating aspect... I had moved on before we stopped talking... she's hot as hell but the more I understand about women, I would be bored with her in a year or two, she has no goals, no ambition, and is just boring in general... one of the girls who thinks that you should be thankful that you are in her presence, and I can do (and am) much better than that.

It's just the freakin prinipal of the damn thing.. that's ****ed up.


Anyway, any advice would be greatly appricated.

 

[backbreaker]

Originally posted by backbreaker
Could use some words of wisdom on this one.

This girl that I was friends with, did nothing to make her do it, but out of the blue, stopped returning my calls, emails, etc. It's not a girl I just met, ,we have known each other for about a decade.

Normally what happens, and I was too AFCish to let it, but she would get all into this guy, and leave me alone, and once she realizes he isn't worth it, or just needed her ego struck would come back to me to be friends.

I went into surgery about 3 months ago... The last time i talked to her was like 2 days before I went under the knife... I didnt' get a call to see how I was doing afterwards, no explination on why she doesn't want to talk to me, nothing.

So I took the hint and stopped talking to her, moved on. I mean, I don't have time for people who are that inconsiderate, plus as much as I hate to admit it, I did still have feelings for her and the only way I could get rid of them was to cut off contact, which I did.

So I get the bright idea yesterday to give her a call, seriously, just to say hi. I mean, I didn't do anything to her, even when we did talk I rarely ever called her, I don't know...

So she picks up the phone, and first thing, she doesn't even know who I am, which wasn't that big of a deal. But the entire time I can tell she didn't want to be on the phone.

the phone call couldn't have taken 2 minutes, I realized she didn't want to be on the phone so I told her "look, if you ever do decide you want to call me, this is my number, I'll see you around"

Now, I wasn't expecting her to call me back.. she didn't. But the more I thought about it, the more it got under my skin, that here I am, did absolutly nothing but help this chick, yet she is treating me the way she was... and I don't even know why. I mean, I am pretty sure she is back with her ex again, but that's not the point. You would think I would at least get a call to say something like "my ex and I are getting back together, etc" you know, just out of respect.

So I came soooo damn close to picking up the phone and just being as blunt as possible, and say "look babe, what you do is what you do, I don't care, but what I do care about is you treating me like i Have herpes, when I haven't done anything to you" and demand she tell me why she did what she did. IN other words, I just want some freakin closure.. It's just not right. I mean, I have been flaked on before, hell i've flaked on girls, but I have known this girl since Jr High.. and yes, there was some attraction there at one point in time, but she would come to me for anything.. theres **** about her I know that I know her best GF's dont.

All relationships of all kinds will eventually end, one way or another, but I guess I am just pissed because I thought I deserved more than that and don't like being treated the way I was, and I was goign to let her have it.

But then I thought, you know, let me ask some peole that are alittle older and wiser than I am.

Is it right to feel that way? I mean, if she would have came to me and said "my ex and I are getting back together and It hink it's best if we don't talk for a while", I'd wish her the best, it's her decision and you have to do what's in your best interest...

I've long moved on as far as the dating aspect... I had moved on before we stopped talking... she's hot as hell but the more I understand about women, I would be bored with her in a year or two, she has no goals, no ambition, and is just boring in general... one of the girls who thinks that you should be thankful that you are in her presence, and I can do (and am) much better than that.

It's just the freakin prinipal of the damn thing.. that's ****ed up.


Anyway, any advice would be greatly appricated.

BTW, we stopped talking to each other about 3 months ago

 

[joekerr31]

the lesson you need to learn is not to place your happiness in the hands of some chic.

hell, don't place it in the hands of anyone.

as you get older you get wise becuase you see the end game.

when you're young, sh*t happens and it makes no sense, and you figure "damn man i got screwed". But by the time your my age, you see that all thsoe people who screwed people over at 22 get their just deserves.

you see, how she treated you tells you everything you need to know about her as a person. it doesnt matter how hot she is, or how many guys she has on her arm, she's a disrespectful person and that will sabotage her in the long run.

you know when you see these 40 year old chics who you wouldn't bang, but you can tell they were hot when they were younger... and now they are these bitter, superficial women and the only thing they have to do with their time is knock other hot women down and ***** at their husbands about how they need a new car.

their lives are sad and pathetic.

now you look at people who had it tough in their 20s, had to actually go make something of themselves instead of just get by with their looks. by the time they are 40 they are the most fascinating people you'll ever want to meet. they are ultra friendly and kind to people. they have a great marriage. etc.

they treat others as they would like to be treated. so in the short run sure they got screwed over by various folks. but in the long run they won, because they ultimately attracted people into their lives who shared the same values.

this chic obviously doesn't share your values. instead of wanting to make her pay or to make her realize how sh*tty she was, you need to just walk away.

cuz ill tell you something, she really doesnt care at all what you think of her values. she KNOWS that shes a user and it doesnt bother her one bit.

so the question is, why would you waste even 2 seconds of your time on such a piece of trash? You only do it because you think her judgement of you matters and you desperately want her to think well of you.

thats now how her world works. manners aren't part of her game. its a cold hearted john/hooker game. shes hot, guy rewards her, thats it.

so just move on and find yourself a good woman to date or be friends with.

J

 

[TheTrimReaper]

You are "just" a friend. She sees you as a true friend, and relies on you when she needs you. Ever heard of the saying "A friend in need is a friend indeed"? She must have met some guy and is spending her time with him now.

You on the other hand, do not see her as "just" a friend. If your buddy met some chick, and started spending time with her, and didn't talk to you, then would you still feel this way? If you say 'no' then you can see she is more than just a friend to you.

For her to stop calling you like that, something must have happened. Girls know how to size us up. Trust me on this. Think about it: when you see a hot girl, can you tell she is attractive? Of course you can. Well, women know how to tell if a man is attractive to them, too. So when we give off a chump signal, it's obvious to them.

You probably gave off some AFC signal, and she could sense it. That could explain why she has avoided so much. And for her to act like she didn't know who you were after knowing each other since you were 12 is ludicrous. Look at the hidden meaning, and things will become clear.

 

[DJDamage]

Originally posted by backbreaker
Is it right to feel that way? I mean, if she would have came to me and said "my ex and I are getting back together and It hink it's best if we don't talk for a while", I'd wish her the best, it's her decision and you have to do what's in your best interest....

I gave up a long time ago being friends with women and Its one of the best decisions I ever met. Women make lousy friends and you can never rely on a woman to be there for you. There is no comradery between man and woman unless they are both in an intimate relationship with each other.

I think nature made woman to be more self-serving and selfish with regrads to friendship because there is no real benefit from her having close friends with a guy if her man can supply her everything she needs including companionship. Natrually she would seek the companship of a man she fvcks with. Men on the other hand have the comradery mentality that dates back to the stone age where we relied on each other during hunting trips for survival, while a woman depended on her man soley for that need (she supplied him the sex when he returned back with a big piece of meat to feed her and his childrens). That is why they say that if you ever been in war with your friends they will be there for life. You had their backs and they had yours.

Heck women have difficulty time being friends with other women. The prettiest the woman the harder it is for her to make true female friends because it is a strategic relationship. Pretty women try to stick to each other so they can attract more men and as soon as a man comes between them, they rather back stab each other then to forget about the man. Ask any Hb8 and above if she ever had a female friend who backstab her and the answer will naturally be 100% yes.

Like someone once said : 99 out of 100 friendship with women just doesn't work out.

DjDamage

 

[wavejams007]

Originally posted by DJDamage
I gave up a long time ago being friends with women and Its one of the best decisions I ever met. Women make lousy friends and you can never rely on a woman to be there for you. There is no comradery between man and woman unless they are both in an intimate relationship with each other.

pretty muchthe truth.

 

[backbreaker]

Originally posted by TheTrimReaper
You are "just" a friend. She sees you as a true friend, and relies on you when she needs you. Ever heard of the saying "A friend in need is a friend indeed"? She must have met some guy and is spending her time with him now.

You on the other hand, do not see her as "just" a friend. If your buddy met some chick, and started spending time with her, and didn't talk to you, then would you still feel this way? If you say 'no' then you can see she is more than just a friend to you.

For her to stop calling you like that, something must have happened. Girls know how to size us up. Trust me on this. Think about it: when you see a hot girl, can you tell she is attractive? Of course you can. Well, women know how to tell if a man is attractive to them, too. So when we give off a chump signal, it's obvious to them.

You probably gave off some AFC signal, and she could sense it. That could explain why she has avoided so much. And for her to act like she didn't know who you were after knowing each other since you were 12 is ludicrous. Look at the hidden meaning, and things will become clear.

naw... I mean, it's like a onetitis thing at the time.. I was dating, or at leat talking to a couple of other girls.. I didn't send out any aFC signals, because I wasn't trying to date or have sex with her.

Like I said, in general, it's the freaking prinipal of the matter.

 

[backbreaker]

Originally posted by joekerr31
you see, how she treated you tells you everything you need to know about her as a person.
J

nail on the head...

I really needed that

 

[JJMcLure]

Is this the same chick you complained about more than a year ago?

If it is then you should have to have resolved this by now (be sure you don't harbour romantic type feelings toward her).

If it isn't then the same applies to this chick as applied to the other (very similar) queries posted last year.

The answer I gave previously (applies here too, even if this is not the same chick) is - you are her "pseudo-friend". This is a kind of friend chicks have, which is not a real friend. You are the person to give her attention when she needs it. When she doesn't need it, you're not required.

Yes it is cold, but it's reality and she is definitely not the only chick to act this way.

Forget about her, she is not worth it.

 

[backbreaker]

It's the same girl...funny story... one of the ways I was able to get over her as far as romantically, is I saved your post that you made and read it everyday, just to remind myself what I was dealing with.

I actually took your advice, more than once... gotten rid of her, but somehow, our paths always seem to cross months down the road, and everytime she acts as if she has honestly changed for the better... I have no doubt she will call me one day in the future, , and say things like "oh I was so immature than, I'm sorry, blah blah blah", but now I understand the cycle.

 

[jmeredi]

This is an old thread but I felt like it needed to be bumped.

Some of the best advice for any guy that's had a "friendgirl" go strange on him.

 

[Leporello]

Some people just stop being friends for no reason. It happens.

 

[MacAvoy]

This is classic female "friend" behaviour. I couldn't believe this at first when I seen it was backbreaker, but then I realized it was an old thread. However its so true as the bumper said that its a worthwhile bump.