Old Dogs & New Tricks

[coldcoal]

When I had found this site, I was in between LTR's totaling about 6 years. Prior to these relationships (until I was about 22) I was very skillfull with the ladies.

Anyway, before the LTR's I was this 'edgy' musician up on a stage with great social proof and a reputation that had preceeded me. These days I'm clean cut, live and work a thousand miles away from home, have a different taste for women and have a comparatively calmer social life. I'm happy, but I'm also aware that I'm a whole new ball game. Because I had improved the quality of my life while I was in those LTR's, I had missed out on adjusting my 'game' through the gradual changes.

I can still PU, but I'm attracting mostly HB8-type professional women now that I'm free again. I love it, but it all feels so much different. I'm just a mechanic. I'm use to fast women with filthy mouths. Now I'm talking to women who sail competitvely, eat sushi and talk about thier internships abroad.

I'm trying to adapt, but for whatever reason I can't seem to settle in and connect like I use to. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[uniassign]

I'm just a mechanic <snip> Now I'm talking to women who sail competitvely, eat sushi and talk about thier internships abroad

Big deal. Can they fix cars?

Just because they are classy chicks don't mean they are superior than you.

If you come from a frame that you are BELOW them, they will treat you like sh!t, no matter what you are. I have seen HOT office secretaries treating their boss like little puppy dogs just because the boss comes from that frame.

 

[coldcoal]

Thanks for your input uniassign, but I'm not intimidated by these women, I just have a problem connecting with them.

And it's not like I'm a meathead either. I have a solid brain, I dress fairly well and don't come off as needy or AFC.

But for some reason I just can't get the convo to the point where it becomes an enthusiastic conversation, a "Yeah! Me too!" conversation.

I'm missing something here.

 

[uniassign]

But for some reason I just can't get the convo to the point where it becomes an enthusiastic conversation, a "Yeah! Me too!" conversation.

That's where your brain comes in. Chicks do the activities because they get a certain FEELING out of the activities. Why don't you ask them how they feel when they <wash their dog>, and then pull an analogy about you getting the same feeling when you <floss your teeth>?

 

[coldcoal]

That's a pretty good idea. I'll give something like that a try. Thanks, man.

Anyone else have ideas?

 

[gentleman193]

class differences

coldcoal,

this sounds like class differences. you are blue collar. they are white collar. so this means they are intrigued by your rugged manliness that they don't get from the paunchy paper pushers. but they are not going for interesting convo from you.

so work with it. they want to know what's in the toolbox. so give 'em the full tune up. that's what they want from you. then let them make you some sushi and take you sailing. maybe one of them will discover you're not the meathead they thought. but don't push the convo. instead use the image you've got to your advantage for now.

and let them pay for the date. men know mechanics make more money than desk jockeys but chicks if you wear overalls you must be poor. so let the sailing sushi girls pay for the dates too. sounds ideal to me.

 

[coldcoal]

Thanks gentleman, insightful to say the least.
In some cases I have no doubt this angle is very true. On the other hand, I meet some of these women outside of work and they have no idea on what I do for a living. It's not easy to tell either.

This past summer I had met a woman at a theatre, got her #, and eventually we got to know each other over a few drinks. She was pretty, educated, a jazz singer... a very nice girl.
We had discussed everything from jazz to paleontology. The convo was fluent, interesting and she was back at my place after two dates. She had no idea what I did for a living.

I don't know. I'm starting to think the best thing for me is to perhaps educate myself more on the hobbies/interests of these types of women? After all, it was the reason I had clicked so well with the jazz/paleontology girl... I didn't have to stick with "What is <fill in the blank>" type questions, like a student would.

 

[Dee-Zy]

hey! nice to see an old timer around here.

Here's my 2cents.

I don't know how to coin it into only one sentence but bear with me.

You have to become what you want to attract.

ie. If you like a girl that takes care of her body (work out, watch her diet ect) you also have to take care of your body.

This applies to everything.

So they live a life that isn't like your lifestyle ... then you must make it yours.

narrow down what do these women enjoy, u mentioned sushi, competitive sailing ect. Pick up books on such subject, just look it up on the internet. It will give you small knowledge about it and this will help you connect. As you conversate with them, you will learn and therefore can apply to other conversations with other women. You need to start with a grain of sand to build a castle. There's a proverb in vietnamese that says, if you collect breezes - you will have a tsunami. Fell me?

I don't know if I answered your question. If I didn't tell me more, I'll be back.

I do understand you though. I also am attractive to more sophisticated women, but the beautiful ones are rare. I tend to meet more ditz and therefore can't carry any conversation because it's just too dull. The problem is that, they are hot!!!

so it's the opposite for me. :\

 

[coldcoal]

Thank you Dee-Zy for your reply as well as for sticking around so long.

I'm going to concentrate on this approach, but I will also try the other suggesions as well. I'll try to bump this thread in some weeks ahead to share what had and had not worked for me.

 

[Dee-Zy]

Great!

Keep me updated. I don't have enough time to spend on the board anymore so I may miss your updates. Just PM me with a link.

GL

I'm looking foward as to how this will unfold.

GHOST

 

[coldcoal]

Update

Almost forgot to update....

Alright, so I went and got myself a little more educated on "refined interests". BORING to say the least. Even more boring to hear a woman clamour on about it. How many different types of freakin sushi there are I'll never know.

Anyway, met this girl about 2 weeks ago, # closed, called up, got a convo going and bam, sushi... again. (Boy, this sh*t IS trendy, isn't it?). I decided that instead of being totally supplimental to women on subjects I find uninteresting, I'm just going to touch on it and then lay out my opinion, good or bad.

So I asked what type of sushi she liked, where she liked to go to get it and jumped right into saying, "Sushi is nice, but nothing beats a good steak." Mentioned one of the best stake houses in the area. Then moved smoothly into another topic.

The convo continued well. We eventually got into work related questions. She asked me if I was an engineer. Where that came from, I don't know. So I'm thinking "Goldigger", right? So again, I laid it out, all good, and smoothly moved into another topic.

At this point I was ready to forget about this girl, more than likely she was ready to forget me as well, but then we got into where each of us were from (both relatively new to the area). Bingo. Something in common. From then on the coversation started to click very well, topic after topic. Quite a few laughs. Turns out we had a lot more in common than I had originally thought. After about 10 minutes of conversation, she asked ME if we could get together.

All in all and with some thought I started thinking that having the same hobbies and interests are not as crucial as people think. And upon further thought, I realized that I had certainly dated women with some hobbies I had no interest in myself and vice versa.

I've dated dozens of women who like rollerblading. I've never done it. I don't have to eat sushi to # close a girl who likes sushi.
Being inquisitive, intelligent and decisive is enough to do the job.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

There is nothing wrong with a woman having different interests or likes/ dislikes than you - if anything this should make interesting conversation for both of you. You both gain insight into new worlds, and you both learn from one another.

The key things to look for is if you are both compatible in the more important areas of a relationship, values, personality, character and so forth. You can still be complementary to one another, without having the exact same interests. You can still share a commonality in a differnt area that is more critical to the success of the relationship.

The 'sushi' craze is temporary and will pass over.

Most things are tolerable, as long as a woman is not obsessed with a certain lifestyle that you disagree with and she is trying to force her likes/dislikes upon you. 'Vegetarians', for example, seem to get annoyed when a man eats meat and puts a frown on her face everytime you hunger for a steak. I find this to be annoying and intolerable behavior and I would not seem fit or desire to keep her company!

Also, as long as their is not an air of contempt or disrespect for what you do for a living, then a woman of a different background and breeding can only enhance your experience.

Good job in controlling the conversation - the man should be the one who dictates and steers the agenda.

 

[coldcoal]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
There is nothing wrong with a woman having different interests or likes/ dislikes than you - if anything this should make interesting conversation for both of you. You both gain insight into new worlds, and you both learn from one another.

What is strange is that although I've been aware of this fact, until these last few months I've never needed to learn how to control these actual situations in such early stages of meeting women. Like in the first 10 minutes! In the past most situations I've 'worked' in were in places where common interests were plenty from the get go. I'm a lot more random with 'atmoshperic' approaches now. Trial and error, making adjustments. It's going well.

The key things to look for is if you are both compatible in the more important areas of a relationship, values, personality, character and so forth. You can still be complementary to one another, without having the exact same interests. You can still share a commonality in a differnt area that is more critical to the success of the relationship.

Yeah, it's the qualifying area. It's what enticed me to be more decisive in these conversations lately.

The 'sushi' craze is temporary and will pass over.

I hope so. But at the same time I'm getting pretty good at dodging $90 sushi dates!

Most things are tolerable, as long as a woman is not obsessed with a certain lifestyle that you disagree with and she is trying to force her likes/dislikes upon you. 'Vegetarians', for example, seem to get annoyed when a man eats meat and puts a frown on her face everytime you hunger for a steak. I find this to be annoying and intolerable behavior and I would not seem fit or desire to keep her company!

You and me both. Men like steak, ladies! Get over it!

Also, as long as their is not an air of contempt or disrespect for what you do for a living, then a woman of a different background and breeding can only enhance your experience.

Which is why I am happy despite the set backs.

Good job in controlling the conversation - the man should be the one who dictates and steers the agenda.

Yup. This was my weakness. I wasn't so much supplimental, I just didn't move the conversation when I needed to.

Thanks for the insight PRL.

 

[playfulboy]

Ok, so reading up on the subjects you know these women are interested in is good, but I think you're missing one piece of fundamental advice that seems to be given around this board a lot - ask her about the subject.

Don't they keep saying "a woman loves to talk about herself". Ask her to tell you about Competition Sailing. You'll learn more about the subject and let her talk about her passions right from the start.

You were a musician? Well, pull that out of the closet and use it in conversation - with the theatre girl/jazz singer this would have been perfect - you aready have a good musical knowledge - use it to connect with her.

Even the Sushi eaters can be charmed by that - tell them that you used to play in a hard rock band but after doing a gig accompanied by Chicago Symphony you saw the light and took up Violin instead. She'll say "no way!" and you can admit with a shy grin that "No, I'm lying, I took up Tuba instead."

It'll make her laugh and you can tell her you're looking for musicians in the area to start a new band with - women love musicians - especially ones who are wilder but can also hold down a job - use it to your advantage with them.

Or go to Open Stage/Mic nights and play something - easy way to meet someone more like yourself. Less pretentious, more arty.

Really good Sushi rocks by the way! Fresh made California Rolls *yumm*

 

[myfriendblu]

cold
Im kinda going threw the same transitional phase as you right now....Im going away from the under 23 crowd and going for the over 23 crowd. Its a weird, strange and sometimes troubling/confusional transition. There really is a big gener/culture gap right there. The way Im handling it is just to stick by my principles/game/DJ abilities that worked in the past, and just adapt/learn as I go. Its the only thing that works.