Okay Someone Needs To Give Some Straight Talk

[playainthemaking]

Okay so i have heard contradicting advice about who should pay on a first date. I also just read a thread where people are debating about it. Could someone who has gone on many dates perhaps someone at least the age of 25 or older comment on this. I am curious because i have heard if your out for say coffee or you stop with your date at 7 eleven then yeah you pay cause it aint no biggie and you dont want to seem cheap. But what about when you go out to dinner and the bill is substantially more. I mean dinner these days is at least 30 bucks or more, it can get to like 60 bucks even on a first date.

So yeah i need someone to tell me from EXPERIENCE what they have done and how it works. Please no internet pimps, i wanna speak to someone who really has game.

 

[DJ#7436]

What's the big deal? I always pay on the first date. I'm not hard up for money, and if she's just in it for my money, its going to be pretty transparent.

DJ#7436

 

[The Bat]

Well, first rule you should eat, chew, swallow, and digest is that FIRST DATES should NEVER involve DINNER dates. Never. Ever.

So casual, yet so boring. What's the point? To get to know each other? You'll know more about her the morning after you bang her brains out than you ever will on a casual, comfy dinner date.

Anyway, if it's dinner couple of dates later or after you've been seeing (and banging) each other for some time (maybe 5-7 weeks...but that's my rule..yours can be different), then it's a matter of YOUR interest in the girl.

Yes, I said it right. Having an expensive dinner AND paying for it depends on how much YOU are interested in HER. If you really dig the girl and she has shown high interest in you, then reward her to a nice treat at some fancy dinner. Now you see why I do this only after 5-7 weeks? Because by this point, I have gauged her interest in me.

My first "dates" are usually at bars/nightclubs or at her place or some recreational activity (like mini golfing or bowling or go kart races or comedy clubs). I don't fork out money for her bar tab or entrance fees because she is an adult and can pay for her own things. So what if it's a date? Am I trying to impress her? Hell no. I already impressed her by talking to her, building some rapport with her, getting her phone number, making plans to go out with her, and getting her a$$ out to where we're at right now (the date).

It's her turn to impress me. And that means I don't got to do sh!t for her. She can pay for her own and amaze me with her personality, quirky behavior, sense of humor, secure confidence, feminine beliefs, sweet attitude, etc.

There is a difference between being cheap AND setting a frame in your control by being confident in your ability to attract her and amaze her with your confident attitude. You have to learn to recognize those differences and work on them to be like the guy who has complete frame control.

 

[playainthemaking]

yeah your right

lol see how different people say two different things. I guess personally i would have to say i agree with bat. I aint no girls personal wallet and she is an adult so i would have to say i would make her pay too. I guess though if it is really cheap maybe its not a bad idea to pay i mean if you both walk up to the cashier at golf land. Basically you cant tell her to go back or that im not paying for you. It will make you look like a clown and the cashier would probably make a comment wheter woman or man and ruin it for you. I dont know maybe im thinking too much into it but i would love to hear from some other people. Perhaps you can elaborate on my point bat, or tell me how you ask her to pay for herself if the situation is other than her waiting behind you to pay herself. I am surprised though cause the activities you mentioned are very cheap i mean what 8 bucks on her. Lol

 

[Igetit!]

What's the big deal? I always pay on the first date. I'm not hard up for money, and if she's just in it for my money, its going to be pretty transparent.DJ#7436

I agree with DJ#7436. Why is this such a big deal? Personally,I'd be focusing on making sure that my date was having a good time and enjoying herself.

 

[Metaphysical]

I say for first date invite her for coffee. If she offers to pay, let her. If she doesn't, then it only costs you 5 bucks and you don't end up looking like a pig who refuses to pay.

After this, you should be already having sex with her. Do not take her out for dinners until you've had sex with her at least a couple times. That's my personal policy anyway.

Then again, I really LOVE food and i love going to equisite restaurants around Toronto, so I am different than some of you guys who only go to dinners with girls only in an attempt to get laid.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Or you could be "different" and go some where to have fun. Like a park for an example. Not every date has to start with lunch or dinner or a movie.... Also get you use having to pay here and there. You don't have to pay for everything. You don't have to buy her sh!t all the time either. Just know you will most the time be paying both your ways to go out. Unless she has some money to throw in which is nice. But, if she never helps you pay or pays you back. That is her lil way of using you - taking advantage of you....

 

[Aragon034]

Well, first rule you should eat, chew, swallow, and digest is that FIRST DATES should NEVER involve DINNER dates. Never. Ever.

So casual, yet so boring. What's the point? To get to know each other? You'll know more about her the morning after you bang her brains out than you ever will on a casual, comfy dinner date.

Anyway, if it's dinner couple of dates later or after you've been seeing (and banging) each other for some time (maybe 5-7 weeks...but that's my rule..yours can be different), then it's a matter of YOUR interest in the girl.

Yes, I said it right. Having an expensive dinner AND paying for it depends on how much YOU are interested in HER. If you really dig the girl and she has shown high interest in you, then reward her to a nice treat at some fancy dinner. Now you see why I do this only after 5-7 weeks? Because by this point, I have gauged her interest in me.

My first "dates" are usually at bars/nightclubs or at her place or some recreational activity (like mini golfing or bowling or go kart races or comedy clubs). I don't fork out money for her bar tab or entrance fees because she is an adult and can pay for her own things. So what if it's a date? Am I trying to impress her? Hell no. I already impressed her by talking to her, building some rapport with her, getting her phone number, making plans to go out with her, and getting her a$$ out to where we're at right now (the date).

It's her turn to impress me. And that means I don't got to do sh!t for her. She can pay for her own and amaze me with her personality, quirky behavior, sense of humor, secure confidence, feminine beliefs, sweet attitude, etc.

There is a difference between being cheap AND setting a frame in your control by being confident in your ability to attract her and amaze her with your confident attitude. You have to learn to recognize those differences and work on them to be like the guy who has complete frame control.

i wholeheartedly agree with you Bat.

This is by far one of the best posts on the subject i've ever found.

HBs are a dime a dozen, AFC's will always be around to pay, so we DJ's need to set a higher standard

And why the hell would you take her to dinner for a first date? or even Lunch as a first date? Coffee is as far as i'll go for food, and other then that it's an action date for some fun times and nice photography

 

[slickaz]

aight...my turn.. just back from a first date from one of the girls from sat night..

this is me..every date..regardless of how many dates or how hot she is.

We do something fun..like golf, go karting, etc..something competitive always..to get her to understand that im not always going to let her win like every other guy shes dates..so ill give her a good fight and win...

Then we either grab coffee, or if shes really really really! a great chic..then dinner on the first date..

the deal i make before we go in..is i pay for one and she pays for the other..

but i pre - pick both as in what we're doing where and where we're eating..that way i already know kind of how its going to go..unless again..she is real fly..or she really cant do that..like i dated a chic that couldnt shoot basketballs for nuts...so i picked laser tag..lol..

like BAT said..always try to stay at coffee dates first..for the first month to 6 weeks...see her once a week.thats 4 times..2nd or 3rd date you should be s3xn..the morning after you will know if you enjoyed last night or not..if you did..and she loved it too..let her chase you more..if you didnt enjoy.bounce.

like DonS said..stay congruent..dont flex..just because you go to a bar doesnt mean she gets free drinks..it means you have 4 drinks..2 you pay, 2 she..

and as for your question of how you ask her..
just tell her at the time when the bill comes, "ill get this, you get coffee/dinner/next round" be straight forward..she has to know the real you..and stay congruent to that..simple..no harm in being honest dude..

like tonight, we went to a sail boat i part own and i taught her the basics and took her out to sea..it was pretty windy so didnt go too far..about 2 hour spin..i put her to work though..tacking etc..
she said she was so hungry! so i said cool you're turn to treat me to something fun and tasty..she took me for dinner at the best burger joint in town..but still it was great..

also! and the guys may not agree to this..i usually have the girls come pick me up..because that way they know im the prize..secondly im not waiting at her apartment for her to get ready..third when she drops me home..i can comfortably ask her to come in..i dont have to expect her to say it to me..
but for picking me up i do reward her..usually a drink or with more sensual kisses..lol..i tell em too."this ones for pickin me up.."puts a smile on their faces..

dont fall into the trap of girls that expect you to drive you around and pay for EVERYTHING..ive been in that before..for a very long time..and like DONS said..be congruent..and to be congruent you have to be that from the start..
good luck

 

[TheRealSupreme]

Ok this advice is from the man who quit dating and had women pay for my outtings:

In the beginning of your game and on the first date you should pay. Why? Cause your not experienced enough in the game to comfortably have her pay for your dates.

When you get more than 50 lays under your belt then you will develop the confidence to tell her to take you out and pay for it.

Until then don't listen to theories on who should pay or who shouldn't.

I would stay away from dinner dates myself. Coffee dates are the way to go from there have her come over and make YOU dinner. And never take a girl to the movies either.

 

[trd323]

A lot of advice but not a lot of experience. If you have not been on a date in 1 year, please do not post any advice.

Paying for a date is a masculine trait. It is your job to provide and make her feel safe. Not paying makes you a cheap ass.

It is already mentioned that being congruent is more important than not paying. I always pay for my dates and I am in a relationship with what my friends call "dime piece"

So, back to the OP, IT is perfectly fine to be a gentleman and pay for your dates, But DO NOT pay because your trying to have her owe you the pssy. You paid for dinner, so she has to give it up. Just pay because you wanted to get to know a new person/.