Okay, help me dissect this message... (and a little story)

[Korrupt]

First, let me give you the story before I post the message. I'll keep it as short, simple, and blunt as possible. I was invited to go to a club by a friend I hadn't seen in a while. It was myself, my friend, his girlfriend, and a girl-friend of theirs. I flirt, tease, ect ect ect the entire night, but no kino till AFTER the club (I'll get to that). So we hit up some techno dance club and... Dance.. little bits of kino on the dance floor, nothing really sexual, the only thing worth mentioning is the girl touching my stomach a couple times and lifting my shirt.

I gotta say though, I feel like I really broke out of my comfort zone not only going to this place (not really my type of scene), but also dancing since I never go out dancing. Just felt good about that.

Back to the story... We leave the club late as sh!t, head back to the metro to get back to the car. I sit next to her on the train, got her to give me a massage, returned the favor with a little shoulder/neck massage of my own. Got good signals so I wound up with my arm around her and holding her hand as she was laying against me. Good signals there. I break the hand-hand contact and graze her mid thigh with my fingers, and she shifts. Bad. I do it again, she shifts again, so I didn't do that anymore. Nothing else worth mentioning, just some teasing/flirting on the way home. End.

Here's the Facebook message I got today:

TITLE: ?!?!?

hi, im just a little confused. You left. i mean its ok, if you had to go thats fine. i was just under the impression that you two wanted to hang out today, so i tried to make time so we could.

But anyway, it was nice meeting you.

I also wanted to apologize for last night on the train. I wasnt exactly comfortable being so close so soon. but im sorry that i didnt say anything, and if i lead you on, although you were really comfortable lol since i was so tired ,it was just a little fast.

It was nice meeting and hanging out with you though, and if your ever in town again or want to come into town let me know. I did have fun with you last night

(btw lol i would have told you this all in person but SOMEONE decided to leave without saying goodbye!) lol

ill ttyl
dont be a stranger

If you're wondering, my friend called them TWICE to hang out earlier today but they didn't answer their phone. I then realized that two days in a row may have been too much too soon anyway. And my gym closed at 5 PM today so I has sh!t to do.

So help me dissect this message a bit more, I'm still working on my Woman-ese.

 

[MyTeamSupreme]

doesnt look like theres anything to dissect..she wants to hang out with you again

 

[f283000]

Korrupt, remember the key to passing a woman's sh*t tests are to DO OR SAY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT SHE WANTS/EXPECTS! Women are attracted to men that don't do what they want them to do.

So looking at her message we see that she
1. wants you to forgive her "misbehavior" and keep her image intact
2. wants you to be a good little boy and keep yourself in check and not get any ideas about you two having hot, sweaty sex!

So what do you do? REMEMBER THE KEY!

What she wants you to say

hero: Oh that's ok hb it was nothing! we were both tired coming from the club that's all nothing happened. I take no offense whatsoever.
hb: good!

That's what she expects you to say and what every nice guy in the world would say in such a situation. Now what would a dj say? what would you say to create attraction?

Instead of going away from you two getting "close" I would send her a c&f to reinforce it!

hero: I heard the bus driver scream telling us to go get a room
hb: no way he didn't say that!

lol that's just off the top of my head but it does get her thinking about you two and sex. But anyway read the link in my sig about facebook to avoid such a problem in the future and erase confusion.

remember when you get a sh** test from a woman don't reply right away. Think it over logically, figure out what she expects you to say then come up with the opposite of what she expects which is what creates attraction.

 

[Korrupt]

I appreciate the responses. Definitely going to go with a c&f response on this one. How's this look to you?:

You weren't comfortable being so close, huh? Don't lie to yourself, you know you liked it! But let me give you a little tip for next time. You might wanna buy me a couple drinks or at least take me out for dinner before you try to come on to me so strong like that and seduce me. Oh, and (my friend) tried to call you all but nobody picked up. I'm a busy guy you know, popular demand, I had places to go and people to see. Don't lose too much sleep thinking about me though, I'm sure I'll see you again.

Also, I read your topic about Facebook, and I agree, but in this case she requested to be my friend. I also never update my status and all that on Facebook like a lot of people like to do.

 

[f283000]

I appreciate the responses. Definitely going to go with a c&f response on this one. How's this look to you?:

You weren't comfortable being so close, huh? Don't lie to yourself, you know you liked it! But let me give you a little tip for next time. You might wanna buy me a couple drinks or at least take me out for dinner before you try to come on to me so strong like that and seduce me. Oh, and (my friend) tried to call you all but nobody picked up. I'm a busy guy you know, popular demand, I had places to go and people to see. Don't lose too much sleep thinking about me though, I'm sure I'll see you again.

The whole response is just EEK!
1. Way too long: C&F is short and sweet. You wrote her an essay!! What are you trying to do kill attraction? I would erase everything you said except "you know you liked it" (and that's the only thing I would say).

Let women write paragraph long responses. You just keep it cool and write her a quick word or 2 don't even go past a line and let her react. You're a busy guy and if she wants to talk to you she needs to see you in person, 1 on 1 and no friends. Let her earn the right to get to know you. Don't be killing mystery with her writing back and forth on facebook or online.

here's how conversations with women should look like online

female: bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla lba
bla bla bla bla bla blabla bla blabla bla bla bla bla
bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla lba
bla bla bla bla bla blabla bla blabla bla bla bla bla
bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla lba
bla bla bla bla bla blabla bla blabla bla bla bla bla
hero: ___ ___ ____ ____ ____ __
female: bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla lba
bla bla bla bla bla blabla bla blabla bla bla bla bla
bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla lba
bla bla bla bla bla blabla bla blabla bla bla bla bla
bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla lba
bla bla bla bla bla blabla bla blabla bla bla bla bla

2.

But let me give you a little tip for next time. You might wanna buy me a couple drinks or at least take me out for dinner before you try to come on to me so strong like that and seduce me.

This is bad. You are telling her she is trying to seduce you which will only
1. make alarms ring in her head. By you acting like she wants you she really knows you actually want her. Women are not stupid. It triggers her anti-slut defense. She got a little close to you, you got over-excited by the whole thing and now you're telling her she is out to seduce you, this will make her look like a slut in her mind and will make her weary of you. This is how women think.

I have been burned so many times doing this over text messages it's not funny.

I'm a busy guy you know, popular demand, I had places to go and people to see. Don't lose too much sleep thinking about me though, I'm sure I'll see you again.

You are just trying to look cool now and pretend and girls see right through that. It makes you look silly. You don't tell girls "im a busy guy, I have a great life" but rather you show them that through your conversations when you let her know a little bit about you and what you do. This is what you do when you are 1 on 1 with her in person on a date.

You saying that will only make her think to herself (oh he's trying to act cool). Here is what you do for future reference.

Instead of giving women an excuse like "i'm a busy guy, popular demand etc etc" you would say some real stuff you were doing or make some bs up that women always eat up. "I was out on a bike ride. Took a 5 mile trip to nice place down the road from here, great views of the hills, also lots of greenery everywhere which I love."

I just wrote that from the top of my head but you know what I mean. That's an example that would give you value in her eyes. You are not telling her you're a cool and busy guy and braggin about it when you might be a total loser, but you're actually giving her an example of something cool you do and getting yourself value in her eyes. That lets her know you're cool without you forcing her to believe you're cool by telling her you're cool (and you are not even trying to be cool in her eyes you are just being "you")

FINAL ADVICE
You need to ask her out. No more hanging out with friends crap. Avoid long conversations online at all costs as those are nothing but attraction killers. I would ask her out after this response. Remember you have to strike when the iron is hot.

 

[NewAndImproved]

You're fine.

I'd recommend either NOT responding to her essay at all and simply calling her a few days later (you did get her number, right?) or keeping it short and ****y like the other poster suggested.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

little bits of kino on the dance floor, nothing really sexual, the only thing worth mentioning is the girl touching my stomach a couple times and lifting my shirt.

She's getting very comfortable and letting her guard down. This is the best signal that a woman is really open to and getting into you. That initial confort, which you were on your way to creating, was a very good sign. This was the only time I would suggest you toss some C/F, and tease her, and show you're in control, and she won't get you riled up with her touching you.

Back to the story... We leave the club late as sh!t, head back to the metro to get back to the car. I sit next to her on the train, got her to give me a massage, returned the favor with a little shoulder/neck massage of my own. Got good signals so I wound up with my arm around her and holding her hand as she was laying against me. Good signals there. I break the hand-hand contact and graze her mid thigh with my fingers, and she shifts. Bad. I do it again, she shifts again, so I didn't do that anymore. Nothing else worth mentioning, just some teasing/flirting on the way home. End.

You went from G rated confort and touch, which will do a lot more to build and set the foundating for a more sexual tone later on, to PG13 rated type of kino, and she wasn't ready for that. That was not the time or place. You advanced a little too quick, but I must say, great job at showing your sexual/romantic interest, and not freezing and automatically putting yourself into the friend zone by being passive and playing it safe, as we see chumps do here everyday.

There was no way you would have been able to escalate there and then anyway, so taking the time to build sexual tension and anticipation would have made for a smoother transition, but no big deal. It is obvious that she wasn't bothered by it, and wants to let you know she is defenitely interested. Had you done absolutely nothing, you would have gotten some type of friends speech by now; you just advanced a little too soon, which is better than a little too slow.

I also wanted to apologize for last night on the train. I wasnt exactly comfortable being so close so soon. but im sorry that i didnt say anything, and if i lead you on, although you were really comfortable lol since i was so tired ,it was just a little fast.

Anti-slvt defense. She wants to save face for having let things get to that point. In a way, by escalating too fast, you sort of put her on the spot, so she's repairing her image and cares what you think about her. Whatever you do, DO NOT make a c/f remark or comment regarding the fact that she wasn't receptive about that particular thing. She needs to save face, so don't let your bruised ego lead to a major blunder. Wait until you are having fun in person and mention it later, after you get more intimate, and only in good natured teasing.

It was nice meeting and hanging out with you though, and if your ever in town again or want to come into town let me know. I did have fun with you last night

"Let's get together soon. I am very interested, just let me get confortable, and let things progress organically"

btw lol i would have told you this all in person but SOMEONE decided to leave without saying goodbye!) lol

Well, you didn't mention this. I hope you didn't just check out because your ego couldn't handle it. Women need to be aware that them not putting out doesn't affect you a bit, because you are a man that is attractive and has plenty of options. Reacting, or them perceiving you are bothered usually kills that attraction. As f283000 stated, you do not want to respond with anything sarcastic, c/f, that might very easily come across as big ego talk and make a woman see that you just couldn't handle minor rejection and were affected and rattled by something minor. Always cool, calm, and collected.

ill ttyl
dont be a stranger

"Call me soon, I am very interested, for now!"

Looks like she's interested in more than just a sexual relationship, and sees some potential for something more with you, so she cares what you think about her at this point. Could also be that she's into hoping in bed with somebody new very soon after meeting. Either way, I say go find out what she has in mind. Good job on showing your interest through actions and not words (tactic used by the AFC usually after it is way too late and he's in the LJBF zone).

 

[Korrupt]

Once again, thanks for the responses. Still learning and trying to perfect my game. I'll give her a very short response.

I just want to add... Well sh!t, I can't say I'm not taking this seriously if I've posted a topic on this forum about this, but I don't know if this girl is 100% definitely a dating prospect for me. The reason is she lives 1-1 1/2 hours away from me. That's a bit of a ways.

 

[Ease]

Im really trying to work out why you didnt try to kiss her in the train.

That would have really solved the problem.

As for your response, it has to be short and aloof. ****y funny is not good if it is long and too obvious, that's called trying too hard.

My response:

'Hey (your friend) foned you earlier u didnt pick up. Yea ill text you lets go out again this weekend'

If you have not kissed her by next time you go out you fail, btw.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Im really trying to work out why you didnt try to kiss her in the train.

That would have really solved the problem.

Bingo, Gringo, Ringo, Mingo, Chingo!

We got a winner here!

How did anybody miss that obvious step you missed? You went from holding hands to trying to touch her thigh? Yeah, you skipped the kiss, which was the next natural step and as Ease mentioned, would have solved the problem.

 

[Korrupt]

Just gonna update here. Got her number 5 or so days ago, decided to give her a call tonight. It's funny for me because I'm not afraid to meet and interact with strangers in person, but I DREAD phone calls with people I don't know well for some reason.

Anyways I called around 9:15 PM, no answer. She calls me back about 20 minutes later... I didn't give her my number initially (she has it now, obviously) so she called to find out who it was, and giggles when she finds out it's me. I ask her how she's doing, made a quick joke, and told her I had free time this coming Thursday and we should get together. She tells me her classes start "this coming Monday." So without thinking I ask her when she's free, she says she doesn't know. By this point I'm thinking this girl is a NEXT and tell her to let me know when she's free. She says she'll message or call or blah blah me.

She didn't try to reciprocate a time to get together, so... NEXT.

 

[eaglez1177]

NONE of this wouldve happened had you just grown a pair of balls the first time you two hung out at the club (and on the train).

In the club: Well what did you expect? You did "little bits" of kino and "nothing really sexual". Obviously youre gonna run into problems if thats how you acted. But, the fact that she lifted up your shirt not once, but a few times? Thats a major IOI, and it seems like it went right by you cuz you never acted upon it in the club. Instead, your on this forum lookin like a chump cuz you missed out on EASY opportunities in the club.

On the train: You couldve easily made out with her, which is actually surprising to me considering how much you screwed up beforehand. All you had to do was lean your face into hers and go for the kiss. Simple as that.

Hopefully you'll learn a lesson!

 

[Korrupt]

NONE of this wouldve happened had you just grown a pair of balls the first time you two hung out at the club (and on the train).

In the club: Well what did you expect? You did "little bits" of kino and "nothing really sexual". Obviously youre gonna run into problems if thats how you acted. But, the fact that she lifted up your shirt not once, but a few times? Thats a major IOI, and it seems like it went right by you cuz you never acted upon it in the club. Instead, your on this forum lookin like a chump cuz you missed out on EASY opportunities in the club.

On the train: You couldve easily made out with her, which is actually surprising to me considering how much you screwed up beforehand. All you had to do was lean your face into hers and go for the kiss. Simple as that.

Hopefully you'll learn a lesson!

Well, first I'd like to know what you feel I should have done in the club? Grinded on her? What? Second, I'm sure kissing would have helped my chances, and I don't deny I should have went for it, but as you can see from the message I got from her, her interest level was (seemed to be, at least) very high. It's possible that it could have made a difference, but I don't really feel that it's 100%. It is what it is, though. What happened happened and what didn't didn't. Her loss.

 

[eaglez1177]

Well, first I'd like to know what you feel I should have done in the club? Grinded on her? What? Second, I'm sure kissing would have helped my chances, and I don't deny I should have went for it, but as you can see from the message I got from her, her interest level was (seemed to be, at least) very high. It's possible that it could have made a difference, but I don't really feel that it's 100%. It is what it is, though. What happened happened and what didn't didn't. Her loss.

Um, YEAH. You dont go to a club with a girl using "little bits of kino" and "nothing really sexual". You got to a club to do the exact opposite. You shouldve just grinded with her and gone in for a kiss. Simple as that. Especially since your in a club setting; that makes it pretty easy.

Regarding the train, kissing her wouldve absolutely helped your chances, especially since (in my opinion), her interest level was NOT "very high" after that first message she sent you. Yes, she had enough interest to say she had fun and would hang out again, but I wouldnt call it "very" high lol.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Um, YEAH. You dont go to a club with a girl using "little bits of kino" and "nothing really sexual". You got to a club to do the exact opposite. You shouldve just grinded with her and gone in for a kiss. Simple as that. Especially since your in a club setting; that makes it pretty easy.

I agree, but only if it is mildly sexual and he doesn't try to get too far AT THE CLUB. Some contact, with a kiss would have been perfect. From the experiences I've observed and aware of, the further you escalate in a club setting and NOT end up sexing her soon after, the more likely she won't want to see you after that day. Off course, there are exceptions to the rule. Getting too sexual in public usually doesn't get too much further. Specially if it is with somebody you went to the club with, and you don't know that well yet.

Escalating too fast, and making it too sexual is useless, as you can't really go all the way. If she is letting you escalate AT THE CLUB, she is just having fun and teasing and getting attention, specially if it is someone you just met. Same reason why women will kiss other women at the club, yet they really don't go home with them, usually. It is just the high of the moment and to put on a show for the horny guys. She doesn't need to be too interested to make out and grind with you, as long as she thinks you will be out of her life after that moment.

Getting too sexual at the club itself, will only cause anti-slvt defense/resistance in the imediate future. Unless she is planning on sleeping with you right away, in which case you need to be somewhere else and not the club at that point, she will feel embarrased once she sobers up and needs to face you. No way for her to save face, so she will usually just ignore you.

If you attempt to call her the next day or a few days later, she is usually thinking "Oh, that guy thinks we are having sex, but I am more embarrased than anything, so I rather just pretend it didn't happen. A perfect example was, once they were not at the club, he tried getting sexual, one on one, and she really wanted no part of that.

Regarding the train, kissing her wouldve absolutely helped your chances, especially since (in my opinion), her interest level was NOT "very high" after that first message she sent you. Yes, she had enough interest to say she had fun and would hang out again, but I wouldnt call it "very" high lol.

Totally agree! This was the next natural step, yet the OP tried to skip it and go into something sexual, instead of something sensual. There is a big different, specially for women. That was the make/break moment of the night, and he didn't seize the moment. Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.

 

[Korrupt]

Totally agree! This was the next natural step, yet the OP tried to skip it and go into something sexual, instead of something sensual. There is a big different, specially for women. That was the make/break moment of the night, and he didn't seize the moment. Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.

So you all are summarizing by saying the only real thing I did wrong- Excuse me, not even something I did wrong, just something I didn't do, was not kiss her and this is what stops me from having a day 2? Well, at least a real day 2 because she wanted to get together the next day, but not now.

Where is that quote about how we're not supposed to understand women? And talk about walking on a bridge of wax paper...

 

[Pimp-sicle]

So you all are summarizing by saying the only real thing I did wrong- Excuse me, not even something I did wrong, just something I didn't do, was not kiss her and this is what stops me from having a day 2? Well, at least a real day 2 because she wanted to get together the next day, but not now.

Where is that quote about how we're not supposed to understand women? And talk about walking on a bridge of wax paper...

The others have already covered your mis-steps on the night you met her in the club.

But you asked what else you did wrong... well for one on the phone call, you most likely made the same mistake you made in person. You didn't advance in steps, instead you went from "hey what's up, C/F joke to "lets hang out this Thursday."

Nothing wrong with that when a girl already has high interest in you, but in this case the interest level was there, but not HIGH. Furthermore you waited 5 days to call, which in the early going can easily make a girl forget about you and that night.

Always be flexible when your asking a girl out for the first time or two, then once you get her interest level through the roof, she will cancel plans to be able to see you.

On your phone call you should have said: "I'm free Tuesday and Thursday this week, lets go do XYZ @1:30, which day is best for you? When you give a girl only one day as an option you decrease your chances of getting a date when her interest isn't at its peak.

Furthermore she didn't counter offer and gave you the lame excuse of her school starting next Monday (huh? WTF does that have to do with this week?! LOL).

I'd hit her up one more time and try to set something up, if she doesn't commit or counter offer, then NEXT her cause your waisting your time.

You might be surprised down the line, she might call you when she's in your area, but for now learn from your mistakes.





PIMP

 

[Gangster Of Love]

So you all are summarizing by saying the only real thing I did wrong- Excuse me, not even something I did wrong, just something I didn't do, was not kiss her and this is what stops me from having a day 2? Well, at least a real day 2 because she wanted to get together the next day, but not now.

Where is that quote about how we're not supposed to understand women? And talk about walking on a bridge of wax paper...

Apparently you did more than just that wrong. It is obvious by the fact that she doesn't want to get together with you anymore. I don't know what you said in your follow up or what has happened, but there is a good chance you got deeper in the hole (not that hole). Your behavior and communication following the incident might have been more of a turnoff. I don't know.

I haven't read it or you haven't posted it what your response was go getting together when she sort of apologized. I will go back and look for it. Somewhere between that night and when she decided to not see you, she put it all together in her mind about why she didn't want to see you. I wasn't there, and even if I was, I wouldn't be able to tell you everything you did or didn't do.

But yes, not kissing her was a big blunder that might, might not have decreased her interest. In fact, it wasn't NOT kissing her, it was TRYING TO TOUCH HER LEGS that was more creepy and unconfortable for her. The kissing part might have just confused her about the whole thing. So to bottom line, you touched leg instead of kissing. She didn't have enough of high interest to overlook that. When a broad has super high interest, there is no way those two things will be a deal breaker, that early.

 

[Korrupt]

The others have already covered your mis-steps on the night you met her in the club.

I actually didn't meet her IN the club, but that doesn't really matter I guess.

Always be flexible when your asking a girl out for the first time or two, then once you get her interest level through the roof, she will cancel plans to be able to see you.

On your phone call you should have said: "I'm free Tuesday and Thursday this week, lets go do XYZ @1:30, which day is best for you? When you give a girl only one day as an option you decrease your chances of getting a date when her interest isn't at its peak.

Well, I did ask her when she was free and she gave me the good old "I don't know," but I'll take that into account.

Furthermore she didn't counter offer and gave you the lame excuse of her school starting next Monday (huh? WTF does that have to do with this week?! LOL).

Exactly what I thought when she said it, that's why I just put the ball in her court and ended the call, because it was ridiculous and as soon as I heard it I knew this chick was a next.

I'd hit her up one more time and try to set something up, if she doesn't commit or counter offer, then NEXT her cause your wasting your time.

Gotta be honest, not going to call/text/message her anymore at all unless I hear from her first. IMO I got rejected by a girl who would be LUCKY to have me (a guy out of her league) and trying to get in touch with her and set something up again wouldn't change anything, it would just lower my value even more.

Thanks for the responses.

 

[Korrupt]

My response to GoL:

Okay, I'll go into detail and post every time I was in contact with her.

My message back to her after she sent me the original Facebook message in the original post was this:

Hey, (my friend) called you all but no-one answered and I had stuff to do so I had to go. Let me get your number, though, maybe I'll call you sometime.

To which she responded:

well i told you both that we had church and lunch on sunday, so we couldnt really answer but alright. Its (her number). Let me know if your gona be in town.

After that I was on checking my e-mail Saturday morning. My e-mail said I had a FB message from a friend, I get on FB and check it. She also happens to be on and sends me a chat message saying hey and what's up blah blah. She asks me what I'm doing, I give her bullsh!t answers like "everything" and "all of it" then tell her I have stuff to do and log-off. I check my e-mail and she's sent me another FB message saying:

stop leaving! lol
but i have to go get ready, ill ttyl Bye!!

Then I called her Sunday and that's literally ALL that happened up till now. You wanted to know, there you go.