Ok something is up here...and I'm confused

[The LadyKiller]

I met a HB, we connected quickly, I asked her out, she said yes, date set. Very early this morning, I receive the following text:

"Sorry to be sketch, but I have to be somewhere (shortly after our date time would begin), so I have to leave right after work (our date was to be after her work shift)...We can all get together to eat sometime soon!"

Ok, it's a flake . Normal enough I guess. Frustrating, but we've all gotten them. However, one particular word stands out:

"...We can all get together to eat sometime soon!"

What the #$^*@! is this? When we made the plans, it was pretty clear it was just the two of us. What is "all?" I asked a couple of my friends what they thought it meant and I got two extremes. One side says she texted me at the start of the day and because we keep in touch, it's not dead. He also feels "all" is just like her saying y'all (she's from the South). Friend #2 disagrees, saying I'm screwed because "all" was specifically written to show that I am in the friend zone.

What do you think? I understand the flake itself, that's not the question. What is "all?" I am waiting a little while to text her back (in part b/c I'm not even sure what to write). Is there any benefit of asking what "all" means?

 

[The LadyKiller]

Just an update: A friend explained the "Double Flake Reversal" technique to me, where I pretend I never saw her text and I apologize for standing her up. So, I "explained" how my phone died and I had to take care of something else and how I was really soory about what happened, hopefully we can see each other soon. She immediately wrote back that it was no problem, and mentioned that yes we can def get together soon. She said "all" again though, so I put an end to that. I basically mimicked her text, but replaced "all" with "you and I."

We'll see what happens next. I'll probably set up the plans with her later in the week and take it from there.

 

[Iceberg]

How did you meet her?

Right now I'm imagining that you met her at a party with some friends. And that's where the "all" comes from. As in "We can ALL meet up because I'm not going on a 1-on-1 date with you."

 

[Mr. Suave]

A girl did that "all" thing to me once when I invited her over. In fact she explicitly told me she wants others to go. I told her I "don't want other people to come because then I wouldn't be able to hook up with her". She was more receptive once I said that and began asking me the next day when she could come over. Surely she knew my intentions from the start but it's as though saying outright I wanted to hook up with her changed her feelings.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

@Mr. Suave -- part of her desire to have others around could have been her own insecurities, anxiety, etc...sometimes people want friends to come with them to meet a chick/dude or double-date to "buffer" any awkwardness by leaning on the social familiarity of the said friend...you saying "I just wanted to hookup" probably took some tension off of her because maybe she did too..

@LadyKiller -- I've used this "we", etc at times when I wanted to be indirect about flaking...ie, send signals to a girl that hey we're still cool or friendly, but yeah my feelings aren't entirely there...it's a BS move really because it sort or pretending WE'LL all go out and have a great time..which really isn't the truth...CLEVER response message man...maybe she'll hit you up drop off the radar a bit see if she comes towards you.

You'll get a new num. soon.

 

[The LadyKiller]

How did you meet her?

Right now I'm imagining that you met her at a party with some friends. And that's where the "all" comes from. As in "We can ALL meet up because I'm not going on a 1-on-1 date with you."

Actually met her at work. She is rather new at the company (we are the same rank), so early on they had me work with her one day to show her how everything works. We hit it off, she initiated kino, we went and grabbed a sit-down dinner at the caf during the shift and she laughed at all my jokes. We exchanged numbers, she'll always get back to each of my texts quickly. Even with this "phone" incident, she wrote back 1 min later. Back to your point, Iceberg: I don't know who "all" signifies. There aren't other people involved.

Mr. Suave - I like being direct, as you are. This "all" stuff won't fly. I hope I was making it clear that it's just the two of us. No "all." When we made the plans, it was clear it was just us. No one else.

Buddha_Mind - Thanks. I've begun to use some tricks to open up my game. While I can't solely rely on these tricks, they've provided me new life. About a week ago - same girl - we hadn't seen each other because of conflicting work schedules (this whole month is bad, I could barely see her even if I wanted to). However, I noticed she was working in the same spot I was the day before. My strategy was that I misplaced something and was looking for it. So, I walked in, small-talked with the other people there (helps that I get along well with them), then saw her. She instantly asked about meeting up at this time, I asked if she saw my "missing" pair of shades (then said sure we'll figure it out about the date). That "meeting up"...well that created this situation now.

Finally, here is a variable that may or may not factor in: Aside from being a HB, she is supposedly exceptionally smart. She double-majored and has an advanced degree from her college. People who have also worked with her seem almost intimidated. Not me though. She's just another person and I feel I can out-do her in the "mental edge" department.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Okay dude -- one last thought after I finished working out here about this:

What if she still is interested but just doesn't know wtf she's doing and you're reading too much into this single word and boiling down everything to it. She doesn't read SoSuave...she may be smart but that doesn't mean she knows what she's doing with men...maybe try the "all"-hangout session and see where it goes...if you get strong IOI setup round 2...I am the king of over-analysis and it's not always good brotha!​

Anecdote: I met this chick when I was living in Seattle who invited me over to her house -- she was giving me interest, etc, at work, but then she says "Come hang out with me and my friend at my house. He's bringing food and So and So Couple XYZ will be there"...this threw me for an entire loop..."HE?", "WHO IS HE!?" -- a friend urged me to go anyways to gauge the situation. Turns out the friend was some afc younger dude, flaked anyways, and by the end of the night she was rubbing my leg and hands and shi.t -- unfortunately I turned down this lay (just wasn't right) but she had some "head issues", very sexy but I saw her taking antidepressant meds, a few scars on her arms from cutting...blargh seemed like a trainwreck...not her life, but the situation..turned me off. Even though this didn't end in a hookup or relationship, etc, proof was she just didn't know WTF she was doing...she was into me (she could have been into both of us and wanted to see us compete, I sinisterly thought this too) but once I got there she was giving me IOIs through the roof...

It might be worth going out just for the practice and for the fcksake of it -- learning experience if nothing else.

peace.

 

[The LadyKiller]

Okay dude -- one last thought after I finished working out here about this:

What if she still is interested but just doesn't know wtf she's doing and you're reading too much into this single word and boiling down everything to it. She doesn't read SoSuave...she may be smart but that doesn't mean she knows what she's doing with men...maybe try the "all"-hangout session and see where it goes...if you get strong IOI setup round 2...I am the king of over-analysis and it's not always good brotha!​

Anecdote: I met this chick when I was living in Seattle who invited me over to her house -- she was giving me interest, etc, at work, but then she says "Come hang out with me and my friend at my house. He's bringing food and So and So Couple XYZ will be there"...this threw me for an entire loop..."HE?", "WHO IS HE!?" -- a friend urged me to go anyways to gauge the situation. Turns out the friend was some afc younger dude, flaked anyways, and by the end of the night she was rubbing my leg and hands and shi.t -- unfortunately I turned down this lay (just wasn't right) but she had some "head issues", very sexy but I saw her taking antidepressant meds, a few scars on her arms from cutting...blargh seemed like a trainwreck...not her life, but the situation..turned me off. Even though this didn't end in a hookup or relationship, etc, proof was she just didn't know WTF she was doing...she was into me (she could have been into both of us and wanted to see us compete, I sinisterly thought this too) but once I got there she was giving me IOIs through the roof...

It might be worth going out just for the practice and for the fcksake of it -- learning experience if nothing else.

peace.

Like you, I overthink much more than I should. Because that word came up (now) two times, I took notice and I can't help but think there is some hidden meaning there.

Interesting anecdote. I actually have been in similar situations before, where I've hung out with a "date"...along with a couple of friends. Your end result was better than mine. I've done this 1-2 times, and sh*t hit the fan both times.

The first time, a HB I knew at college invited me to a "house party" to be with her. Obviously, I went. Unfortunately, she was too tied up with her friends and we didn't spend really any time together. I felt like the odd man out and the whole thing was awkward because I didn't know anyone. After a little while, I left for the night. However, I did not learn my lesson. A couple of weeks later, she started contacting me constantly, we set up a date...where she stood me up, I ignored her afterwards and haven't spoken to her since. The strange thing was, I actually ended up getting to know a couple of her guy friends down the road (not many girls at this thing).

The second time I should have just said no. Different girl, also at school. She invited me out for drinks with "a couple of other people." The problem here was her friends hated me from the get-go. Her girl friends would barely talk to me and two other guys there thought I was the enemy. Similar to the girl above me, she really just acknowledged her friends and barely talked to me after the start. As you could guess, nothing happened with us after this.

So, yes it's good to try new things. However, this is why an "all" situation doesn't sit well with me.