Ok...If You Guys Are So Good...Fix This!!!

[Probot]

I've been lurking around the board for a bit...and have read alot of your posts with interest. Many of the posters seem to have an answer for everything..So how would you fix this.

Background: 34 yrs old,work with learning disabled kids,workout 3 times a week..Anyways, I've never been on a date,never approached a girl,have yet to have my first kiss and (obviously) a virgin.

I have absolutely no "game",no wheels,no cash ( less than $300 to my name) never was a "talker";always introverted,shy to the point of being of having Social Anxiety.

Looking back, I passed up on some chances....Realizing only after certain situations happened that I let a golden oppourtunity pass me by;women approaching me;(with openers). These occoured when I was younger. This happened 2 or 3 times;nothing major.

Yes, I know beyond pathetic, more than a loser;If anything I made some of you feel better about your own situations.

So, what do all of you DJ's suggest ? Hopeless ? Too late ? At a loss for words ?

 

[Fa Zhou]

Brother. I'm a 35 year old virgin. I came to this site because the one "relationship" I ever had never went anywhere. I looked up this girl after 13 years, in desperation, and blew it because of my neediness. In those 13 years, I had a few opportunities to get with various girls, but never pursued them because of my low self esteem.

I was in a funk. A serious funk. I was close to suicide over a girl I had never slept with!

After reading this site, I finally snapped out of it. I went out and bought some nice clothes and went out bar-hopping with my sister and 2 of her very sexy friends.

I'm finally turning around. I still have a lot of work to go, but I'm confident that I can be a late bloomer and get my social life into high gear! I don't wanna be 60 and miserable about my life. I want to live it up now!

You're not alone! Let's show these ladies who's in charge and give them the ride of their lives!

 

[thederekeffect1]

"Hopeless ? Too late ? At a loss for words?"

If you only knew how many people come onto this forum thinking they are hopeless...

Well... The first step is to work on your confidence and self-esteem. Then we'll work on your social anxiety. I'm too lazy to look for some good posts from the DJ Bible... But I'm sure someone will provide you with some good links. I trust my fellow DJ's.

 

[scott44]

Welcome, sir.

Congratulations on finally posting. I lurked for a while and gave in as well. You're among friends. Just don't take offense to the occasional flame (I've done it, and I've been the recipient), and you'll be in good shape.

Now, there's no magical overnight fix as you probably know. Your situation is definetely not hopeless.

The social anxiety is a problem... Probably your biggest. There are ways to help that if you didn't know. I still have it too, but not as bad as it used to be.

Once again, welcome and feel free to post anytime.

 

[jhs]

well you've given us all the reasons girls aren't interested... you know what doesn't work.. so now do the opposite! your biggest flaw is that you're basing skill on experience and ruling yourself out! first off, your goal is self satisfaction. i had a friend who worked with autistic kids & could not hang with it & eventually it affected the person he was. do a quick yes/no analysis of your life, figure out what in your life is making you happy, and whats doing the opposite. work towards fixing it... at the same time work on being a very very ******d person. represent a civilian in the city you live in by being around and interacting with new people all of the time. to be honest bro, this may even take a year or two before you start feeling significant differences.. just remember this, a guy who gets married got laid at 14, married at 21, divorced at 28 & married again at 30 has been failing all this time and probably has to pay childsupport. this guy is totally worthless to anyone, even himself now. luckly hes got some mysterious something that got him laid all this time and will still maintain a good flow of bar trash.

you've gotta be in the right mindset. you've got no kids. you've got no wife... at this point in time you could do WHATEVER you wanted to do. you have succeeded where most men have failed before they hit age 25. yet you're so hard on yourself.... cheer up chum, get some confidence, and quit thinking you have a problem. you unknowingly became the ideal mate for girls 18-50. now you just have to play the role

 

[Swoop]

You know that the only person who can fix your situation is YOU!

 

[Boner da Stoner]

lol probot, nice name, you do have some skills...

You are afraid to use them though, where did that come from?

My advice to u to finally get good with girls is to see a psychiatrist(lol no wonder those quacks make so much money, the average layman can recommend it with every flame) They'll slap some sense into you and tell you exactly what you will read on this site.

Don't puss out, you didn't approach, you were scared of rejection.

What do you want me to tell you? You were just like the four posters before me and everything will be fine and dandy? I don't think so, you have to work hard at EVERYTHING you want to be done right. Not one person out there is going to do any approaching for you.

If you want good look, have fun waiting.

If you want to make luck happen do you believe you have to be in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing right, and with the right cologne, and the right this, and the right technique... I'm telling you now don't fall prey to the AFC's here.

You have to take the good with the bad, sosuave.net is a free service to the community, and as such it must allow some bad posts. At least it's not like the rest of society, you can weed through the BS here.

As for your post I could point out hundreds of misconceptions, misunderstandings, faulty mindsets, missed opportunites, all this drivel about how you are wrong and I am right. Do you want that? are you going to listen to it? I don't think so.

 

[DJ4Real]

Welcome to the board!

I'm going to assign you a authentically made, DJ4real assignment checklist.

1. Look at yourself in the mirror, just focus on you and who you are. Don't look into the past, just look at who you are now. Realize that women should WANT YOU and not YOU SHOULD WANT women. By doing that, it should boost up your confidence a bit and even your inner game. Do this through out the entire training.

2. Go to doubleyourdating.com and sign up for David DeAngelo's newsletters. He'll teach you the fundamentals behind attraction and what attracts women.

3. Read the DJ Bible. There are several articles about conversation and how to make interesting conversation with women.

4. Practice how you'd interact with a woman while alone. Simply open up microsoft word, and type out a conversation as to how you think it would go. The goal of this convo is to get her email for later contact.

5. Learn what and why Mystery+C&F+Push and Pull+2 steps foward 1 step backl=Attraction

It's an equation, solve each piece of it through research. While in this step continue to learn the rules of dating.

6. Start talking to women online to continue to hone your skills. Feel free to ask questions.

7. Start interacting with women face to face. Use the C&F+Push on intial meeting. Don't push too hard or overdo it. Just be calm and let it flow.
Get her email.

Do each step in order! don't hop and skip around, or else you'll mess up and be back where you are.

If you do everything throughly, it should take you about 1-1/2 months to get through this.

Good Luck

 

[GirlCrazy]

Welome to the board!

So, what do all of you DJ's suggest ? Hopeless ? Too late ? At a loss for words ?

It's never too late. What you need are goals. In each area of your life decide where you ultimately want to be, and chart a course from here to there, taking baby steps.

Short term goals:

Broke with no car at 34, I'd say you have bigger fish to fry then getting laid. Your career (or finding a new one) should be top priority. Anybody with a decent job and sh1tty credit can buy a new car. Start small - get the cheapest new one you can find. Don't worry about the car payment - it's good incentive to make more money.

Mid term goals:

Once you have your act together, start putting yourself in social situations that make you uncomfortable. Go alone to coffee shops, book stores, concerts, bars, etc. Talk to everyone. Once you are fairly comfortable around random people, start asking out chicks that catch your eye. You'll choke at first, but that's ok; the important thing is the experience. Do a bootcamp here at SS, or just go out and get 50 rejections. The trick is to get used to being outside of your comfort zone.

Long term goals:

What do you want to make? Where do you want to live? What kinds of women do you want in your life? Once you answer these questions, and you feel the power from setting realistic goals and reaching them, it's just a matter of going out there and getting what you want. Young blondes? Demure brunettes? No problem once you are well socialized, well motiviated and have overcome your petty fears.

Good luck to ya!

 

[amano]

You need to read the DJ Bible. Most of the advice you will get is already in there.

 

[Probot]

Thanks to everyone who took the time to respond & offer some advice. Appreciate it.


Alot of AFC's don't have the time or the energy to apply the strategies/methods outlined in the DJ bible. Some guys are like
"Please !!! like I'm really going to start jumping through hoops & wasting so much energy on some chick!!" I think that attitude is out there...more than we would like to think.

Other guys have looked themselves in the mirror and said " You know what, I dont have anything to offer a woman & I don't fall into a 'type' women go for....so why bother ?"

Thanks again for the advice.

 

[Boner da Stoner]

Well if it were up to me, if I could read guys thoughts I would kick their ass, steal their money, and give them a quarter and tell them to call somebody who cares.

That is not productive in society though, we've got to take the good with the bad, the dumps with the hookups, the sex with the blue balls.

Guys like you will at least listen to the advice, others will preach their advice no matter how horrible it is believing it is true.

I hope that you succeed man, I can't tell you where you went wrong, but I can tell you you did, and you;'ve come to the right place.

You can;t say you

don't have the time or the energy to apply the strategies/methods outlined in the DJ bible

and still say you want to be DJ.

You can;t say

"Please !!! like I'm really going to start jumping through hoops & wasting so much energy on some chick!!"

and expect everything to be better

" You know what, I dont have anything to offer a woman & I don't fall into a 'type' women go for....so why bother ?"

is a poisonous mindset.

What has to be realized is it takes hard work to get things done. Hard work is only what you make it to be, everything can be fun, don't worry about that. But it takes effort, and action, nothing is going to happen if you keep watching opportunites pass you by.

I wish I could teach you about holographic imaging in your mind. It creates a wonderful red glow on the world, and everybody obeys it. I feel hopeful for you, but you have to realise that there is nobody there to kick your ass into shape.

 

[jhs]

most people get discouraged at their efforts until they can see a direct connection between effort -> goal. luckily most things most people get discouraged at, are little things like changing your tire or assembling something. when you get discouraged on something that you feel should be 'instinctive' and see other people doing it with ease (as in effortlessly!) its easy to think that some are tools are better suited for the task than others.

hopefully you're not a tool!

 

[flexion_]

I'd forget about women for now and just focus on your own self-improvement. It looks like you have a lot of work to do there before you can even attempt approaching women.

You can do it though.

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by flexion_
I'd forget about women for now and just focus on your own self-improvement. It looks like you have a lot of work to do there before you can even attempt approaching women.

You can do it though.

this is very true.

What you need to do if focus on your life and improving it. Sometimes we can let women or even the lack of women hinder our goals.

What you need to do is improve your life to the point where you are happy. Somepeople don't need much to be happy. There are people I know that are poor but they find ways to live a good life. Helping other people is also a good way to improve the quality of your life. It doesn't take much to go out and do something of value. Most of what people claim is of value in society is actually very unrewarding. So be aware of that. Do what you know will make you happy.

When you have your life in order you will be in a good position to find a woman. Just remember that there will be alot of women you will have to go through. You will have to get good at nexting them.

Also keep in mind that you are the one as the man that has to initiate contact with a woman. When you learn to accept that you are a man and you are the one that must lead the way your life will change.

The main reason men are unhappy is because they have not accepted their roles as men. The AFC for example acts like a woman andnever gets anyplace because he acts against his nature as a man.

You need to ask yourself these two questions every day

1. what does it mean to be a man?
2. how can I learn to be at one with myself?

 

[joekerr31]

Originally posted by Probot
I've been lurking around the board for a bit...and have read alot of your posts with interest. Many of the posters seem to have an answer for everything..So how would you fix this.

Background: 34 yrs old,work with learning disabled kids,workout 3 times a week..Anyways, I've never been on a date,never approached a girl,have yet to have my first kiss and (obviously) a virgin.

I have absolutely no "game",no wheels,no cash ( less than $300 to my name) never was a "talker";always introverted,shy to the point of being of having Social Anxiety.

Looking back, I passed up on some chances....Realizing only after certain situations happened that I let a golden oppourtunity pass me by;women approaching me;(with openers). These occoured when I was younger. This happened 2 or 3 times;nothing major.

Yes, I know beyond pathetic, more than a loser;If anything I made some of you feel better about your own situations.

So, what do all of you DJ's suggest ? Hopeless ? Too late ? At a loss for words ?

hey man, i just noticed this thread because someone posted. so im going to reply to your first post....

first of all YOU ARE NOT A LOSER.

you know something man, NO ONE on this planet is a loser.

the only thing that makes someone a loser is if THEY call themselves a loser.

second, your situation limits your options, but in a good way. the attention wh*res and materialistic women aren't going to be interested in you.

you know the women who are going to be interested in you? The caring, nurturing ones.

the fact that you are taking care of disabled kids on your own. My god man, its like having "im a great reliable guy" tattood on your forehead. SOME women would kill for a guy like that.

im going to put this pretty straight forward, for you and all the other guys in here. LIVE YOUR LIFE AND STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR LIFE.

i dont care how down in the dumps your life is, no magical fairy is going to come along and make it better. and worrying about how messed up it, or worrying about whether it will ever be better, won't make it better.

what will make it better is when you stop pitying yourself, learn to be thankful for all the things you have (instead of focusing on all the things you don't have) and appreciate life and believe that over time all of your hearts desires will come to.

id say that 95% of people's problems on here, and in real life, come from being upset that they dont have what they want, and believe that what they want is what will make them happy.

im being a bit tough today, but it is the reality of things.

there's a saying, be careful what you wish for. so many guys sit there saying 'id sell my soul for a woman". they get the woman and she makes their life a hundred times worse!

you aren't a loser. there are women (even super hot ones) who will date you. you can be happy.

believe this and it will become reality.

J

 

[00Kevin]

Re: Re: Ok...If You Guys Are So Good...Fix This!!!

Originally posted by joekerr31

the fact that you are taking care of disabled kids on your own. My god man, its like having "im a great reliable guy" tattood on your forehead. SOME women would kill for a guy like that.

this is very true. Very few men have the courage to do that.

This is a quality that sets you appart from many other men. In fact in someways it makes you more of a man.

 

[joekerr31]

Originally posted by Fa Zhou
Brother. I'm a 35 year old virgin. I came to this site because the one "relationship" I ever had never went anywhere. I looked up this girl after 13 years, in desperation, and blew it because of my neediness. In those 13 years, I had a few opportunities to get with various girls, but never pursued them because of my low self esteem.

I was in a funk. A serious funk. I was close to suicide over a girl I had never slept with!

After reading this site, I finally snapped out of it. I went out and bought some nice clothes and went out bar-hopping with my sister and 2 of her very sexy friends.

I'm finally turning around. I still have a lot of work to go, but I'm confident that I can be a late bloomer and get my social life into high gear! I don't wanna be 60 and miserable about my life. I want to live it up now!

You're not alone! Let's show these ladies who's in charge and give them the ride of their lives!

dude, you rock!

it's never too late to turn things around.

ill go a step further. you should be always be tahnkful for WHATEVER time you've to change things around.

its awesome to see someone get up and fight with whatever time they got left. getting up and fighting is winning, regardless of the outcome.

J

 

[Fa Zhou]

Originally posted by joekerr31
dude, you rock!

it's never too late to turn things around.

ill go a step further. you should be always be tahnkful for WHATEVER time you've to change things around.

its awesome to see someone get up and fight with whatever time they got left. getting up and fighting is winning, regardless of the outcome.

J

Damn straight!

Like the OP, I too don't have a car. I'm fixing that now. I've got my road test scheduled for this Thursday, and i'm in the process of getting some wheels very soon. Sucks to not be able to control where I go and who I end the night with.

 

[NYtomb]

Remember this quote
"Its only too late if you don't start now"
and from what I learned in the Army
"Never Quit"
there are hurdles. I Was an AFC who had no real relationships, just hooking up with a girl a few times and moving on. All girls love a guy in uniform but that wears off after a while. I never had any real feelings towards them, and I haven't ever been in love with a girl. My longest relationship was probably 7 months. The whole war wasn't helping with the last one that was going somewhere but I got a paid vacation to the desert.
Back on topic, I'm after quality and not quantity now because something is missing in my life. Do yourself a favor and go read that bootcamp thread and live it.
There are plenty of women out there in the world to go and practice on and no matter how ate up your approach is, you figure it out and have some success. The odds are in your favor no matter how much you dont want to believe it.
The biggest defeat for someone is thinking that they are a loser or failure. This goes for being a soldier, a family man or picking up women because you have told yourself the battle is lost before it even began.
Set goals that are attainable, dont just go and do something.