As I explained before, I put my girl of three months on probation. ie I ignored her and totaly resisted everything.
As of today she is a NEXT!
Just before the end I sent her an email last night that outlined all the things I liked in a woman and basiclly put her on official probation. I made the choice not to talk to her in person because I didn't want to shout at her and I wanted to give her something that she could read over and over again. somethign that she could learn from. I also included a rant from Nomarriage.com. To knock some sense into her.
Here are a few excerpts:
...
To start with, we don’t even have a clear understanding of what each other wants from the other. We have for too long just played a casual guessing game and in some cases expected the wrong things from each other. We need to make sense of what we both want.
Now listen up because this is how I feel.
I don’t want this to sound like a list of rights and wrongs, but I don’t know of any other way to say what I need to.
At the moment I feel as if you are a taker and not a giver. You expect the world from me but it is clear that you don’t understand what the word “unconditional means”. I never said anything bad to you and I always tried my best to make you feel good. I must tell you that there were a few times that felt like crap driving home from your place and every time that happened it just kicked things back a step for me.
Now, I don’t know what game you are playing, if any. Maybe you were reading some stupid book, receiving bad advice; and/ or you are just not attracted to me. Perhaps you just expect to much too quickly. Who knows. I can’t figure it out. In addition, I can also sense a certain distain from you for men in general. This to me is all very unattractive. I would encourage you to observe men more in a pleasant way and find out what it is that you like about them. I hope you don’t see us as oppressors or something like that. If you do, then maybe you should stop reading feminist doctrine (if you are).
-start rant-
Why do I say this? Why does such a thing bother me so much? Well I think that feminists believe that all men are evil abusers. When a man abuses them, deep down they feel a creamy sense of satisfaction. Their belief has been validated. Therefore they carefully craft a life, and surround themselves with people who will create more of this abuse. Thus further confirming their belief structure. Also, there is a more dangerous issue, here. Men are very "susceptible" to a woman's opinions. Let's face it, when a man gets married, he is very likely to start changing in response to his woman's needs. He can't help it...her emotions are so strong, and his sense of responsibility to her is so deep, that he can't help but slowly become the man she envisions him to be. That can be good, or bad. A man who is married to an angry feminist will often become more abusive, fulfilling her expectations of him. She accuses him of **** he didn't do...finally he thinks "well, if she's going to treat me like a scumbag, then by I should just go ahead and be a scumbag."
On the other hand, a man who marries a loving woman (who trusts men) will usually become more worthy of trust, thus fulfilling her expectations of him.
The old cliché of "behind every great man is great woman" is so true.
-end rant-
Regardless, if we are going to continue on you are going to have to make up your mind as to what it is you want. You also need to clearly understand what it is that will make you happy in life. I’m trying my best to show you that happy people focus on simple things in life. That is just a fact. So, in my mind you have a lot of thinking to do.
Until you do make up your mind, it isn’t fair to play games with me. I have a strong heart and it takes a lot to damage it, but I’m not invincible. So please don’t continue down this path and force me to harden my heart anymore. I accepted you for who you are a while ago, but I never felt like you accepted me.
In a sense that to me says it all. I don’t ask for much in return for things I do. I just want somethings back.
You did however; make me feel good the other night so maybe if we both work on it things will change. I do appreciate all the meals you made for me and every other small thing you did and I was always sure to thank you for them. There is much about us that is really great. We share much togeather and we had a wonderfull christmas too. Yes I have had some really wonderfull times.
I'm still siting here wondering if that is going to continue.
So, most importantly, and the final point I would like to make is, you had best make up your mind! I can’t read your mind and I’m not some kind of genie! Be true to yourself and by doing so be true to me! If all is good then it will work out.
...
this morning, when I got to work she tried to make me feel guilty for sticking up for my self over msn. She actually said that my honesty was unfair. I couldn't belive that. Then she said," so I guess I can just say whatever I want". I replied and said, "yes you can. yes, tell me what you REALLY think." she refused to so I ended it right there.
Everyone I tell my story to thinks I did the right thing. I went on in that relationship giving to much and getting too little in return. I was a great guy to her.
Now, I can honestly thank all the DJ's who really helped me last year understand the ways of usless women. thank you - thank you all. If i didn't read find this board I would of just caved to her guilt trip thereafter and ended up buying her roses.
I ended the email with the following.
Now, for the sake of being open and very clear, these are the things I know that I want in a woman.
What do I like in a woman you ask?
I like a woman who is happy as a nurturer
I like a woman who likes being a woman and doesn’t resent men or worry about the transient inequalities of society.
I like a woman who knows how to be happy without the aid of someone else. (no, i'm not talking about masturbation here)
I like a woman who defends her man and shows respect for him when he is not around.
I like a woman that wants her man to be a provider, and at the same time motivate him to be a stronger one.
I like a woman that can calmly debate an issue, and not take things personally. A debate is good for the mind and it shouldn’t be taken personally. People that take debates personally show a level insecurity in their own reality.
I like a woman that knows I can’t read her mind and isn’t afraid to tell me what she likes. For example, if she wants to come over to my place and visit me she will just call and come over on a whim.
I like a woman that believes in equally important roles in a relationship, not necessarily roles that are completely the same. There is after all, for example, no substitute for a mother in a family unit. There are exceptions to every rule, but for the most part women are natural nurturers, and men are natural providers. I want a woman who understands this and is happy with it.
I like a woman that realizes that love is all about letting your guard down and mutually trusting the other person
I like a woman that is willing to believe in me. This for me is the most important thing between two people. Faith in each other is very important.
I like a woman that doesn’t think in terms of “the relationship”. She only thinks about her man and how she can please him, just as I would only think about her and how to please her.
I like a woman that doesn’t have to be a housewife. I may not always be able to support her. I will try my best, but society doesn’t allow for that anymore.
I like a woman that appreciates wisdom more than intelligence. Knowledge is useless without the wisdom to use it.
I like a woman that goes with how she feels and doesn’t read articles about ‘relationships’ or play stupid games.
Well at least I don't have to worry about v-day now. I feel sorry for all you guys that do.
As of today she is a NEXT!
Just before the end I sent her an email last night that outlined all the things I liked in a woman and basiclly put her on official probation. I made the choice not to talk to her in person because I didn't want to shout at her and I wanted to give her something that she could read over and over again. somethign that she could learn from. I also included a rant from Nomarriage.com. To knock some sense into her.
Here are a few excerpts:
...
To start with, we don’t even have a clear understanding of what each other wants from the other. We have for too long just played a casual guessing game and in some cases expected the wrong things from each other. We need to make sense of what we both want.
Now listen up because this is how I feel.
I don’t want this to sound like a list of rights and wrongs, but I don’t know of any other way to say what I need to.
At the moment I feel as if you are a taker and not a giver. You expect the world from me but it is clear that you don’t understand what the word “unconditional means”. I never said anything bad to you and I always tried my best to make you feel good. I must tell you that there were a few times that felt like crap driving home from your place and every time that happened it just kicked things back a step for me.
Now, I don’t know what game you are playing, if any. Maybe you were reading some stupid book, receiving bad advice; and/ or you are just not attracted to me. Perhaps you just expect to much too quickly. Who knows. I can’t figure it out. In addition, I can also sense a certain distain from you for men in general. This to me is all very unattractive. I would encourage you to observe men more in a pleasant way and find out what it is that you like about them. I hope you don’t see us as oppressors or something like that. If you do, then maybe you should stop reading feminist doctrine (if you are).
-start rant-
Why do I say this? Why does such a thing bother me so much? Well I think that feminists believe that all men are evil abusers. When a man abuses them, deep down they feel a creamy sense of satisfaction. Their belief has been validated. Therefore they carefully craft a life, and surround themselves with people who will create more of this abuse. Thus further confirming their belief structure. Also, there is a more dangerous issue, here. Men are very "susceptible" to a woman's opinions. Let's face it, when a man gets married, he is very likely to start changing in response to his woman's needs. He can't help it...her emotions are so strong, and his sense of responsibility to her is so deep, that he can't help but slowly become the man she envisions him to be. That can be good, or bad. A man who is married to an angry feminist will often become more abusive, fulfilling her expectations of him. She accuses him of **** he didn't do...finally he thinks "well, if she's going to treat me like a scumbag, then by I should just go ahead and be a scumbag."
On the other hand, a man who marries a loving woman (who trusts men) will usually become more worthy of trust, thus fulfilling her expectations of him.
The old cliché of "behind every great man is great woman" is so true.
-end rant-
Regardless, if we are going to continue on you are going to have to make up your mind as to what it is you want. You also need to clearly understand what it is that will make you happy in life. I’m trying my best to show you that happy people focus on simple things in life. That is just a fact. So, in my mind you have a lot of thinking to do.
Until you do make up your mind, it isn’t fair to play games with me. I have a strong heart and it takes a lot to damage it, but I’m not invincible. So please don’t continue down this path and force me to harden my heart anymore. I accepted you for who you are a while ago, but I never felt like you accepted me.
In a sense that to me says it all. I don’t ask for much in return for things I do. I just want somethings back.
You did however; make me feel good the other night so maybe if we both work on it things will change. I do appreciate all the meals you made for me and every other small thing you did and I was always sure to thank you for them. There is much about us that is really great. We share much togeather and we had a wonderfull christmas too. Yes I have had some really wonderfull times.
I'm still siting here wondering if that is going to continue. So, most importantly, and the final point I would like to make is, you had best make up your mind! I can’t read your mind and I’m not some kind of genie! Be true to yourself and by doing so be true to me! If all is good then it will work out.
...
this morning, when I got to work she tried to make me feel guilty for sticking up for my self over msn. She actually said that my honesty was unfair. I couldn't belive that. Then she said," so I guess I can just say whatever I want". I replied and said, "yes you can. yes, tell me what you REALLY think." she refused to so I ended it right there.
Everyone I tell my story to thinks I did the right thing. I went on in that relationship giving to much and getting too little in return. I was a great guy to her.
Now, I can honestly thank all the DJ's who really helped me last year understand the ways of usless women. thank you - thank you all. If i didn't read find this board I would of just caved to her guilt trip thereafter and ended up buying her roses.
I ended the email with the following.
Now, for the sake of being open and very clear, these are the things I know that I want in a woman.
What do I like in a woman you ask?
I like a woman who is happy as a nurturer
I like a woman who likes being a woman and doesn’t resent men or worry about the transient inequalities of society.
I like a woman who knows how to be happy without the aid of someone else. (no, i'm not talking about masturbation here)
I like a woman who defends her man and shows respect for him when he is not around.
I like a woman that wants her man to be a provider, and at the same time motivate him to be a stronger one.
I like a woman that can calmly debate an issue, and not take things personally. A debate is good for the mind and it shouldn’t be taken personally. People that take debates personally show a level insecurity in their own reality.
I like a woman that knows I can’t read her mind and isn’t afraid to tell me what she likes. For example, if she wants to come over to my place and visit me she will just call and come over on a whim.
I like a woman that believes in equally important roles in a relationship, not necessarily roles that are completely the same. There is after all, for example, no substitute for a mother in a family unit. There are exceptions to every rule, but for the most part women are natural nurturers, and men are natural providers. I want a woman who understands this and is happy with it.
I like a woman that realizes that love is all about letting your guard down and mutually trusting the other person
I like a woman that is willing to believe in me. This for me is the most important thing between two people. Faith in each other is very important.
I like a woman that doesn’t think in terms of “the relationship”. She only thinks about her man and how she can please him, just as I would only think about her and how to please her.
I like a woman that doesn’t have to be a housewife. I may not always be able to support her. I will try my best, but society doesn’t allow for that anymore.
I like a woman that appreciates wisdom more than intelligence. Knowledge is useless without the wisdom to use it.
I like a woman that goes with how she feels and doesn’t read articles about ‘relationships’ or play stupid games.
Well at least I don't have to worry about v-day now.
I feel sorry for all you guys that do.
