I know how you feel. I also got OCD for which I go to a psych. Started going since October 2007, but I got OCD about my whole life. Only the last year it has been worse than ever. My psych thinks it’s gotten worse because of a post traumatic stress disorder. About a year ago I caused a car crash which almost killed my grandmother. Luckily she survived and healed completely, but she had to be in the hospital for about three months. Since then I have a really bad case of OCD. Most of my fears and obsessions are about guilt feelings.
Interesting you started a topic about it, cause I also planned on doing so. My fears are also partly about getting diseases or giving diseases to others. Especially with sex, this is really difficult.
Two years ago I had a one night stand with a girl that didn’t want to use a condom (which already scared the **** out of me, cause what if she does this with all the boys? She must be loaded with STDs!) During foreplay, when I wasn’t wearing a condom, the tip of my penis touched her vagina for a split second. I was sh*tting my pants for weeks and weeks. In my mind I already had tons of diseases. I was calling all kinds of doctors, opening threads on forums, etc. etc. just to figure out what my chances were. After weeks of misery, after I got the test results back, it of course turned out I didn’t had anything.
I’m still scared for it sometimes. When my d*ck or balls have a slightly different color than I thought I remembered having it yesterday, I go to my doctor immediately and she ALWAYS says it is nothing to be scared of. That it’s always my imagination.
I now have a girlfriend for about 8 months. After about half a year I felt confident enough to talk about it with her. She completely understand and she doesn’t mind when I have periods when I want to use a condom and that there are periods when I don’t. Maybe weird, but I’m weird.
But after all these months I didn’t gave her any disease, so the fear for that also fades a bit. Too bad I have enough other OCD subjects.
OCD is a b*tch.