Occasional flings in a ltr

[vorbis]

Azanon I believed touched on this in another thread. For the record, I have never cheated on anyone I have gone out with. I'm currently with my gf for 9 months and its going great. I find her very sexy and she's excellent in bed. However I can definitely see how one can get bored of having the same sex partner year after year.

I think even if I was going out with a HB10, I would always want to **** another girl occasionally purely because that girl is different. This is where things get a bit confusing for me. I get on really well with my GF so definitely want to stay with her.

Theoretically though, I wouldn't have a problem with my gf banging some guy on a once off fling and me never finding out about it.

Its not an immediate problem but just wondering if some guys in LTRs here do something similar. As in either you or your wife have an occasional fling but thats all it is. Or is it something that would destroy most relationships?

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Vorbis,

Well, my method of operation is usually to only enter into an exclusive relationship with a woman when I'm "into her" on more levels than just sexually-----because a holistic attraction is always stronger than just a compartmentalized one. This usually goes a long way to nullify or counteract the routine/boredom that CAN ocurr in a LTR. But I digress...

Theoretically though, I wouldn't have a problem with my gf banging some guy on a once off fling and me never finding out about it.

What you've just written HERE is an apparent contradiction. You obviously have a moral and/or an emotional sensitivity to this issue that you are trying to sidestep.

Because if you REALLY didn't have a problem with your girl banging another guy, then why wouldn't you ALSO be cool with KNOWING about it? A lot of guys "say" this when they're having their MALE "PERIODS" (whenever a guy chooses to let his testosterone make his decisions for him), but FEW are the number who can stick to this mindset-----ONCE IT REALLY HAPPENS.

But, hey, to each his own...But if you really wanna push the issue, you could always present this idea to your girl and see if she warms up to it. Now if you did THAT, well that's some straight "playa shyt". And usually the only way MOST women would go for it is if you came at her on that level AT THE BEGINNING. What happens to guys who try to change the frame in the middle of the relationship is that they wind up setting in motion a chain of events that will usually cause the relationship to end.

But who knows, maybe she'll beat you to the punch and get her some dikk on the side. And if you happen to find out about it later, report back HERE and let us know if you really DON'T have a problem with it.

 

[Colossus]

But, hey, to each his own...But if you really wanna push the issue, you could always present this idea to your girl and see if she warms up to it. Now if you did THAT, well that's some straight "playa shyt". And usually the only way MOST women would go for it is if you came at her on that level AT THE BEGINNING. What happens to guys who try to change the frame in the middle of the relationship is that they wind up setting in motion a chain of events that will usually cause the relationship to end.

But who knows, maybe she'll beat you to the punch and get her some dikk on the side. And if you happen to find out about it later, report back HERE and let us know if you really DON'T have a problem with it.

Well said.

Vorbis-

Just the fact that you said 'theoretically...if I never found out about it..' tells me you WOULD very much have a problem with it.

Imagine your girl riding some other dudes c0ck. Right now. Visualize it. How do you feel? A little jealous? Angry? Crushed? Sick? Probably a little of each.

The point here is you are going to desire other women from time to time. But it sounds like you are in a relationship of expressed exclusiveness--which is fine, if that is what you want--but if you want to have a one-off with another girl here and there, then that frame has to be set from day one.

Like GENERAL V.U. said, trying to make that shift now will likely only lead to the demise of your relationship.

Now sure, you could always just go off and do it, but cheating in a relationship of expressed, mutually agreed exclusiveness has immediate, irreversible consequences. Its your call.

Remember, its not so much about morality as it is personal integrity.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Remember, its not so much about morality as it is personal integrity.

Wow...

No you DIDN'T use words like morality and/or personal integrity on the Sosuave MATURE MAN forum, did you???? :nono:

Soldier, don't you KNOW those are fighting words around here? Prepare yourself to be FLAMED. But don't worry, I'll issue you some of those Asbestos Fatigues like I wear (just in case). Hell, I got ENOUGH of'em, cuz you never know from WHICH direction the firebombs will come from.

How else do you think I survived around here THIS long?


March on! :rockon:

 

[vorbis]

Well said.

Vorbis-

Just the fact that you said 'theoretically...if I never found out about it..' tells me you WOULD very much have a problem with it.

Imagine your girl riding some other dudes c0ck. Right now. Visualize it. How do you feel? A little jealous? Angry? Crushed? Sick? Probably a little of each.

You might be reading too much into the "never find out about it" comment.
I mean more in the sense that the guy she ****s, I don't know and also that I don't get details about it. Funnily I can visualize some guy ****ing my gf and it doesn't bother me.

I meant having flings in the sense that each partner knows the other ****s someone else from time to time but doesn't want any more details than that.

 

[jophil28]

Funnily I can visualize some guy ****ing my gf and it doesn't bother me.

I meant having flings in the sense that each partner knows the other ****s someone else from time to time but doesn't want any more details than that.

Geez this amuses me. You guys need to get real. YOu say that you would not be bothered if she fvkked another guy - SURE, no problemm because it has not happened yet - as long as it is merely a thought you will NOt have a problem Wait until it becomes a reality dude..
I am old enough to know how our minds 'play' with us sometimes.
This whole line of thought is a very bad idea, man.

 

[aliasguy]

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If you think about it, MOST people cheat. (I dunno the numbers.)

So, go ahead and visualize your sweet baby blowing anther dude. (cause, chances are, she has, or will.)

It's all about expectations, and mostly unrealistic ones.

You'll be less hurt if you let people be who they are, and enjoy them for who they are, and not expect more of them than they can deliver.


And don't make promises YOU aren't gonna keep. (But recognize that she ?might? not keep hers.)

P.S. - Jophil -- it's been a reality for me - what an eye opener!!!
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[STR8UP]

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If you think about it, MOST people cheat. (I dunno the numbers.)

So, go ahead and visualize your sweet baby blowing anther dude. (cause, chances are, she has, or will.)

It's all about expectations, and mostly unrealistic ones.

You'll be less hurt if you let people be who they are, and enjoy them for who they are, and not expect more of them than they can deliver.


And don't make promises YOU aren't gonna keep. (But recognize that she ?might? not keep hers.)

P.S. - Jophil -- it's been a reality for me - what an eye opener!!!
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Another man who acknowledges reality! I am beside myself....

Expectations will fukk you up. I went through 95% of my life getting bent over because I EXPECTED the same level of loyalty and respect from others that I myself gave to them.

 

[Maxtro]

Here is your answer, swinging

Several years ago I was in two MMF "threesomes", within a few months of each other. One was a couple in their 40's not married. I had sex with the girl in their SUV while the guy watched. The other time was a couple in their 40's who were married but not to each other. That was me and the dude taking turns fvcking the girl or one of us getting blown while the other fvcked her. That was fun.

If you are a couple it is much easier finding another couple or a single woman to swing with. I think swinging is a much better alternative to cheating on your LTR. Talk to your girl and ask her what she thinks of the wife swapping thing or swinging in general.

 

[kdnash82]

Here is your answer, swinging

Several years ago I was in two MMF "threesomes", within a few months of each other. One was a couple in their 40's not married. I had sex with the girl in their SUV while the guy watched. The other time was a couple in their 40's who were married but not to each other. That was me and the dude taking turns fvcking the girl or one of us getting blown while the other fvcked her. That was fun.

If you are a couple it is much easier finding another couple or a single woman to swing with. I think swinging is a much better alternative to cheating on your LTR. Talk to your girl and ask her what she thinks of the wife swapping thing or swinging in general.

I was reading this forum thinking the same thing. I went through my swinging phase, but I was never in a committed relationship while I was doing it. I would probably lose my mind if I found out my girl was having sex with another guy. But when I was swinging, I had a "partner" and we would get with other couples. She was bi-sexual, so we would bring in other females all the time.

Another guy banging her would have been out of the question if I actually had feeling for her though.

There are plenty of swinger websites and clubs that you and your girl could attend if you are really serious about it.

 

[jophil28]

Another man who acknowledges reality! I am beside myself....

Expectations will fukk you up. I went through 95% of my life getting bent over because I EXPECTED the same level of loyalty and respect from others that I myself gave to them.

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You are too young to get jaded and cynical STR8UP.
Having NO expectations reminds me of all the hippy drippy BUDDHIST BS which tells us not to be attached to outcomes ,and wants and desires, and expectations...and nothing is permanent, and there is no reality only interpretations ...yada yada..yawn .
Of course it is very easy to adopt this minset if you have retreated from the world , you sit around all day in a colored bedsheet under a mushroom sniffing incence and basically doing none of the heavy lifting that the rest of the population has to do on a daily basis.

If we expect nothing of people we will get exactly that - nothing. Simple as that. Having expectations is GOOD inspite of whatever the lastest SoCal psych fad tells you.

 

[STR8UP]

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You are too young to get jaded and cynical STR8UP.
Having NO expectations reminds me of all the hippy drippy BUDDHIST BS which tells us not to be attached to outcomes ,and wants and desires, and expectations...and nothing is permanent, and there is no reality only interpretations ...yada yada..yawn .
Of course it is very easy to adopt this minset if you have retreated from the world , you sit around all day in a colored bedsheet under a mushroom sniffing incence and basically doing none of the heavy lifting that the rest of the population has to do on a daily basis.

If we expect nothing of people we will get exactly that - nothing. Simple as that. Having expectations is GOOD inspite of whatever the lastest SoCal psych fad tells you.

I have expectations over that which I have some control- business.

If I have leverage (I am paying someone) then I can and do expect things to be done. Even then I am more often than not disappointed due to the fact that the world is full of incompetent and lazy people (especially the young guys I work with).

Awhile back I vented to a friend about how this chick had called me 6 times throughout the night, told me she was coming over to my place THE LAST THREE TIMES SHE CALLED. First it was "I'm leaving the club, see you in a few minutes". Then it was "I'm walking to my car, I'll be there shortly". The last one was "I'm in the parking garage....be right there!".

Now this all started at 1am when i was fully prepared to go get some sleep for work the next day.

1:30am, 2am. 2:30am rolls around and she calls again and tells me that she's drunk and she's following her friend home.

I LIVED THREE BLOCKS AWAY FROM WHERE SHE WAS PARKED. We were "sexually involved". I was EXPECTING my booty call to show up, and instead I was left holding my d!ck at 2:30 in the morning waiting for some chick to get a better offer and go fukk some other guy.

My friend said to me "That's what you get from having expectations". And he was right.

This is just one small example of why I try to avoid having expectations in the social world.

 

[jophil28]

I LIVED THREE BLOCKS AWAY FROM WHERE SHE WAS PARKED. We were "sexually involved". I was EXPECTING my booty call to show up, and instead I was left holding my d!ck at 2:30 in the morning waiting for some chick to get a better offer and go fukk some other guy.

My friend said to me "That's what you get from having expectations". And he was right.

YOur friend is as misguided and cynical as you are becoming lately. You got this flaky behavior from a trashy women. It is not 'hlding expectations' per se. that is the problem here, rather it is that you overestimated her wiilingness to keep her promises. Your problem here was being in a FB relationship with "a crap women"

I will bet a ' boomerang to a brick' that she flaked this way at least once before that night.
Right ?

 

[iqqi]

YOur friend is as misguided and cynical as you are becoming lately. You got this flaky behavior from a trashy women. It is not 'hlding expectations' per se. that is the problem here, rather it is that you overestimated her wiilingness to keep her promises. Your problem here was being in a FB relationship with "a crap women".

I was thinking the same thing!

Why did you have expectations of someone like this in the first place, STR8UP? How could you let your emotions even get involved with a woman you know is a wh0re to begin with?

 

[edger]

How could you let your emotions even get involved with a woman you know is a wh0re to begin with?

My lady, you are a loser tool(like most women who are simple and can't think for themselves). Poor thing. Nothing wrong with being promiscuous sweetcheeks, you should try it sometime.

 

[STR8UP]

There is a fine line between cynicism and realism.

How old do you have to be to have the right to be "cynical"?

How many bad relationships do you have to go through to be able to reach the conclusion that the world in general is not a pretty place?

In some respects I have lived more than two or three people do in their entire lifetime.

Everyone gets "screwed over" from time to time, but I would be willing to bet that most folks haven't experienced a lot of the things I have.

Does this make me a special snowflake? No, plenty of people think the way I do (or similarly). But these are generally people who have a different perspective on life. They have seen human nature and the way people relate to others when there are large sums of money involved.

Others who have been involved in business know where I am coming from. It's a constant fight. Good employees are as rare as diamonds. Everyone tries to steal from you, ESPECIALLY employees. On top of that, everyone wants to sue you.

So my views come from a broad vantage point. Women, men, business associates, childhood friends, you never know who is going to stab you in the back next.

I have learned that the only people on earth I can trust are my family. And even my own brother is a 32 yr old loser. In and out of prison, he has stolen from me and my family in the past. I couldn't trust him with $5.

Sad, huh?

 

[edger]

Wait a sec. Iqqi, I forgot, you most probably are promiscuous(or as in your own words a "wh*re"), I forgot you have the bad habit(like most women) of getting on other women's cases for the same things you do.