Obsession with virgins

[duke007]

I have an AFC friend who always talks about wanting to find a nice virgin girl. He is a virgin himself at 22 years old, mainly because he's awkward around new women. He is also extremely desperate, judging by his propensity to become depressed when he misses out on picking up for the evening. But I never knew it was so bad until now.

As luck would have it a 19yo cute "innocent Christian girl" moved next door to him with her family. She had a boyfriend but was always hanging around with my friend. Eventually she dumped her boyfriend for him (he's good with girls ONCE he gets comfortable) and they spend a few days making out on the bed. He told me all the details and was really excited.

Then last night she told him she had actually had sex with three guys before and wasn't a virgin like she'd made out to be (she earlier said her and her bf tried but she bled). She's definitely not a slut, but my friend's IL in her plummeted through the floor, so much so that he offered her to me.

He got really depressed and said he doesn't want anything else to do with her because "she's already had other guys inside her". I found out he's dead set serious about finding and eventually marrying a girl who hasn't been "violated". Sadly I don't think he'll ever find this girl in today's world. He doesn't have the strong DJ personality or confidence that can attract any new girl, let alone a fresh virgin. What's more he has ridiculously high standards (only tall model-quality blondes with big boobs seem good enough)

He's just digging a deeper hole of depression for himself and I'm at a loss to know how to correct his archaic viewpoint. I tried telling him that a woman's past should have little bearing on his relationship but he won't listen. I think all this stems from a jealous AFC insecurity about not being the only one who ever rocked a girls world.

Anything i can say to help my friend?

 

[MindOverMatter]

She's definitely not a slut, but my friend's IL in her plummeted through the floor, so much so that he offered her to me.

haha your friend is hilarious. also, i don't see how you can help him. it's his own way of thinking, you can't change it for him, he has to change it for himself eh.

 

[spukee]

Originally posted by MindOverMatter
haha your friend is hilarious. also, i don't see how you can help him. it's his own way of thinking, you can't change it for him, he has to change it for himself eh.

Agreed - if you've told him that the girl's past doesn't really matter, that's about all you can do... Maybe remind him how happy he was before he found out, but hell that rarely works.

Just to get an idea of your friend's frame of mind: they're making out on a bed 90% of the time, but he doesn't want sex until he's married? I'd imagine the sexual frustration is pretty unbearable by this point... for both of them. Then he 'offers' the girl to you? Guy's got a real messed up sense of morality in my eyes... it's his own damn fault if he doesn't find this perfect girl he's made up.

 

[Barbillus]

I have a friend just like that, except he is 23. He use to ahve a girlfriend of like 4 years, but they never had sex and he thought he was goign to marry her. Of course that didnt happen and they broke up.

He is a very good looking guy and has a great career with a very nice company.

He is a virgin too.

He has girls clawing at him. I recall one incident this past summer when the girl was like "fuk me now!!!" to him and he turned her down. He is always making out with girls, but never goes any farther.

Another time, he told us about one incident where he sat in his bed just "talking" with some chick until 5AM.. She left his house, only to come back to the door 15 minutes later as he was getting into bed and lunge at him and start making out. Of course all they did was make out for a bit, then he sent her home.

SOme people are conservative like that. Me.. hell no.

 

[Kevon]

higher a prostitute and pay he highly, tell her to claim to be a vigin and bladiddybla

your friend will love you for it

no just kidding, if he looks far enough he might find this girl, but are we sure he will have the skills when his moment of truth comes???

 

[ScrewIt]

sounds like your friend is looking for that "one" oneitis and is hoping for perfect happiness. But honestly His standards ARE too high, c'mon Virgin + model looks? it's rare you'll find that kind of combination.

He's setting himself up for failure with his unrealistic standards. Nexting a girl just cause she's not a virgin?...most would say that is just wrong.

But it soundsl ike your friend has very high morale values and is looking to marry the next virgin that comes along.

As someone else said, you cant change him, only he can do that. Let him live the way he wants to live, it's his life.

As a couple of my friends are huge AFC's and i know it for a fact....i will only offer help if they ask for it. No point in pushing your opinion into their territory.

 

[Leporello]

What's his problem? Man, he better learn his virginity soon; the longer you wait, the harder it becomes to deal with women in general.

 

[Dominus]

Maybe a bit unreasonable, but there's nothing wrong with it. I know several virgin girls, most of whom are decent looking. Of course, I know plenty more, ahem, non virgin girls.

 

[AverageFC]

I've never met a "hot" virgin in my life, but just tell him to move to the Bible belt. He should meet some in Mississippi or Georgia, no doubt.

 

[LuvMyArmyMan]

Well he has some unrealistic views on finding his perfect girl. He better get realistic about his future or else he's just going to settle

My philosophy is that it shouldn't matter if one is a virgin or not if you truly love them. Your friend shouldn;t set such high standards for himself or he is going to just settle for the first virgin that is cute and realize that he really doesn;t love her and only wanted her because she wasn't "violated".

 

[yunghova35]

you can't change a person, only they can. think of it like this a guy and a girl are in a relationship he cheats, she tries to change him, it may work for a LITTLE while but eventually he will cheat again until HE WANTS to change.

you friend wont change, simple as that and since you mad a post about it. it sounds like its upsetting you, i understand, you should even bring it up any more and when your friend is sad and depressed leave him alone, let him figure thing out for his self. you've already spent you time trying to help him.

a person doesnt WANT help until THEY ask for it.

 

[MetalFortress]

The only thing I see wrong there would be the insanely high looks standards. His "virgin fetish" seems OK to me.

 

[Dominus]

Originally posted by AverageFC
I've never met a "hot" virgin in my life, but just tell him to move to the Bible belt. He should meet some in Mississippi or Georgia, no doubt.

Well, all hot girls were virgins at one point...

 

[Royal Elite]

Originally posted by duke007
What's more he has ridiculously high standards (only tall model-quality blondes with big boobs seem good enough)

Anything i can say to help my friend?

For a man there is nothing wrong with having "high" standards. As a matter of fact everything is right with having "high" standards.

What you should be doing is encouring him, and supporting him, because this is the type of friend you want by your side. Trust me the older you get the more friends you want around you who will be a postive, motavating factor in your life, and friends with high standards are it.

Remember every fine girl in the world was a virgin, and dont believe the hype there are still plenty around. Anything worth anything comes with obstacles.

 

[AverageFC]

Originally posted by Dominus
Well, all hot girls were virgins at one point...

no doubt. I'm still talking about them being at that virgin point though.

 

[duke007]

Re: Re: Obsession with virgins

Originally posted by Royal Elite
What you should be doing is encouring him, and supporting him, because this is the type of friend you want by your side. Trust me the older you get the more friends you want around you who will be a postive, motavating factor in your life, and friends with high standards are it.

The problem is he is NOT a positive, motivating factor. He complains all the time about not having a girl and then turns into a wussbag when you point out a possible approach.

I think his high standards are just a cover for his AFC insecurities. They make a good excuse not to put your balls on the line...haven't we all been there at some stage of our development? For example, there was a hot Christian girl he once knew who he described as an HB9. He invited her to paint a flat with him (he's a tradey) and they spent the whole day together in the room in their overalls. She even agreed to accompany him to collect rubbish from numerous dumpsters around the city!

But he never pursued her any further. Even though he spoke highly of her values, looks and personality she didn't cut the mustard because she was brunette and lived on the other side of the city. (His job takes him miles around the whole of Metro Melbourne anyway)

So all this indicates to me there is something deeper going on here that needs to be overcome.

Even if he chances across the right girl, he won't have the skills to attract her, nor the initiative to make a move when the signals are obvious. It's happened before throughout high school...

 

[00Kevin]

there is nothing wrong with wanting a virgin girl. A virgin is prime puss-y.

Nothing like knowing that there is a girl out there for whom you are her first.

The problem is when you get obsessed with virgins but you don't try or do what it takes to find them.

There is nothing wrong with being very picky. You just have to work that much harder to find that girl you want. FOR THE DJ THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS 'YES YOU CAN FIND THAT PERFECT GIRL!'

Keep in mind that the more picky you are the more you have to next and the longer you have to search. Do don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't find what you want in life.

If you want to help your friend don't call what he wants wrong. It is how he feels. You just need to tell him to suck it up like a man and get off his ass and find the girl he wants. Respect your friends point of view. Let him be his own man but do tell him to stop acting like a woman.

It is also a myth tha tthere are not virgins older then 20. my last girl friend was a virgin and she was in her late 20's .

 

[ScrewIt]

Re: Re: Re: Obsession with virgins

Originally posted by duke007
The problem is he is NOT a positive, motivating factor. He complains all the time about not having a girl and then turns into a wussbag when you point out a possible approach.

I think his high standards are just a cover for his AFC insecurities. They make a good excuse not to put your balls on the line...haven't we all been there at some stage of our development? For example, there was a hot Christian girl he once knew who he described as an HB9. He invited her to paint a flat with him (he's a tradey) and they spent the whole day together in the room in their overalls. She even agreed to accompany him to collect rubbish from numerous dumpsters around the city!

But he never pursued her any further. Even though he spoke highly of her values, looks and personality she didn't cut the mustard because she was brunette and lived on the other side of the city. (His job takes him miles around the whole of Metro Melbourne anyway)

So all this indicates to me there is something deeper going on here that needs to be overcome.

Even if he chances across the right girl, he won't have the skills to attract her, nor the initiative to make a move when the signals are obvious. It's happened before throughout high school...

based on what you said, it's possible he has a reason for wanting virgins. Since for a fact he is one himself, pursuing someone who isnt a virgin would take a punch to his ego. Of course his AFCness is the reason why he would allow something as silly as this to get to him. He's probably thinking and comparing that non virgins compared to him, he's nothing cause he lacks experience; which in turn degrades his confidence. And therefore already sets himself up for failure.

He most likely feels that by finding a true virgin, he can equally compare to her. In addition feel confident around her knowing that she similarly to him is a virgin.

in actuality he's using this "virgin hunt" ordeal to prevent his true insecurities with woman from surfacing. In reality, he's choosing an alternative solution to flee from his problems.

since you are his friend, you should support him. dont push him away and Dont go against his wishes and suggest him advice he will most likely not heed. Only offer your advice when the time comes that he's ready and willing to come to you for it.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by duke007
...I'm at a loss to know how to correct his archaic viewpoint. I tried telling him that a woman's past should have little bearing on his relationship but he won't listen.

Your friend is a man of principle and integrity and it is you who is in error!! This girl is a slutho (same meaning) - it is you who needs help to say that that a woman's past is irrelevant - the past is 99.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999..of our lives (actually it is greater than this number) - for you to discard the past puts you in a guaranteed losing position (on the man's part) -- most men are married to hors like this and are paying a heavy price and are suicidal - you friend who has standards and integrity will do fine - worry about yourself!!


99.9999% of men today are marrying hors and are miserable!!! Why join the ranks of the miserable who are married to hors? HUH??? You are suppose to have sex with hors - NOT marry them!!!!

 

[00Kevin]

Re: Re: Obsession with virgins

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
Your friend is a man of principle and integrity and it is you who is in error!! This girl is a slutho (same meaning) - it is you who needs help to say that that a woman's past is irrelevant - the past is 99.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999..of our lives (actually it is greater than this number) - for you to discard the past puts you in a guaranteed losing position (on the man's part) -- most men are married to hors like this and are paying a heavy price and are suicidal - you friend who has standards and integrity will do fine - worry about yourself!!


99.9999% of men today are marrying hors and are miserable!!! Why join the ranks of the miserable who are married to hors? HUH??? You are suppose to have sex with hors - NOT marry them!!!!

this is totally true. good point.


As a man all your wisdom should come from history. Not modern society and it's bull**** ideas.

Historically all around the world for 1000's of years men have wanted virgins and disrespected the slu-t. THERE IS A DAMN GOOD REASON FOR IT TOO! y