Wounded_Warrior
Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2014
- Messages
- 11
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As the title says I am a dNPD trying to break free from my BPDex. The problem is the dance is so damn addicting. Most nons dont get that this kinda hard wired in my brain. And due to my parental structure growing up its all i have to go off of.:crazy:
Little background on me and my BPDexgf. We dated for a 1 1/2 years. I knew from the beginning that something wasnt right with her. Call it my inner Nstincts.(get it! I come with jokes!):crackup: Anyways your usual list of red flags to name a few with in the first month:
-Never went out on a proper first date and i literally ended up moving in with her after our first meet up. (Yeah colossal red flag i know i was homeless though!)
-Came on way to strong and let me know her whole life story within a week. (Including being raped by her alcoholic coke head bikergang member father.)
-Told me she loved me in 5 days.
-Had an episode where she sat in the closet and cried to her on the phone sister for hours.
-Then another where she tried was assaulting me but i ended up pinning her against the wall by her throat to which she smiled a sinister smile.(Told me later she liked this and wanted me to do it during sex.)
-Nursed me back to health after being sick and demanded i do the same.
-Had a bunch of letters from an "ex"(on and off 5 years) in prison i discovered under her bed. Along with many other drawings and pictures she showed me of him.(He had her name tattooed on him twice along with her pic ala' day of the dead style)
-Quotations around ex because she lied and broke up with him on the phone to which she laughed and was totally heartless about.
-Worked at hot topic the whole suicide girl look(piercings only a small tattoo)
-Showed me scars all over her legs from cutting.
-Talked badly about all her exs except one.
-Depressed,anxious,and sad then happy,bubbly,and cheerful.
-Ex heroin addict who still uses many other drugs.
The List goes on.. but you get the gist.
So back to my story. We lived together at my parents house after she got evicted from her apartment due to her neglectful pathologically lying boyfriend crazy mother didnt help pay the rent and moved in with bf.(Knew him from hs suspect it was a recycle.) Cheated on me 3 times(that i know of) physically. Many more times emotionally. She was my first (I waited till i was 19 "thought she was the one".) and we had sex within the first 3 months. Wouldve been sooner due to her history. But she mirrored my needing to wait and painted herself not very sexual only having 5 partners(Lie) and not having had sex for a year and a half(Yea right). Instead projected this all unto her sister as the ***** she looked down upon. Her sister receptively is a hoe(suspected HPD/BPD hybrid) cheated on her husband god knows how many times stole his life savings screwing all manner of men while blowing all his money on drugs.(The AFC chump took her back after this i might add.) It was just the way she took disdain in it like "how dare she"...right. Did the same thing with her sister and abortions so it makes me wonder since she was all gung-hoe!(more jokes) about it when we had a few scares.
She got kicked out of our house in March of this year after my own BPD mother and her got into an epic blood battle. Basically mom was sick of BPD not helping out around the house along with our many insesent late night fights and her need to get drunk and act a fool. Set in BPDex abndonment fears as she saw us as her "surrogate family"'. We still dated and were even in the process of moving in. The day i signed the lease that she promised to help pay she needs a "break".(BPD speak for i wanna sleep around and not feel guilty). Tells me this in the car i have a mental lapse we spun out in the highway and i dont hear from BPD for a few days after she freaks out and have what i suspect was a flashback. Kept saying "I feel too much, I feel too much".
Fast forward to devalution she push pulls me for another month during this "break". Catch her in the car with the new guy and my friend witnesses this. We drive out 45 min to her moms see her car park go home then comeback an hour later shes gone. I call her she answers lies lies lies. More cheating and then eventually a talk of "just being friends" to which i tell her its all or nothing. She agrees to keep dating. A week later ive had enough with her flightiness and all the evidence built up with her guy so i dumped her. Yet she convinces me to be friends.(Dumb dumb dumb*ss decision)
She strings me along for another few weeks and i finally have had enough with her blowing me off so she says she needs space. We cut off all communication. This works for about two months then the current bf triggers abandonment fears with going on vacation. She leaves a note at my door/unblocks me from fb and sends me the same message as the note. I bite and text her. This initiates her somehow coming over to my apartment she cuddles and kisses me. She basically doesnt leave my side for the next week after this. Calls off work even wants to quit(lack of impulse control) and have me take care of her. I tell her no and that we need to see how things go first. Wonderful moments and horrible moments. My taking her back was arrogance thinking since i knew the disorder i could tame it. At the end of the week i end up at my rents dropped off shes all cold and distant after increasing fighting and likely using me until she had the replacement in her grasp. She still claims were dating for a 2 more weeks and barely texts me needing "space". I confront her at her house as she wont see me in person. The most bullsh*t talk ever and we break up for the second time.
I get an STD from sleeping with her unprotected after her "claiming she hadnt slept with anyone but me(dumb dumb dumbass decision #2)*que facepalm*. I text her reluctantly to inform her of the STD. She gives me a bunch of sketchy explanations. Catch her in lies and i get my proof she gave it to me. Somehow we text again a few weeks later. Then another random one about her gpa who she didnt give a sh*t about dieing.(just wanted attention and validation) I give her my condolences. No more no less. She keeps finding all these excuses to randomly contact. It leads to more and more texting. And enter a few months later of attempted mindf*ckery and you have where im at now. Notice how i say attempted because id push pull her back throughout but it felt to never get me anywhere as i wanted to f*ck her again.
(Note: she was extremely nice this whole time/flirty and would initiate contact and even hang outs but ultimately flake.)
I went NC a little over two weeks ago after she crossed the line in sending pics of us as a couple casually as if it was funny or some sh*t. So the sadistic barbie doll has attempted 3 times in the past week to get a hold of me all of which i ignored. The last being "Okay im deleting your phone number. bye."
What im hoping to achieve from this thread:
1.I feel like the last text was "bait". I dont feel like i got off that easy?
2.Any ideas on the interpretation of the last text minus it just being bait?
3.Should i expect her showing up at my house/possible stalking since i just disappeared?
4.Does it seem like i was in her "fan club" and how does one get out? Eventually after detaching more id like to give things another shot as i had control in the relationship but ultimately lost it after her moving out to which my narcissistic tactics didnt work as well with her not being in close proximity.
5.Do you think she avoided hangouts due to the above control^ i exerted over her?
6.Anymore information on the fan club and the general layout of bpd orbiters(exs ONS "friends") and formation in a BPDs world would be appreciated.
7.Any tips/tricks on how to ensnare her with NC and general manipulation tactics to gain the upperhand/establish dominance again on her?(alotted time of NC,etc.)
8.I do not want to hear run away. I get her condition and im privy to the destruction it causes but i think with detachment I can better use my NPD laiden skills to reassess the situation to my advantage. Ive learned from my mistakes and atm i abandoned her and ignored her so im winning. Every time i play her game i get better im just stuck with the getting her to meet me part. So i came here for player class education.
Thanks DJs and sorry for the long*ss thread. :rockon:
Little background on me and my BPDexgf. We dated for a 1 1/2 years. I knew from the beginning that something wasnt right with her. Call it my inner Nstincts.(get it! I come with jokes!):crackup: Anyways your usual list of red flags to name a few with in the first month:
-Never went out on a proper first date and i literally ended up moving in with her after our first meet up. (Yeah colossal red flag i know i was homeless though!)
-Came on way to strong and let me know her whole life story within a week. (Including being raped by her alcoholic coke head bikergang member father.)
-Told me she loved me in 5 days.
-Had an episode where she sat in the closet and cried to her on the phone sister for hours.
-Then another where she tried was assaulting me but i ended up pinning her against the wall by her throat to which she smiled a sinister smile.(Told me later she liked this and wanted me to do it during sex.)
-Nursed me back to health after being sick and demanded i do the same.
-Had a bunch of letters from an "ex"(on and off 5 years) in prison i discovered under her bed. Along with many other drawings and pictures she showed me of him.(He had her name tattooed on him twice along with her pic ala' day of the dead style)
-Quotations around ex because she lied and broke up with him on the phone to which she laughed and was totally heartless about.
-Worked at hot topic the whole suicide girl look(piercings only a small tattoo)
-Showed me scars all over her legs from cutting.
-Talked badly about all her exs except one.
-Depressed,anxious,and sad then happy,bubbly,and cheerful.
-Ex heroin addict who still uses many other drugs.
The List goes on.. but you get the gist.
So back to my story. We lived together at my parents house after she got evicted from her apartment due to her neglectful pathologically lying boyfriend crazy mother didnt help pay the rent and moved in with bf.(Knew him from hs suspect it was a recycle.) Cheated on me 3 times(that i know of) physically. Many more times emotionally. She was my first (I waited till i was 19 "thought she was the one".) and we had sex within the first 3 months. Wouldve been sooner due to her history. But she mirrored my needing to wait and painted herself not very sexual only having 5 partners(Lie) and not having had sex for a year and a half(Yea right). Instead projected this all unto her sister as the ***** she looked down upon. Her sister receptively is a hoe(suspected HPD/BPD hybrid) cheated on her husband god knows how many times stole his life savings screwing all manner of men while blowing all his money on drugs.(The AFC chump took her back after this i might add.) It was just the way she took disdain in it like "how dare she"...right. Did the same thing with her sister and abortions so it makes me wonder since she was all gung-hoe!(more jokes) about it when we had a few scares.
She got kicked out of our house in March of this year after my own BPD mother and her got into an epic blood battle. Basically mom was sick of BPD not helping out around the house along with our many insesent late night fights and her need to get drunk and act a fool. Set in BPDex abndonment fears as she saw us as her "surrogate family"'. We still dated and were even in the process of moving in. The day i signed the lease that she promised to help pay she needs a "break".(BPD speak for i wanna sleep around and not feel guilty). Tells me this in the car i have a mental lapse we spun out in the highway and i dont hear from BPD for a few days after she freaks out and have what i suspect was a flashback. Kept saying "I feel too much, I feel too much".
Fast forward to devalution she push pulls me for another month during this "break". Catch her in the car with the new guy and my friend witnesses this. We drive out 45 min to her moms see her car park go home then comeback an hour later shes gone. I call her she answers lies lies lies. More cheating and then eventually a talk of "just being friends" to which i tell her its all or nothing. She agrees to keep dating. A week later ive had enough with her flightiness and all the evidence built up with her guy so i dumped her. Yet she convinces me to be friends.(Dumb dumb dumb*ss decision)
She strings me along for another few weeks and i finally have had enough with her blowing me off so she says she needs space. We cut off all communication. This works for about two months then the current bf triggers abandonment fears with going on vacation. She leaves a note at my door/unblocks me from fb and sends me the same message as the note. I bite and text her. This initiates her somehow coming over to my apartment she cuddles and kisses me. She basically doesnt leave my side for the next week after this. Calls off work even wants to quit(lack of impulse control) and have me take care of her. I tell her no and that we need to see how things go first. Wonderful moments and horrible moments. My taking her back was arrogance thinking since i knew the disorder i could tame it. At the end of the week i end up at my rents dropped off shes all cold and distant after increasing fighting and likely using me until she had the replacement in her grasp. She still claims were dating for a 2 more weeks and barely texts me needing "space". I confront her at her house as she wont see me in person. The most bullsh*t talk ever and we break up for the second time.
I get an STD from sleeping with her unprotected after her "claiming she hadnt slept with anyone but me(dumb dumb dumbass decision #2)*que facepalm*. I text her reluctantly to inform her of the STD. She gives me a bunch of sketchy explanations. Catch her in lies and i get my proof she gave it to me. Somehow we text again a few weeks later. Then another random one about her gpa who she didnt give a sh*t about dieing.(just wanted attention and validation) I give her my condolences. No more no less. She keeps finding all these excuses to randomly contact. It leads to more and more texting. And enter a few months later of attempted mindf*ckery and you have where im at now. Notice how i say attempted because id push pull her back throughout but it felt to never get me anywhere as i wanted to f*ck her again.
(Note: she was extremely nice this whole time/flirty and would initiate contact and even hang outs but ultimately flake.)
I went NC a little over two weeks ago after she crossed the line in sending pics of us as a couple casually as if it was funny or some sh*t. So the sadistic barbie doll has attempted 3 times in the past week to get a hold of me all of which i ignored. The last being "Okay im deleting your phone number. bye."
What im hoping to achieve from this thread:
1.I feel like the last text was "bait". I dont feel like i got off that easy?
2.Any ideas on the interpretation of the last text minus it just being bait?
3.Should i expect her showing up at my house/possible stalking since i just disappeared?
4.Does it seem like i was in her "fan club" and how does one get out? Eventually after detaching more id like to give things another shot as i had control in the relationship but ultimately lost it after her moving out to which my narcissistic tactics didnt work as well with her not being in close proximity.
5.Do you think she avoided hangouts due to the above control^ i exerted over her?
6.Anymore information on the fan club and the general layout of bpd orbiters(exs ONS "friends") and formation in a BPDs world would be appreciated.
7.Any tips/tricks on how to ensnare her with NC and general manipulation tactics to gain the upperhand/establish dominance again on her?(alotted time of NC,etc.)
8.I do not want to hear run away. I get her condition and im privy to the destruction it causes but i think with detachment I can better use my NPD laiden skills to reassess the situation to my advantage. Ive learned from my mistakes and atm i abandoned her and ignored her so im winning. Every time i play her game i get better im just stuck with the getting her to meet me part. So i came here for player class education.
Thanks DJs and sorry for the long*ss thread. :rockon:
