Noticing a fair number of AFC's taking an extreme disliking to me....

[Don Juanabbe]

Well, here's another observation I've been noticing along my route to change. Have any of you ever noticed how some guys might take (at least initially, but sometimes forever) an extreme disliking to you in new social settings? Even if they have absolutely no quantifiable (is that a word?) reason to?

Even one of my friends and some of his girlfriends commented on it, that a group of his friends whom I met took a disliking to me, and that there was no reason for them to in their minds.

I've been working on improving myself for a few months now on this board, with reasonable results.

Over those few months, I've exposed myself to several different social scenes, and I've noticed one observation - some guys, and even groups of guys, in entirely different social settings, have tended to taking an extreme disliking to me, and in some instances, to the point of outright agression.

I'm just interested in some people's experiences with this. Sometimes I let it get me down, but I think it's just another step on the way to improving myself.

Make no mistake, alot of these guys are complete AFC's that have likely not been laid in months or even years I would guess. Some of them are just outright losers into drugs, maybe unemployed that sort of thing. (I try to avoid such individuals, but unfortunately, in the club and bar scene, it's difficult).

I've noticed older guys with girlfriends and wives, don't tend to be threatened by me as much, but there are some, I suppose, because they're the ones still figuring they can score with the younger women, and they're single as well.

Any thoughts? I'm starting to see the more humorous side of it, but I must admit, one particular instance really had my confidence rattled.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Oh, and to add, one of the more humorous instances was a group of regulars at a club (that some friends introduced me to) were so rude and aggressive towards me for a period of about a month, that I decided I wasn't interested in hanging around there anymore.

They ended up making themselves look like the idiots, because several of the girls I know there, and some other guy friends mine there, got mad at them for their immature and silly treatment of me. Even some of their group commented that they were being petty and jealous and acting like losers!!

So it was nice having some people stick up for me, people who know what I'm about and that I'm a decent person to know.

Just a funny life observation I guess.

 

[rjherche]

Why don't you tell us what you are saying and doing around these people? They might just be jealous AFCs, but if this many people are getting pissy with you then maybe you go too far. Do you really want that kind of tension all the time? Give us some more details.

 

[rgeere]

I've been having the same sort of stuff happen to me, since I have decided to actively take charge of my life.

The sad part is that when I try telling my AFC friends about all this stuff I have been learning and the successes I have had
they actively deny that what I am saying is correct and remain resistent to their old unsuccessful ways and actually try to use arguments in favor of being an AFC. Poor saps..

Yeah, people who don't understand the principles of being a DJ will feel jealous because they want the same sort of success and they can have it if they really wanted, but that's to remain for them to see for themselves.

 

[Caveman]

Don Juannabbe, you might have went from AFC to a jerky kinda guy. I don't wanna start any discussion on AFC vs jerk but in my opinion, a DJ should be right in the middle. I don't know how you act around these guys but I suppose you might be a bit over-confident.

See, instead of trying to impress these guys by what a player you are is not gonna get them to like you. In fact, they will start to dislike you. You might be a little too cucky or whatever. Again, I don't know how you act around these guys, but instead of feeling 'better' than they are, try and see em as guests to your party. (I keep forgetting who offered the idea but thanks again to that person).

Entertain them, encourage them but don't put them down for what they are. You might not even do this intenionally, so instead of denying that this is what you are doing, pay attention the next time you are in the presence of them. Think about how you act in front of them. And if it was some other guy acting like this towards yourself.. how would YOU feel about that?

 

[jakethasnake]

Originally posted by Caveman
Don Juannabbe, you might have went from AFC to a jerky kinda guy. I don't wanna start any discussion on AFC vs jerk but in my opinion, a DJ should be right in the middle. I don't know how you act around these guys but I suppose you might be a bit over-confident.

See, instead of trying to impress these guys by what a player you are is not gonna get them to like you. In fact, they will start to dislike you. You might be a little too cucky or whatever. Again, I don't know how you act around these guys, but instead of feeling 'better' than they are, try and see em as guests to your party. (I keep forgetting who offered the idea but thanks again to that person).

Entertain them, encourage them but don't put them down for what they are. You might not even do this intenionally, so instead of denying that this is what you are doing, pay attention the next time you are in the presence of them. Think about how you act in front of them. And if it was some other guy acting like this towards yourself.. how would YOU feel about that?

This is good advice. Very good advice.


The most influential and successful men are the ones who make others feel comfortable to lull them into feeling complacent, but take full advantage when he has to. The world's most successful men in business, entertainment, and politics are this way. Think of Bill Clinton. Tom Cruise. Will Smith. Tiger Woods (And since we're on the topic of sports, notice that Kobe Bryant is not as well liked by his basketball-playing peers as say, Shaquille O'Neal, because he is extremely ****y. He is deservedly self-assured/****y as one of the all-time greats, but being ****y still will not make you many friends -he has a reputation of being a loners on the L.A. Lakers squad.).




Remember - you do not need to flaunt what you have, whether it be power, wealth, skills, charm - to get what you want. Downplay it most of the time, and just 'wow' the people when you get your chance. People admire a down-to-earth but brilliant man more than anything - it's someone to respect, but not get their egos threatened by.




To use another example on this board - Player Supreme is probably pretty good with the ladies, but he doesn't know the first thing about humility - hence he is disliked by half of the board. He of course claims that the ones that dislike him are just threatened by his "king-liness" -- but the simple fact is that it is foolish to assume that you can really be influential by only having the respect of those like you (his 'Playas University'). I'm sure he gets long fabulously with other egomaniacs like him, but that's only about 2% of the population. I'm sure he has way more enemies than friends. A truly influential man has the power to connect with all segments of society - the beautiful, the enlightened, the powerful, the disenchanted, the miscreants - EVERYONE. That what *real* leaders are made of.



So put that into perspective, and adjust your ways. It's all part of your journey into becoming a Real Man.

 

[Ebach]

Friends always try to get you back in your place where you belong. If they see you becoming more powerful -- i.e. changing -- they will do something to put you back there. There's a ladder among friends. The top wolfs respect themselves and their opinions count the same. But for the followers or AFCs their opinions count lower.

They see that you're pushing up trying to change. They will want to put you into place. They will either stick with you and maybe learn from you or they will not want you. The important thing is you though. If you think the change is for the better then don't mind those around you that try to put you down.

After a while you will understand how to make friends with your new attitude. Remember, everything takes time. On the way you might lose a few people but after you've changed that might get you a few hundred more. Life is about testing to see what works. Don't stay the same, change!

 

[Dirtheart]

This is interesting as I had a discussion with one of my lecturers ( who is now a good friend) some months ago about this. She was telling me that my modesty serves me no good and that the only friends I will win by it are those who won't give me the respect I deserve.

She explained that I would do well to develop a degree of arrogance as the only way I'll get the respect I truly deserve from people is by demanding it. She pointed out that as long as I can back it up (and she told me I can) nobody can dispute it and will either have to give me the respect I deserve or miss out on being my friend.

It didn't make much sense at the time, but now that I have developed confidence in myself (though not arrogance) it's completely logical to me.

People will hang out with modest people or people they consider inferior to make themselves feel better. What they are doing is using you to feed their ego! Those aren't friends, they aren't even worth your time!

As long as you are arrogant or confident on your own merit and not at someone else's expense, then you should not cave in to anyone.

 

[EternalBachelor]

Gosh. Thanks for that Dirtheart. I am often told I am far too modest, despite having achieved an awful lot.

How do you go about developing a sense of arrogance? How do you demand respect from people?

Back to the original question posed. Jerks are universally disliked by people (except women). However the DJs-the alpha males, are generally liked by everyone. The people I know who get all the women are often not especially good looking, but they are easy going, charismatic and nice to everyone. It is like they have nothing to prove and know they are top dogs, so can afford to be generous.

 

[WestCoaster]

Greeeeeeat ... guys now acting like women

OK, ever notice in a bar, restaurant, classroom, work, at a park, concert, ANYWHERE, that when an attractive or confident woman walks in the place, other women give her disgusting looks and start whispering to their girlfriends that she's this and this, despite that they don't know her one iota? (Sorry about the long sentence there folks.)

So now GUYS are doing this? Great, the AFCing of America continues.

Whatever happened to real MEN who don't let any other guy rattle them?

Wonderful, just great. Nice to see pseudo-men in this country finding more stuff to be insecure about.

* I'm sure I'll get flamed by the female population for this ... here you go WT, more bait for the banter! :>)

 

[Ebach]

Sometimes it's good to be modest but I propose this to be situational. There are people who believe that being modest all the time will get them somewhere. No, that's not true. That's where the whole "nice guys finish last" comes from. It's important to understand that you should be a good guy not a nice or a jerk guy. You can be either one but the good guy, who knows how to assert himself, who knows what he wants, who works on getting what he wants all the time will outwin his competition. Everyone is good but people put different acts.

The most important thing is to have limits when dealing with people. Know when enough is enough.

 

[rjherche]

Keep in mind that the people Don Juanabbe is talking about are basically strangers and aquantinces. It's not a case of his friends suddenly getting jealous, it's him putting forth an impression that too many people don't like. I can see some people just being jealous, but if a wide variety of strangers from different situations don't like you then you are doing something wrong.

 

[Ebach]

And that's good progress in my book. He's used to people liking him so much that he doesn't know the balance. When he goes for a while with people hating him he'll learn new ways to act and handle himself and that will improve his overall outlook. I say keep it up until you figure what's up. That's the only way to discover.

 

[Player_Supreme]

Have any of you ever noticed how some guys might take (at least initially, but sometimes forever) an extreme disliking to you in new social settings? Even if they have absolutely no quantifiable (is that a word?) reason to?

Bwahahahaha...look at the number of posts on my name. 95% are flame attack responses to a bunch of chumps...so I feel ya dawg!

 

[MrBond007]

Originally posted by Player_Supreme
Have any of you ever noticed how some guys might take (at least initially, but sometimes forever) an extreme disliking to you in new social settings? Even if they have absolutely no quantifiable (is that a word?) reason to?

Bwahahahaha...look at the number of posts on my name. 95% are flame attack responses to a bunch of chumps...so I feel ya dawg!

2715/15 months = 181 monthly posts

Geek.

 

[Tkman]

Don, it's probably one them:

(1) Maybe you act and dress gay.

(2) Pretty-Boy



No insult inteded ...............................

 

[WestCoaster]

No, it's not Don ...

... it's the AFCing of the American male.

They're acting like jealous females.

A DJ doesn't get jealous no matter who walks through the door because he knows that person -- whom he doesn't even FREAKIN' KNOW -- cannot in any way, shape, or form affect their life.

If the person walking through the door attracts the woman he's with, the DJ knows the woman is not worth it and moves on.

Men who get mad at guys they don't know are acting like jealous women and re-define the term AFC.

A real DJ doesn't care if Joe Blow or Joe Montana walks through the door, he's cool as can be and knows nothing can alter his world.

And in turn, if you're a DJ and you're the one who walked through the door, you're cool as can be and don't care who is looking or not looking at you. Your life is excellent and you don't need anyone -- especially strangers -- to validate it.