Not your Average Problem..Trust me

[pooparu]

I'm sure you all are coming in ready to give stock advice to a guy who's just nice, but I can assure you by the end of this post, you may be just as confused as I am. It's hard to word this problem so please try to bare with me.

To start, I am a nerd and proud. Before you say thats my problem, I should also let you know that I am one of the most popular people in my school. Literally from the 9th - 12th grade, nearly everyone knows my name, and all but two people don't like me, AFAIK (a boyfriend and his girflriend, he thinks I'm trying to take her from him anyway). I mean I'm invited to all the parties, all the guys love me, the girls flirt with me and enjoy me (but I'm not looking to bag girls in my town, long story). Generally speaking I'm alpha most of the time, though I still have a few friends that are even more alpha than I am, though I am working on that. Just a word of advice to all other nerds like me out there, like Nocturnal and Chancealot says, being yourself only works when yourself is a cool enjoyable guy. I mean I use my nerdom in some weird ways, which is one of the ways I got so popular (making cell phone ringtones, setting up studios in peoples computers, etc). And trust me, I AM a nerd, so to anyone who says its BS that I'm a nerd and got this way, here's an example:

I'm sure you all know the Xbox 360 and how scant they were at launch. I literally waited outside the toys r us for nearly 14 hours to get mine.

However, one of my closest friends (the football captain of the school's team) was also there and his girlfriend, just to show you how you can learn alot about other people. Most people would never expect this guy to be such a huge gaming freak at first look, I mean he's the all american, beefed up, jock guy, but when I became friends with him I learned alot more. Anyway I digress.

My problem seems to be I guess that I start off hitting hard getting the attraction going (neg, number closes, etc), and I can really get a girl to want me, but its just at a certain point that like my functions just seem to just stop. It's like all my game, my juice, my personality when it comes to women just seems to vanish at a certain point. And I mean it's not like it happens with all women at the same time, it happens with a woman I'm gaming at a certain time. I mean I can literally be gaming one woman, hit a wall, and start with a next woman in 5 minutes and get to the same point and hit a wall.

I don't understand my problem, the times I am successful always go off without hitch, but for some reason when I have a clear path (and when I say clear I literally mean girls saying they want to have sex with me on the beach and **** like that), it just stops. It doesn't feel like I get nervous or anything, it just seems like I lose my motivation. I mean for example, a girl I work with who I KNOW wants me was down the stairs at the office. As I'm coming back (from throwing out trash or something) we are walking and she stops me at the base of the stairs and just starts kissing at my neck and ****. And I mean I know she wanted it, but for some reason, I just wouldn't make the move, though I was able to pull off some ****y funny line. Then later on, she walked with me to the MALES bathroom, where the lights were off (power outage), and I was going to put my contact in or something. I mean she was literally in the bathroom rubbing her body against me, but it was like being nervous for absolutely no reason. Situations like this have happened, I don't understand, I've got the full signals, why won't I just do it like every other time I've worked?

I'm starting to notice a pattern, maybe someone can help me out, it seems like whenever I've gamed a girl to a point where I know she wants me so much, it seems like I get nervous or just get bored. Why is this happening? Does this happen to anyone else? I dunno whether I'm looking for advice, or people who had similar problems to concur them or what.

I mean I've read the stickies here, I've gone through David D, Mystery, even dabbled in a bit of Ross used them all to great success, it just seems like sometimes I just hit a wall and instead of just relying on instincts, I just freeze up. I'm thinking maybe it has something to do with my inner game, maybe I'm being too introvertedly paranoid and thinking that I've misread all the signs (which, in retrospect, I can't be. I mean this girls are telling me to have sex with them), and then think that I may be rejected (even though it's happened before and I've lived through it). What the hell is going on here?

 

[wayword]

Sexual insecurity?

 

[Bvbidd]

Tell yourself that the next time a situation like that happens you WILL not freeze up.

That way when it does come along, you'll remember and snap out of it.

Telling yourself some force is always going to keep you down at the last minute isn't going to help, just make a move next time.

Either that, or your gay? It's not about "gaming" them. It IS about the sex.

 

[SexinEar]

This actually is an average problem.

 

[pooparu]

Tell yourself that the next time a situation like that happens you WILL not freeze up.

That way when it does come along, you'll remember and snap out of it.

Telling yourself some force is always going to keep you down at the last minute isn't going to help, just make a move next time.

Either that, or your gay? It's not about "gaming" them. It IS about the sex.

I can definetly say I'm not gay lol.

The strange thing is, it doesn't happen with every girl, but recently its been happening more often than it used to, I used to just be able to say, "All well, most of got nervous, let's keep it moving", but that's not satisfactory anymore. As I grow I want to know why this is happening, but I'm going to try that next time and just force myself, its just weird when you have done hte exact same things, they always work, and the female has already said, "Go ahead, do me", and I just lock up. Of course if I'm pounced on then I'm ready to go, but for some reason it seems like these pauses between talking, and wild sex just screw with my head.

 

[LikRetsam]

Tell me Pooparu, how often do you jack off? How often do you get laid or get sexual with a chick?

If it's not your lack of sexual desire or it's repression by you then I think you don't have a problem at all. I simply think that a plain physical interaction is not what gets you going. I believe you need an emotional attachement to your target before you really start enjoying what's happening, whereas random hook ups are insipid because of the lack of connection.

I think you'd be wise looking for a LTR.

 

[pooparu]

Tell me Pooparu, how often do you jack off? How often do you get laid or get sexual with a chick?

If it's not your lack of sexual desire or it's repression by you then I think you don't have a problem at all. I simply think that a plain physical interaction is not what gets you going. I believe you need an emotional attachement to your target before you really start enjoying what's happening, whereas random hook ups are insipid because of the lack of connection.

I think you'd be wise looking for a LTR.

I've been avoiding LTRs like the plague, that's the last thing I want. I mean I'm flirting/messing/with chicks at least 3 - 5 times a week whether its at work, or when we all go out and chill and have fun, so when I'm with women generally something is happening (sexual pleasure, emotional pleasure, etc). It's not even the fact of just sexuality, the reason I feel my problem is so bizarre and unique is that it springs up at just random times. An example:

I'm outside with some girl, we're groping each other she's kissing on my neck blah blah, and bam, I just kinda lost motivation halfway through, so I just continued on for her sake, but kinda got bored and ended up leaving (had somewhere to be), but these aren't things that happen with every girl, I'm just tired of this weird like nerve attacks. Maybe its just another stage in my progression to move up the ladder, I'm just hoping that I'm not the only one with a problem like this.

 

[danneh]

I have a similar problem to what you have stated. I lose my sexual drive when I know sex is in my grasp. I find little problems with girls, and blame my turn of nature on them. I think its all down to nerves really, and sexual insecurity. I havent had alot of sex, therefore when it gets down to it im just nervous. Its weird really, because the girls ive been with said my size is good, yet I think im just nervous but I dont know why I am. Also I jerk off quite often, and this may result into no sexual drive. Ive decided to cut down abit, and see what this brings me. Ahh well, atleast we've noticed the problem, and want to solve it!

 

[Night Sky]

I think I had your same problems before....

It all was because I was trying to follow methods and patterns. I was like a sheep in wolves clothing (like senor fingers said )

It all lies in your attitude. You need a powerful weapon, and it's called charisma. It helped me become everything I ever wanted. Seriously, I did not only become good with women, but with anybody, and now i have lots of friends and social proof.

If you want to get charisma, read BBB (brazilian blues boy) posts in general... I like the arise, happy and i'm winning topics.

If you dont read them, let me tell you what is it about in a few words...

- You must be happy
- You must like life... A Don Juan is someone who doesnt like anything negative in his life.
- You must try

always smile, eye contact, kino. it should be called the tri-force

And remember, Just be what you want, start living life!!! You want to look back in the future and remember, damn, I was so fvcking awesome when i was a teenager!!!

Live your life without regrets!!!

I had to touch the bottom until I realised I wanted to be someone big in this life. I wanted to LIVE life. And trust me, once you become charismatic, the world starts becoming yours, and you will never be alone!

You will even attract the girls that rejected you before!!! I used to be like you, I could make them become interested, I used to mack them, flirt with them, use C&F and everything you can possibly imagine. It works... for strangers or one night stands probably, or it just creates a brief/short interest that lasts for a few days, weeks. But it requires a lot of work.

When you become charismatic, you dont have to work anymore, and the whole world comes to you!

Good Luck!

 

[Shapoopie]

grab a number before you freeze up and leave? i didn't read all that, but seriously, its not much of a problem compared to breaking your penis......

 

[pooparu]

I think I had your same problems before....

It all was because I was trying to follow methods and patterns. I was like a sheep in wolves clothing (like senor fingers said )

It all lies in your attitude. You need a powerful weapon, and it's called charisma. It helped me become everything I ever wanted. Seriously, I did not only become good with women, but with anybody, and now i have lots of friends and social proof.

If you want to get charisma, read BBB (brazilian blues boy) posts in general... I like the arise, happy and i'm winning topics.

If you dont read them, let me tell you what is it about in a few words...

- You must be happy
- You must like life... A Don Juan is someone who doesnt like anything negative in his life.
- You must try

always smile, eye contact, kino. it should be called the tri-force

And remember, Just be what you want, start living life!!! You want to look back in the future and remember, damn, I was so fvcking awesome when i was a teenager!!!

Live your life without regrets!!!

I had to touch the bottom until I realised I wanted to be someone big in this life. I wanted to LIVE life. And trust me, once you become charismatic, the world starts becoming yours, and you will never be alone!

You will even attract the girls that rejected you before!!! I used to be like you, I could make them become interested, I used to mack them, flirt with them, use C&F and everything you can possibly imagine. It works... for strangers or one night stands probably, or it just creates a brief/short interest that lasts for a few days, weeks. But it requires a lot of work.

When you become charismatic, you dont have to work anymore, and the whole world comes to you!

Good Luck!

See, that's the weird thing, people (both men and women) always tell me they love being around me because I'm so positive they always get positive. But I think you did come across what could be my problem.

I often find that I don't switch from ever being positive, upbeat and outgoing (those are always what gets the girls to liking me), but I do sometimes find myself thinking, "I wonder if I could get away with "X" technique now", just to hone my techniques. Sometimes I feel like my attitude is there and everything is going well, but some like urge is saying that I could be even better with MORE techniques (I dunno what keeps telling me this, I guess I'm just trying to reach lik ea 0% failure rate, which is impossible, it's not that I fear failure, its that I love success ), and I think that I end up getting so concentrated on trying techniques out and new things that older mentors have shown me and crap that I end up getting distracted from what I started all of this for: having fun.

I think in this one month period I'm going to be away from home, I'm going to go back, tighten up the rest of my attitude (which I must say is where I think it almost needs to be), but more importantly, finish up my own bag of tricks. As it is now I've got a little bit of my own techniques, mixed with others I've learned, I think I need to get my own identity and style when it comes to specific techniques and play with them more and get into a comfort zone. I think this is why when I'm not concentrating on techniqus and just having a DJ attitude in general (Always happy, positive, always having a good time and making sure whoever is with me is enjoying me), I just attract women without noticing, its when I'm actually trying to do to many techniques and skills at once is when I go, "You know what, screw this I'm too lazy to do all this techinques", then what ends up happening is I just go into chill mode and relax, kind of killing of my own normal attitude.

It's starting to make sense now, that when in school and I have all this social proof and popularity, my natural DJ attitude takes place and all is going well, even at work everyone really digs my attitude (which I must say is thanks to not only people like Mystery, David D and people like you Night, but also from friends that were alpha before me and really getting out there and looking at alpha guys), its when I start doubting and becoming too try hard that I start to stop caring so much about the women and having fun and DJing turns into work.

Danneh man, we may have just found our problem, cuz I can relate to what your saying.

Thanks guys, you're really helping me grow and take furhter steps on the ladder so I've gotta really give you guys props. And please, don't stop if you have more advice, I'm willing to listen to anyone with less or more experience with myself.

 

[Contender]

You've hit a mental obstacle. You are going in there for the wrong reasons.

Just have fun; don't look at it as a technical procedure of sorts - just chill.

I, too, am a Nerd and proud. I'm smart, and many people hate me for it. It's a rare combination to have a decent appearance and intelligence. We got it all, man. Girls, clearly love you for who you are. Why try to impress them like that?

Just chill.

 

[pooparu]

You've hit a mental obstacle. You are going in there for the wrong reasons.

Just have fun; don't look at it as a technical procedure of sorts - just chill.

I, too, am a Nerd and proud. I'm smart, and many people hate me for it. It's a rare combination to have a decent appearance and intelligence. We got it all, man. Girls, clearly love you for who you are. Why try to impress them like that?

Just chill.

You're right, I find that when I consciously tell myself to chill out and just have fun, it works.

 

[dannowillbookem]

i may have found an answer to a problem i've had for a long time. getting almost to what i want, i just fall of and get bored. stop kissing me, etc. i know for a fact that im not gay, i know its just boredom. i think because im in it for this "game", this conquering role, this feeling and high that i have gotten a woman, that i dont feel the need to go on. i need to start focusing on fun instead of games.

 

[Nexxus]

you're not a nerd
you're popular
popular people aren't nerds
you got to parties often and are invited to most of them... not any sign of nerdiness in that
you set up ringtones, that's not being a nerd...
you set up studios in guy's computers... that's not being a nerd neither
you waited outside to buy an xbox360 for 14 hours... not being a nerd either, you did what you had to in order to get the machine
your problem's a common one and easy to fix, less masturbation, more desire, less fear, more fun, less brain, more instinct

 

[Phoenix_of_the_ashes]

How ironic, right before you reach your goal you dont give a **** anymore.

Its like Y = x / (C + x) against 1.

 

[Eclipse24]

Check this out

This is kinda weird. I know how can I help you. But if this would've happened to me I WOULD NOT HAVE ANY IDEA. Freaky. Bah!!!

Solution 1.
You're gay. Live with it (or commit suicide) --> you didn't hear it from me.

Solution 2.
If you're not gay - than it's NOT about sex, your game, about girls nor anything else but one thing. And that one thing is you. Read the DJ bible. Things stated in there ARE true and are VERY logic. I'll give 2 examples of kids who became something (very inspiring) :

About 100 years ago one kid gave his marks to his father at the end of school year by which it was obvious that the he was, not just lazy, but stupid aswell. Dad was sad and he tought nothing would become of his son. His teachers said he is stupid and that he will never help his country in any way. Kid's name was Winston Churchill and his moto was "Never ever give up" He saved Britain so many times that he was declared a national war hero.

Second example also includes one kid with no confidence. He had no self-esteem and he didn't have a girl. He hated his life and his school (in which he had exceptionally bad marks) and especially physics. One day, as sorrowful and pitious he was, even the school thug turned on him. In that moment something "snapped" in his mind (as he later wrote in his memoars) and he said to himself "NO" He wupped thug's @$$ and 20 years later when he was given the title sir he became sir Isaac Newton - the father of physics which he realized he loved with his whole heart.

I'll repeat - this IS true. At least look at that this way. So many books agree on this. Even the DJ bible (someone mention president Teddy Roosvelt) But I digress.

Let's try to form a theroy. Let's divide human brain into sets. So we get your concious and your sub-councious. If you use the tri-une theory of the brain it goes like this: Brain is formed from 3 layers. The first one is reptillian one. It's the one that wants to survive that wants to look good. It's animalistic. To quote: It controls the 4 Fs
1. fighting;
2. feeding;
3. fleeing; and
4. mating
Second layer is mamallian. It what mammals have (plus reptillian) - it's what make you feel your emotions. And the third is the logical one - homo sapiens (AKA most of us). It's the one that makes logical conclusions. So. What does all that means. Well. People think that we are in control of our brain (meaning our body) Ha! N00bs. It's a very complicated skill and very prized trait to have. You see. When your mother dies - you cry. Logically - why would you cry? Is that gonna help anyone - no. But you snap and you cry (even if you want to stay strong!) If your mother points gun in your face (huh!?) would you rather evade and have to kill her or die? You see - the reptillian brain is the strongest - it kicks in first and goes last. When his not as active you think emotionally (women do this more) and in the meantime you think logically (almost never). You probably don't see how this affects you. But look.

Now divide your brain into 2 parts. Your councious and your sub-councious. Your councious is logical your SC isn't. SC wants to win. It wants YOU to survive. When it learns something it will STICK to it. Why? Because it doesn't know what will future bring. Hehe seeing the pattern? Your SC can be useful to you, e.g. you brush your teeth before you go to sleep (hopefully), but can also be bad, e.g. you freeze when you see a girl. Basically your SC is STOPING you to EVOLVE COUNCISLY. This applies to so many things in everyone's life if not all. Optimists and pessimists. Optimist will get a promotion. Pessimist won't. Why!? It's very logical. Pessimist will say: my life sucks. I never get anything, thus I won't get this promotion. It's not the big secret of universe. His SC PROGRAMS his brain to think negativly because of his past expiriences and thus his body language, his actions and everything else is effected by his brain. Tricksy. His own brain is working against him. Optimist won't do this.

When you have a failure you have to options. Lay down and day or jump back into the fight (hmm lemme think what should I pick). But the problem is that very few people realise how their brain is working against them. But alas for every lock there is a key. Many wise toughts can be find in common phrases. Problem is that they're misintrepret many times. E.g. the smarter will let go first. Does this means - just let it go. NOOOO. It means find the other way. It's easier. So what do you need to do? Approach things from a different angle and realize this. Your problem is your brain. What you need to do? You need to train. The only way to force SC to change is by practice, practice and some more practice. It's evaluated that homo sapiens needs around 9 failures before he can make it right. This means you failed 9 times to make a first step. When you made it you fel on the second one. Would a baby get anywhere if it would just sit and cry? No. It tries again 9 times and makes it. Than falls on the third step. That's just the way of the progress.

Sorry if I wrote a novel accidently but let's make it sure you understand the point. Practice. Link to your case? Your SC is telling you that at this part you will fail. Guess what. You did...

**********************************

Oh, and I wanted to add one more thing. You're not a nerd. Nerd isn't a person who knows a lot about computers and loves dungeons & dragons (that's a fantasy freak - I know cause I'm one of them. Fantasy is just one of the "templates" to add to your life style. Being DJ is other) Nerd is a person which quites without trying. AFC is other name for it. Why average if that's the worst you can be? Because most of men (if you can call them like that) these days, sadly, are at the minimum of a minimum... I have a proof you're not a nerd nor AFC. You didn't quit. You came here and tried to fix it like a real man should. :rockon:

 

[pooparu]

you're not a nerd
you're popular
popular people aren't nerds
you got to parties often and are invited to most of them... not any sign of nerdiness in that
you set up ringtones, that's not being a nerd...
you set up studios in guy's computers... that's not being a nerd neither
you waited outside to buy an xbox360 for 14 hours... not being a nerd either, you did what you had to in order to get the machine
your problem's a common one and easy to fix, less masturbation, more desire, less fear, more fun, less brain, more instinct

I'm not saying being a nerd is a bad thing, but I most certainly am one lol. Or techno guy or whatever you want to call it, I was just letting you know a bit about my personality. I'm very happy to be a nerd, and no one has a problem with it because I accept who I am. This nerd most certainly does go to parties . Maybe I used the wrong word though, yea probably just techno wiz or something would've been better. What the hell whatever there's no point in arguing about misnomers, you get what I mean lol.

To eclipse, thanks for that post, it didn't quite hit the nail on the head, but it helped out something else I had been thinking about recently.

I think my problem is like dans, which is a reason I generally avoid LTRs as well. It feels like a high when I'm playing the game and flirting and having fun, but it seems like the minute it gets too easy (in the case of the girls I've had this problem with, because its not all) or it seems like after this there's going to be no more fun, I kind of just fizzle out and walk away. I think everyone is right, I need to stop focusing so much on playing this like a video game and more about having fun, cuz I'm starting to ruin my own fun. Genearlly speaking if I'm talking to a girl alone for more than 2 minutes than I'm in the game with her, having fun, flirting, getting her number whatever, and it's not like as it progresses I slowly die down, its more like the minute I KNOW I have her, I'm just like, "well that was fun, let's move on". I guess in some aspects I'm different from most guys, cuz when sex happens or doesn't I don't really care, there's always more chances for that, but the minute it seems like the fun I've had with her so far is going to end, I just seem to cut her off entirely. Maybe a relationship or two would do well for me instead of just messing with girls and dropping them, it just always seems like when I'm about ot get into a relationship my attention shifts to another girl.

 

[Phoenix_of_the_ashes]

I'm not saying being a nerd is a bad thing, but I most certainly am one lol. Or techno guy or whatever you want to call it, I was just letting you know a bit about my personality. I'm very happy to be a nerd, and no one has a problem with it because I accept who I am. This nerd most certainly does go to parties . Maybe I used the wrong word though, yea probably just techno wiz or something would've been better. What the hell whatever there's no point in arguing about misnomers, you get what I mean lol.

You seem to be very proud.

 

[itishe]

I'm not the best with women, my game is more in the realm of humor.

If I'm relaxed enough and in the right mindset I can make people laugh so hard they wish to never laugh again because it hurts so bad. The thing that kicks me off this "humor high" is what you'd least expect... compliments.

When someone says, "you should be a comedian!", "why arn't you doing standup", then I don't know how to respond. When I hear this, my mind tells me to try super hard to keep making them laugh, which causes my humor to backfire.

So to tie it in with your problem, I think when a chick tells you she wants to be porked by you I think it makes you subconciously think one of the following:

- I'm going to amplify what I'm doing by 10.
- I got the prize, no more trying. I win. I'm the best!

Neither is good in too high of doses.

So either do the following when she lays some ear candy on you:

A) Ignore it and keep gaming as you were.
B) Bring that ***** to the beach and use your shovel to dig her bucket.