Not sure where I stand with this girl...

[Jinxed]

Hello Guys,

Sorry I'm starting a new thread.. some of the stuff I read in other threads/articles was helpful, but I really need an unbiased assessment on my situation.

Ok.. so a few weeks ago I was with one of my closest friends - he says hi to some random girl; I instantly found her attractive... In any case, I later tell my friend I thought she was cute. The jerk tells me a few days later that the girl told him that I was good looking, and he encourages me to start talking to her... I followed his advice, and a few days later asked her out on a date. (turns out, he had actually straight up told her that I liked her.. she said that I wasn't bad looking.. but the situation is extremely different from what he said... this girl is shy, I figured she must've been awestruck by me if she had worked up the courage to tell him that)

In any case, the first date went really well. It actually had the potential to be a disaster because I was probably too passive, but I drove her home and we talked for hours outside. Here's where I probably made my first big mistake... Several times during our conversation, she made eye contact and kept her lips moist... We basically held eye contact for 30+ seconds several times without saying anything and I couldn't build up the courage to kiss her!!! Part of that was due to knowing that she was very shy.. I was afraid of being too bold and I had promised myself I wouldn't try anything stupid the first date. I also told her I liked her/I found her pretty... That's usually a huge no no for me, but she reciprocated...

Second date went even better at first.. I can hold a conversation for hours with this girl and I love that... I drove her home again, and we talked for awhile.. I don't know how the conversation went this way, but at one point, the girl sinks into her seat and tells me "I just want to be friends for now, for now, for now" (she actually said for now 3 times..) I was shocked because everything else was pointing in a different direction.. in retrospect, I think I probably complimented her too much, making her feel much more valuable. Anyways.. that same day she tells me she's never had a boyfriend, and some other stuff.. (girl's 20.. she's pretty, but she's shy, she doesn't drink, and her family's got a pretty tight grip on her...)

Anyways.. to make a long story short(er) the next day she told me that what happened was her fault, that she got scared, and didn't really give me a real chance. That she's used to people not caring that way blah blah blah.. I told her to be straight with me about what she thought about me, and she tells me that she doesn't find me that physically attractive(I'm pretty average...), but that she loves/enjoys talking to me and that she feels something when she looks into my eyes(she also made it clear she can look past the physical part).. She asks me out on a date the next day, and has been texting me every day since... (I always avoid initiating contact...) I'm taking her hiking this saturday...

Anyways.. I've screwed up a bunch of things, and in retrospect.. the fact that the girl is still showing interest is sort of a miracle. I've neglected kino(I'm a *****.....) and I haven't taken my chances when I've had them. Is there anything I should be doing/avoiding this third date in order to tip her over? I know focusing on just one girl is a huge mistake.... but oh well... here I am. lol.. is the situation even salvageable? I'm afraid she's already categorized me as a friend, and it'll be impossible for me to break out of the zone...

 

[OccamsRazor]

Just go for a kiss during the high point of one of your conversations.

 

[kingsam]

Hello Guys,

Sorry I'm starting a new thread.. some of the stuff I read in other threads/articles was helpful, but I really need an unbiased assessment on my situation.

Ok.. so a few weeks ago I was with one of my closest friends - he says hi to some random girl; I instantly found her attractive... In any case, I later tell my friend I thought she was cute. The jerk tells me a few days later that the girl told him that I was good looking, and he encourages me to start talking to her... I followed his advice, and a few days later asked her out on a date. (turns out, he had actually straight up told her that I liked her.. she said that I wasn't bad looking.. but the situation is extremely different from what he said... this girl is shy, I figured she must've been awestruck by me if she had worked up the courage to tell him that)
dont get your freinds to do your hustling for you... very WEAK

In any case, the first date went really well. It actually had the potential to be a disaster because I was probably too passive, but I drove her home and we talked for hours outside. dont talk for hours, keep it "short and sweet", leave her wanting more Here's where I probably made my first big mistake... Several times during our conversation, she made eye contact and kept her lips moist... We basically held eye contact for 30+ seconds several times without saying anything and I couldn't build up the courage to kiss her!!! MAN UP my god - it one thing being clueless but you saw the opportunity and DIDNT take it!Part of that was due to knowing that she was very shy.. so, your making excusesI was afraid of being too bold and I had promised myself I wouldn't try anything stupid the first date.HAH how is goin for a kiss stupid - Have you been watch "FEMINAZI - THE MOVIE" or "MANHATER"?? I also told her I liked her/I found her pretty... That's usually a huge no no for me, but she reciprocated... its ok to conifidently compliment a little, just dont do it continually like most guys do trying to suck up

Second date went even better at first.. I can hold a conversation for hours with this girl and I love that... I drove her home again, and we talked for awhile..FVck Me do you want to be her therapist/CHAT BUDDY or her "man", I don't know how the conversation went this way, but at one point, the girl sinks into her seat and tells me "I just want to be friends for now, for now, for now" (she actually said for now 3 times..) I was shocked because everything else was pointing in a different direction.. in retrospect, I think I probably complimented her too much, making her feel much more valuable. NO, you ****BLOCKED YOURSELF - by talking her hoursr, never making a move, you talked you self INTO the freind-zone!! Anyways.. that same day she tells me she's never had a boyfriend, and some other stuff.. (girl's 20.. she's pretty, but she's shy, she doesn't drink, and her family's got a pretty tight grip on her...excuses excuses!)

Anyways.. to make a long story short(er) the next day she told me that what happened was her fault, that she got scared, and didn't really give me a real chance. That she's used to people not caring that way blah blah blah.. I told her to be straight with me about what she thought about me, and she tells me that she doesn't find me that physically attractive she used to think you were good enought coz she was out wiht you, you did have a chance(I'm pretty average...), but that she loves/enjoys talking to me and that she feels something when she looks into my eyes(she also made it clear she can look past the physical part EWW cringe! "look past the physical part"??s this sounds like a line from "the hunchback of notre damme" when the pretty girl is talking to quazimodo! ).. She asks me out on a date the next day, and has been texting me every day since... (I always avoid initiating contact...) I'm taking her hiking this saturday...OMG a possible recovery, suprising?

Anyways.. I've screwed up a bunch of things, and in retrospect.. the fact that the girl is still showing interest is sort of a miracle. I've neglected kino(I'm a *****.....) and I haven't taken my chances when I've had them. Is there anything I should be doing actually make a move for a start, dont talk too muc - it turns her off /avoiding this third date in order to tip her over? I know focusing on just one girl is a huge mistake.... but oh well... here I am. lol.. is the situation even salvageable?it MAY BE, the gods are looking on you kindly at the moment! I'm afraid she's already categorized me as a friendthe only way you can toally tell is by making a move, and it'll be impossible for me to break out of the zone...

dude you know what to, do SO DO IT!!

MORAL OF THE STORY - MORE ACTION, LESS TALKING!

 

[Jinxed]

dude you know what to, do SO DO IT!!

MORAL OF THE STORY - MORE ACTION, LESS TALKING!

You're right about pretty much everything... the whole physical attractiveness conversation made me cringe too... but there's not a lot I can do about that. The fact that she went out with me on two dates(soon to be three) proves that she initially found me attractive enough.. I think she pulled out that reason because she can't find any other tangible reason when the truth is that I simply just blew it.

To be honest, I go back to think about the things I said/did on those two dates and I'm thinking "wtf?" because I've screwed up every chance I've had. It's a severe case of oneitis.. generally, I'm working at least two girls, and if one kicks my butt, I don't care because I got a plan B, C and D.. so I just pull out all my guns without worry. In this case, I'm going with the "don't screw up" mentality, and ****blocking myself.

The problem is that I'm in med school now, so I can't do the crap I did back when I was an undergrad. I barely have time for 1 girl.. let alone more than that.. and she really meets all the qualities I'm looking for in a girl.. so I want this to work out for the better. (I've become attached to an outcome that's partially out of my control.. another huge mistake...)

The plan for the hiking trip is slowly introducing kino; first subtly by helping her out on the paths and stuff, and then in more direct ways.. If I think I get any window for a kiss, I'll go for it... if at any point I fail, I just cut my losses...

EDIT* oh.. and on the talking stuff.. I sort of enjoy talking with her.. a lot of it is just me stalling wanting to do more, but not actually doing anything...

 

[Igetit!]

I agree with Kingsam.

You need to up the attraction dude,and quick.

You're bordering on being friendzoned. And if you keep tapdancing around her and not being bold because she's "shy",you're going to let her shyness cause YOU to be passive.


Then she WILL put you in the friendzone. She'll have you as a friend,while seeking out a guy who's strong,masculine,and agressive.


you'll see the kind of guy she's out with,then you'll end up scratching your head thinking,"What's a shy girl like her doing with a guy like that?".



Don't let her shyness fool you. Being shy doesn't mean she doesn't want you to be sexual with her,nor does it mean she doesn't want to be sexual.



All shyness is is just being afraid to be social,NOT SEXUAL.



Look,you have a second chance. She said it herself,that she didn't give you a real chance. Well now you have one.



Don't get deceived by her shyness and blow that chance.


Be free and open with her. When she sees how open and comfortable with yourself you are,it'll cause her to want to be free and open as well.



You need more sexualness/attraction based convo in order to generate some chemistry in her.


You being a "good" person or being easy to talk to isn't enough.



Also,stop it with that "you're pretty" crap. Don't say "YOU" anything.


Say,"I like",then fill in the blank.

"I like the way you look in that dress/shirt/mini-skirt.".

"I want to see you".

"I want you to hang with ME".


It's "I",not "you". I know that doesn't seem like a big deal,but trust me,it is.



Also,use some sexual innuendo. Flirt and tease her,and make the flirting romantic/sexual.


You need to turn up the romantic "fire". If you don't,you're friendzone bound.

 

[Kailex]

The jerk tells me a few days later that the girl told him that I was good looking, and he encourages me to start talking to her... I followed his advice, and a few days later asked her out on a date. (turns out, he had actually straight up told her that I liked her.. she said that I wasn't bad looking.. but the situation is extremely different from what he said... this girl is shy, I figured she must've been awestruck by me if she had worked up the courage to tell him that)

Tell your friend to never do this sh!t again. Tell him that although you do appreciate the effort, that you'd like to do stuff like this on your own. Be gentle.

In any case, the first date went really well. It actually had the potential to be a disaster because I was probably too passive, but I drove her home and we talked for hours outside. Here's where I probably made my first big mistake... Several times during our conversation, she made eye contact and kept her lips moist... We basically held eye contact for 30+ seconds several times without saying anything and I couldn't build up the courage to kiss her!!! Part of that was due to knowing that she was very shy.. I was afraid of being too bold and I had promised myself I wouldn't try anything stupid the first date. I also told her I liked her/I found her pretty... That's usually a huge no no for me, but she reciprocated...

Less passive, more bold. KISS HER.
30 seconds just looking and no words? AWKWARD SILENCE. Better filled with the sound of lips smacking up against each other.
And its the first date and you are telling her that you LIKE HER??
And she's pretty???

What about this girl is destroying your masculinity?

Second date went even better at first.. I can hold a conversation for hours with this girl and I love that...

I can hold conversations for hours with my sister too, but I'd never bang that broad. Catch my drift? Just because you can talk for hours, doesn't mean you are automatically "in".

I drove her home again, and we talked for awhile.. I don't know how the conversation went this way, but at one point, the girl sinks into her seat and tells me "I just want to be friends for now, for now, for now" (she actually said for now 3 times..) I was shocked because everything else was pointing in a different direction.. in retrospect, I think I probably complimented her too much, making her feel much more valuable. Anyways.. that same day she tells me she's never had a boyfriend, and some other stuff.. (girl's 20.. she's pretty, but she's shy, she doesn't drink, and her family's got a pretty tight grip on her...)

No such thing as a "shy woman". She just hasn't "opened" up to you yet.
You shouldn't have been shocked. She's friendzoning you because:

A. You can talk for hours and NOT MAKE A MOVE. She's basically protecting herself from liking you any further because your candy ass won't make a move.

B. She SUNK IN HER SEAT. Body language, body language, body language. So many things you could have done right there. You should have just turned around and said something like: Well, friends don't kiss like this... AND BAM! You Emeril the sh!t out of her and kick it up a notch.

Anyways.. to make a long story short(er) the next day she told me that what happened was her fault, that she got scared, and didn't really give me a real chance. That she's used to people not caring that way blah blah blah.. I told her to be straight with me about what she thought about me, and she tells me that she doesn't find me that physically attractive(I'm pretty average...), but that she loves/enjoys talking to me and that she feels something when she looks into my eyes(she also made it clear she can look past the physical part)..

The Gods must be on your side. You've done everything wrong and she's still wanting to go out with you. You actually asked her what she thought of you? WHY? Don't judge her by her WORDS, she's already SHOWN you what she thinks of you.

She asks me out on a date the next day, and has been texting me every day since... (I always avoid initiating contact...) I'm taking her hiking this saturday...

Hiking?????????????
Was that HER idea? Please tell me it wasn't yours.
I really hope it is the two of you and that you REALLY kiss her because she's BEGGING you too.
You DO realize that anyone else in these forums would have gotten dropped by now? And she's giving you a THIRD CHANCE.

Boy, where are your cojones?

Anyways.. I've screwed up a bunch of things, and in retrospect.. the fact that the girl is still showing interest is sort of a miracle. I've neglected kino(I'm a *****.....) and I haven't taken my chances when I've had them. Is there anything I should be doing/avoiding this third date in order to tip her over? I know focusing on just one girl is a huge mistake.... but oh well... here I am. lol.. is the situation even salvageable? I'm afraid she's already categorized me as a friend, and it'll be impossible for me to break out of the zone...

I love it when I blindly respond and I see that someone thinks just the same way I do. Because you already KNOW that you have DUMB LUCK on your side with this one.

The situation is salvegeable because of HER.

This is what you need to do:

#1 Get rid of that "It's impossible" mindset NOW.
#2 Make sure your testicles are still hanging.
#3 AVOID not making a move.
#4 DO make a move.
#5 This is your LAST chance, GUARAN-DAMN-TEED. If you do NOT make a move on this "hiking date", then you are OUT. 3 Strikes, sucka!
#6 I want to see an update on this thread saying one of two things: A. I made a move and she reciprocated - or - B. I made a move and she rejected me.

See how I made absolutely gave you NO option saying: I didn't do anything.
Doing NOTHING for the third time is NOT an option, soldier. So make sure that on this hike, you hike your lips onto hers and claim it like you'd just walked up Mount Everest.

And if you don't make a move this time, remember, not only did you fail her, but you failed us and most importantly, YOURSELF.

Go get her, tiger.

 

[Ease]

Big up for med student.

 

[909pua]

Ok i didnt read your entire original message but if you want to gage if a girl likes you, you should start of with some light KINO. Start poking her, tapping her leg, etc, and if she responds back and does the same thing, most likely she is interested. ANd then escalate slowly, dont just jump to the goal, must be gradual. That way if you get rejected, at least you didnt try to lean over for a kiss which will make it more embarrassing for you.

 

[kingsam]

OP can you report back what happenes , itd be good to know how the 3rd date went

 

[Websters dic]

STOP thinking too much and act. That's the only way to know for sure. If you feel like she wants you too kiss her then do it if she pulls back then you know and will be able to move on.

 

[Jinxed]

OP can you report back what happenes , itd be good to know how the 3rd date went

I definitely will give a full report on the next date...

I saw her today accidentally... she was about to go for dinner with some girlfriends.. gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, then after a few mins told me she had to go.. I hugged her again, but went for a lower embrace, and brushed my hand against her lower back as we pulled out of the hug. She took 4 steps, turned around and smiled before leaving...

Me being a med student might have something to do with all the chances I've gotten... but I try to not see things that way...

 

[Jinxed]

OP can you report back what happenes , itd be good to know how the 3rd date went

I definitely will give a full report on the next date...

I saw her today accidentally... she was about to go for dinner with some girlfriends.. gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, then after a few mins told me she had to go.. I hugged her again, but went for a lower embrace, and brushed my hand against her lower back as we pulled out of the hug. She took 4 steps, turned around and smiled before leaving...

Me being a med student might have something to do with all the chances I've gotten... but I try to not see things that way...

 

[909pua]

dude, you are thinking way too much. You should just start touching her, if she resists then move on. You are wasting your time.

 

[Chromeo]

she called you ugly, fvck that boring as conservative virgin

 

[Perfect]

Don't listen to her words, watch her actions if you want to know if she likes you. Girls can bull**** their ass off.

 

[Jinxed]

Well...

Everything went as planned. She actually initiated kino herself; I escalated it throughout the day, and a few hours into the date we were already making out.

Now that I got what I wanted, I'm not sure where to take it from here... hahaha.. the next goal is going to be a little tougher than what I'm used to.

If any of you would find a full report with details helpful, let me know...

 

[Jinxed]

she called you ugly, fvck that boring as conservative virgin

Didn't call me ugly.. I know many pretty girls that I don't find physically attractive. I'm fully aware that I'm pretty freaking average looking... The better you're aware of your strengths and weaknesses.. the easier it is to tailor your game. In this case, I AFC'd it but was still "successful"(I suppose...).

Besides.. the whole "conservative"(not really..) virgin thing is part of what intrigues me! I enjoy a challenge every once in awhile..

 

[kingsam]

full report now , im feeling nosey!