Not sure how to proceed here...

[SteR]

Hahaha you are fvcking pathetic, 6 years on this forum. Makes me wonder if its of any use.

Well I know the generic response would be "she's just a girl, go spin other plates and move on" etc. This is fine. The problem isn't in fact the girl. The problems are a) I developed a crush (I can't control my feelings, they are what they are) and b) I feel betrayed by my best friend for pursuing a girl he knew I was keen on - ESPECIALLY asking if he can pursue her literally hours after I was rejected and was feeling down in the dumps.

I'd usually get over this by just going out and hitting on other women but can't due to financial reasons - I'm severely overdrawn due to a family problem so for the time being, have to focus on doing other things. This'll mean I have to stay in a lot more than I would regularly and if my buddy starts bring this girl back our place.. well, it's gonna hurt some more.

I feel a bit helpless to be honest.

 

[Radharc]

What makes you so sure he can get her? Is his game that much better than yours?
Stop making such a big deal out of it, if he gets her good for him, maybe they´ll get married. :cheer: If they don´t it´s just a girl... he asked you for permission, you said yes... now deal with it, bros before ho´s.

The problem is you´re letting feelings get involved in a situation where they have no business in, she´s just some b1tch that happens to look good and appeal to your imagination. No girl deserves that kind of emotional investment until she´s proven herself time and again, AFTER you are in a relationship with her.

On the bright side, if she starts to hang at your place look at it as chance for her to see you on your natural environment, on your best, so you can build some rapport, and then when your friend is done with her, if you´re still interested you can have a better crack at her.

Trust me, its no big deal, you´re the one creating this emotional meat grinder to put yourself in.

 

[SteR]

What makes you so sure he can get her? Is his game that much better than yours?

I don't know - it just seems like sod's law. He was quite friendly with her before I came along but was fooling around with one of the other girls so didn't get involved with this one.

Stop making such a big deal out of it, if he gets her good for him, maybe they´ll get married. :cheer: If they don´t it´s just a girl... he asked you for permission, you said yes... now deal with it, bros before ho´s.

If it was 'bros before hos' he'd have respected the fact I was hurting over this chick instead of jumping right in afterwards, no?

The problem is you´re letting feelings get involved in a situation where they have no business in, she´s just some b1tch that happens to look good and appeal to your imagination. No girl deserves that kind of emotional investment until she´s proven herself time and again, AFTER you are in a relationship with her.

On the bright side, if she starts to hang at your place look at it as chance for her to see you on your natural environment, on your best, so you can build some rapport, and then when your friend is done with her, if you´re still interested you can have a better crack at her.

Trust me, its no big deal, you´re the one creating this emotional meat grinder to put yourself in.

Yea, I agree with you on this. But the problem is I don't believe emotions can be controlled (well they can, but not easily). If she was just a random chick and I got shot down by her then this'd be easy to deal with.. but somehow I developed a crush - I have no idea how since I've spent the last 6 years without that happening. She just slipped through and I couldn't get her out. And how my damn face is being rubbed in it, right when I'm in a low point in life (other **** going on) and too poor to go out and keep myself busy doing other things. :cuss:

Bottom line is I'm really pissed off with my buddy for doing this **** to me.. I've deliberately stayed away from girls he pursues.

 

[Radharc]

If it was 'bros before hos' he'd have respected the fact I was hurting over this chick instead of jumping right in afterwards, no?

Bottom line is I'm really pissed off with my buddy for doing this **** to me.. I've deliberately stayed away from girls he pursues.

That sounds like an expectations issue... how clear did you made to him you were hurting? Like, was he aware that this was such an excepcional crush for you? Or have you been in situations like this before and he treated it like business as usual?

Anyways, he DID ask for you permission, you just had to level with him and say no if it bothered you that much. Instead it sounds like you expected him to see your pain and not place you in that situation in the first place... well, I think that´s a bit too much to expect, he did ask for your permission, a bit like meeting you halfway between your expectations and his self interest... then again I don´t really know how close you guys are, every friendship has a specific balance and a dynamic.

When you stayed away from girls he was pursuing was he aware of that or you just went out of your way not to make his life harder?

About the emotions issue towards the girl, it takes a paradigm shift, something that might help is to think about it in the grand scale of things, in ten years, at worst this wont even be a smudge on your memory, at best it´ll be a lesson learned, and you will have survived and moved on to better things.

 

[SteR]

That sounds like an expectations issue... how clear did you made to him you were hurting? Like, was he aware that this was such an excepcional crush for you? Or have you been in situations like this before and he treated it like business as usual?

Anyways, he DID ask for you permission, you just had level with him and say no if it bothered you that much. Instead it sound like you expected him to see your pain and not place you in that situation in the first place... well, I think that´s a bit too much to expect, he did ask for your permission, but like meeting you halfway between your expectation and his self interest... then again I don´t really know how close you guys, every friendship has a balance and a dynamic.

When you stayed away from girls he was pursuing was he aware of that or you just went out of your way not to make his life harder?

About the emotions issue towards the girl, it takes a paradigm shift, sonthing that might help is to think about the grand scale of things, in ten years, at worst this wont even be a smudge on your memory, at best it´ll be a lesson learned, and you will have survived and moved to better things.

Yeah, you're right. I did tell him he could go ahead but I felt I had no choice. I don't believe he was aware how I was feeling as I tried my best to bottle it up.. I just hoped he'd see through it because a similar thing happened to him the night before: his friend pursued a girl he was after and he was hurting when he found out he hooked up with her even though his friend knew they were close. It just seemed a little hypocritical to me?

And yea, I've always steered clear of girls he's after just to avoid conflict but I don't think he's realised.

I can't be mad at him because as you've stated, he's done all he can. I just don't want all this to be happening right now.. it's very hard to deal with.

Ugh. I suppose I'm using this thread more for ranting than anything else.. I have nobody I can talk to about this since usually it'd be my friend I spoke to

 

[joe henny]

Damn dude calm down its just one girl chill sheesh. Leave her alone her fones either off or shes ignoring u. Let me repeat HER FONES EITHER OFF OR SHE'S IGNORING YOU. Either way that means your not gonna get a reply. Chill out bro there's girls every where.