Not replying is the best policy always?

[pete101]

I had this chick who was visiting from abroad who i thought could be potentially wifey material long term, same background etc things im looking for.

Evidently im getting ahead of myself and i have noticed red flags already, more so low IL flags.

We were supposed to meet friday but her whatsapp messages werent delivering (think had data off as data roaming - turns out was no battery as she left her iphone charger back home) when she finally read the messages she was like hey sorry i just got home, when i didnt reply after a few minutes she followed up with her can we meet tomorrow night instead?

Normally she didn't do this from previous messaging before she arrived, takes a long time to reply like days some times immediate i met her off a dating app.

Normally i wouldnt waste my time with someone just visiting from abroad but she looks just like how i would envisage my future wife would look like and there is noone here who looks like that.

Obviously im going about this the wrong way and her lack of IL is telling.

I delayed responding and interestingly this seemed to increase her urgency to respond to me.

Long story short we ended up fooling around in the car before i dropped her back where she was staying the last thing she said to me was when can i see you again? I said tomorrow

Fast forward i think she had a change of heart doesnt want to meet tonight saying she cant, sorry. I should have left it and not followed up with counter offer of tomorrow then saying i took the day off to spend time with her

She then says let's try this weekend?

I haven't responded nor i feel i should like i usually do

Which would be to spell out that if she isnt forthcoming she cant expect me to either

But this will make me come across butt hurt.

I have to accept that as much as i want it to this girl is not gf material for me her IL is not high enough to warrant such a case and it is whether can i separate this into a holiday fling and not develop feelings for her with my original aim.

I am probably not going to reply to test out this new strategy and see what ensues after and meanwhile focus my attention on getting more options and plates which should be the priority and not focus on oneitis symptoms looking for a cure

I sense she isnt looking to settle down right now as wants to go around the world and probably f other guys before doing so as her sisters are married but she isnt looking to yet.

We fooled around in the car and the last thing she said to me was

 

[alvinkels]

I have been in similar situations, one happened some months back and what I did is I left her unread for since April. She acting cold and stuffs. One time she sent a text randomly after ignoring my message for months: "hey". I took my time and responded the following day she also her took responded whenever she wanted and I just deleted the chat and moved on.

It is best to walk away now than you get your emotions all invested. As you rightly stated she has low IL so why bother? If a girl truly wants you she will make things easier for you to get her and then probably along the line after she gets you she will put out some tests on you to find out if she made the choice.

Either ways don't worry so much because relationship that begins like this always end in drama that you don't want to deal with. As I said if she truly likes she will make things easier because she doesn't want do act in a way that will piss you off. They know what do so don't take a woman's actions lightly they are very much aware of them.

Also you might come of as a guy she wouldn't wanna date. Most times we blame women for not acting right whilst we forget it is our actions that makes them behave the way they do and sometimes it is better to cut your losses and understand that you f**ked up at the beginning and move on. If she comes back then you act right if she doesn't come back who cares. Just keep working on your game, life, and understanding the famine psyche and welcome more women into your life because that's how you get to understand why they behave the way do. If you are just meeting few women a year you will always end up in this situations.

Women always want the best thing hence if you are not her 10/10 she won't take you serious because she believes she can do better and she is just holding onto you for now. Since you met on dating app I am pretty sure other guys are making moves on her in her city and you are miles away. When it comes to relationships growth and security women can be very calculative, for us men once loyal always loyal no distance and circumstances will break our loyalty and women know this that's why the play the games that they do. All what you can do is to be indifferent: if you calls or text fine you will give her your attention and time if she doesn't you are living your life. If she doesn't take you serious don't take her serious. If you want something serious get someone who will take you serious; this doesn't mean you are getting back at her it means you know what you want and won't settle for something less than that and women like that assertiveness.

 

[Clockwerk50]

To answer the question in the thread title, if you are not good with words and you are not able to create powerful emotions it is sometimes best to stay silent. No reply is better than a bad one.

As per your problem, she did cancelled but offered a counter offer, in which indicates she is still interested in you some how. If you want to see her again maybe accept her offer.

My advise is that, even though you did not elaborate in your post, I am assuming since she is travelling to your city she is visiting friends, families, and sight seeing what it has to offer as well. She might have accepted your offer since you put her on the spot but maybe she had plans somewhere else. It sounds like you might be suffocating her and coming out too relationship centered, especially trying to see her so soon. Give her some space, if she thinks you are relationship material she will come around by initiating the conversations and telling you what she has been up to. It is like you are trying to catch the fish but the more you squeeze the more it tries to slip away.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You are way more invested in her than she is in you and she knows it, which is killing her attraction.

In THIS particular situation, yes that would be the best way since you are demonstrating you aren't as thirsty as you appeared to be initially.

However you can go back to ruining it by being over eager to get together.

 

[Divorced w 3]

You sound super insecure. Just say hey no worries. Let’s hook up soon for dinner. Say nothing else. Observe and report back

 

[Jumbo Gumbo]

It seems like a brief but fun online dating encounter during a vacation that was rushed along.

she looks just like how i would envisage my future wife would look like

Did you discuss any of the details with her?

 

[Bingo-Player]

You can't be too serious with women too quickly

I've fallen into the trap many times in the past trying to square peg girls into fantasies they simply don't fit into

Problem is women enjoy these romcom style catch me if you can situations with men because its something to gossip with the girlies about

For men it's just frustrating and usually a pain in the a$$

 

[pete101]

To answer the question in the thread title, if you are not good with words and you are not able to create powerful emotions it is sometimes best to stay silent. No reply is better than a bad one.

As per your problem, she did cancelled but offered a counter offer, in which indicates she is still interested in you some how. If you want to see her again maybe accept her offer.

My advise is that, even though you did not elaborate in your post, I am assuming since she is travelling to your city she is visiting friends, families, and sight seeing what it has to offer as well. She might have accepted your offer since you put her on the spot but maybe she had plans somewhere else. It sounds like you might be suffocating her and coming out too relationship centered, especially trying to see her so soon. Give her some space, if she thinks you are relationship material she will come around by initiating the conversations and telling you what she has been up to. It is like you are trying to catch the fish but the more you squeeze the more it tries to slip away.

Yeah i feel a time constraint cos she is only here a couple of weeks

Normally i would just pace myself

Im coming across way too needy it is disgusting me so walking away

 

[Vanderdonck]

Normally i wouldnt waste my time with someone just visiting from abroad but she looks just like how i would envisage my future wife would look like and there is noone here who looks like that.

Treat 'em all the same bro.

 

[pete101]

You are way more invested in her than she is in you and she knows it, which is killing her attraction.

In THIS particular situation, yes that would be the best way since you are demonstrating you aren't as thirsty as you appeared to be initially.

However you can go back to ruining it by being over eager to get together.

Yes exactly im being too eager and needy.

It is just weird she is like when can i see you again to just airing me the next day and i didn't help matters offering to meet the next day instead when she said she was sorry and couldnt meet when i said i would pick er up and get us a hotel

Thinking back now all of this is a mess I noticed this weeks ago before she came she wasnt being as forthcoming in message and the delay was all cos she wasnt in the country yet

I just came to the realisation she prob was on another date with someone else before we met, she was late i was already annoyed the day before when she didnt respond and messages didnt deliver

She is dtf but in my head i had her too pedestaled as a future wife as she was what i was looking for looks and nationality mix wise as there arent many like her in my city or in general.

I got too ahead of myself.

Yes i did communicate about her being long term prior to us meeting over measage but in a ridiculous jokey way which she couldn't take fully serious like me saying she can move here and live a disney movie type romance all jokingly.

But now meeting her and the disrespect i have received my automatic reaction is to downgrade her as she can't be a long term prospect anymore given how she has treated me.

It is a very bad case of oneitis.

She knows i took a day off today to spend with her.

When in the car i asked if her siblings were married, they were and whether she was looking to get married soon too and she said no and she wanted to live a little more and travel the world i took that simply as she wants more d*ck from guys abroad before settling down.

For the sake of my own sanity i need to walk away cos i dont think can separate her into just sex option as I'll end up getting emotionally invested.

The mere fact she hasnt followed up after saying she saying let's try this weekend? I haven't responded.

She doesnt care she is just treating me as a plate so nor should i

 

[pete101]

You sound super insecure. Just say hey no worries. Let’s hook up soon for dinner. Say nothing else. Observe and report back

Yeah and needy im walking away if she follows up again im just going to say i have other plans cos it is just a test to see if she still has me

 

[pete101]

You can't be too serious with women too quickly

I've fallen into the trap many times in the past trying to square peg girls into fantasies they simply don't fit into

Problem is women enjoy these romcom style catch me if you can situations with men because its something to gossip with the girlies about

For men it's just frustrating and usually a pain in the a$$

Yeah and there isnt a best way to handle it

She is meeting other guys off the app as that is her choice and my ego is bruised that she isnt all over me like she was saturday night in the car

Hence why she was cold the next day she is just dtf on holiday not here to settle down

I should he turned off by her actions not desperately trying to meet her cos i have a time constraint

 

[Jumbo Gumbo]

You can't be too serious with women too quickly

I've fallen into the trap many times in the past trying to square peg girls into fantasies they simply don't fit into

Problem is women enjoy these romcom style catch me if you can situations with men because its something to gossip with the girlies about

For men it's just frustrating and usually a pain in the a$$

Great observation.

if it were me, I would wait a while, waiting for the stars to align again, trying to reel her back in with a combination of
Triangulation: having her see you with a hotter woman
Plus to revive something personalized we talked about and anchor it to something I saw in the news that reminded me of her
Such a coincidence we talking are again!

In other words, I would give it another chance, just to see if the table can be turned
Like seduction underdog work
But this time around not wanting her as wife or girlfriend material
She’s just a returning fling to have my fun with

a cherry on top would be to insert some lie into the conversation about how I almost got married since we last talked
Again a challenging table-turning seduction because he was initially the one who got the marriage vibes
Just to watch her curiosity spark
“Really? You almost got married? To who?”

 

[pete101]

You are way more invested in her than she is in you and she knows it, which is killing her attraction.

In THIS particular situation, yes that would be the best way since you are demonstrating you aren't as thirsty as you appeared to be initially.

However you can go back to ruining it by being over eager to get together.

Also im aware if she does follow up she is testing to see if she still has me so i have to decline anything she offers as it is just a test as she will end up treating me the same way

When i wrote the message last basically saying i i understood she cant spend all her time with me even though she is here for a short while i was going to say if she isnt forth coming then she cant expect me to be either she has already sent let's try this weekend before had a chance to send it so left it out in order to not reply.

It's amazing how bad interactions can pemanantly damage and prospect of a long term situation with someone because as soon as there is any sign of disrespect ie her being late or flakey or not forthcoming there is zero chance it'll work long term

If she really likes you she wouldnt do anything to jeopardise that situation and for another guy she wouldnt but have to accept im not that guy and no leeway is given even if it is from an app

 

[Learning Curve]

This whole post is confusing and pointless.

You are over-reacting, and building strategies for a girl who simply had no battery to reply to you to a whatsapp message.

Again over-reacting, you are too much in your head and you can't simply follow a simple process as most guys can't in the current time we are living in. Which is set a date-bang-enjoy-rinse-repeat.

You expressing what she is wifey material or not does not really matter. If she is, time will tell and that time will come.

You are creating problems, strategies, and delusional concepts out of nowhere.

Simply let her message you and set the next date.

I really don't get it what's wrong with the current stage of dating with most of you guys. Stop watching BETA and ALPHA videos on youtube.

She did not flake, she did not cancel anything, she seems interested and into-you.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Yeah and needy im walking away if she follows up again im just going to say i have other plans cos it is just a test to see if she still has me

Don’t say anything. Don’t qualify yourself to her, don’t make excuses or chase her down in any way. Men set plans and their time is valuable and limited. Just stick with the script here if you are looking for different results, otherwise keep getting similar results from similar scenarios

 

[pete101]

This whole post is confusing and pointless.

You are over-reacting, and building strategies for a girl who simply had no battery to reply to you to a whatsapp message.

Again over-reacting, you are too much in your head and you can't simply follow a simple process as most guys can't in the current time we are living in. Which is set a date-bang-enjoy-rinse-repeat.

You expressing what she is wifey material or not does not really matter. If she is, time will tell and that time will come.

You are creating problems, strategies, and delusional concepts out of nowhere.

Simply let her message you and set the next date.

I really don't get it what's wrong with the current stage of dating with most of you guys. Stop watching BETA and ALPHA videos on youtube.

She did not flake, she did not cancel anything, she seems interested and into-you.

You arent up to date with what happened we met we fooled around she says when will i ss you next then does a 180 on me the next day.

She doeant reply to me about getting together yesterday night and a hotel nor spending time today as originally planned.

Im basically second choice and i have to remove myself from the situation.

I have a very specific woman in mind nationality and ethnicity wise and she was what i was looking for im just butt hurt she isnt what i hoped she would be more accurately she isnt into me as i was hoping.

 

[DreamAgain]

You arent up to date with what happened we met we fooled around she says when will i ss you next then does a 180 on me the next day. She doeant reply to me about getting together yesterday night and a hotel nor spending time today as originally planned. Im basically second choice and i have to remove myself from the situation. I have a very specific woman in mind nationality and ethnicity wise and she was what i was looking for im just butt hurt she isnt what i hoped she would be more accurately she isnt into me as i was hoping.

Perhaps if nationality/ethnicity are so important you should consider moving to where there are more of them, i.e. that particular country.

What is stopping you from doing so?

As for this one yes you should just abort mission but don't be in scarcity, move to where you won't be in scarcity.

 

[pete101]

Don’t say anything. Don’t qualify yourself to her, don’t make excuses or chase her down in any way. Men set plans and their time is valuable and limited. Just stick with the script here if you are looking for different results, otherwise keep getting similar results from similar scenarios

Yeah im doing things differently this time

When she messaged me she just got home on friday and the whatsapp messages didnt deliver ahe didnt say it was battery just she got home. I didnt respond quickly like she is used to so 8 mins later she replies with how about tomorrow instead? Saturday.

I delayed responding and reading till after midnight made her sweat a bit ans said it depends if she has her data on cos it isnt gona be easy finding each other where we meet.

She replies 20 mins later i went to sleep so didnt see it ajd replied in the morning

Me making her wait longer seemed to increase her speed.

But she ends up telling me she is late when we met.

I evem am paranoid now she met someone else before me hence why she was late cos she said she had a drink, she wouldnt let me kiss her when we were fooling around in the car she let me touch and suck her tits andnwe proh woule have f'd if a car didnt come by and startled her. We were parked outside her friends apartment she was staying with

But during the car ride back she said a friend was coming to visit her i suspect now maybe her plan was some guy was coming but cos we were getting back late it never happened it seems weird tho cos she was staying with a female friend.

So basically i dont know why she wouldnt let me kiss he maybe her breath smelt or conscious of it.

But her actions now lead to someone who had a date with someone before me then was horny i happen to be her ride home s was horny with me as she was ready to f*ck.

Then 180's when we parted.

Her actions now show someone who has sexond thought but regardless im trying to do things differently rhis time to see the results like this is the first time i waited before responding and made them sweat

Likewise now not replying to her let's try this weekend?

She knows i set aside monday for her today as took day off and she doesnt even want to meet anymore.

I have had this happen many times before and still baffled one min all over you asking when they csn see you again to having buyers remorse the next day

 

[pete101]

Perhaps if nationality/ethnicity are so important you should consider moving to where there are more of them, i.e. that particular country.

What is stopping you from doing so?

As for this one yes you should just abort mission but don't be in scarcity, move to where you won't be in scarcity.

There are a contingent here where i live i just need to get into community as they are mixed nationality a rare combo like pokemon

I have to go about finding them a different way because there are so few in my city maybe 100+ hot ones i speculate it is slim pickings

Work wise cant go abroad am tied here

Her visiting seemed like fate but again probabilities wise she wouldnt be long term

I cant make her what i want her to be she wants to travel the world and f guys from diff countries before settling down

I imagine mamy women do this pre settling just dont speak of it and iust call it travel