Not really about girls - social issue

[transferyourpc]

I understand that this is a forum about "attracting ladies," etc, but I've seen some posts on social issues so I hope you guys don't mind helping me with my problem.

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I'm not here crying about how I don't have any friends or how unattractive I think I am. What I have is a fairly complex issue that I have never heard of anyone else encountering. I'm really bummed out and I don't know what to do.

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My problem in one sentence: I have a lot of friends, and lots of "good" friends, but I do not inhabit a particular niche or group that I hang out with regularly, leaving me alone at my house on weekends.
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I know exactly how this happend. I just don't know how to get out of it. I'm a senior, and I used to hang out with a group of friends. I really liked them, and I still do. However, I stopped hanging out with them because they all started to play intensive poker, and I was not interseted in being part of it. I would suggest alternative activities, but they wouldn't listen, leaving me alone at my house. This was junior year.

Since then, I had begun to realize their place in the social hierarchy of the high school: below-average. I was interested in climbing this hierachy to "above-average" so that I can have more interactions with the popular guys/girls.

I was and am generally liked by a lot of people; people think I'm funny, easy to get along with, friendly, diverse & multicultural. I can speak freely with all the popular guys and girls, and they all like me. I know this as a fact. I drink, I attend parties whenever I hear of them. People love to see me there too, and we all have a great time.

But the problem is that at this point in time in high school, everyone has their own solid niche - their own rigid group of friends that they had hung out with since middle school.

Anyways, so I'm here, liked by everyone, but apparnetly not liked enough to be invited to any of the informal parties/group hangouts that occur every weekend. It'd be crazy to say that I have no friends - because I most certainly do. It is just extremely unfortunate that all my good friends are scattered across different groups and most don't even know each other.

Last weekend was New Years, so I had fun - I thought the fun would conitnue through the new year, but alas, this friday, I was all alone. Last night (a few hours ago), was saturday night and, all alone with my parents. I hate to think that I have to have this repeat oooooover and oooooover again until college next fall.

I waited this long to post here because I know that there is NOT a solution to this. Absolutely none. Because I've exhausted all possible ways to find me one. I didn't really want to stoop as low as ranting on an internet forum, but I have finally done it.

If someone has any suggestions, please throw me some. Thanks for your time.

 

[Docs]

My problem in one sentence: I have a lot of friends, and lots of "good" friends, but I do not inhabit a particular niche or group that I hang out with regularly, leaving me alone at my house on weekends.

Same position I was in. You are all over the place, but you have no home group. Basically, you just ask a person at a time if they'd like to chill with you (girls), or 3 guys if they wouldn't mind shooting the shit at the local pool bar (I call mine FatCats)

 

[transferyourpc]

Right. So this means I have to do all the asking, right? It's so annoying, because no one would call me to hang out. And if someone does, it's one of the losers that I don't really like. Hate to sound condescneding, but it's true. I don't want to hang out with them nor do I want to be seen with them. It's just how it is. I can't control it.

I have to go out and ask them if I can join them, if I can come iwth them to whereever they're going. It's such a tedious ask, because you never knoew if they're saying that I can just becuase they feel bad for me.

 

[Docs]

"Doing anything tonight?"
-- "Yeah, we're going to Tim's house."
"Cool, can I tag along?"

Simple as that.

 

[transferyourpc]

I guess you're right, I'll try that.

I just worry because I know exactly how it feels when someone you don't want coming asks you, "Can I tag along?"

I say to myself, No, I don't want you to, but I don't want to be mean, so I'm like "sure." I know how terrible it feels and I don't want to put anyone in that position.

 

[Docs]

Well, if they dont' mind, you'll know. If there are like 'uhhhhh...', take the hint.

 

[transferyourpc]

lol, right. i know exactly what you mean.

it would suck if everyone i ask is like, "uhhh.."

whatever. there isn't really a solution until i go off to college, is there

 

[Docs]

Eh, It comes with time. Once you get to collage, you'll automatically find a group, that's how they set it all up, especially if you live on campus.

You know, quality friends over quantity right?

 

[transferyourpc]

Right. Thanks for the help. I should probably just be more extroverted - I'm the one looking for the "hang out," everyone else is just as fine without me.

 

[itishe]

You know after I read this I thought, "holy ****, this is me".

My friends play poker it seems every damn night, it's fun to be around people and socialize but they never do anything else except maybe fish which I don't find too exciting.

I don't think they're sub-par in social value or popularity. Since it seems each of us is either fill the roll of redneck, joker (this would be me, I begin to feel I must constantly crack jokes, and I'm expected to provide commentary), retard, etc. I don't believe we are in any social "niche". Although it does seem that if a person is new and trying to hang out with us or doesn't do the exact same things they do they are either called "gay" or "dumbass".

I have tried finding other people to do things with on the weekend, but it almost feels like you're born into a caste system and you're stuck into it until you "leave the country" a.k.a. Go to college, leave town, etc.

Let me add, when I hang out with them I'm still the youngest one (perhaps by a few weeks) therefore I cannot drive. So when I get bored I'm captive, which is quite disappointing.

 

[transferyourpc]

so what do you do on weekends?

 

[coolkid800]

Just yesterday, I went to some girl's birthday party and her clique of friends was there who I didn't really know, but I did have some acquintances with some of them which made it kind of easier. So I guess I made her enough interested in me to invite me to chill with her and her friends for her birthday party. I talked to most of her friends during it, cracking jokes and some of them kind of like me I think. It was my first time where I didn't hang out with my regular group of friends. So maybe you just need to become enough tighter with one your friends that they'll ask you what you're doing and you can hang with them. I mean I always ask what they're going to do this weekend and stuff like that, too. Also this year, I became tight with one of the dudes in my classes, that even he invited me to do stuff, too. Just make them like you alot to invite you to do stuff I guess and always ask what they're doing. You should probably invite them places, too, like asking them if they're trying to lift weights after school or something like that.

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Hey TransferYourPc,

I'm actually in a very similar position as you. I'll be interested in what the replies to this thread are.

Like you, I have friends, but they're all from different groups/cliques. Also, as I think you also said, I am not in any cliques.

Some of the other things you mentioned (discovering some friends u talk to are on the lower end of social status, well liked but don't get invited to things, etc.) also feel familiar.

Good luck!

 

[itishe]

Originally posted by transferyourpc
so what do you do on weekends?

Play cards, drive around and get girls to show their boobs to us.

 

[LaDanian Tomlinson]

I kinda have the same problem too. This year I moved to a new school for my senior year. i already had 2 friends that went to my school. my friends both have girl friends and i don't. we hang out with a bunch of young immature ****ing retarded kids that are nerds and i dont like. the only reason i hang out there is because of my 2 friends. i have made about 5 other guy friends but i can't really hang out with them because at this point everyone has their own permanent group. it's hard after being with your friends throughout high school and then just have some new kind join your group. so right now i really want to find another group of people but i don't think thats going to happen because people dont like new kids joining their group and hanging with them everyday.

 

[transferyourpc]

It's nice to know that there are some kids in the same situation, and that people agree about this whole clique thing.

I don't understand. Why don't they want new kids joining their little clique? I wouldn't mind if I were in one - but I'm not in one, so I wouldn't know.

I have made some OBVIOUS remarks to one of my closer friends about this issue, and they have yet to invite me anywhere.

OK - thats a lie, we've been out a few times, but not much.

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Originally posted by transferyourpc
It's nice to know that there are some kids in the same situation, and that people agree about this whole clique thing.

I don't understand. Why don't they want new kids joining their little clique? I wouldn't mind if I were in one - but I'm not in one, so I wouldn't know.

I have made some OBVIOUS remarks to one of my closer friends about this issue, and they have yet to invite me anywhere.

OK - thats a lie, we've been out a few times, but not much.

Just out of curiousity, what grade are you in?

I'm a Senior in High School, but I'm perfectly fine not being in a clique. Why? Because college is coming up real fast (like in under 8 months).

I feel not being in a clique (or not being so attached to one) will be a great benefit when you first get to college. A lot of people who are tightly knit in their cliques won't see their best friends anymore and will probably feel a bit insecure. Plus, now in HS, you do get to know more people, which can help when the situation calls for it.

In short, once you get into college, you will hardly ever see these people or these cliques again and it will be a "new beginning" where you'll make a lot of new friends.

 

[Dimebag_Darrell]

Man I'm in the same thing. Except my friends don't play intensive poker. They do intensive drugs.

I've been trying to get a good image somehow but I'm just so outgoing and friendly to people that I'll be walking down the hallway with some babe one minute, I get asked about her by a bunch of dudes and then a few hours later I'll walk down the hall with some guy I know and everyone else tells me that they hate him and ask what the hell i'm doing hanging with him. In the end I feel like I'm a loner which is cool with me. The only things that I find interesting and fun are weed, alcohol, listening to a lot of heavy metal, playing football, and learning about things that I want to know more about(philosophy, health,). Yet, most of my friends are either way too much into drugs or are too much into their girlfriends. The past couple of weekends I havent been to any parties. I mean,but I AM NEVER HOME either. I spent the past couple of weeks in the garage of my friend drinking whiskey, taking care of his sick dog and hanging out with this KU cheerleader and the past weeks I've been doing nothing but getting trashed with a few kids who are really starting to agitate me.

I know what you mean about having people wanting to hang out with you rather than you asking if you can tag along. But I believe that you've got to prove your worth with these people and ask the first few times to tag along and with that take the opportunity to DJ these people and first off show that you're not an idiot and then qualify them to see if they're quality people to be around.

But overall, f*ck friends when you can have enemies.

 

[Dimebag_Darrell]

(double post)
sorry

 

[transferyourpc]

The only things that I find interesting and fun are weed...

...and learning about things that I want to know more about(philosophy, health,).

LOL, had to do that, sorry.

I feel not being in a clique (or not being so attached to one) will be a great benefit when you first get to college. A lot of people who are tightly knit in their cliques won't see their best friends anymore and will probably feel a bit insecure. Plus, now in HS, you do get to know more people, which can help when the situation calls for it.

In short, once you get into college, you will hardly ever see these people or these cliques again and it will be a "new beginning" where you'll make a lot of new friends.

I guess thats a better way to look at it. I'm a senior as well.