Not Giving a F**Ck

[Cod3r]

Ok fellas (tis might be long)

I just realized that I'm not happy with my social life, I am in a relationship and that's great and i'm satisfied but outside of her my closest friends have gone missing aka alot of studying and our times just aren't congruent anymore. Now my personality is rather 'loner' type or just generally introverted, but not a bad thing...

I can socialize when I have to or want to, but its just not my choice 90% of the time. Most people annoy me and even my friends i'm terrible about calling them and being well 'a friend' and so most of my friendships usually fizzle out after a while, only my closest friends have stayed aroudn and thats fine. I like having 3 close people I can trust, I don't need an army... BUT

*Here's the questions*

I noticed this one Russian guy who has alot of friends, he's funny and charming and he has alot of girls hanging around him, he's good looking, very tall and sophisticated like, different type of look... it works for him tho.. Anyway I want to be that type of guy, I have good looks and have great personality when I decide to show it, but my problem is i'm so laxadazical in showing my personality... Most people just don't interest me and I just don't find them intriguing at all...

It's like I seriously want to have positive people around me who are upbeat and we can laugh and chill and just talk and you know but seriously how the hell do I break out of really not giving 2 fvcks about anyone ??

This same quality about not giving a fvck has helped me get many females as they usually pursue me pretty hard because I don't show many people interest, but when it comes to friends its not a great quality...

Anyone please help, I want to 'care'.. .sounds wierd but its true !


-Cod3r

 

[Freddy1]

Woman value personality more than looks (although having good looks helps).

Just learn to socialize more. Pretend to be interested in others if you have too. Try not to get annoy at the little things of life. Most of your problem seems to be an inner game issue more than anything else.

 

[ima str8 up pimp]

Woman value personality more than looks (although having good looks helps).

Just learn to socialize more. Pretend to be interested in others if you have too. Try not to get annoy at the little things of life. Most of your problem seems to be an inner game issue more than anything else.

Agreed.

Although he seems to lack front: attracting people from the start ect... I don't know you man, so this gets hard for me. I guess I want to say, just approach, have some balls, you will be rejected, act a lil bit ****y, who doesn't secretly want to be part of something untouchable/great (****y). Hey, why not?

 

[persiangino]

Ok fellas (tis might be long)

I just realized that I'm not happy with my social life, I am in a relationship and that's great and i'm satisfied but outside of her my closest friends have gone missing aka alot of studying and our times just aren't congruent anymore. Now my personality is rather 'loner' type or just generally introverted, but not a bad thing...

I can socialize when I have to or want to, but its just not my choice 90% of the time. Most people annoy me and even my friends i'm terrible about calling them and being well 'a friend' and so most of my friendships usually fizzle out after a while, only my closest friends have stayed aroudn and thats fine. I like having 3 close people I can trust, I don't need an army... BUT

*Here's the questions*

I noticed this one Russian guy who has alot of friends, he's funny and charming and he has alot of girls hanging around him, he's good looking, very tall and sophisticated like, different type of look... it works for him tho.. Anyway I want to be that type of guy, I have good looks and have great personality when I decide to show it, but my problem is i'm so laxadazical in showing my personality... Most people just don't interest me and I just don't find them intriguing at all...

It's like I seriously want to have positive people around me who are upbeat and we can laugh and chill and just talk and you know but seriously how the hell do I break out of really not giving 2 fvcks about anyone ??

This same quality about not giving a fvck has helped me get many females as they usually pursue me pretty hard because I don't show many people interest, but when it comes to friends its not a great quality...

Anyone please help, I want to 'care'.. .sounds wierd but its true !


-Cod3r

Cod3r i can completely relate to your situation. However, understand that you're in a lucky situation considering alot of your peers use their assortment of 'friends' to validate themselves. I've come to realize that true friends are very hard to come by and that having a few quality ones is the way to go. Eventually girls will come to recognize your position of power, that you can stand on your own two feet without any necessary help from 'friends.' Don't get me wrong now, friends are essential but make sure you choose the right people. :flowers:

 

[Cod3r]

Tks for the tips guys...

However, the problem isn't a lack of social skills or not having the balls to approach, when I really want something I'll go get it and when I am in the mood to be social, I'm very magnetic and people will gravitate towards me, but the problem is that 90% of people totally just aren't interesting to me and hence I don't have the energy to entertain or be mr. personality....

Lets take today, I got opened up by 2 girls (niether ridiculously attractive, about average, one maybe a tad above) and niether time did I give anything back. One girl complimented my sweater and I just said tks and walked away, I had no genuine interest to talk to her... The next girl asked me 3 straight questions to which I gave 1 word answers and then threw her a bone with one question and she started yapping away for 5 minutes until I finally excused myself from her...

Now when I'm around people I find interesting, mannn they love me and I love them. I befriended the quietest girl in my class and she's great, best personality i've ran into recently and we chill and talk and its awesome, I see her and i'm excited and want to give of myself, same with some other girls I used to talk to... when i'm interested, I'm $$$... I've held whole groups in awe when I'm interested and excited for wahtever reason, but if i'm not.. i'm just in another world and you could yabber at me for hours and I'll just sit there with a look like, "why ru talking to me?"

I actually felt today that I was an HB10 female the way I was acting around people who were just generally trying to talk to me, its like i've got a stick up my own ass and I'm trying to pull it out, but damnnn i get this feeling of total disinterest and almost arrogance, maybe it's developed during my gaming stage as this very attitude is the key to my success with women...

Although he seems to lack front: attracting people from the start ect...

I attract alot of people, but the problem is showing interest in them and even caring that I attracted them in the first place. I probably get opened by women at least once a day, but 99% of those women I just brush aside with a non-chalant attitude because I just could care less about interacting with anyone other than myself... i'm very self-centered I believe and I've just started noticing this...

I've got guys giving me money, they'll do things for me and its like i'm a natural leader as most people that even talk to me end up following me somehow, but I don't reach out to them. I'm actually a mean person maybe, I dunno, around my girl i'm great.... but when i'm off by myself I'm in my own world... I don't even notice people, its pretty bad...

My girl say's i'm just a 'straight' person... no bullsh!t, no games, I don't decieve or hide my feelings or cover up my thoughts or actions and I guess it goes against my nature to be interested when in reality i'm not...

So again my question is, how to 'give people chances' ?? How to 'pretend' to be interested in people, when in reality I really could care less about anyone in the world except myself, my family, my girl and my closest friends...


-Cod3r

 

[Trapper]

Lets take today, I got opened up by 2 girls (niether ridiculously attractive, about average, one maybe a tad above) and niether time did I give anything back. One girl complimented my sweater and I just said tks and walked away, I had no genuine interest to talk to her... The next girl asked me 3 straight questions to which I gave 1 word answers and then threw her a bone with one question and she started yapping away for 5 minutes until I finally excused myself from her...

My friend this is your problem... whoever are interested in you (looks, status, race, whatever forget, accept them as human being ), give them value... appreciate with them...

 

[Cod3r]

My friend this is your problem... whoever are interested in you (looks, status, race, whatever forget, accept them as human being ), give them value... appreciate with them...

Yeah that's the problem, I don't value most people, mostly just myself... how to change that ? Act all fake and seem interested in peoples little lives... ?


-Cod3r

 

[ScrewIt]

Yeah that's the problem, I don't value most people, mostly just myself... how to change that ? Act all fake and seem interested in peoples little lives... ?


-Cod3r

I dont think faking is possible. Anytime i try to fake my interest in someone, i just weird myself out and make me feel like im after something from them. Girls especially can tell if a guy is faking interest or not.

Me and a few other people I know have the same problem, everyone we meet are boring or uninteresting...it's near impossible to be fascinated anymore. I think my main reason is for my drowsy/sleepiness by mid-day. A lot of times it's the atmosphere you're in. e.g. a classroom, workplace, etc. If everyone if upbeat and having a good time, it feels great to socialize. If one or 2 people are miserable, usually everyone else might be.

But also it's supposed to be normal for people to take interest in others who take interest in them.
I find at a certain age, a lot of people reach this stage...the ones who are independent and dont seek validation/friendships with others. When friends become acquantances and acquantances become strangers. It's weird as humans grow wiser/older, we grow more into solitude.

 

[BlackJackal]

I can honestly say that I can relate to your situation. It's hard to really care about things when you really dont care about them. Me I have a business point a veiw when it comes to life. The way I see it is, whether you can bring something to the table or not determines whether I'll even bother dealing with you.

I have more associates than I do real friends, and thats ok. Just like you I can have people love my company as long as I'm lovin theirs. Otherwise I'm doing my own thing. I dont see it as a problem thats just the way it is. I tell people you're only necessary when you're useful, when you're not useful you're nolonger necessary.

Cause most people will waste your time. And women are told the same/similar when I feel they're wastin my time.

 

[Cod3r]

It's weird as humans grow wiser/older, we grow more into solitude.

Very true

I can honestly say that I can relate to your situation. It's hard to really care about things when you really dont care about them. Me I have a business point a veiw when it comes to life. The way I see it is, whether you can bring something to the table or not determines whether I'll even bother dealing with you.

I have more associates than I do real friends, and thats ok. Just like you I can have people love my company as long as I'm lovin theirs. Otherwise I'm doing my own thing. I dont see it as a problem thats just the way it is. I tell people you're only necessary when you're useful, when you're not useful you're nolonger necessary.

Cause most people will waste your time. And women are told the same/similar when I feel they're wastin my time.

Yeah, but the thing is I do want to actively change. NOT my personality, but my lack of care for people. I've wasted alot of 'could-be-friendships' because I jsut never take time to invest in most people, some stick around and prove their worth and those are my best friends, but I can't sit back and let people prove themselves to me... who am i to do that ?? I need to prove myself to other people as well and also search for deeper parts of them ya know ??

One thing that woke me up is the simple fact that a good friend of mine now, I actually didn't like him. He was hitting on a girl I was dating at the time and my impression of him was horrible, now he's one of my closest friends. He's very dependable, he's loyal, trustworthy, ect... but I would have never knew that if I just wrote him off (i did write him off, but circumstances brought us back together)

So the point is, i'm missing out on alot of relationships by being this careless about other people, is there no remedy ?? Or just try until it happens to change or is this just me...


-Cod3r

 

[BlackJackal]

Very true



Yeah, but the thing is I do want to actively change. NOT my personality, but my lack of care for people. I've wasted alot of 'could-be-friendships' because I jsut never take time to invest in most people, some stick around and prove their worth and those are my best friends, but I can't sit back and let people prove themselves to me... who am i to do that ?? I need to prove myself to other people as well and also search for deeper parts of them ya know ??

One thing that woke me up is the simple fact that a good friend of mine now, I actually didn't like him. He was hitting on a girl I was dating at the time and my impression of him was horrible, now he's one of my closest friends. He's very dependable, he's loyal, trustworthy, ect... but I would have never knew that if I just wrote him off (i did write him off, but circumstances brought us back together)

So the point is, i'm missing out on alot of relationships by being this careless about other people, is there no remedy ?? Or just try until it happens to change or is this just me...


-Cod3r

I really believe that it might take curtain circumstances to bring people together. What I said before wasn't meant to be like I'm more important than anyone therefore I dont have to do nothing. Nor am I discouraging meeting new people. But if I cant relate to a person than the best I can do for them is be polite.

 

[DarkLight]

Yeah that's the problem, I don't value most people, mostly just myself... how to change that ? Act all fake and seem interested in peoples little lives... ?

-Cod3r

Here's the problem. The way in which you think you "value" yourself... is not true value. Its your ego's way of masking the fact that you truly DON'T value yourself. It may come across as feelings of supeirority, arrogance, etc. But its so visible from your expression right here... that your lacking true self-value. Ignowlegde the truth of this... rather than buying into your ego's protecting (from pain) lies.

The mere fact that say "people's little lives" tells me all, about your own life. Understand that the dispassionate vision you view others in... IS YOUR OWN VISION! You must view yourself and your life with the same perspective (besides the delusions of your ego, building up a false sense of self-grandeur for its own protection against these painful feelings of lack).

How to change this? Learn to truly value yourself my friend. I'm talking heart-based feelings. Not analytical comparison's of others... to elevate yourself. Such logical dissection will only isolate you deeper into your arrogant dispassionate position.

When you truly value yourself, you'll have no choice but to value "others." As the vision is one and the same. You'll respect the interesting uniqueness of "other's" lives... just as you do your own. And you'll genuinely be intrigued about them, as your are with your own mystery (life). You feel me!?

And when I'm talking VALUE yourself... I'm talking literally, open heart feelings. Feel yourself loving yourself. Accepting yourself... and dare I say... ENJOYING YOURSELF. Living towards yourself in such a manner, will unfold the benevolent, charming, enjoyably-magnetic character you know yourself capable of being.

Your story rings altogether to close to home.
So take this sharing of experience with VALUE. (pun intended, har har )

All inner work Ace. All inner work!
Peace'