NOT getting mad makes you a pvssy or a real man?

[flyinshark]

Thinking back on my last long relationship, i remember how my girlfriend used to tell me at times that i should get mad more often. I always found that statement amusing. She is the one who got mad 95% of the time, and she seemed to complain because i did not get mad at her in return. Maybe she was trying to convince herself that she was normal for getting mad?

Anyway, i'm one of the more stress-free people i know, and i almost NEVER get into verbal fights with anyone. If someone gets mad at me, i know how to remain super-calm and i "attack back" with logical arguments instead of becoming emotional.

Does this make me a pvssy? Is my calm nature a sign that i'm not manly enough, hence aggressive and all that?

I mean, it's not like i run away from arguments or fights. I stay there and face whatever i need to face, but i always stay calm and keep my voice level and arguments under control.

I always thought that the smart (and superior) one is the one who can stay calm under pressure or in a fight.

Should i get mad once in a while and let it ALL OUT??? Argue, YELL, SCREAM, punch a wall, and all that??

 

[Lust]

You don't have to.

You have to have a boundry, and once someone crosses it...

You let them know.

You let them know good, make your point, be direct and aggressive.

But, that doesn't mean getting mad at everything. I am usually sly or smug with arguments, but once they cross that fine line i raise hell.

This comes as a little suprising sometimes, but it lets a woman know shes secure with a man who knows his and her boundaries. Be a mixture of both, let your emotions come out, never take EXTRA sh!t from anyone you first were willing to take, but give them some room, and in the meantime, be sly, smart and smug about it.

 

[spider_007]

you can be agressive (mad) without loosing your temper;

walk toward the person while explaining your argument in a SHARP, CONFIDENT, AND DOMINATING (AGRESSIVE, DETERMENED) maner. Your not really loosing control, and getting psycho, but YOUR DOMINATING THE OTHER PERSON with the way you speak and with your body language.....and that's the bottom line.
Lot of times it's enought to get the other person to back off.

I do that with telemarketers.....sharp, dominating, and confident tone of voice, and the conversation rarly lasts more then 30 seconds.

 

[Mjazz]

Yea walking towards the person definitley works wonders

 

[Latinoman]

Having control of your emotions is what makes you a real man. Having control anger is okay.

 

[A-Unit]

Re:

Who's controlling the frame here?

Observe: she's telling you HOW to be a man, HOW to react, ultimately, HOW to feel. Will she also provide you with info on other aspects of your life, such as how to live?

Above the level where she says you should or shouldn't be mad (this is more a feminine issue than anything), is what you want and your frame. If you're in control, then it doesn't matter what you do, or if she even walks.

My EXP:

A girl I was dating I'd taken out, looked quite good. She was moderately out of control due to alcohol, put herself out there, danced with her friends and her friends' bf provocatively. After a few moments, he (the bf) took this as IOI, perhaps of a 3-some. I immediately shut down my emotion toward her, focused on other people. She ramped up the jealousy and dancing. Eventually, it made her feel uncomfortable and wanted me to stop him (the bf). I laughed. 1) She'd put herself in that situation, deal with it. 2) You crossed me once you'd had too much to drink, so I shut off dealing on your level. 3) I don't give into feminine drama. If you don't heed my words, then I don't expect me to jump up and clean up messes you make when you don't listen to me. Basically, she was nexxxted when the outburst occurred, but I stayed with the night b/c it was still fun with the other people. Not to mention, NOBODY controls my actions but me.

Outside of a wife, and even that's a far cry, I don't put my life, my emotions, my reputation, or my actions on women who are out of control, and think they can use a man as some sort of bank account or credit for emotional withdrawal or support. If she creates some beef with a woman on her own, clean it up. If she initiates some dumb situation with another guy, if she's not nexxxted, then clean it up. Women all too often pull the "you're my BF card," just like friends may, to coax you into doing what they want you to do. Blah. Observe that's happening. The robot hears that and responds.

I act when I BELIEVE I should act, not otherwise. I could careless the circumstances or if there's social protocols one way or the other. Some situations call for it, other's don't. It depends on YOU.

I had a GF in texas who's soundsystem was ganked from her in a LargeScale club. Being in Houston, it was predominately latin/spanish/hispanic. Escalades were rolling around. When I came upon the car, 4 guys were shuttling away, while onlookers just stared. I ran after the car with golf club in tow. Stupid or not for mere material possessions? Perhaps. In hindsight, risk/reward wasn't there. It isn't that I don't lay down for people whom I'm devoted to, but that I won't allow people to yank me down with their problems, more so if they don't heed any sort of reasonable advice. In this particular situation, I had more to lose than gain, and certainly if my manhood or relationship hinged on risking my life over a stupid sound system in a cheap car, then I truly must be a fickle man.

Operate from YOUR frame.
BE life.
Stand your stand.
Who you are is typewritten in your genes.
Being anything else is a denial of your glory.
Being you also frees you from GUT-reactions and automation.


A-Unit

 

[diplomatic_lies]

Anger is an illogical emotion. It doesn't contribute to human development or happiness. Everything people do under the influence of anger has been either stupid, or useless. It's one emotion we can all do without.

 

[flyinshark]

Good stuff guys! Also, i think a man can put someone in their place while remaining calm. You can tell someone your way of thinking without yelling at them or becoming verbally violent, so people will respect you and your boundaries AND they will respect you even more because you have been able to stay calm but firm through all of it.

 

[Bible_Belt]

calm, cool, and collected is the only way

 

[SalParadise]

My Grandfather has always told me that 'control is the best weapon of all', and I think he's correct. I also think that quote originally came from Bruce Lee.

Staying calm and controlled and not getting angry gives you more power in the situation. You can act out of reason and intent rather than emotion and fury. This gives you a much better chance of getting the outcome you desire.

When is being 'calm and controlled' no good?

When you aren't putting your position across. When you're not having the courage to stand your ground. When you're letting someone walk all over you.

There is a huge difference between 'staying in control' and 'being a *****'. Ultimately, you will know in your gut which of these you are doing. If you are standing your ground and demanding respect, but doing so quietly, you are not being a *****.

This is true of many things. Consider:

There is a huge difference between 'being picky' and 'being scared to approach girls and covering it up as pride'.

There is a huge difference between 'raising a woman's interest level so that she can't wait to hear your voice' and 'getting some digits'.

There is a huge difference between 'being truly satisfied with your life' and 'impressing others'.

There is a huge difference between 'being patient' and 'not having the guts to make your move'.

The last one has been expanded on by Pook in his article 'Patience: The refined form of confidence'. As you can see, to the outside observer, there's no difference between someone who is 'patient' and someone who is 'not taking action'. But because the inner motivation is different, so are the results.

It is all about where you are on the inside. Respect yourself, put across your position, and do it the way you think is best.

 

[underdog]

everybody gets mad you know. I think a dj might get mad but knows how to controll it. thats what im learning. =)

 

[MetalFortress]

Thinking back on my last long relationship, i remember how my girlfriend used to tell me at times that i should get mad more often. I always found that statement amusing. She is the one who got mad 95% of the time, and she seemed to complain because i did not get mad at her in return. Maybe she was trying to convince herself that she was normal for getting mad?:

She felt childish immature and emotional for being the one to get mad all the time, and she wanted you to get mad too so she wouldn't feel that way. Good on you for not falling for that one.

 

[flyinshark]

Good post by SalParadise. I liked it and it makes a lot of sense

She felt childish immature and emotional for being the one to get mad all the time, and she wanted you to get mad too so she wouldn't feel that way. Good on you for not falling for that one.

Yeah, you're right. I realize now that indeed i handled her the right way, and i'm glad i didnt give in by getting mad just to make her happy. Boy would i have been a dumbass for playing her game.

I learned sooo much from that relationship, and im really happy about all the ups and especially the downs i went through with that girl. I became much more mature and experienced with girls, and this showed last night when i went on a first date with a new girl.

I was so calm and in control.. and so confident about my looks and about my own personality that the date went great. I never thought dating could be so fun, because i used to stress out about it before. Now, i enjoy the date and think about it as just hanging out as friends and if there are sparks i take it from there. If not, we become friends and it's all good and fun regardless, for there are other girls who im planning on going out with anyway.

 

[Ice Cold]

Anger is an illogical emotion. It doesn't contribute to human development or happiness. Everything people do under the influence of anger has been either stupid, or useless. It's one emotion we can all do without.

Amen.

I think you're fine. (OP)

The only problem is that the little criticism from your ex has actually made you question your identitiy and who you are. That is insecure. It shows you that you're not really sure WHAT you are how how you're supposed to be.