Not commiting is the only way to to maintain frame

[Velasco]

They have no emotional connection to the fvckboi, feel no closeness or validation from his aloofness, and lose interest.

you say the missing element the fckboi lacks is emotional connection (the beta dork, primal sexual desire) that THIS is what prevents him from being the guy she truly genuinely lusts after.

Yesterday, Zekko commented on this post that "relationships are all about [emotional] connections." (talking about how the women in question probably makes 100X more money than the guy she just tied the knot with). And I agree. I myself am a self proclaimed fckboy yet am able to string girls along for a couple of years cuz I have this element with them. What I don't have is money. The element your list of fictional characters, have in spades.

So I think really the ideal guy girls are looking for would be the one in the middle of these two extremes: The sexy emotionally unavailable playboy (raw primal sexual desire + $$$) and the sexy broke artist who gets her (raw primal sexual desire + emotional connection). because both extremes don't work out in the long run.

 

[deadmasterx]

I disagree.

Relationships for me are the next level of "I dare you to maintain your frame". It's a whole new challenge where most guys that are confident on pickup, have a good active sexual life and are outgoing will fail. Why? Because it involves emotions. It's easy to hang out, have sex, have fun and discard someone when you don't have any emotional bonds with this person, that's why emotions gives the relationship a whole different set up.

The rules are still the same, but are you able to still be the same? Are you able to still be the one that you used to be when she started falling in love with you? This is what maintaining your frame in a relationship is about.

It's not about her having this subconscious fear that you might cheat on her if she doesn't behave like a good girl, you'd only build a relationship based on untrust this way, and all of them are faded to failure anyways. The idea is: keep on being yourself, stand your ground, love and protect your woman but do not fall for her bull**** when it comes, keep on loving and keeping your heart open day after day, conquer her heart and give her the chance to conquer yours too. That's a relationship in a daily basis.

Sure, you can treat your woman like ****, but is this who you want to be associated with? You want to be seen as a big guy and your girl as your little *****? Love doesn't flow where there's no respect, you better get yourself a hooker if that's what you want.

As a man, I want to be with a woman that is as good as I am, that I will respect and that I know she respect me. Once respect is over, in either ways, love is gone too. If love is gone, why the hell would I stay in a relationship?

I am in a relationship to grow. To become a better and stronger man that won't fail her and life's tests, that will build a better life with her support (not that I can't do that without her, but with a good woman by your side things tend to be easier) and grow as man, human being, partner, even as father if God wishes so.

To finish it, I'd like to say that relationship isn't a game. If she's playing games, don't play it. She can't play it by herself. If you are the one playing games, grow some balls and man up. Lead your girl like a man and open your heart for her love. Don't be a ****. If you're being humiliated, get the hell out of it. If you're humiliating, you're a ****ty human being. Do what is right, no matter the circumstances. That's how a grown up man has to act like.

 

[rjc149]

So I think really the ideal guy girls are looking for would be the one in the middle of these two extremes: The sexy emotionally unavailable playboy (raw primal sexual desire + $$$) and the sexy broke artist who gets her (raw primal sexual desire + emotional connection). because both extremes don't work out in the long run.

Correct. Raw primal sexual desire + emotional connection + $$$ = the alpha provider and nurturer.

 

[BadBoy89]

I often see guys in committed relationships get complacent, lazy, sets bad examples, lose their leadership, quits providing value of any kind, let's discipline slide, doesn't nurture when needed, doesn't provide a good level of comfort and safety, loses frame and no longer stands their ground, etc.

I would venture a guess this has happened to every guy. The girl “pulls away“ and the guy changes to keep her in order to get consistent access to sex. Then the girl starts to realize if the guy has to “change“ to get sex, he is not as sexy as she thought. Then the abuse and entitlement issues arise. That’s why we tell men, NEVER change for girls. You can compromise, but don’t change,

On the other hand, who wants to do all the above to maintain a relationship where her stock is crashing by the minute? I would just throw out the milk and get a new carton from the store.

Then they come on here to complain about how terrible women are. I'm not saying this was you but I often see them complaining and making judgements on women before they look in the mirror deeply at themselves and see if they could've done something different or not.

A man should NEVER do anything “different” for a woman. All he has to do is keep doing the same thing that got him the girl. Maintain, maintain, maintain. The most important thing in life is maintaining. Otherwise forces, almost gravity like, will pull a man down and destroy him.

 

[Lookatu]

The girl “pulls away“ and the guy changes to keep her in order to get consistent access to sex.

A man should NEVER do anything “different” for a woman.

First solution is to never get pvssy whooped. Whip that pvssy! lol

Second is a man SHOULD do things that are " different" if it falls in line with self improvement. There is no magical blueprint on how to be an ideal bf/husband/father that works 100% for everyone in all situations. If the guy is rigid, he is also ignorant and ignorance will bring on bad situations.

The best thing we can do is be objective by looking at the situation in a more holistic 360 degree view and adjust/improve accordingly. (This is what I meant by looking in the mirror)

I know I've improved by doing things "different" as both a husband and father and will continue to re-evaluate myself to improve myself where needed. Life is always about improving in all areas. You can't rest or stop, or you'll eventually lose.

 

[Glassguy]

I think it’s not so much not committing, it’s being ready and able to walk at a moments notice and sub-communicating that through your actions.

You can’t verbalize it, they have to feel it by the way you carry yourself which is expressed best by complete non neediness.

No double texting, don’t respond to texts in 2.5 seconds, she cancels a date? Don’t text her “it’s ok” it’s not ok, the correct response is radio silence. Don’t even respond to the cancellation. Etc, Etc.

Disagree with OPs initial post. Agree with Cola.

Its about having high standards for yourself and sticking to it. No woman is worth lowering your standards or tossing those standards to the side.

The other issue is most men have such low standards to begin with, they would sell their soul for a piece of @ss.

 

[Lookatu]

This is the reason why most weak guys can't maintain or have high standards.

We can only mitigate or reduce this by having abundance. For those that aren't in a position to have abundance will always have the Kryptonite affect them unfortunately.

 

[Dash Riprock]

I think it’s not so much not committing, it’s being ready and able to walk at a moments notice and sub-communicating that through your actions.

You can’t verbalize it, they have to feel it by the way you carry yourself which is expressed best by complete non neediness.

No double texting, don’t respond to texts in 2.5 seconds, she cancels a date? Don’t text her “it’s ok” it’s not ok, the correct response is radio silence. Don’t even respond to the cancellation. Etc, Etc.

Summed up being a pure DJ in a few sentences. Well done @cola.

 

[tightsocks]

yup. Every time I had a woman lust over me I was sociopathic. Banging strippers the morning of and coming home to them. Lying to them. Getting off to ****ing and leaving them. Hot women love being treated like **** after you get them to fall for you

Is Game different with strippers? I always wanted to become a regular at a strip club.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

If you let a woman lead, she's gonna use your combined resources to lead you and her to a better man and then ditch your a$$ and it'll be your fault to boot.

So, in order to maintain your frame, you need to have her following you and that means she must respect you and for some women, this respect is just too much to ask, it's just we tend to live in ignorance of fault when opportunity is barren, you need to be able to see her faults

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

@EyeBRollin nailed it. It has everything to do with the woman’s interest level. If she is high interest/high investment then you are on a good path. In that case you still have to remain the man, but if she sees you as valuable she will make effort to keep you.

I also echo what @LiveYourDream said. She is utterly correct that you cannot take a short term fling, drama ridden woman, add time and get a quality LTR. No way. The characteristics you need for a successful LTR are not what drama mamas and crazy chicks offer.

But many men get sucked into the crazy woman/crazy sex vortex just as many women get sucked into the alpha bad boy vortex.

If you are inclined toward those archetypes (and I am as many of you know), then you have to know your own pathos and choose partners more cerebrally. You look for the archetype characteristics that you cannot do without, and you at the same time select for characteristics that lend themselves to a stable LTR. This requires pretty ruthless catch and release. Meaning you cannot allow yourself to catch feelings for someone who only has the archetypal traits, without the stabilizing traits.

My formula has been twofold:

1. Do I desire him sexually?
2. Can he lead me?

Answer to both must be yes. And many things go into that. If I have sexual desire then my interest level is very high and sex is on tap for my man. If he can lead me that further fuels my desire for him and I also desire to please and serve him. This means I care for him, cook for him, keep things clean, assist with whatever I can to aid his life & purpose, & generally treat him like a king. And it pleases me to do so. I also become emotionally close to him, allow him to open up and be vulnerable, invest emotionally and be a person/place where he feels honored and loved and safe. And I get close to him emotionally in this process as well, which again heightens & fuels my sexual desire through emotional connection. This develops his emotional attachment, creates an emotionally fulfilling sexual experience FOR HIM and builds loyalty and trust in the interaction.

These things are synergistic. But these synergies build a solid foundation within a closed system. Meaning an exclusive or committed relationship. The exclusivity/commitment protects the couple from outside distractions and allows for depth & meaningful interaction to be facilitated.

But you can’t get there with an individual who doesn’t value commitment or an individual who doesn’t know how to be in that kind of relationship…

And it might take time to find an individual who has both sets of characteristics. Which means not allowing sub par people too much bandwidth…

Currently I’m in a relationship that fits the description above. My BF has dated the strippers and the whack women & gotten burned with the crazy women. He is amazed (his word) at the difference. He loves a home cooked meal after work, he loves great sex on tap, he feels loved, valued and cared for. I have high desire for him, appreciate his ambition, passion toward his purpose and I defer to him & enjoy doing for him as stated above. He is a desirable man but is uniquely well suited for me, and he prefers an exclusive situation rather than the effort of cycling through women who end up untenable for a LTR…

I am happy with him and with things. So is he. So that lends itself organically towards the closed system that creates greater depth.

But you have to pick the right partner. That is key.

 

[Zimbabwe]

I agree with this, the reason women have a lot of power in modern relationships is because they have so much more options then we do. A man is only as loyal as his options in most cases.

I've spent a lot of time looking at ways a man can keep frame in a LTR and i always come back to the same conclusion as the OP. There really does not seem to be any other way.

 

[Zimbabwe]

This is why commitment is Beta in the eyes of women. They innately sense this.

Ive noticed commitment doesn't just apply to dating other women, it's more about committing time and being scarce. There was this girl on Dr phil who complained that her husband would go out with friends to play fantasy baseball every night but once he stopped that and spent more time with her, she lost interest and divorced him

 

[SargeMaximus]

Id love to know how op manages it. Ime when I get interest from multiple women and they know I’m not monogamous they bail on me. Very few can handle sharing their guy ime. The only one who seems to be able to is the Asian im still texting with but all the others that I’ve actually dated or been fwb with can’t handle being a girl in my rotation

 

[Velasco]

The secret is in making them feel like theyre the only girl your seeing (maintain this illusion. She needs it) VS them actually being the only girl your seeing

 

[SargeMaximus]

The secret is in making them feel like theyre the only girl your seeing (maintain this illusion. She needs it) VS them actually being the only girl your seeing

Isnt that the same as only having one girl? If she thinks she’s the only girl she assumes she is

 

[Velasco]

Theres a difference, sarge.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Theres a difference, sarge.

I dunno man, plenty of times I realized I was acting needy but wasn’t internally needy. Hard to describe but it’s like I didn’t care that I lost that particular girl but was annoyed that I did and wondered why. I used to be not needy at all and was a virgin before pua. Blissfully going through life without needing women till one day I realized I was still a virgin.

i do think a lot of it has to do with what the girl thinks the dynamics are

 

[Ricky]

This is a great thread from last year with alot of point and counterpoints.

I will come back to it and comment more.

 

[Bingo-Player]

- women are very jealous creatures and this is an opportunity to manipulate them.

To be honest this is the only thing ive found in the last 15 years that genuinely allows you to flip a "low interest or medium interest" woman into one that will pursue you

Going back to the OP i think he is right its just worded incorrectly

You can commit but she just has to understand if she misbehaves you will leave her for someone else without so much as a goodbye

As long as you set that precedent from the start you will be ok

She must be inferior to you in almost all perception she has of you