"A girl might not like you immediately, but if you tell her to give you her phone number instead of asking for it, she might give it to you and then realize after talking to you more that she likes you. By the same token, a girl that wasn't extremely motivated to go out with you and would cancel if you keep asking her might find out it's the best date she ever went on." -Quick
Well this sounds like it would make sense. It's Bible-backed, and in theory sounds very effective. But the truth is, the difference between asking/telling and calling to confirm/just showing up is hardly substantial. Those things set up the "power struggle" dynamic. Do the Brad Pitt test to ALLL of these. I am not suggesting that you call and say "We're still going out right, right???"....but then again I kinda make my own rules.
I'll call them as many times as I'd like up until the date, and they call me. I show them that it's ok to talk to each other whenever we feel like it. "DJ's" seem to think that you shouldn't call her at all and somehow magically she is just going to keep calling you. She will follow your actions. If you don't call, and play a silly game based on "rules", she is going to follow your lead. So even if she WANTS to talk to you, she won't because she either a) has noticed that you are playing games and feels she needs to play back in order to protect herself, or b) she thinks that you are being real, and that you don't want the same type of open, free, relationship that she wants. Be REAL, don't mold it from a bunch of silly rules posted online.
Basically what you're saying is that if she's "on the fence" about you, and you keep giving her opportunities to cancel, then she may talk herself out of the date and cancel. BUT, you should have built enough rapport during the intital encounter that she WANTS to see you and talk to you. She will call you more than you will call her, ideally...but it's ok for you to pick up the phone just for the hell of it. Or send a text message to see what she's doing. If she LIKES YOU then you can do whatever the fvck you want. And it's SO much funner that way because you're not restricting yourself, or molding your behavior from a site. And if/when a chick is into you, the chemistry is REAL. There is no more need for posting, and pretending, and remembering.
Hell, don't JUST be the real you. Be RELENTLESS with it. Take it to extremes. She'll notice your strong will. "This is me, the entire me. I am fun! I like you and I don't care whether you like it or not!" Most guys are so wrapped up with whether or not she is into them, that they are so careful and stepping on egg-shells so they don't fvck it up. These rules are doing EXACTLY that.
They were originally laid out to radiate "I don't care about you, girl", but that doesn't work because the ENTIRE REASON for them IS because they care SO much that they are scared to death to show their real personality and fvck it up. These rules are the ULTIMATE supplication. Do whatever the fvck you want and be PROUD of it!
"You have no benefit in assuming the worst.. so what if she comes along only because of pity?" -Vectorz
Well Vectorz, lets get this straight. I'm NOT assuming the worst at all. In fact, my phone calls aren't TO confirm the date, it's to talk to her because I want to. If ANYTHING I'm assuming the BEST because I'm assuming that it won't matter if I call her or not...she wants to go out with me. She likes me, and it doesn't matter what I do or say, as long as I say it with strength and pride. My call frequency, when I've been real and had adequete time during the initial interaction, will have NO bearing on her decision to go out with me. I call because I want to.
"Once you're together, the ball is in YOUR court, you NOW have the option of cutting the date short and calling it a night IF *YOU* feel the vibe is not there.
Hmmm, I see a few things that I don't like about this. First of all, you're setting up a power-struggle dynamic. Break that attitude. You're not fighting against her. You're not doing things TO her. This isn't war. You're doing things WITH her. By the time that you have shifted the "power" to YOUR side, you have already wasted at least part of an evening with her. No thanks to that. She can call me as much as she wants before the date, and I will be sure to call her a few times just for the hell of it. If she chooses to cancel, she can. You said it yourself "You should've called to confirm so that I could've cancelled on you INSTEAD of flaking on you.". You're right. He should have.
"Why is your thought provoking the concept that HER time spent with you is so much more valuable than YOUR time spent with her?" -Vectorz
Power-struggle again. Knock that off. They are connection-killerz. And believe it or not my attitude is exactly the OPPOSITE. I am conveying that I KNOW she's going to like me. I have this personality that I'm going to put right in front of her. I'll show her all of my strengths, and even my insecurities which I am PROUD of. She will know what I want, and what I'm looking for. I do that because I'm confident that if she isn't a nut, she will like it. AND she will be inclined to be the same. She see's that I'm opening up, and that I'm being real, and that it's ok for HER to do that. You're opening the lines of communication. You're on the same side now...working towards the same goal. THAT is the dynamic you want.
Having to follow little rules, and play little tricky games, and use the Bible to hide who you really are in order for a girl to like you???? Now THAT sounds like you're giving HER more credit than she deserves. You're warping your personality for HER to like you. THAT sounds like supplication to me.
-Blitz
