Not aggressive enough?

[jaymbrs]

I tend to let things talk me out of making a move on a woman I don’t know. Could be a ring of any kind on her left hand, a pic of her and a guy on her screensaver, playing hard to get, etc. My most valuable asset is time and I hate risking it on someone that has these examples pop up so tend to shy away from doing anything. Question for the more aggressive types, am I doing myself a disservice? I’ve seen dudes who just don’t care or maybe even see these things who still approach. I don’t know the outcome but I feel like maybe im talking myself out too quickly from doing anything. I blame it on age and experience but man lately I feel there’s rarely a clear cut sign from a woman that she’s available.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

You're overthinking it. Take sex off the table for a minute and approach her to see if she would make a good acquaintance or friend. See if she even qualifies as someone you enjoy talking to, let the conversation evolve naturally. Ask her a question and see if she asks one back. If she does then she's at least being polite and may be interested.

There are four billion women on this planet, you couldn't meet them all if you tried. After enough approaches you'll realize that rejection doesn't hurt and incompatibility is not a judgement of your character or hers. Never take rejection personally in any endeavor. Quit building negative narratives in your imagination and holding on to them as if they're real, they're not. Take the pressure off and have fun in the moment, you'll be surprised by what you find.

Even if you get rejected you'll look back and be grateful that you tried in the first place. You have one life, live it.

Come from abundance with women, don't seek their validation.

 

[hardboiled85]

Good question, in for answers - I don't have muchto add as I am similar age and have just started approaching again, only thing I'll contend is try and approach when you are feeling at least a little happy and carefree of the outcome.

 

[Bingo-Player]

It can be hard to push yourself out of a comfort zone and speak to a stranger as we live in an increasingly unsociable environment that prefers to live in a fantasy online world

The edge is that actually because nobody is willing to break them barriers in real life a lot of dating opportunities do go wasted

There is a HB7.5 in my gym not really my type but she is hot by most standards

recently i have seen her training with a new guy , i have seen the guy in the gym before but he isn't there often

One of my friends knows this guy so i ask him about what's going on

Apparently this guy had just randomly approached HB7.5 in the gym one day exchanged numbers and now they are dating

That really got me thinking that yea it is all in our heads .....i absolutely hate approaching women in the gym but they sure as hell ain't gonna approach you

As Nike says just do it , the worst case is that she comes off uninterested or politely declines

In which case you are just back to where you started anyway

Best case she has desperately been waiting for a guy to just approach her and wants to date and fvck

its one of them gambles where the payoff does outweigh the risk every time

5 mins of awkwardness v.s a future evening getting your d1ck sucked

Spin the wheel !!

 

[Robert28]

It can be hard to push yourself out of a comfort zone and speak to a stranger as we live in an increasingly unsociable environment that prefers to live in a fantasy online world

The edge is that actually because nobody is willing to break them barriers in real life a lot of dating opportunities do go wasted

There is a HB7.5 in my gym not really my type but she is hot by most standards

recently i have seen her training with a new guy , i have seen the guy in the gym before but he isn't there often

One of my friends knows this guy so i ask him about what's going on

Apparently this guy had just randomly approached HB7.5 in the gym one day exchanged numbers and now they are dating

That really got me thinking that yea it is all in our heads .....i absolutely hate approaching women in the gym but they sure as hell ain't gonna approach you

As Nike says just do it , the worst case is that she comes off uninterested or politely declines

In which case you are just back to where you started anyway

Best case she has desperately been waiting for a guy to just approach her and wants to date and fvck

its one of them gambles where the payoff does outweigh the risk every time

5 mins of awkwardness v.s a future evening getting your d1ck sucked

Spin the wheel !!

Or she will give you a harsh rejection like I got the other day “I’m good”. That’s why guys don’t approach, we get tired of women being cvnts.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Or she will give you a harsh rejection like I got the other day “I’m good”. That’s why guys don’t approach, we get tired of women being cvnts.

Woah hang on a second cowboy

Are you telling me as a man you can't cope with a woman telling you "she's good"

Come on settle that ego down dust yourself off , try someone else maybe you are punching too high

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

It’s a cliche for a reason: You miss 100% of the shots you do not take.

Get out there & shoot your shot. She will tell you if she’s taken. She will tell you if she’s not interested.

You cannot be a snowflake in this life. You are a man. Being a man comes with certain privileges and certain responsibilities.

But you can’t reap all the privileges without accepting all the responsibilities.

Approach. If fear is holding you back then you are sabatoging yourself. And all these excuses are a manifestation of fear.

You gotta get to a place where you react to the potential rejection like you’d react to being turned down when you offer someone ketchup. Not a single thought about why. Not worth worrying about. If some chick isn’t feeling it then you’ve got that sorted & on to the next interaction.

It really is that simple. If you think differently then you are controlled by fear and limiting yourself.

Just do it.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I tend to let things talk me out of making a move on a woman I don’t know. Could be a ring of any kind on her left hand, a pic of her and a guy on her screensaver, playing hard to get, etc. My most valuable asset is time and I hate risking it on someone that has these examples pop up so tend to shy away from doing anything. Question for the more aggressive types, am I doing myself a disservice? I’ve seen dudes who just don’t care or maybe even see these things who still approach. I don’t know the outcome but I feel like maybe im talking myself out too quickly from doing anything. I blame it on age and experience but man lately I feel there’s rarely a clear cut sign from a woman that she’s available.

I've said this many times here but I believe it applies to your situation as well. The main reason most men freeze is that they have an agenda and the rejection of that agenda is mortifying and therefore they believe it will give them an identity. Meaning, you get rejected therefore you are unworthy, or a loser, or undeserving, etc.

So two aspects of this which were covered above, take sex out of the equation. Do NOT approach with the intent to date the girl or worse bang her. Approach because you want to have a constructive and fun conversation with another human being. Simple things like where are you from, what do you do for fun will get you on the right track for the person to talk about themselves. Most people love to talk about themselves, especially women. I tend to focus on the other person unless I'm being asked about myself.

Second, rejection is normal. Not everyone is meant to like every single person they meet. We are human, we are different. Agree to disagree and move on. Do NOT take things personally. And most of all, do NOT let rejection or "not clicking" with someone be a factor in your identity. Who you are has nothing to do with outside validation. You DO NOT need someone's approval to be you.


Modern Man Advice

 

[jaymbrs]

Thanks for the feedback. While I completely understand the concept of missing 100% of the shots I don't take, my question was more geared towards the men who really don't care if she has a ring on or if she's with a guy. I've seen some ballsy dudes just approach these women, asking to buy them or drink or whatever. There's just no logic to do that IMO. My thoughts are if she's wearing a ring, she's announcing to the world she's taken.

 

[behimo]

just abide by your own rules and standards, don't follow someone else.

 

[BeExcellent]

Thanks for the feedback. While I completely understand the concept of missing 100% of the shots I don't take, my question was more geared towards the men who really don't care if she has a ring on or if she's with a guy. I've seen some ballsy dudes just approach these women, asking to buy them or drink or whatever. There's just no logic to do that IMO. My thoughts are if she's wearing a ring, she's announcing to the world she's taken.

Not always. It never hurts to inquire. Like @Modern Man Advice suggests you just see it as a human to human interaction without an agenda.

I’ve been known to wear my old wedding set to communicate being taken (it does deflect a fair amount of attention) but I always wear at least a c ocktail ring on that finger mostly because I like rings and I have many.

I was wearing a large ring on that finger the night I met my current BF. As our conversation progressed he asked if I was married (he assumed I was)…and to his delight? I wasn’t

Often as a conversation develops people will signal by what they say just what their situation is. If she constantly talks about a husband or boyfriend she is telling you she’s taken without you having to ask her. In that case you simply enjoy the conversation. She might be a good person to network with, she might have a cute single girlfriend, you never know.

Practice seeing where conversations go without an agenda.

The Fine Art of Small Talk
by Deborah Fine (a once socially awkward engineer).

 

[oc16]

It can be hard to push yourself out of a comfort zone and speak to a stranger as we live in an increasingly unsociable environment that prefers to live in a fantasy online world

The edge is that actually because nobody is willing to break them barriers in real life a lot of dating opportunities do go wasted

There is a HB7.5 in my gym not really my type but she is hot by most standards

recently i have seen her training with a new guy , i have seen the guy in the gym before but he isn't there often

One of my friends knows this guy so i ask him about what's going on

Apparently this guy had just randomly approached HB7.5 in the gym one day exchanged numbers and now they are dating

That really got me thinking that yea it is all in our heads .....i absolutely hate approaching women in the gym but they sure as hell ain't gonna approach you

As Nike says just do it , the worst case is that she comes off uninterested or politely declines

In which case you are just back to where you started anyway

Best case she has desperately been waiting for a guy to just approach her and wants to date and fvck

its one of them gambles where the payoff does outweigh the risk every time

5 mins of awkwardness v.s a future evening getting your d1ck sucked

Spin the wheel !!

Ah, the ever controversial and difficult "hitting on women at the gym" scenario.

I love these topics since most women at the gym are attractive and you already have one thing in common with them=physical fitness.

As difficult and awkward as it can be trying to talk to a woman who is a gym member; I think it is 2x as difficult when the female is an employee at the gym.

There is a HB7 personal trainer at my gym who I have gotten eye contact from. However, most of the time she is out on the floor training her clients, so obviously I can't talk to her in that scenario. It's also difficult because most the employees there are men, and I would feel like I am "encroaching on their territory" if I tried to talk to her.

I always say to myself it would be so much easier to talk to this woman (or any woman at the gym) if you "ran into" them outside the gym. You can always say "Hey, we go to the same gym" or "You work at my gym"....perfect opener and an excuse to talk to her.

 

[hardboiled85]

In which case you are just back to where you started anyway

Hmmm, I agree to a point, modern women, attention *****s too glued to their online status across SM platforms and good at creating her special world at the gym or work or whereever - She could say no and then ****block you with other women, and or make a huge drama to recruit all the buff but beta white knights "yo bro she said no" lol

 

[Robert28]

Woah hang on a second cowboy

Are you telling me as a man you can't cope with a woman telling you "she's good"

Come on settle that ego down dust yourself off , try someone else maybe you are punching too high

I wasn’t punching too high at all, she was actually below some girls I’ve dated to be honest. Now SHE might have thought I was punching out of my league but I knew I wasn’t.

 

[ubercat]

Probably a bit of both. Yes you have to get hardened to rejections. Women get hit on so often that most of the time it comes down to her mood at the time. Taking it as a judgement on you is like basing your mood on the weather.

And yes a lot of modern women seem to have lost the art of letting a guy down easy.

Whether that's from entitlement, lack of emotional control or just plain being a bad person who knows. They re doing you a favour. Why would you want to admit somebody like that into your life.

On the wedding ring agree with BE. Like I said girls get his on a lot so probably some of them wear an old one or maybe even just a fake one for self-defence. Going by my argument they might be a better quality of lady because that is a way to let a guy down easy.