NOOOO I got LJBFed

[2c2bt]

Should I still hang out with her as her LJBF?

We met last year working together. I didn't like her because she was fat. Anyway, I left the job.

I started working back at the same job last month. Now she's thin and hot as hell. She looks totally different. All the guys at work want her. I asked her out, and she told me she never thought of me that way, and she doesn't want to go out with me because of our work. I don't even know if she would go out with me if either of us found a different job, and were no longer working together.

Anyway, she said she wants to hang out with me as friends. Actually, it all transpired today. I called her, and asked her if she wanted to go out with me. After she told me all that stuff about how she felt about me, and how she wanted to LJBF, I sort of didn't say much after that. I actually had to get off the phone because I did not have that many minutes, and was not going to use them up discussing LJBF stuff. I called her after hours, but she didn't pick up. I don't mind doing LJBF stuff with her. I just want to meet more women, but because I am always broke I meet no women.

There are 0 women in my life. I am an AFC, and have always have been for the past 30 years of my life. I started here about 5 years ago, and have not been able to change much. Mostly because I have always been struggling financially. Anyway, if anybody would like to let me know what they think or what I can do, I would appreciate it.

Peace.

 

[Kwello]

Keep her as an LJBF. You might not get any ***** from her, but it's great social proof and will help get you ***** in the long run.

Don't turn into an AFC though... remember, it's OVER with this girl. Now you can completely relax around her and develop a good friendship. Keep up the kino/flirtations and crap but keep it in context of being friends.

The more hot women friends and women friends in general that you have, the better off you are for future encounters. They are great verification for any outside women.

If you're a Myspace/Facebook/whatever user, make sure she's posting on your wall and maintain wall-to-wall conversations. Having women posting on your page comes off great.

Remember to play it off like you asking her out was totally not a big deal... and it ISN'T a big deal really anyway so that should be easy.

 

[2c2bt]

Another thing, last night I have a screwed up dream. There was this girl that I liked. Just in the dream because I never saw her before in real life. I asked her out, and she dumped me. I woke up this morning pretty upset that my dreams are as screwed up as my real life. Anyway, what I dreamt about last night was pretty much exactly what happened today. Weird.

 

[2c2bt]

Keep her as an LJBF. You might not get any ***** from her, but it's great social proof and will help get you ***** in the long run.

Don't turn into an AFC though... remember, it's OVER with this girl. Now you can completely relax around her and develop a good friendship. Keep up the kino/flirtations and crap but keep it in context of being friends.

The more hot women friends and women friends in general that you have, the better off you are for future encounters. They are great verification for any outside women.

If you're a Myspace/Facebook/whatever user, make sure she's posting on your wall and maintain wall-to-wall conversations. Having women posting on your page comes off great.

Remember to play it off like you asking her out was totally not a big deal... and it ISN'T a big deal really anyway so that should be easy.

Thanks alot!
That is some really great advice as I have 0 hot girls as friends. How do I develop my freindship with her, and maintain respect as a friend instead of being one of the many lapdogs that worship her like the rest of my coworkers.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

I think for a guy like you, staying LJBF is too painful. I mean, the more you hang-out with her, the more you'll be into her or really like her and will always have some sort of hope that she may change her mind about you. She told you that you weren't good enough for her. How will you feel when she does gets attracted to someone that you feel doesn't deserve her and falls for him?
Imagine, you feel this great connection with her, and she sleeps with someone else who is able to trigger her attraction - and you have no other woman. That's got to be a blow to the ego. The best thing to do is avoid situations like that from happening.

You have to go out there and meet new women, or find any woman that can recognize you and respect you as a man. Start a 100 approach journal, go on the internet, do anything you can to find a REAL girl who can make you feel like a REAL man.

How does that feel that you were not good enough for anyone just to get a LJBF here - I'd be very frustrated if I were you and think that a drastic change would have to be taken - you said you have 0 women in your life, meaning you have a scarcity mentality, and that you've been AFC for past 5 years. This is toxic man. Hanging out with her is like saying 'I'm so famished that I'll suffer the breadcrumbs and be happy while some jerk gets the meat'.

Have some self-respect you are better than breadcrumbs. This social proof stuff only works if you have solid inner game, cause the reality is, you are going to end up liking her, and you'd probably do better with a WING-MAN rather than a WING-WOMAN anyway.

 

[Kwello]

You maintain a friendship exactly the same as if you wanted to bang this girl tonight. ****y/funny, push/pull, neg hits, etc. Try to get into conversations about real subjects rather than fluff. Get her to open up to you. Make lots of physical contact, that's actually huge even in friendship with a woman. Makes her feel more comfortable around you and creates more closeness.

Once you get to know her more, make sure to always refer to her as a friend even in conversations with her where you're able to work it in. Treat her like one of the guys; call her dude/bro/buddy (in jest of course), call her by her last name, etc. The last name thing is great btw.

A couple examples:

You just held the door open for her or something similar
Her: "Thanks!"
You: "Anytime dude"

Her: "Well I rented 28 days later which is like the scariest movie I've ever seen... but I kept watching it waiting for Sandra Bullock to show up!"
You: "No way <last name>, I don't believe you. Seriously you're making this up. How could anyone confuse 28 days with 28 days LATER!?"

Obviously it'll change a lot depending on the story... but you see the type of banter.

Go watch The Office. That last line was ripped from an episode and is a textbook example. MANY of Jim's interactions with Pam are textbook examples.

Best of luck.

 

[GamePlan]

Start a 100 approach journal

I think other than knowing the basics of this whole stuff the only thing that's really great is the approach idea stuff. I just sort of started one...though I really have an approaching anxiety. But this is the best thing a guy can do imo. And like 95% of the guys I know should do it and could profit from it.

 

[2c2bt]

I think for a guy like you, staying LJBF is too painful. I mean, the more you hang-out with her, the more you'll be into her or really like her and will always have some sort of hope that she may change her mind about you. She told you that you weren't good enough for her. How will you feel when she does gets attracted to someone that you feel doesn't deserve her and falls for him?
Imagine, you feel this great connection with her, and she sleeps with someone else who is able to trigger her attraction - and you have no other woman. That's got to be a blow to the ego. The best thing to do is avoid situations like that from happening.

You have to go out there and meet new women, or find any woman that can recognize you and respect you as a man. Start a 100 approach journal, go on the internet, do anything you can to find a REAL girl who can make you feel like a REAL man.

How does that feel that you were not good enough for anyone just to get a LJBF here - I'd be very frustrated if I were you and think that a drastic change would have to be taken - you said you have 0 women in your life, meaning you have a scarcity mentality, and that you've been AFC for past 5 years. This is toxic man. Hanging out with her is like saying 'I'm so famished that I'll suffer the breadcrumbs and be happy while some jerk gets the meat'.

Have some self-respect you are better than breadcrumbs. This social proof stuff only works if you have solid inner game, cause the reality is, you are going to end up liking her, and you'd probably do better with a WING-MAN rather than a WING-WOMAN anyway.

Yes actually, I have been on this site 5 years, and afc my whole entire life. I spend all of my time trying to get my bills paid. About $1000 per month. Then I end up with no women.

You also have some great advice. I might be better off with a wingman than with her as a friend. I don't even know why girls don't like me. I dress well, I'm good looking, I am articulate. When I flirt with them, the seem to enjoy my wit. The fact is though, I'm poor, and don't have any money. I am everything a girl could probably want in a guy unless she is out for some guy with money.

 

[Kwello]

I think for a guy like you, staying LJBF is too painful. I mean, the more you hang-out with her, the more you'll be into her or really like her and will always have some sort of hope that she may change her mind about you. She told you that you weren't good enough for her. How will you feel when she does gets attracted to someone that you feel doesn't deserve her and falls for him?
Imagine, you feel this great connection with her, and she sleeps with someone else who is able to trigger her attraction - and you have no other woman. That's got to be a blow to the ego. The best thing to do is avoid situations like that from happening.

You have to go out there and meet new women, or find any woman that can recognize you and respect you as a man. Start a 100 approach journal, go on the internet, do anything you can to find a REAL girl who can make you feel like a REAL man.

How does that feel that you were not good enough for anyone just to get a LJBF here - I'd be very frustrated if I were you and think that a drastic change would have to be taken - you said you have 0 women in your life, meaning you have a scarcity mentality, and that you've been AFC for past 5 years. This is toxic man. Hanging out with her is like saying 'I'm so famished that I'll suffer the breadcrumbs and be happy while some jerk gets the meat'.

Have some self-respect you are better than breadcrumbs. This social proof stuff only works if you have solid inner game, cause the reality is, you are going to end up liking her, and you'd probably do better with a WING-MAN rather than a WING-WOMAN anyway.

Look, he wasn't into her when she was overweight... so he just needs to keep reaffirming that he's not into her now.

Like I said, treat her like one of the guys. If you treat her like you don't give a **** about the outcome, then eventually you will think this way too. You need to FORBID yourself from ANY behavior that even resembles feelings for this girl. If you have her on Facebook for example, DO NOT let yourself visit her page unless it's merely to exchange messages.

The minute you start thinking about **** like who she's dating, which guys are talking to her, etc... that's the same minute you cross the threshold into AFCdom.

Just maintain the distinction in your mind and in reality that this girl is NOT for having sex with. This girl is there to make you look good and to enjoy her company.

I have a few hot friends. I can feel the difference in the looks I get from other women when I am hanging out with them. It honestly jumps me to like 11/10 on the looks scale somehow. They see me with this super hot woman (little do they know I have no intentions and no desire to bang this girl) and it puts them into a 'he's the prize' mentality right off the bat.

It's powerful.

This is a great opportunity for personal growth. It will take a lot of willpower to keep this girl as LJBF in your own mind, but you will come out on top if you can manage it. Don't cloud your own judgment at any time, don't ever get clingy, don't ever even get it into your head that someday you and her might date.

If you just give up and walk away, then I feel like you'll just slip further into AFCdom and feel worse about yourself. You didn't lose anything because there never was anything... so don't act like you're defeated. You aren't.

 

[Slim Ironwood]

Yes...it does seem like it is over with this girl. But that doesn't mean you can't learn from her.

Some of the best experience I've ever had is with girls who were nothing more than friends of mine. I never made a move on some of these girls but I did mess with them a bit and see what gets them doubting themselves, thinking sexually, etc. and it helped me more than reading any material would.

If this girl is making a point that you're just friends, then yeah, you have no real shot, but hanging out with her is still good, as LONG AS you yourself keep it friendly in your head. Otherwise you'll start imagining signals, thinking she likes you blah blah blah.

 

[MacDiddy]

When a chick LJBF you, she will disrepect you for all time, at least until your status improves without a doubt. ie. if you become famous or rich. or both.

only one option.... next and don't look back... far easier pray out there.

 

[foomee]

I HIGHLY agree with what Kwelo said about keeping her around as social proof. Women talk... and I mean TALK. If they hear good things from one woman, they'll start to think of it themselves. I even read something like this in my psych book a few days ago (psych major). So I got in a huge argument with my ex's roommate, but I knew I couldn't let it go because she knew a lot of people and that would ruin my social status. So we made up, blah blah blah, and shortly after my ex and I broke up, this girl found me a new girl and we hooked up. The whole time she was saying how that girl was saying all this great stuff about me. Keep her as a friend! And who knows, maybe later on she'll find you attractive

 

[2c2bt]

Thanks. I think I'll hang out with her as a friend for now. It is pretty depressing that she doesn't see me like that, but there are so many girls out there.

The only time in my life I have been able to get girls is when I am on vacation. Where I live in Miami, I never get girls. Never. It's been years since I have done anything with a girl. But when I travel abroad overseas, and spend the entire day and night hanging out, I get so many girls. I once slept with 5 different girls in one day. I was so tired. It's like when I am overseas, I am like a super master DJ. Very few girls turn me down. I have so many girl dates, I have so many friends left and right. But in my own home, miami, girls don't like me for some reason. I never got girls when I was in school. I never got girls in college. In the many years since then, I still never get girls. In the last 30 years of my life, it has been rare blue moons that I even go out with a girl.

If I try to think about what the difference is when I am on vacation versus when I am here, one thing is that when I am on vacation, I spend 24hrs/day talking to girls. Here, I spend 24 hrs/day trying to make ends meet.

 

[Wyldfire]

Well...remember how you weren't attracted to her before? It works two ways...sometimes women just aren't going to be attracted to you. Having female friends is good to help you learn to be more comfortable around women, but if you are interested in her it might not be good for you to hang out with her much.

Just because you don't have much money it doesn't mean you can't address the things that are holding you back. How much money you make and the things you have will never keep you from attracting women unless you let it. Work on your insecurities, any unhealthy thinking, bad habits, improve your look...there's a lot of changes you can make that cost nothing.

 

[MacDiddy]

I HIGHLY agree with what Kwelo said about keeping her around as social proof.

You think its that easy to convert a LBJF to social proof. She just LBJFed him, she ditched him, she said thanks but no thanks.. you think her body language from here on is going to be conducive as social proof.. She's not going to be into him and other chicks will notice that..

They'll notice the uncomfortableness of their being together... No my friends... its the opposite of social proof... it'll kill any chance..

 

[2c2bt]

I see how it could work both ways. I'll try going out with her as friens to see how it affects other women. I can see how it might be a good thing. If it turns out to be bad, I will report what happenes. Anyway, I called her last night because a friend of ours is inviting her and I to his place to teach us how to exercise.

I might talk to a few girls today at the bookstore. Any good ideas on approaches? I know one girl that works there likes me, but I never know what to say to her.

 

[Scought]

First thing you need to do: STOP MAKING IT A MATTER OF MONEY.

Honestly, all you do is make excuses. Sorry, man, that has to stop.

It's really not an excuse.

Second, this girl probably feels powerful now that you and other guys--guys she couldn't get to pay attention to her before--are asking her out. She has a false sense of importance and is taking it out on people that ignored her in the past.

I'd probably do the same thing. If a chick wouldn't give me the time of day before, and does now, I most likely would act aloof.

And, thirdly, why did you ask her out? And why over the phone?

You should have started by talking to her in person. Then you should have mentioned doing something socially, and not made it so formal as to "ask her out." Rather, suggest something fun to do, and she is welcome to come.

I am not sure what you mean by 'I asked her out." What does that mean?
It means many different things......

Above all, stop using money as an excuse.

 

[Kwello]

Alright I have a friend who asked out my other friend (HB9.5)... like he didn't just ask her out, he showed up at her work with flowers and confessed his love for her. He had barely even spoken with her before that.

Naturally she was weirded the **** out and totally LJBF'd his ass. Guess what? Now they're good friends and she's social proof.

 

[Obsidian]

I started here about 5 years ago, and have not been able to change much.

You are pathetic. Wake up, chump! Your entire life is passing away before your eyes! You've been on this site for five years and learned next to nothing?

She's not going to be into him and other chicks will notice that..

They'll notice the uncomfortableness of their being together... No my friends... its the opposite of social proof... it'll kill any chance..

quite right. LJBF doesn't really mean let's be friends, it means, "let's stay acquaintances, acquaintances who don't hang out with each other." Forget this girl and start asking out tons of other girls! I fear there is no hope for you, but theoretically, you can still turn your life around.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

People on here have consistantly advised me that the problem with my game/inner game is primarily due to the fact that I live with my parents where I'm under curfew. However, as you can see, being independant and poor seems to be the same thing, if not worst.