noob here...my situation

[aprilia825]

Hey whats up guys....great site here, lotsa great info.

Ok here's the deal....I'm in my early 20s, and there was this smokin hot girl I was hookin up with a couple years ago. She was actually the one who approached me (my best friend is going out with her best friend). We were hookin up for a while, and then it ended..."I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now....I think we're better just as friends." Now keep in mind we were going at it like rabbits for awhile there....anyway, we kept in touch, still chilled once in awhile, but talked a lot. I now realize I was being an intellectual wh.ore. Well anyway, fast forward to 2 years later, and we start hooking up again...I think I made her jealous one night cuz she saw me with someone else. Anyway, same thing as before.....but this time when she 'dumped' me (we weren't officially going out, just chilled a lot and were humping) she said the same things again...."I think we're better as friends.....I didn't want anything more" blah blah

Now the thing is, this time I know why she ended it....cuz I fell back into the same trap I swore I wouldn't fall into again. When we weren't together, I went around and did my thing and didn't care what she thought. Once we started hooking up again though, I realized I still liked her (a lot) and turned into a big pssy....so I know why it happened this time.

My question is, how do I handle seeing her now (I'm gonna be running into her when I go out cuz of our friends)....so should I just keep it at "hi" and then move on? or should I go and act like it doesn't bother me and do the ****y/funny thing? This one may take time....but knowing what I know now, if we hook up again, I'll handle it properly.

This situation is weird, cuz I don't have this problem with any other girl....I pretty much naturally go 'by the book' and it works...a lot of other girls want me, and I have no problem hooking up with other girls....but this one has a hold on me, and its like when we start hooking up, all of that goes out the window and I turn into a needy, powerless, pssy. Also, this is weird cuz in all the articles I've read, I haven't found one about 'ok, so you've banged the girl, and now you're being too nice.....and she put an end to it" Normally this stuff happens early on before you get in bed with the girl

VERY CONFUSED.....give me some guidance, stories from experience, anything.....cheers guys

PS sorry I wrote a novel....

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

every once in a while, you run across a girl like this... one who for whatever reason just turns you into a needy chump.

The problem is that you percieve her as higher value than yourself and your actions over the course of the "relationship" dictates this. I've been through that a few times and it all comes down to your own inner game. You need to keep your head in the right place and not stray, even when that little voice in your head is screaming B.S. like "She's THE ONE!!!" Ignore it, because it is a made up assumption based on fantasy and has nothing to do with the girl you're seeing or any foundation in reality.

Once you can see through your own little fantasy, the girl loses her power over you and you'll behave like you should towards her.

We've all been there and it's tough to be rational when such strong feelings take over and make you want to posses her like an object. And, most of this has to do with how hot the girl is, and how ignorant you are willing to be towards her flaws of charachter.

Never think anyone is better than you...... you need to believe that to the core in order to get over this.

 

[Kings_royalty]

You seem to be very confident when it comes to other girls, but with this girl, your confidence level drops considerably. Why? Maybe she's challenging and makes you work for her attention, where the other girls don't? If that's the case, flip the scenario over so it works the other way.

She's just as insecure, emotional and bratty (when she doesn't get what she wants) as the rest, so relax.

It sounds like you know what works, and what doesn't. My advice, keep doing what works and stop doing what doesn't.

 

[aprilia825]

Thanks a lot for the replies fellas...glad to be given solid advice as a newbie to the site. All the material here has really tied together things I thought, but was never really sure of. Back to another point in my post...I know since I am the one in the situation and really have the 'feel' for it, I should ultimately come up with this answer....but how would you suggest I act towards her when I see her next? My gut instinct is to just keep it to 'hello' and then move on....but the wildcard is our mutual friends. Thanks again for the advice

 

[WC2]

I have replied to several posts just like this on this board with my story.

To keep a long story short, back at school I got in the same situation with one of the sexiest girls at the university, and eventually entered the friendzone for a short time.

I was literally shaking everytime I saw this girl. To me, she seemed like "The One."

Well, a year later the situation is totally vice versal; she is calling me all the time now and begging to see me all the time (we are long distance during the summer).

How did it happen? Not as hard as you might think. The first step to escaping the friendzone with a girl like this is to overcome your need for a girl like this. Don't put the ***** on a pedestal. Take a look at all the NEGATIVE things about her. I'm sure you'll find plenty if you really think about it. Think of how much better you could do for yourself. Before you know it, you're going to start seeing this girl as a friend and not a sexual partner. And you may even come to a revelation and RAISE your standards.

Funny thing; back when I really had little experience with girls, I thought this girl was the girl of my dreams. A year later, she's calling me the guy of her dreams and I'm looking to move on to bigger and better things.

 

[Eccentric]

I went through the same thing, eventually you'll get over it. The key is to prevent infatuation from taking over, aka oneitis. If you still think you can remain friends, then by all means do so. But put her on the back burner, and meet some new women to take your mind in a different direction.

I'd aslo suggest that you don't try to prove to her that you've "moved" on. Because that shows you care more about her opinion towards you, than you feel about self interests. People are fragile, so you never know what's going on in her head. Now if this is a random chick, I would say who cares. But the fact that you're friends with benefits changes things.

It may hurt her a little to see you with a new girl (she wont tell you if she's hurt though), even if she did want to remain friends. But like you, she will get over it. I've seen this scenario too many times where the guys are jerks about it. They get LJBF'd, and the first thing they want to do is seek revenge against the girl because they still like her to some degree. Then these guys have a total meltdown when she pulls the same stunt with a new guy.

So when you see her again, there's no need to burn bridges. Keep an eye open and maintain a positive attitude. There are way too many girls out there to be worried about 1.

 

[aprilia825]

quick update...so the other weekend, I got a few late night phone calls from this chick. After asking her why she was calling, etc....she finally says "do you wanna come over?" I asked why, and she said "I wanna hook up"....something went off in my head and I figured this may have been a test (so soon after our thing came to an end - I can see a little while down the line, but because it was so soon it sounded fishy). Anyway I end up telling her I was busy, etc.....few more days go by then the other day she asks if I wanna go grab a bite to eat with her for dinner. I already had other plans, so I said I couldn't make it. I end up seeing her out last night...we kept things brief, but casual. Anyway, her and my friend and his girl (the girls are friends) end up coming back to my place late night and we all go for a swim...she was holding on to me, and we were being a little playful, and then I saw a time to make out with her, but she pulled away. Eventually, I end up taking her back to her place and slept over.....but still no play. just spooning. When we were talking I said that I thought we should still hook up -- no strings attached -- I said that we had a good thing going and there's no reason not to hook up anymore. She didn't give an outright NO, but she was kinda probing around and asking more questions....guess she thinks I can't keep it just as fvck buddies, but I dunno, we were talking about this a little bit early in the morning after a couple hours of sleep and I was really foggy and couldn't think of anything to say.....

any advice, suggestions, etc??? Thanks all

 

[WC2]

See, you're falling into the trap of playing games. And playing games is a GIRLS game. You cannot win. They've been studying the art of playing games since they got out of their diapers. You must get what you want from the girl when you want it, and then leave it alone.

In short, use her when neccesary and then move on with other girls. Girls don't really want a guy that needs them. But at the same time, they want to feel like they are needed. It's tricky. The trick is to use her now and then, and then leave it alone. Not only will this drive her crazy, but in her mind you'll be something "fresh".

Good luck with it bro.. bottom line is don't fall into the trap of doing what most guys would do. Once you start playing games back, she puts you into a catogorey with a whole bunch of other guys who have walked that same line with her. Set yourself apart and make sure she remembers.

 

[aprilia825]

After getting all the info from this site (stuff I pretty much knew already and applied to every other fcking girl in the world), I've decided that I'm just gonna cut communication with this chick for awhile...I've done this before (and every time I have, she calls/IMs me after a little while like clockwork), but this time, I'm either not gonna respond, or if I do, be real short and not too talkative. I have the feeling she wants to be with me (by me fck closing her in within the first few days - and keeping it up for awhile- when we first hooked up, to getting in bed with her again recently after she had me in the 'friends' territory), but like all women doesn't want a supplicating chump.....I brought up the idea of being fck buddies with her, and she wasnt opposed to it, but she thought I'd get emotionally attached.....I told her this wasn't the case. Maybe if she sees me get up and leave her bed if/when we hookup next (not on my mind for awhile), she may think differently of me...Either way, I'm not gonna call/IM her, I know she'll contact me, and when she does, I'll keep everything simple. I've been out with a few other girls, and will be out with a few more, so it's not like I'm worried about getting as.s. This post is kind of all over the place....thanks for reading it, I've had a real early morning and an extremely busy day and I just wanted to get some thoughts out there

cheers.

 

[dynamicallyidle]

You know that you've got game with other girls.

And you know this girl isn't any more "special" than other girls.

Using this OBJECTIVE perception of the said girl, imagine how you're going to interact with her in the future, and live it out in your mind. This will help you end the irrational behavior.