Noob could use a bit of advice...

[MonkeyButt]

Hey guys, first thank you all for your involvement on this site. It truly is a gem.
I've been reading non stop for days and have a ways to go...

My history:
Former DJ(ish) turned AFC that somehow survived a 14 year marriage with an HPD / Narcissist. Left cheated on with my confidence in tatters and little memory of what used to made me happy.

That said, I'm getting back into dating (Internet mostly), and am having some success, some failures but in general a lot of fun.

Fast forward a bit...

I've started dating this one woman who I'd like to continue seeing, but I'm afraid I'm still a little gun shy and don't trust women much.
I am fighting AFCism a little, sometimes it's easy, sometimes a challenge.

The lady who my questions apply to i a psycho-therapist and I'm not sure if the typical rules of engagement apply to her.

We've had three dates, all in bars, the third, she brought me home and the sex was great.

This last Friday was movie only (at home), not much affection. I kind of smelled her pushing back a bit.
She did suggest we watch another movie this week where I would meet her son but nothing was firmed up.

I'm not sure if she's getting red flags, or she's worried I'm a player.
I'm not sure if I should phone and figure out the day or let her call if she wants.
Hard to read this one, shes very intelligent and appears pretty balanced.

As for me, I'm still trying to put a full life together on my own, but sadly it's more revolved around female friends (or huntresses) at this time.

A couple other tells so far....
- Her first toast was "To low maintenance"
- Her profile says looking for a relationship
- I make her a bit nervous, I think I look younger than her and she's somewhat conscious of it.

I'd like to not blow this one with AFCism, games or neglect.
Any of you pros have any advice?

Questions will be answered promptly if you want more info.

ps: I already know I'm over analyzing this, but ... this shat is pretty new to me.

Thanks in advance,

MB

 

[5string]

You were with a cluster B. Only natural to not trust women as you once did as a result of the pain she inflicted.

Don't over think this gal. Move forward with confidence and don't give her too much attention. Just enough to keep her interested.

She has a kid=red flag.

Psychotherapist? This should be interesting. Keep us posted.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I make her a bit nervous, I think I look younger than her and she's somewhat conscious of it.

And she's your age? She probably is nervous that you might realize it would be easy for you to date someone 20 years younger.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Start here.

The 16 Commandments of Poon

 

[MonkeyButt]

match.com profile status...

Thanks guys, great advice.

Kid = red flag ...
I have a kid, I cannot discriminate against that.

Psychotherapist? This should be interesting. Keep us posted...
My baggage and knowledge about cluster B's is leaving her with the opinion I'm brilliant - kind of ironic actually

And she's your age? She probably is nervous that you might realize it would be easy for you to date someone 20 years younger.
The ex was 11 years younger, drop dead gorgeous and a professor. Been there, done that. But I won't tell

I read that link "Sixteen commandments of Poon"...
I agree with these strategies, however some will be a little difficult to stick to. I am trying though (again, 14 years of brain humping MonkeyButt ...).

The match.com profile right now shows 5 days of no activity.
I'm not sure if I'll be red-flagged as a serial dater and she'll bolt if I continue with business as usual on the site. I have no problems being active on this site as I'm in great shape, pretty good looking, make gobs of money, have house downtown in big city (bla bla bla).

My gut says to keep busy so as not to get oneitus too early.
Heck, she could be doing the same game thing.

I guess my specific question would be (however any tips are appreciated, I'm a noob after all):
Do all of you DJ'ers keep spinning the plates until she cracks and asks for exclusion?

Thanks again,

MB

 

[5string]

This is funny. I dated a psychotherapist when seperated from my first wife. She was stunning. Way hot. Turns out after talking with her at length, she was more fvcked up than her patients! Later found out she was bi and had a live in sweetie pie. Too crazy for me to go there.

Monkey...I wasnt knocking kids in general. It's just that a chick with a kid is much more difficult to deal with than a woman who has none.

 

[MonkeyButt]

Kids and beeches...

No worries 5string,

What I find is the women without children are not very tolerant of the little beasties.

That said, I decided what to do with the lady.
I left her a voice mail asking if we're still on for this week.

If she makes excuses or doesn't set up a firm rain check time, I'm done.
No woman will ever rule this brain again.

I'm thinking about starting the bootcamp next week if nothing happens.
Might skip the first week, I have no issues for the first couple weeks exercises at all.

What I need to work on is not turning nice guy. I suppose it's from 14 years in that dysfunctional relationship. I have to fix my poor boundary habits.

Again, any links on must read threads etc are much appreciated.

MB

 

[5string]

No worries 5string,

What I find is the women without children are not very tolerant of the little beasties.

That said, I decided what to do with the lady.
I left her a voice mail asking if we're still on for this week.

If she makes excuses or doesn't set up a firm rain check time, I'm done.
No woman will ever rule this brain again.

I'm thinking about starting the bootcamp next week if nothing happens.
Might skip the first week, I have no issues for the first couple weeks exercises at all.

What I need to work on is not turning nice guy. I suppose it's from 14 years in that dysfunctional relationship. I have to fix my poor boundary habits.

Again, any links on must read threads etc are much appreciated.

MB

Sounds like you have your head on straight monkey. I'll just betcha that this psychotherapist chick will be easier to game than most others. Favor us with field reports please.

Search the threads for HPD and BPD. Alot of guys on here have been down the same road you have brother.

 

[MonkeyButt]

Crash and burn...

Well, made the phone call and didn't quite get the response (via email) I expected...

When she was over at my place to watch a movie, and complained that she's going to hate to return it (as her son hadn't watched it yet), I offered to back it up. No biggy, unprotected film, however it impressed her that I'm skilled at hacking (which I'm not :s ) ...

So, I get this long email today telling me a story of how a boyfriend she had a few years ago (also in IT like me), bugged her computer and was reading her emails ... He turned out to be a control freak stalker.

Needless to say, she worries I'll do the same thing to her and believes she has to give up on me even though she realizes generalization is wrong.

Hmmmm, I think I was a little too accessible, too nice, and this computer hacker control freak thing was just an excuse to protect the contradiction of her actions and encouragements thus far and hide the truth that I was too nice and not a sufficient challenge.
If only she knew about the other 3 women I was dating :s

The subject of the email was "challenge" but the signature at the end of the email was "Regretfully Hername".

Me thinks I'll have no further update regarding this particular woman.

Me further thinks, MonkeyButt needs lots of work!
Uggh!!

MB

 

[vatoloco]

Major Damaged Goods.

You dodged a huge bullet there, my friend. Move on to the next plate.

 

[5string]

Oh well. Me thinks if you go no contact altogether, she'll be back to feed her female ego in the near future.

Lay low and see what happens.

The ex stalker thing is weird. She should have kept her mouth shut about that. Of course it's hard for them not to eventually spill their beans if given enough time.

 

[MonkeyButt]

Next feesh then...

Meh, I'm not too worried.
Bit of a disappointment but screw it, it wasn't ideal.
What kind of an adult doesn't have a cell phone.

The thing about Internet dating is you develop some pretty
thick skin.

This is the third woman that has gone the way of the dodo
because I give them what they want trusting they know what
they want.
The previous stocker boyfriend thing I don't think was truthful.
I think it was my AFCism that was sensed.
Or maybe my house was't big enough, who knows.
It was another lesson learned.

I must admit, I worry that by the time I find a suitable partner
I'll be so desensitized that I'll blow it for the opposite reason.
The beauty of that scinario is ... I'll no longer care :s

I replied with a get out of jail free card to her, which bothered me a bit, but found it kind of fun to scold a therapist on moral issues (generalizing

Think the next round will go a little differently!

MB