Non DJ needs advice

[WLK01]

Hi guys, I've just joined SS - first of all let me just say this place is a goldmine with plenty of good advice for non DJ's like me. Anyway, I have a situation with a girl I like but I'm not sure what to do. Let me explain...

I've been working with this girl over a year now. When we first met she was married but recently got divorced. While she was married she didn't pay much attention to me but I always had a gut feeling she liked me but wouldn't do anything due to her marriage so i never tried. Since the divorce she's been giving me definite signals that she was interested. Btw I'm not sure if her divorce is finalised yet but she has taken off her ring and even changed her name. Anyway to cut a long story short I started by playing it cool which was a mistake because over the course of nearly a month I made little progress. We did speak quite often but I'm not sure if I let her know I liked her. After a while I noticed her interest was definitely slipping so I decided to ask her for a coffee.

We were already emailing back and forth and I asked her if she wanted to continue the conversation over coffee. She replied by saying "do we really need to?" - to which I thought I should be a bit for direct and so I told her in a flirty way that it was just a thinly veiled excuse to speak to her away from the office. Then she started to make excuses - not like "Oh I'm busy" but really lame joke excuses. First she was like "aren't you fasting?" (I am for religious reasons) and I told her the point was to speak to her and I didn't have to get a coffee myself. Then she said something really ridiculous - basically that she'd be cheating on Ann - who is an old lady in our office. I wasn't sure what to say to that one and it was getting toward the end of the day so I left it.

The next day I replied to her last email by saying I had no idea that she and Ann had some going on and I apologised in a jokey way. She replied straight back and we went back and forth for a while in a flirty/jokey way but still no answer to my request. Anyway I got tired of it and told her that she was boring me. She replied by calling me rude - again joking I think. Anyway i didn't speak to her again that day but I did see her a couple of times - and she would stare at me for a couple of seconds then look away. It was the "I can't believe you're not speaking to me now" look.

Anyway the next day she started ignoring me completely. I did bump into her in the morning. I decided to make polite conversation but she didn't seem interested. Her body language was totally off - we walked side by side but she said very little and went straight to her desk. And later throughout the day whenever she saw me coming she would not make any eye contact.

So at the moment I'm thinking I've f'd up what was a perfectly decent situation. But I'm still interested in her. Any advice on how to proceed? Should I make an effort or ignore her too? Do you think she was ever really interested considering her divorce? Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[joe henny]

1. Are you ****ing retarded? You don't **** where you eat thats the golden rule of the game. Dont mess with *****es that you work with
2. What kind of symp are you? This is so suave take her ***** off the pedastal and find some more women.
3.She is just toying with you because she knows she can

 

[Trader]

1. Are you ****ing retarded? You don't **** where you eat thats the golden rule of the game. Dont mess with *****es that you work with
2. What kind of symp are you? This is so suave take her ***** off the pedastal and find some more women.
3.She is just toying with you because she knows she can

The OP already prefaced this discussion by stating he was a "Non-DJ"

Therefore your entire rant is irrelevant and makes you a chump

 

[Alien]

Hi guys, I've just joined SS - first of all let me just say this place is a goldmine with plenty of good advice for non DJ's like me.

...

So at the moment I'm thinking I've f'd up what was a perfectly decent situation. But I'm still interested in her. Any advice on how to proceed? Should I make an effort or ignore her too? Do you think she was ever really interested considering her divorce? Any advice would be appreciated.

...welcome! Ive been on this site from 2006, just decided to register a week ago. Its the best site about women-freedom-life-... but there is a lot of crap too. First read the Book of Pook, visit this http://theasianlover.com, and read Esther Villar - The Manipulated Man. Then you will be able to distinguish the gold from crap.

...after you have read them, you will know the answers to your questions.
(That you waited way too much and you act needy with this girl.)

I think after a divorce a woman just wants good sex after the boredom or
an another slave to support her. But read the books...

 

[Iceberg]

1. Are you ****ing retarded? You don't **** where you eat thats the golden rule of the game. Dont mess with *****es that you work with
2. What kind of symp are you? This is so suave take her ***** off the pedastal and find some more women.
3.She is just toying with you because she knows she can

Jesus. Calm down, tough guy.

WLK, here's the deal - you asked her out for coffee, and she rejected by making excuses. What's left for you to do? You can keep trying to ask her out, but where's it going to take you? Do you envision her one day accepting the offer, and your first date ending up with a night of hot sweaty sex? You already put the offer out there and she rejected you. Women with high interest levels don't reject dates.

Move on and find new women to be interested in. Maybe down the road this girl will see that you're in better shape, you're confident, and you have a flock of girls dating you, and her interest levels will rise. But right now, she shot you down plain and simple and there's nothing left to save.

Move on.

Also, you didn't "F up a perfectly decent situation". You were interested in a woman and you acted on it. Some people go their whole lives without doing that. You didn't F up anything. You tried and it didn't work out. Plenty more where that came from. Build some thick skin.

 

[moneyisking]

Hello my friend, welcome to the DJ world. I'm trying to improve myself, but I am glad another fella who doesn't take things for granted dropped by. Anyways, wth is with all the long conversations that you guys are having? One thing I learned from my brother's advice is that if a girl is down, she will fvck, and if not she won't. From the context of the conversation, looks like she is not dtf, and you so shall not "talk" with her so much. Let her know you want to bang her (not like a creep though). Anyways, as a great man here said, strengthen your inner game, then the rest will work out. Finding how to strengthen your inner game is up to your trial&error

 

[mavericks48]

Hey, im new here too, read my post..I was burned by a chick I met at work! I have had a ton of woman and a load of success in the past tho. As for as relationships at your place of business, somtimes they work, but most of the time they don't. If your up to the risk(by the way you are talking I don't think you are) go ahead and take the risk. But, as far as this chick is concerned it doesn't sound like she's gonna give ya the chance any time soon. Here's why,

If she wants you, she'll give you the eye, the smiling eyes I call it, she'll give you them in a sneaky way every day, more then once. It's like when you catch her, she turns away, when you turn away, she looks and lets you catch her looking just for a sec. This will go on for days and weeks. She'll do what I like to call the dance. She'll find an excuse to walk past your desk, email you etc. If your desk is near hers she'll walk past it 5- 8-10 times a day for any reason in hopes for you to notice her. Then eventually she'll sit and talk to you etc. Until you make your move. Remember, there are only two times in a relationship when a woman gives you lame excuses even in a kidding way. Thats when they are not interested and when they'er trying to end it all by backing off slowly. But who am I to give advise yet.

 

[WLK01]

UPDATE

Hey first of all thanks to everyone who provided positive advice. Especially Iceberg, Maverick and moneyisking. I really appreciated it.

Anyway, over the weekend I decided to forget about this girl and look for other women. I walked in to work on Monday ready to ignore her and bang - straight away she starts looking at me and smiling. I was like wtf is going on? I didn't do anything - I didn't try to speak to her let alone ask her out but there she was as soon as I walked in looking and smiling.

Anyway I played it cool (or I tried too ) and we spoke a few times during the week (email and face to face) and all the while she's giving me the "come here" looks at what not. Funny thing is - the last time we spoke was on Friday and she got a flirty and started touching me. Now it's Monday and she's gone cold again. I didn't approach her today but she just seemed a bit off. Though I did catch her giving me a sneaky look at one point.

So I'm split as to what is going on - either she is testing me by playing hard to get or she's had her attention and is bored now. Either way chances are I will speak to her again over the week and I may ask her for a coffee date at some point. Yes I know, I'm dumb.

 

[Joe Stud]

dont ask... let her churn a bit more

 

[WLK01]

dont ask... let her churn a bit more

How long should I wait?

In the meantime should I flirt with her or pay her compliments?

 

[^__^]

In the meantime should I flirt with her or pay her compliments?

If she's flirting with you she's interested. For the f*ck of it, ask her "how about that coffee?" or something like that. If she rejects you again, forget about her and move on. Tell her you don't play games.

Next time aim for someone outside the workplace, because this may create some problems later in a relationship.

 

[Iceberg]

If she's flirting with you she's interested. For the f*ck of it, ask her "how about that coffee?" or something like that. If she rejects you again, forget about her and move on. Tell her you don't play games.

Next time aim for someone outside the workplace, because this may create some problems later in a relationship.

Exactly. Since WLK is hell bent on putting his eggs in this one basket, then go ahead and ask her out again.

I always look at this "hard to get" stuff as an insult. Because it's like...who has time to play games. But whatever. Go ahead and ask her...AGAIN....since you're not gonna listen to advice that tells you otherwise.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

UPDATE

Hey first of all thanks to everyone who provided positive advice. Especially Iceberg, Maverick and moneyisking. I really appreciated it.

Don't forget Alien. Read that book of pook, my friend!

 

[vatoloco]

Exactly. Since WLK is hell bent on putting his eggs in this one basket, then go ahead and ask her out again.

I always look at this "hard to get" stuff as an insult. Because it's like...who has time to play games. But whatever. Go ahead and ask her...AGAIN....since you're not gonna listen to advice that tells you otherwise.

LOL. I was just gonna say the same thing.

Why do men like to keep getting rejected? Worst case scenario (or best, depending on how you see it ) she'll reject you again. Best case scenario (or worst, if she's just wasting your time by giving you false hope ), she accepts, goes out with you and LJBFs you.

Dude, you need to look for more plates (women) to spin (date).

 

[WLK01]

Exactly. Since WLK is hell bent on putting his eggs in this one basket, then go ahead and ask her out again.

I always look at this "hard to get" stuff as an insult. Because it's like...who has time to play games. But whatever. Go ahead and ask her...AGAIN....since you're not gonna listen to advice that tells you otherwise.

UPDATE

Ok, believe it or not, since I last posted I did the smart thing and DIDN'T ask her out again. Just to summarise, I have asked her one for a coffee and since then it's been a back and forth where she has veered in between hot and cold (being all flirty and ignoring me for a day after a reciprocate and then being all flirty again).

So since that clearly wasn't working for me I decided to go for the ignore strategy. Now she is back to herself looking for attention but I'm not coming after her. Just being polite and limiting the conversation to work or otherwise not engaging her in meaningful conversation.

I've been doing this for a week now - my plan was to keep it up until she asks me for a date. What do you guys think?

In the meantime I have started "spinning plates" in other areas - there are a couple of girls at work I've been talking too and I met another woman outside of work. Good for me eh? =)

 

[Iceberg]

UPDATE

Ok, believe it or not, since I last posted I did the smart thing and DIDN'T ask her out again. Just to summarise, I have asked her one for a coffee and since then it's been a back and forth where she has veered in between hot and cold (being all flirty and ignoring me for a day after a reciprocate and then being all flirty again).

So since that clearly wasn't working for me I decided to go for the ignore strategy. Now she is back to herself looking for attention but I'm not coming after her. Just being polite and limiting the conversation to work or otherwise not engaging her in meaningful conversation.

I've been doing this for a week now - my plan was to keep it up until she asks me for a date. What do you guys think?

In the meantime I have started "spinning plates" in other areas - there are a couple of girls at work I've been talking too and I met another woman outside of work. Good for me eh? =)

Well kudos to you if it works. But I really can't imagine the type of relationship you'd have with a woman this flakey and weird.

 

[Tesl]

Your plan is to limit all conversations and not talk about anything meaningful until she asks you out?

err ... good luck with that.

Of course the correct answer has already been posted - go look for other girls elsewhere