non-AFC vs. bad boyfriend

[MsThang]

A lot of guys here say things like "women don't like to be treated nicely" and that you shouldn't do anything for her because she'll step all over you.

Do you know what you guys are missing? Context.

A big problem I see with most guys is that they tend to be at their nicest when pursuing a relationship. Here's a hint: if you really have to pursue her, she's probably not interested.

If she decides she isn't interested in you, you could buy her jewelery and flowers and candy until the cows come home and it won't make a lick of difference. Then you guys get frustrated and blame it on the fact that women don't like this sort of thing and in order to get women you must be some kind of jerk.

Basically, if you buy her flowers and she still wasn't interested then it isn't because you bought her flowers that she isn't interested but because she just isn't interested. Period.

When you actually get into a relationship with her, though, then nice things you do for her aren't AFC, provided they are reciprocal.

Women like it when you go out of your way to do nice things for them, but only in certain contexts. You should do these things to KEEP a woman's interest, but NEVER to gain it.

 

[Kwah]

Makes sense. Gentleman, any responses to this please keep civil.

 

[The Edge]

Originally posted by Kwah:
Makes sense. Gentleman, any responses to this please keep civil.

Sheesh!! Your a*ss-kissing is getting knee deep!

Get some ba*lls Kwah and stop agreeing with everyone...

But, to answer her question:

Oh hell, why bother.. No need to start a riot!!!

The Edge "Some have it and some don't"

 

[VeryBadGirl]

Ms Thang is right, of course. Look at any relationship you know of where the woman is has high self-esteem. (Meaning, she knows that she has value and deserves respect)

Now, if you are young, you might not be able to picture a relationship like this. But, don't worry, in time you will see your friends enter into them. When you are 17 or 20, most relationships are just for fun and neither person really knows what they want - that comes with maturity.

Anyway, if you look at any of these relationships, do you see the guy treating their woman like crap? No. You see two people reciprocally doing things to make the other happy. I can give examples from my own relationships or others I know, but it is true.

 

[oOh Nasty]

a non-hate post that's actually quite good. Good Job MsThang.

 

[darkhorse]

Women like it when you go out of your way to do nice things for them, but only in certain contexts. You should do these things to KEEP a woman's interest, but NEVER to gain it.

I'd say that you should never do anyhing with the intent to GAIN or KEEP a woman's interest. Both assume that the woman's favor can be bought, which cheapens the woman (whether the woman is actually that cheap or not is another matter entirely). Ideally, your actions should be an end to themself, not a means to an end. A man should work on himself first. When he's acting a certain way because that's just who he is and the women are interested, then a man knows he has arrived.

 

[MsThang]

darkhorse-

The things you do for shouldn't be to keep her, per se, but sometimes people get into relationships and get lazy and it's nice to do little things to show that you still care. If you are seriously dating this person, you already have her respect and therefore anything you do will be appreciated as opposed to overlooked and taken for granted.

 

[DJinArizona]

The System says that affection is hugely important in a relationship but that you must never show a woman affection until her interest level hits 90%. I tend to agree with this because it's obviously necessary to keep a woman happy, but if you're affectionate before you know you "have" her, it will backfire because she interprets it as a lack of challenge.

 

[Kwah]

Why is it that me agreeing with someone is me ass kissing?

Want to know the truth? If I think someones Idea is stupid I simply dont say anything.

Are you trying to pick a fight edge?

But I agree with the guy right above me. its cool once you ahve her, but till you do its best not to go overboard.

 

[JUST ME]

Mrs. Thang says-"If she decides she isn't interested in you, you could buy her jewelery and flowers and candy until the cows come home and it won't make a lick of difference. Then you guys get frustrated and blame it on the fact that women don't like this sort of thing and in order to get women you must be some kind of jerk."

exactly Ms.Thang, this is exactly what doc love says.

Women love to chase after guys and wonder where they stand, at least at first,in a dating relationship.If you seem to interested in her,she will think of you as desperate and an afc.

It really is a game.