No Social Circle, What Are My Options?

[Georgepithyou]

So I only have a few Aquatainces that i occasionally hang out with no concrete social circle that can introduce me to new women. I've tried Tinder/OLD but my matchs are always well below my standards.

For those of us that want a LTR or at least a long term plate, what are our best options to finding one?

 

[Grinderman]

So I only have a few Aquatainces that i occasionally hang out with no concrete social circle that can introduce me to new women.

You've got to create an ecosystem where the people will flux and flow. An important point in your ecosystem which people constantly get wrong: The places are static and non-changing, but the people are flowing and for ever changing (not the other way around)

Where and what are the places in your life that you can consistently SOCIALIZE YOURSELF (key after lockdowns / covid period ) NOT who are the people I can create a social circle with. That is to say, where can you socialize yourself not who can i socialize with.

Many need to re-socialize themselves after lockdown has driven the masses on line (disgusting dating apps and zooms etc) with the protection of a screen and a mask. Social game will come later and involves a commitment and investment, which requires patience to see the harvest.

For those of us that want a LTR or at least a long term plate, what are our best options to finding one?

What's your blueprint for the woman that you want in a ltr. Be specific. IT'S A NUMBERS GAME MEANS YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR. Now you have your blueprint written out.........where are the places this type of female might frequent? There's no point looking in a nightclub if your blueprint female is unlikely to be there.

Know what you are hunting. Know where to hunt it.

 

[Velasco]

lie

 

[Romanemp22]

I also have very few people I hang out with but since I'm a good looking guy I don't have problem going out alone and meeting women that way or through Instagram. Having good friends in today's world is next to impossible.

 

[Steel_Neurons]

What's your blueprint for the woman that you want in a ltr. Be specific. IT'S A NUMBERS GAME MEANS YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR. Now you have your blueprint written out.........where are the places this type of female might frequent? There's no point looking in a nightclub if your blueprint female is unlikely to be there.

Know what you are hunting. Know where to hunt it.

This, basically. Find a group hobby you really enjoy that has the type of women you like and start attending meetings and getting to know everyone. For me it's dance, for you it might be something else: crossfit, boardgaming, book discussion clubs, etc.

OLD is bizarre and full of low quality women. I'd rather be on my own than ever date/LTR women off OLD again.

 

[cola]

Go loner style bro. Well dressed, handsome man sitting at bar by himself enjoying a drink .. girls will come up to you, I promise.
The key is well dressed& handsome.

 

[corrector]

Go to Indonesia.

 

[Georgepithyou]

Many need to re-socialize themselves after lockdown has driven the masses on line (disgusting dating apps and zooms etc) with the protection of a screen and a mask. Social game will come later and involves a commitment and investment, which requires patience to see the harvest.

100% on board with what your saying here, we have all gotten too used to being behind a screen.

What's your blueprint for the woman that you want in a ltr. Be specific. IT'S A NUMBERS GAME MEANS YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR. Now you have your blueprint written out.........where are the places this type of female might frequent? There's no point looking in a nightclub if your blueprint female is unlikely to be there.

Know what you are hunting. Know where to hunt it.

For a extroverted and bubbly girl who is traditional/conservative it's a but hard to know specific places. I can only think of libraries or animal shelters maybe.

Go loner style bro. Well dressed, handsome man sitting at bar by himself enjoying a drink .. girls will come up to you, I promise.
The key is well dressed& handsome.

I'm going to give this a go tomrrow when i had downtown, thank you

 

[sph21]

Go to Indonesia.

Why Indonesia?

 

[corrector]

Why Indonesia?

Because he suggested it on another thread...its where hard up Aussies go.

 

[derby1]

I went sober 3 years ago, and achieved full sobriety after many relapses around a year ago.

It opened up my eyes, that you have no actual friends, only aquaintances through booze.....

Im the same Now, a loner....

interesting thread

 

[Grinderman]

I went sober 3 years ago, and achieved full sobriety after many relapses around a year ago.

It's a pity you just didn't simply quit drinking three years ago and leave it at that. So much simpler. there is no such thing
as "sobriety" or "achieving sobriety" and I thank you for confirming that fact. "sobriety" is a word hijacked by the recovery movement industry. You are living proof that swallowing their double speak made things more difficult for you. After many "relapses" .....again thank you for confirming the magical power of the recovery movement industry double speak.....there is no "relapse", this is an excuse for future drinking......there is simply a choice to drink or not. When you "tried to get sober" you didn't actually decide to "quit" drinking, you left the door open for future drinking. Believe me, the recovery movement industry is another socially constructed MATRIX. People really need to wake up and see the light.

Anyway, I regress. But it's important to clarify this double speak and let whoever reads this realize quitting ANY addiction or compulsive behavior is easy and doesn't require outside (illusion of) "help".

It opened up my eyes, that you have no actual friends, only aquaintances through booze.....

this can be quite the realization if you were a boozehound. The booze held you together. It is an important point though, as you can turn this "weakness" to a strength. Now you see that friendships perhaps do require a common interest as one component to bring people together. What are your interests that you could explore with others, should you so desire the company of others that is.

Im the same Now, a loner....

Starting to think that is a running theme on sosuave given the amount of fellas that are using dating applications (granted we did have covid but still) and the amount of threads that involve dating apps

I do believe a man must be thoroughly comfortable in his own company and know himself inside out before he can bring himself to any social interactions or relationships and have almost zero expectations in a state of complete non-neediness.

Social circle requires time and patience and perhaps strategy. Like CHESS. Whereas the dating application / social media generation want instant results and are often willing to settle for quick wins. Like CHECKERS.

 

[derby1]

this can be quite the realization if you were a boozehound.

I live in the welfare area of the UK, peoples hopes and ambitions when they finish work is to drink.

a womans hopes and ambitions is to drink sitting on her sofa checking shes desired

common denominator= drink

 

[Sir FB]

Believe me, the recovery movement industry is another socially constructed MATRIX. People really need to wake up and see the light.

What is your definition of "recovery movement industry"? Detox facilities? 30 day Rehab programs? Sober living houses? 12 step groups?

Why should we believe you? You seem to imply that it's quite simple and easy to just quit drinking for anyone. In my personal experience, this was not the case. I tried many many times to stop for years but was unsuccessful. When I sought help from those that had been successful with stopping and did what they did, I was able to stop.

I fully believe that many people addicted to alcohol can stop by themselves and live happy productive lives without outside help. But my own experience reveals this is not the case for everyone. Real alcoholics will be absolutely unable to quit on their own willpower and will require outside help. I've seen people die from alcoholism. I've seen families ripped apart. I've seen people commit suicide because they couldn't stop.

I've also seen people rebuild their lives, become productive members of society, restore the trust of their families, and live happy useful lives.

If you want us to believe you, post your own experience and why you are so down on the "recovery movement industry" and your definition of it. Tell us your real life experience, not a bunch of theories or conjecture, stuff you've read in books or gleaned off the internet.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

OLD

 

[Epicwinguy]

Get a social circle

 

[SW15]

So I only have a few Aquatainces that i occasionally hang out with no concrete social circle that can introduce me to new women.

For those of us that want a LTR or at least a long term plate, what are our best options to finding one?

I identify with @Georgepithyou because I have never had a social circle capable of providing me with introductions. While I have friends, they've never introduced me to anyone.

A lot of variables need to come together for a good social circle to happen. Some are out of your immediate control. The main advantage of cold approaching is that more variables are under your control than social circle or swipe apps.

All relationships form in one of 4 ways
1. Day game: Non-bar cold approaching
2. Night game: Bars, nightclubs, or large college parties where no one really knows each other well
3. Social circle: Directly through friends/acquaintances or more indirectly through social clubs.
4. Technology assisted: Websites, swipe apps, or even general apps. Instagram game falls under this. I'm hearing Clubhouse is developing a culture for this.

I think it is best to specialize in one of these forms of meeting women. Around age 30, I became a day game specialist because it fit my needs best.

WIth options 1 and 2, you will often get treated poorly by women you meet, despite the fact that you had the stones to cold approach and not be some swipe monkey on an app or try to slide into her DMs on Instagram. You have a better chance at a longer relationship with day game meetings though all relationships are transient.

Get a social circle

This is the best option but getting less realistic. I think fewer people now have good social circles. In the United States, people meeting their extended relationship partner through their friends/acquaintances has been trending down since ~1990. I would argue that people who can meet others through the social circles get better and longer lasting relationships. Again, all relationships are transient. A lot of the men I know who are social circle meeters of women tend to get married to someone in their social circle and then ultimately divorce. It's possible to anger your social circle if you have shorter relationships but it's possible to keep the social circle providing you leads if you get 2-5 year relationships without marrying or having kids out of the social circle.

Developing a good social circle is time consuming and hard to do if you have an immediate need to get laid. It's a better long term play but there are guys in general who just keep cold approaching or swiping as a quick fix method. Swiping the worst option. Cold approaching is between.

Go loner style bro. Well dressed, handsome man sitting at bar by himself enjoying a drink .. girls will come up to you, I promise.
The key is well dressed& handsome.

Night game as a lone wolf is more viable than might be initially assumed. Although I've been more day game oriented for nearly a decade, in the times I've rolled solo to do night game, women I've approached haven't ever questioned me about rolling solo at night. I never experienced what @cola described rolling solo as I had to be standing and making approaches. While I am handsome, perhaps I was not well dressed enough.

 

[corrector]

WIth options 1 and 2, you will often get treated poorly by women you meet, despite the fact that you had the stones to cold approach and not be some swipe monkey on an app or try to slide into her DMs on Instagram. You have a better chance at a longer relationship with day game meetings though all relationships are transient.

People with your looks category get treated poorly, but if you are recommending it, then you must experience occasional success pre-pandemic. I guess cashier approaches count as option 1. This is the easiest way to meet really young girls who might be into older guys.

This is the best option but getting less realistic. I think fewer people now have good social circles. In the United States, people meeting their extended relationship partner through their friends/acquaintances has been trending down since ~1990. I would argue that people who can meet others through the social circles get better and longer lasting relationships. Again, all relationships are transient. A lot of the men I know who are social circle meeters of women tend to get married to someone in their social circle and then ultimately divorce. It's possible to anger your social circle if you have shorter relationships but it's possible to keep the social circle providing you leads if you get 2-5 year relationships without marrying or having kids out of the social circle.

Think its still the "looks" factor on social circle game. If you have the looks, then women will approach you in social circle game and fish to see if you are single. If not then you feel ignored there too and people are just nice to you because you are in the same social circle, at best. This was an idea in the 00s when I was younger, including meet-up groups, and this doesn't work at all.

Developing a good social circle is time consuming and hard to do if you have an immediate need to get laid. It's a better long term play but there are guys in general who just keep cold approaching or swiping as a quick fix method. Swiping the worst option. Cold approaching is between.

I tried Young adult Christian groups for social circle game.

Night game as a lone wolf is more viable than might be initially assumed. Although I've been more day game oriented for nearly a decade, in the times I've rolled solo to do night game, women I've approached haven't ever questioned me about rolling solo at night. I never experienced what @cola described rolling solo as I had to be standing and making approaches. While I am handsome, perhaps I was not well dressed enough.

Basically its just looks in a nutshell. If you have the looks then any one of those four methods will work well. If you don't have the right looks that make you look sexual or a decent prospect then you are screwed. But your looks gradient doesn't seem that much better than mine if you are getting those types of reactions from women and you might get a positive vibe momentum going once you do a number of cold day-game approaches.

 

[SW15]

People with your looks category get treated poorly, but if you are recommending it, then you must experience occasional success pre-pandemic. I guess cashier approaches count as option 1. This is the easiest way to meet really young girls who might be into older guys.

I'm around the 6-7 category in looks for most women. I still get treated poorly when doing it but have experienced some success.

I don't recommend cashier approaches. If you want to approach women who are strippers, cashiers, waitresses, bartenders, or other retail workers, you're going to have to find a way to meet them outside of their workplace. The same isn't true for women. If a woman finds a man who works in a public facing job attractive, she can flirt and get him to ask for her number. Not difficult.

Think its still the "looks" factor on social circle game. If you have the looks, then women will approach you in social circle game and fish to see if you are single. If not then you feel ignored there too and people are just nice to you because you are in the same social circle, at best. This was an idea in the 00s when I was younger, including meet-up groups, and this doesn't work at all.

My looks are likely not good enough for this. I exercise 4-5 days a week and have been doing that for ~15 years, though more strictly in the past 10. No one has fished to see if I'm single. Despite having friends, I've never had a social circle capable of introductions.

I tried Young adult Christian groups for social circle game.

I've never heard of anyone having success with that in recent times. Millennials (1982-1996 births) are not big practicers of religion. I don't think Gen Z (1997-2012) will be either. Early Gen Z doesn't seem to be. Some denominations might work better than others. Deeply religious people are actually best positioned for long term relationships within their own faiths. However, existing research shows fewer romantic relationships are forming through church activities.

Basically its just looks in a nutshell. If you have the looks then any one of those four methods will work well. If you don't have the right looks that make you look sexual or a decent prospect then you are screwed. But your looks gradient doesn't seem that much better than mine if you are getting those types of reactions from women and you might get a positive vibe momentum going once you do a number of cold day-game approaches.

Looks are important but not everything. @sangheilios has the ideal look at 6'4" and muscular. Looks will get a person further but there are still some other extras needed though if you have good looks, you don't need as much charisma.

 

[ubercat]

You can do a combo quite successfully. Some of the easiest SNLs I ve had are telling an OLD chick we re going to blah but on the way we re having a drink with friends. Removes that potential axe murderer fear and adds in an automatic venue change. I m not that fussy and did enough things different on OLD that it was an endless source of 6s and 7s