I'd like to thank everyone for offering their advice. This is a real tough topic for me, and sometimes I just need a little encouragement to keep going. There aren't very many people whom I can talk to about such things. I talk my mom's ear off sometimes, and I know she gets a little annoyed as well as frustrated, because she knows there's not much she can do about it. She's never had to be in my situation.
I know it takes a lot of effort to learn all the advice on this board, but that’s the effort you and every other newbie has to put in so that quality contributions can be added to our board. I suggest you become an “armchair DJ” for a while to help you with your articulation and thought processes regarding Don Juan philosophy.--Dr. Pimp
So what exactly is an "armchair DJ"?
I agree that it takes a lot of effort, but after a while, I would kind of think the effort would start paying off. I definitely can't claim to be a newbie anymore. Yet I've been stuck in this same position longer than I'd care to admit. I'm at the point now where I just want to see some results.
Right now you're just down in the dumps. We all get like that now and then. I know this has been said many many times, but I agree with crowes, that you need to work on improving yourself for YOU, not girls.--Jake Steed
i'm no buddhist but buddhism teaches to let go of all desire, including the desire to become enlightened... only then will you be enlightened. i think this applies to this situation.--Anubi
Let a girl get you, take your energy away from trying. Psychologically "leaning"towards things robs you of of your centre and power base...When you spread your energy too thin, take on too much, and "lean towards" things (physcially,emotionally, mentally) it can wane your main underlying source of power. Better to let things build from within.--PeterNorthStyle
I know I shouldn't be making this my top priority, but I just can't get it out of my head. Being in college, there are girls everywhere. I hate to admit it, but my main motivation for going to college has to do with meeting girls. I know it absolutely shouldn't be, but as much as I've tried, it's very hard to change my mode of thinking after five years. I am certainly willing to let go of my desires as Buddha recommends, but my desires just won't seem to let go of me. It's like when someone makes fun of you or calls you a name. As much as you try to convince yourself of the whole "sticks and stones" philosophy, it's still going to hurt.
Then go out with your best DJ friends--ones that score the most--and go clubbing/do social stuff. While out, experiment with different approach styles. Try new approaches, just for the fun of it. It should be just for your entertainment. Be the alpha male.
I think that's a very good idea. Unfortunately, in the same way that I have trouble getting girls, it's hard for me to find male friends who I can hang out with and go clubbing with. And since I don't have a car, I can't go by myself. One of my male friends offered to take me with him to a strip club, which is his weekly ritual. Not surprisingly, this guy doesn't have a girlfriend. In my opinion, such an atmosphere is absolutely not conducive to becoming a DJ, since the only women at these places are the ones who get paid to be there. As far as the regular clubs go, I've been once or twice. It seems like it would be really hard to try and chat up a girl with the music blaring non-stop. Nevertheless, I'd definitely be willing to go if someone would take me with them. Any volunteers?
its because you are doing something wrong when calling- like calling too soon, leaving messages(no challenge),and-or being too agressive=desperate.i bet its one or all of these????????????--JUST ME
Boy, I wish it were that simple. But I definitely know the drill: wait about three to five days, call her to set up a date, if she says no without giving a counter-offer, forget her and move on. Right now, I'm wondering whether this routine really works. It's been debated on this site before: I's it really necessary to wait that many days? Or should you call sooner, while you're still fresh in her mind and she hasn't made any other plans yet? I know it's important to remain a challenge, but isn't it better to wait until you've at least gone out once? I honestly can't say I know.
But let us take a step back and analyze the situation again. Let us think of it when we're back in HS or college. There is this guy that is so called "The Alpha Male" or "The Cool Guy" that has so many friends, get lots of dates and etc. How did he do that? THAT is the MAIN queston.
How come he could ATTRACT so many girls and become the alpha male? How come he has many friends and he's not always alone on friday or saturday nights? You NEED to find out the answers to these questions and the problems will be solved. Right now, I am doing my best to analyze many situations on why people are so successful and have everything they want in life--IntermediateDonJuaner
I absolutely agree with you there, Intermediate. I am currently in college, and one skill that I have definitely not mastered is the ability to be an "alpha male". In groups of people, I often get overlooked. Many times, when I say something, nobody hears me, or they aren't interested in what I have to say. Of course, it also depends on the group of people. Some people are more friendly than others. And everybody has their brief moments when they get to be the center of attention and people are hanging on their every word. I live for those moments. But for me, this only comes every once in a great while. Most of the time I get left out and I don't know what to do about it. It makes me feel unimportant or irrelevant in peoples' lives. So I wish you luck on your research and I look forward to hearing the results.
-put yourself in situations where girls outnumber guys.--tonight
Where can I find such situations? More specifically, where can I find such situations where the girls are actually the same age as me? It seems like early twenty-somethings are harder to come by than other age groups. They all hang out with their circle of friends, or they work all hours to support their college tuition, or they've already got some other dude on their arm. If I were looking for a middle-aged chick, an elderly lady, or a minor, all I have to do is walk out my front door!
-don't be afraid to approach any woman, no matter how attractive. Many guys are afraid to do this, but don't. You have nothing to lose if she says "no" (just move on to someone else) and much to gain if she says "yes." I used to think, "oh, she's too hot, she probably has a boyfriend" and never bothered approaching. Now I don't give a sh!t and go up to her anyway.
-don't hit on one girl after another in the same place in a short time period
-use jealousy to your advantage. If you like a girl and she may like you, deliberately flirt with other girls in front of her.
I have already gone through a phase where I would just make myself approach random girls and start talking to them. I have reached the point where I'd rather avoid the stress and just let things flow. Plus, with it being the end of the semester and all, it would be awkward for me to go up to a girl I see all the time after not talking to her all year, and just start a conversation. So far, neither approach has made a difference, although I plan on going back to the old way next semester, when nobody's seen each other in a while and it'll make more sense to try and catch up on things. I have also had the expeirence of being able to flirt with one girl I like in front of another one. Did it work? Maybe someday I'll find out.
Krd, you have got to tell us some examples of specific experiences you have had with women. This way some of the guys here can figure out what went wrong and how to correct it.
If you want to know about some of my experiences with women, just go back and read some of my old posts. You'll find no shortage of specifics!
By the way, Taz, I love your idea of finding a summer job as a waiter. I'm definitely considering it!
[This message has been edited by krd (edited 05-17-2002).]
