No real motivation to meet/date girls anymore

[corrector]

I met her off tinder in fall of 2018 and the relationship lasted until fall 2019. Idk why it lasted that long, we didn't have that much in common but she at least was pleasant to be around, easy to talk to, pretty attractive, and she also would roll me blunts every time I visited her. With these women on apps as I've described I don't exactly know why I didn't have sex with them when I could have, but one thing about me is that I'm absolutely terrified of accidental pregnancy so most of the time I don't consider sex to be worth the risk. These were all fairly attractive women and sex with any one of them would have probably been good, but I never actually pulled the trigger. As for cold approach, warm approach, or social circle game I've never been able to pull any girls that way.

I think what you need is some motivation. People have reported that no-fap/no-porn tends to do the trick. Why not stay away from the porn/fapping for a while, or simply stop doing it and when you feel horney enough you can try again.

It's 2023, women are on birth control so there is no risk of accidental pregnancy. Plus you could use a condom or pull out. I too was afraid of accidental pregnancy with my ex-wife (ie didn't have job or money to support a child) and did not use condoms, but I pulled out if I knew I could not support a child. In hindsight at 47 years old, I'm 50/50 over that decision and sometimes I wish I had a kid with my ex-wife, but that's because of the 9 year dry-spell and a child would have tied her into my life or possibly have prevented the divorce afterwards. It's not a concern of yours now at 27 years old as you have your life ahead of you. However, from my vantage point, I envy that you have a chance to have children even though you see no value on it or want to avoid it. You have people on here, like @BadBoy89 that would even consider paying $ 250K for a surrogate woman, willing to have sex with him, to have a child for himself and grandchild for his folks.

However, even if you really don't want kids, nobody on here is worried about pregnancy or even has that in their mind. It's in irrational fear.

 

[Gamisch]

I've never had very strong chemistry with women I've met for the most part, usually when I've met girls from apps the girl is more attracted to me than I am to her

If you've NEVER felt that how do you even know that's what you want? How do you determine what great chemistry means if you dont have at least one example?

E.g; I've NEVER ate sheep's brain..so how do i know I don't like it? Or a better less sinister example: Wendy's.

This

I met her off tinder in fall of 2018 and the relationship lasted until fall 2019. Idk why it lasted that long, we didn't have that much in common but she at least was pleasant to be around, easy to talk to, pretty attractive, and she also would roll me blunts every time I visited her. With these women on apps as I've described I don't exactly know why I didn't have sex with them when I could have, but one thing about me is that I'm absolutely terrified of accidental pregnancy so most of the time I don't consider sex to be worth the risk. These were all fairly attractive women and sex with any one of them would have probably been good, but I never actually pulled the trigger. As for cold approach, warm approach, or social circle game I've never been able to pull any girls that way.

This Is how modern relationships start and last . The woman lingers around. This sounds like a good relationship . If age is somewhat attractive , i don't know what else you'd expect.

Just to get things clear from your pov; what does it mean to have things in common?

 

[NealIRC]

Bro this isn't any advice that would actually work. Even if I was in that situation and she pursued me I would still turn her down because at the end of the day it would be unprofessional to sleep with anyone I was in a band with. Furthermore I can't count on women pursuing me, and like I said I have no track record pulling girls from start to finish irl. As I've mentioned numerous times all my hookups and relationships have come from apps despite the fact that dating apps are usually horrible

But a new band can introduce you to other girls, that are not in a band. That your current band won't do.

 

[Bingo-Player]

when I've met girls from apps

I didn't need to read anymore

Meet women in real life , not on apps

Swipe app women are low quality garbage and usually catfishing in some way

Get out there and find someone your attracted too and talk to them

 

[NealIRC]

I didn't need to read anymore

Meet women in real life , not on apps

Swipe app women are low quality garbage and usually catfishing in some way

Get out there and find someone your attracted too and talk to them

The goal is to get women to orbit your profile and what you post, so they want to meet you in real life.

 

[Gamisch]

I've never had very strong chemistry with women I've met for the most part, usually when I've met girls from apps the girl is more attracted to me than I am to her

I didn't need to read anymore

Meet women in real life , not on apps

Swipe app women are low quality garbage and usually catfishing in some way

Get out there and find someone your attracted too and talk to them

Exactly.

With C approach you get to pick the woman, with OLD they're the ones picking you out. That's why most men best lays coming from cold approach.

Sounds like Op also "suffers" from feeling somehow obligated to just date a woman below his own SMV because otherwise its Dryspell- ville.

To answer the thread; try cold approaching and see if it increases the quality of women you get.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

I didn't need to read anymore

Meet women in real life , not on apps

Swipe app women are low quality garbage and usually catfishing in some way

Get out there and find someone your attracted too and talk to them

I've never been able to pull that off. Even if I wanted to I never meet single women I'd want to date in real life. The only way I've been able to meet women is online. It sucks but if I didn't use apps I'd very likely still be a virgin.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Just to get things clear from your pov; what does it mean to have things in common?

Like similar interests, outlook on life, values, music taste, etc.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Exactly.

With C approach you get to pick the woman, with OLD they're the ones picking you out. That's why most men best lays coming from cold approach.

Sounds like Op also "suffers" from feeling somehow obligated to just date a woman below his own SMV because otherwise its Dryspell- ville.

To answer the thread; try cold approaching and see if it increases the quality of women you get.

Cold approach is never anything that's caught on with me. I'm introverted by nature and cold approach seems rather contrived anyway. Anyone who does cold approach, even if they're good at it, has a low turnover rate. I wouldn't have any greater success trying to cold approach women than I otherwise would have online. Like I've said numerous times on this thread, I've never pulled a girl from start to finish irl, whether it be from cold approach, warm approach, or social circle game. It just ain't gonna happen that way

 

[BergischerLöwe]

But a new band can introduce you to other girls, that are not in a band. That your current band won't do.

Not necessarily. Most musicians I know only have average luck with women at best. Women aren't throwing themselves at rock n roll musicians nowadays, it's not the summer of love anymore and woodstock is long over

 

[BergischerLöwe]

I think what you need is some motivation. People have reported that no-fap/no-porn tends to do the trick. Why not stay away from the porn/fapping for a while, or simply stop doing it and when you feel horney enough you can try again.

It's 2023, women are on birth control so there is no risk of accidental pregnancy. Plus you could use a condom or pull out. I too was afraid of accidental pregnancy with my ex-wife (ie didn't have job or money to support a child) and did not use condoms, but I pulled out if I knew I could not support a child. In hindsight at 47 years old, I'm 50/50 over that decision and sometimes I wish I had a kid with my ex-wife, but that's because of the 9 year dry-spell and a child would have tied her into my life or possibly have prevented the divorce afterwards. It's not a concern of yours now at 27 years old as you have your life ahead of you. However, from my vantage point, I envy that you have a chance to have children even though you see no value on it or want to avoid it. You have people on here, like @BadBoy89 that would even consider paying $ 250K for a surrogate woman, willing to have sex with him, to have a child for himself and grandchild for his folks.

However, even if you really don't want kids, nobody on here is worried about pregnancy or even has that in their mind. It's in irrational fear.

I've considered having a vasectomy but I haven't gone thru with it yet. What's made me apprehensive is that some guys report horrible chronic pain after getting one, and with my luck I will too. I already don't really watch porn, especially not any depicting sex between a woman and a man. I always thought it's kinda gay when guys jerk off to porn depicting attractive women being taken by other men. It's like being a cuck or some sort of voyeur. There's absolutely no part of me that wants children, I would rather go to jail than have a kid lol. I find the idea of me having biological offspring to be disturbing and the very thought of it disgusts me. What really worries me about accidental pregnancy is if I get a girl knocked up and the girl wants to keep it, then I'd be screwed. Plus the ******* politicians are pushing against abortion and that concerns me too.

 

[TheManMasenko]

This place is literally a goldmine filled with sprinkles of depression and despair.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

This place is literally a goldmine filled with sprinkles of depression and despair.

I'm not trying to sound depressing, merely I'm describing the facts about my situation in an objective manner

 

[corrector]

I've considered having a vasectomy but I haven't gone thru with it yet. What's made me apprehensive is that some guys report horrible chronic pain after getting one, and with my luck I will too. I already don't really watch porn, especially not any depicting sex between a woman and a man. I always thought it's kinda gay when guys jerk off to porn depicting attractive women being taken by other men. It's like being a cuck or some sort of voyeur. There's absolutely no part of me that wants children, I would rather go to jail than have a kid lol. I find the idea of me having biological offspring to be disturbing and the very thought of it disgusts me. What really worries me about accidental pregnancy is if I get a girl knocked up and the girl wants to keep it, then I'd be screwed. Plus the ******* politicians are pushing against abortion and that concerns me too.

When I say porn, I really mean anything that causes an arousal enough to fap, apart from your own thoughts. That can include anything.
Personally, onlyfans and escort pics does it for me for online content (ie after all, its the lady is the content creator herself rather than being exploited by a third party, and it mainly softcore content).

All I can say is I thought as you did. The girl that was interested in me (in the mid-90s when I was early 20s, not recently, or last decade) ended up being murdered by her boyfriend. The police called me because she wrote my name and contact info on her journal. I too said the same thing you did. But when you hit 30, 40, 50 and the prospect of really getting old and no children to take care of you, then you'll think back when you were younger and regret taking such a position.
You are really investing back in yourself. Sure, some of your kids might marry and have their own family, but others might end up being your caretaker when you are 60+ and start needing someone else to change your diapers and wipe your a$$.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

When I say porn, I really mean anything that causes an arousal enough to fap, apart from your own thoughts. That can include anything.
Personally, onlyfans and escort pics does it for me for online content (ie after all, its the lady is the content creator herself rather than being exploited by a third party, and it mainly softcore content).

All I can say is I thought as you did. The girl that was interested in me (in the mid-90s when I was early 20s, not recently, or last decade) ended up being murdered by her boyfriend. The police called me because she wrote my name and contact info on her journal. I too said the same thing you did. But when you hit 30, 40, 50 and the prospect of really getting old and no children to take care of you, then you'll think back when you were younger and regret taking such a position.
You are really investing back in yourself. Sure, some of your kids might marry and have their own family, but others might end up being your caretaker when you are 60+ and start needing someone else to change your diapers and wipe your a$$.

I see, you mean it in the strict sense of the term. In the grand scheme of things I'd rather regret not having children than regret having them. Furthermore certain mental health problems run heavily in my family and if I pass those traits on to any children I may have it will negatively affect their quality of life and it'll be all my fault. Right now I'm also making the necessary investments in my health so I have a much smaller chance of being infirm if I attain old age. I lift weights regularly, eat nutritious food, and mostly travel by bicycle.

 

[CornbreadFed]

You are really investing back in yourself. Sure, some of your kids might marry and have their own family, but others might end up being your caretaker when you are 60+ and start needing someone else to change your diapers and wipe your a$$.

I didn't realize this until my grandparents died during the pandemic(not by covid but old age disease). My Grandad seemed normal and healthy until about 2-3 years death to where the decline was pretty noticeable. After my grandad died, my grandma died exactly a year later.

 

[RazorRambo24]

I see alot of things here.. and It all boils down to you just dont have that fire within you that creates passion and desire for women. You started out a late bloomer meaning you probably were not primed or programmed to really desire women sexually from a young age.. thus why you don't feel taht way now.. The small amount of experience you have probably does not translate well to any real desire for it.. especially because you probably did nothing to earn the se.x and it was just mediocre all together.

I think you also overinflate your experience .when I think most of it boils down to you're simply an introvert whos not as experienced as you make it out to be. You probably also discount how much you've utilized porn and jerking off to satisfy your sexual needs.

For guys to really enjoy and desire sex it has t be something that has positive connotations associated with it, like good flirt ship and good sense of fulfillment, gratification and confidence building.. If you have experiences that were damaging related to sex, it will take away your desire for new s.exual experiences.. so maybe you're just not telling us something or your sexual experiences have been quite lame

 

[corrector]

The small amount of experience you have probably does not translate well to any real desire for it.. especially because you probably did nothing to earn the se.x and it was just mediocre all together.

He said no to the Tinder girls. He has experience rejecting willing women who want to have sex with him (and the LTR - which you can say he earned the sex there.).

Also, 22-24 years old is not really old in my books. (ie most of his activity was 2017-2019 and he'd be that age then). I didn't have that when I went to University between 1995-1999. He's saying that helped him connect with women.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

I see alot of things here.. and It all boils down to you just dont have that fire within you that creates passion and desire for women. You started out a late bloomer meaning you probably were not primed or programmed to really desire women sexually from a young age.. thus why you don't feel taht way now.. The small amount of experience you have probably does not translate well to any real desire for it.. especially because you probably did nothing to earn the se.x and it was just mediocre all together.

I think you also overinflate your experience .when I think most of it boils down to you're simply an introvert whos not as experienced as you make it out to be. You probably also discount how much you've utilized porn and jerking off to satisfy your sexual needs.

For guys to really enjoy and desire sex it has t be something that has positive connotations associated with it, like good flirt ship and good sense of fulfillment, gratification and confidence building.. If you have experiences that were damaging related to sex, it will take away your desire for new s.exual experiences.. so maybe you're just not telling us something or your sexual experiences have been quite lame

Yeah with the first paragraph that's a good point. In my high school years when I should have been learning how to interact with women in real life I wasn't and when I entered college I hadn't even kissed a girl yet. There were probably girls in high school who would have gone out with me but I never really tried. I went to a small private school where if anyone did anything embarrassing the gossip spread really fast and I was so afraid about doing or saying something wrong trying to build rapport with any girls and the whole school knowing about it.

I'd say most of my experience with women has been mediocre, most of the women I've been able to attract have been very mid in looks. I've pulled hot girls once or twice but it was a fluke and never lasted long. I never really meet women I'm really that excited about so it always feels like I'm settling every time. I've met girls on apps that personality wise mesh with me more but they're never that attractive so I don't really pursue them in earnest. I can't find a girl who's both hot and emotionally compatible with me. It feels like the kind of women I really want are out of my reach even though there isn't any logical reason they should be. I see all these skinnyfat unmasculine pipsqueak nerd guys who don't even lift with hot girlfriends yet I remain single and railroaded into only ever having the oppurtunity to date these mid women I speak of. None of my previous conquests were ever that fulfilling, and to this day I've never met any girl I could really fall in love with. Maybe that's why I've lost motivation now, what I've gotten out of dating was never really satisfying anyway

 

[corrector]

I can't find a girl who's both hot and emotionally compatible with me.

The type that will leave a hole in your gut that lasts for a long time if there is a break-up. I've dated a girl that was both hot and emotionally compatible back in 2012, the year after the break-up (I initiated the break-up, with cause, making it a constructive-dumping and reprisal on her end afterwards).

I don't think many people on here deal with the type of soul-mate women you are talking about here. But it goes on an extreme scarcity mindset because you know you won't replace her easily once you find her and she will hold all the cards in the relationship.

I met her when I was 36 years old. Keep trying and don't give up since you have way to go before you are 36 years too. If I gave up before I was 36 years then I would not have met her.