No real motivation to meet/date girls anymore

[CornbreadFed]

There is this pervasive myth that, if a guy is a cel, then he is necessarily a super clingy simp.

I never understood how they arrived at that lol.

There are plenty of shy, aloof, highly introverted cels. They couldn’t “simp” if they tried.

I have never naturally simped ever in my life even before I was aware of the pua/pills.

 

[corrector]

I have never naturally simped ever in my life even before I was aware of the pua/pills.

Nobody said you were.

 

[Gamisch]

When was your last relationship?
How long did it last?
How did you met her ?
Who pushed for the relationship ?
_________________________________
What do you want from a woman?
What turns you off /on about women?

Agreed, I don't understand how they arrive at that either. Throughout my time on the board, other posters have had those types of views. For example, @SW15 is a prolific poster, and he said the only reason or purpose he has in life, and believes other people have is to have sex with women. He frequenly uses Mavlov's pyramid and while he cites sex as a basic need, you would think with him, it probably fits into all parts of the pyrmaid including the top one, lol! You've seen a post earlier up on this thread about @kookdekoo not wanting to be a "Lonely Older Man", and recently from @CornbreadFed that anything is better than being single/alone, or @Gamisch, that he can't have peace unless he's with a woman. If you look at it, the people who hold to the beliefs that women and sex are the be all and end all are actually engaged and successful dealing with women, so it's quite a sick myth if at that. I can't afford the luxury of having mindsets like that.

Imo dealing with women is like hitting the gym. So this OP sounds like:" i dont have motivation to _____, how do I get it back, or is it normal to lose motivation? And is it livable to go through life without----------?

Imo Its actually quite dangerous to give up on women. You teach yourself day in and day out how to survive. If your brain beliefs life is better without women..sooner or later you'll live by this rhetoric and it's extremely difficult to get back into Don Juan mode.

So I'd think twice, three times before actually giving up. Like stopping with lifting. It you stop today and decide to get back at it 3 years later, you'll have to start from scratch again and yet again you'll have to go through the initial process of suffering, being uncomfortable. I've approached 100's of not 1000's of women throughout my life. But recent years I got lazy due having LTR's and using OLD. Suddenly it was like I've lost my skill to close the gap. All the old victories don't count anymore.

Because getting back into the game after doing nothing wont necessarily make you better at the game, probably the opposite.

-you must go through the motion anyway. Better to through it asap.

- a man wants women. Better make sure the reasons why you "take a break from dating " are legitimate. Better have a come back plan ready. You don't want to get stuck in this break for too long and teach yourself life without ANY women EVER is " great". Because its not

 

[Dr.Suave]

Some Tinder girls serve themselves on a silver platter and you rather fap than take them to pound town? Bro, this is no bueno. Please talk to a professional therapist.

 

[corrector]

Some Tinder girls serve themselves on a silver platter and you rather fap than take them to pound town? Bro, this is no bueno. Please talk to a professional therapist.

He's a relationship guy, not a hook-up/notch-count type of guy. (ie the length and quality of relationship is a determinate of success rather than notch-counts) He had a LTR relationship that ended in 2019. Without him providing more details about it's hard to assess his situation.

 

[Gamisch]

He's a relationship guy, not a hook-up/notch-count type of guy. (ie the length and quality of relationship is a determinate of success rather than notch-counts) He had a LTR relationship that ended in 2019. Without him providing more details about it's hard to assess his situation.

He is right though..actually @Dr.Suave gave a great reason to not give up on women.

Because there are tons of women presenting themselves as he says "on a silver plate " day in day out. By taking yourself out of the game you deactivate your own antennas.

Even of you are a LTR guy ,you still gotta make the initial first step. Modern LTR's only happen after hooking up first.

 

[corrector]

He is right though..actually @Dr.Suave gave a great reason to not give up on women.

Because there are tons of women presenting themselves as he says "on a silver plate " day in day out. By taking yourself out of the game you deactivate your own antennas.

Even of you are a LTR guy ,you still gotta make the initial first step. Modern LTR's only happen after hooking up first.

He should provide the details as to how he met his LTR. If it was cold-approach, cold-warm or warm approach, social circle game, etc....

But agreed, if he's getting women on a silver plate off Tinder, as he described, then he's not an incel. Maybe he is asexual then.

 

[Epicenter]

He should provide the details as to how he met his LTR. If it was cold-approach, cold-warm or warm approach, social circle game, etc....

But agreed, if he's getting women on a silver plate off Tinder, as he described, then he's not an incel. Maybe he is asexual then.

When scolded for masturbating in public, Diogenes the Cynic said, "I wish it were as easy to banish hunger by rubbing my belly."

Diogenes was the patron saint of not giving a fuuck.

Even if she says yes on Tinder it is still a lot of work doing the work around it plus the risks without a guarantee.

 

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

I’m a 27 year old guy and as I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed my desire to date has gradually waned. When I was in college I was always really excited about the prospect of trying to hook up with girls, especially since I was a late bloomer when it came to that sort of thing. Now, however, that excitement and enthusiasm is gone. My last relationship ended in the fall of 2019 and since then I have not had sex, but somehow it doesn’t bother me. Over the past two years Ive matched with several different girls on apps who have flat out said they wanted to have sex with me, and even though they were all pretty attractive and I was turned on at the prospect of sleeping with them I never had sex with any of them. Even though they were all keen and clearly wanted some I never met up with any of them, I just let the text conversations die out.

Some have suggested that I could be asexual but I don’t think so. I am without a doubt attracted to women sexually, I still think back upon the various times I’ve been with women and I still see women in public and think they’re attractive, but my desire to pursue women in earnest is gone. These days I’m content with jerking off rather than trying to hook up with a real woman. I’m not really alarmed by this development, just confused as to what has caused it.

I have a few ideas as to why this has happened. Maybe I just grew tired of hooking up with mediocre women from apps, or perhaps it has something to do with my fear of accidental pregnancy, or maybe I’ve just matured emotionally and no longer desire meeting women as much as I did in the past. In addition I’ve never met a woman I’ve felt a true romantic connection with. There has not been a time in my life when I’ve felt a significant “spark” with any woman ive hooked up with, I’ve always felt each time that I’m settling in some way.

In short I dont know how to feel about this or what should be done. Right now I feel oddly content with my lack of female company, but what if in the future I want it and the only women left to date are single mothers or crazy women with baby rabies? Plus when I grow old and unattractive and my hair falls out how would I be able to find anyone good? I may be content now with sitting on the sideline but my worry about regretting this later. I still have vague ideas of finding a life partner but I dont consider it something that will realistically happen. Either way I’m sure some of you on here have dealt with the same thing. How did you navigate these feelings, and what did you do? I’d like to hear your insights on this. What should I do to understand and deal with this?

You brain realized that the priority is peace of mind before anything else.

The desire for chasing women comes only when all the other most important issues are either fixed or somehow stable just like you dont want to prepare for the olympics if you dont have food on your table.

 

[corrector]

When scolded for masturbating in public, Diogenes the Cynic said, "I wish it were as easy to banish hunger by rubbing my belly."

Diogenes was the patron saint of not giving a fuuck.

Even if she says yes on Tinder it is still a lot of work doing the work around it plus the risks without a guarantee.

Exactly, but he's still not incel. I'm sorry, in my mind, only incels have the right to fap.

The OP is not an incel, so he therefore stop fapping in order to get his mojo back and pursue women.

It's been said many times from @SW15, that he stopped fapping and looking at porn and he found his motivation to cold approach and get his notch-count up. This is a very supportive board and there is no reason for anyone, who is not incel, to fap and not go out there and pursue real women from Tinder or elsewhere. It's maladaptive and unhealthy if that's the case and he should seek help as others have said.

 

[Epicenter]

Exactly, but he's still not incel. I'm sorry, in my mind, only incels have the right to fap.

Why do you think normal guys should not fap? Is it a religious thing?

 

[corrector]

Why do you think normal guys should not fap? Is it a religious thing?

Again, I will invoke the countless thread and posts written by @SW15 who has succesfully went on no-porn/no-fap and has a notch-count higher than most people (ie as he has so claimed). There are also other threads on here of no-porn/no-fap so I didn't make that up.

 

[Epicenter]

Again, I will invoke the countless thread and posts written by @SW15 who has succesfully went on no-porn/no-fap and has a notch-count higher than most people (ie as he has so claimed). There are also other threads on here of no-porn/no-fap so I didn't make that up.

Makes sense.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Right, I'm implying she pursues you. Join a band with the hottest female performers.


Yep, you and her would just branch off. And join your old band. But since you won't quit your current band, who says you do? You can be in more than 1, just shift between full-time, part-time, and temporary leave-of-absence.

Bro this isn't any advice that would actually work. Even if I was in that situation and she pursued me I would still turn her down because at the end of the day it would be unprofessional to sleep with anyone I was in a band with. Furthermore I can't count on women pursuing me, and like I said I have no track record pulling girls from start to finish irl. As I've mentioned numerous times all my hookups and relationships have come from apps despite the fact that dating apps are usually horrible

 

[BergischerLöwe]

I started feeling this around 27 too. The only sex I crave is just seeing a new girl naked for the first time and knowing that she wants to hop on my dvck. I get tired of the sex part within 30 seconds lol.

I've gotten this too sometimes. When I've met a new girl on an app I get excited about seeing her but when I do in real life it's underwhelming and usually I don't pursue it any further than that

 

[Bingo-Player]

I've gotten this too sometimes. When I've met a new girl on an app I get excited about seeing her but when I do in real life it's underwhelming and usually I don't pursue it any further than that

Are you going for girls you are 100% attracted too or are you just taking anything that shows a sign of interest ?

Its something I have been guilty of in the past

It was only when I met a chick who I had very strong chemistry with did I realise sex is not 100% the same with every woman you have it with

 

[BergischerLöwe]

He should provide the details as to how he met his LTR. If it was cold-approach, cold-warm or warm approach, social circle game, etc....

But agreed, if he's getting women on a silver plate off Tinder, as he described, then he's not an incel. Maybe he is asexual then.

Are you going for girls you are 100% attracted too or are you just taking anything that shows a sign of interest ?

Its something I have been guilty of in the past

It was only when I met a chick who I had very strong chemistry with did I realise sex is not 100% the same with every woman you have it with

I've never had very strong chemistry with women I've met for the most part, usually when I've met girls from apps the girl is more attracted to me than I am to her

 

[CornbreadFed]

I've never had very strong chemistry with women I've met for the most part, usually when I've met girls from apps the girl is more attracted to me than I am to her

that’s usually how it works lol. Your value is too low because it’s either a girl that’s one or two points below your value or settle for a hot girl that’s damaged goods. Get yourself to a 8 so you can attract 6s-8s. My scale is also more picky, so a hb10 to a guy might be a 4 to me.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

He should provide the details as to how he met his LTR. If it was cold-approach, cold-warm or warm approach, social circle game, etc....

But agreed, if he's getting women on a silver plate off Tinder, as he described, then he's not an incel. Maybe he is asexual then.

I met her off tinder in fall of 2018 and the relationship lasted until fall 2019. Idk why it lasted that long, we didn't have that much in common but she at least was pleasant to be around, easy to talk to, pretty attractive, and she also would roll me blunts every time I visited her. With these women on apps as I've described I don't exactly know why I didn't have sex with them when I could have, but one thing about me is that I'm absolutely terrified of accidental pregnancy so most of the time I don't consider sex to be worth the risk. These were all fairly attractive women and sex with any one of them would have probably been good, but I never actually pulled the trigger. As for cold approach, warm approach, or social circle game I've never been able to pull any girls that way.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

that’s usually how it works lol

Tired of that tho