No real motivation to meet/date girls anymore

[BergischerLöwe]

I’m a 27 year old guy and as I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed my desire to date has gradually waned. When I was in college I was always really excited about the prospect of trying to hook up with girls, especially since I was a late bloomer when it came to that sort of thing. Now, however, that excitement and enthusiasm is gone. My last relationship ended in the fall of 2019 and since then I have not had sex, but somehow it doesn’t bother me. Over the past two years Ive matched with several different girls on apps who have flat out said they wanted to have sex with me, and even though they were all pretty attractive and I was turned on at the prospect of sleeping with them I never had sex with any of them. Even though they were all keen and clearly wanted some I never met up with any of them, I just let the text conversations die out.

Some have suggested that I could be asexual but I don’t think so. I am without a doubt attracted to women sexually, I still think back upon the various times I’ve been with women and I still see women in public and think they’re attractive, but my desire to pursue women in earnest is gone. These days I’m content with jerking off rather than trying to hook up with a real woman. I’m not really alarmed by this development, just confused as to what has caused it.

I have a few ideas as to why this has happened. Maybe I just grew tired of hooking up with mediocre women from apps, or perhaps it has something to do with my fear of accidental pregnancy, or maybe I’ve just matured emotionally and no longer desire meeting women as much as I did in the past. In addition I’ve never met a woman I’ve felt a true romantic connection with. There has not been a time in my life when I’ve felt a significant “spark” with any woman ive hooked up with, I’ve always felt each time that I’m settling in some way.

In short I dont know how to feel about this or what should be done. Right now I feel oddly content with my lack of female company, but what if in the future I want it and the only women left to date are single mothers or crazy women with baby rabies? Plus when I grow old and unattractive and my hair falls out how would I be able to find anyone good? I may be content now with sitting on the sideline but my worry about regretting this later. I still have vague ideas of finding a life partner but I dont consider it something that will realistically happen. Either way I’m sure some of you on here have dealt with the same thing. How did you navigate these feelings, and what did you do? I’d like to hear your insights on this. What should I do to understand and deal with this?

 

[NealIRC]

Hobbies? Occupation?

 

[corrector]

I'm 47 years old and am not regretting anything since I don't see there is anything in the past I could have really changed as to where I am now. You may come to the same realization too down the line.

 

[TheEveningChronograph]

That's what's up!

 

[kookdekoo]

Wish I was in this state as OP's. I'm 55 and still horny. Just got out of an LTR but can't get myself to stop looking for feminine intimacy. Maybe it's the social conditioning where we men have been taught over years that unless we have a fulfilling relationship , physical and emotional , with a female , we're screwed. The fear of ending up a Lonely Old Man is real.
Wish I could conquer this fear. A part of me wants to just be contented with my life and achievements. I have diverse hobbies like golf, scuba diving, mountain hiking, wildlife photography...and a great work environment.
Why should I yearn for female company ?

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Hobbies? Occupation?

I don't really have a actual career but I've been playing in bands and recording music for over a decade, even if it doesn't pay the rent. I play guitar, bass, and sitar. Some of my other hobbies are learning languages and weightlifting

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Wish I was in this state as OP's. I'm 55 and still horny. Just got out of an LTR but can't get myself to stop looking for feminine intimacy. Maybe it's the social conditioning where we men have been taught over years that unless we have a fulfilling relationship , physical and emotional , with a female , we're screwed. The fear of ending up a Lonely Old Man is real.
Wish I could conquer this fear. A part of me wants to just be contented with my life and achievements. I have diverse hobbies like golf, scuba diving, mountain hiking, wildlife photography...and a great work environment.
Why should I yearn for female company ?

I really don't know why my desires for hooking up with women have waned, and that's what I wonder the most. I used to be much more motivated for that but now I'm much more content just jerking off. As far as I can tell my motivation to date gradually waned over the years beginning with the end of my last relationship in fall 2019. That was the last time I had sex. I have a few theories as to why I lost motivation. I think it's either that I'm so concerned about accidental pregnancy that I deem sex as not being worth the risk, that I got tired of hooking up with the fairly mediocre women that I usually attract, or that I've realized I'll never find what I really want out of dating and that the right woman for me doesn't exist.

I've also only been able to meet girls from apps and over the years dating apps have given me increasingly diminishing returns. Meeting a woman in real life, making the initial interaction in real life, and ending up hooking up with her is something that's literally never happened to me and as far as I'm concerned it's impossible. I don't have any stories from my high school and college days of going on a date with the hot girl from class or hooking up with a woman I've met at a party or anything like that. My life and personality just don't loan themselves to that. I'm never in any real life situations where I'm around single women I could date anyway. Therefore I've been herded into the slaughterhouse cattle chute of dating apps.

 

[corrector]

Wish I was in this state as OP's.

No you don't.

 

[NealIRC]

I don't really have a actual career but I've been playing in bands and recording music for over a decade, even if it doesn't pay the rent. I play guitar, bass, and sitar. Some of my other hobbies are learning languages and weightlifting

So your band people are never fascinated with your single life and try to introduce you to women? You don't ever perform at coffee shops?

 

[BergischerLöwe]

So your band people are never fascinated with your single life and try to introduce you to women? You don't ever perform at coffee shops?

No honestly I can't count on my friends or bandmates introducing me to women, that literally never happens to me. We used to perform a lot more gigs but up until recently we were without a drummer for a few years so we couldn't really play live. We've essentially been relegated to being a studio-only band now due to those circumstances. My bandmates don't care that I'm single, they never bring that up at all.

 

[NealIRC]

No honestly I can't count on my friends or bandmates introducing me to women, that literally never happens to me. We used to perform a lot more gigs but up until recently we were without a drummer for a few years so we couldn't really play live. We've essentially been relegated to being a studio-only band now due to those circumstances. My bandmates don't care that I'm single, they never bring that up at all.

Find another band to perform with? And 1 that has women performers?

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Find another band to perform with? And 1 that has women performers?

If I were in a band with a female musician I wouldn't pursue her if that's what you're implying. When there's a couple in a band either the couple breaks up and the band stays together, or vice versa. Plus that would be unprofessional anyway if found myself in that situation and I tried to do something like that. As for finding another band I've entertained the thought but there's really no good other bands for me to join. Plus I'm still loyal to the band I'm in and as it stands now I wouldn't quit.

 

[NealIRC]

If I were in a band with a female musician I wouldn't pursue her if that's what you're implying.

Right, I'm implying she pursues you. Join a band with the hottest female performers.

When there's a couple in a band either the couple breaks up and the band stays together, or vice versa.

Yep, you and her would just branch off. And join your old band. But since you won't quit your current band, who says you do? You can be in more than 1, just shift between full-time, part-time, and temporary leave-of-absence.

 

[Epicenter]

No you don't.

I think it makes total sense. Rather than being with women that annoy you and gaslight you having a peace of mind is priceless. Imagine being asexual. Might be nice not being a pathetic women chaser simp and have some dignity.

The next level is letting go of the world then you become a zen monk. Sounds nice to me if it works out.

Schopenhauer said only few can do it but living an asceting life is one of the best ways.


' Schopenhauer recommends the disposition of asceticism as the solution of the constant suffering and striving of the human condition. With asceticism one tries to break the never-ending circle of the will by renunciation, resignation, and denial of the will-to-live'

 

[Bingo-Player]

Its very easy to become worn out with approaching and pursuing women because after 25 the reality is most men could approach 100 women only around 10% would actually end up sleeping with him

And in amongst that other 90% you could have some really bad apples and low quality trash which in itself is tiring and demotivating to deal with

Earlier in the week I had an encounter with a HB8 in my gym , we went from going on a date this weekend to removing each other on social media within about 36 hours....... other than some mental gymnastics and experience it provided little value to me and was tiring more than anything

I still enjoy meeting new women because every so often you meet one that is like wow this chick is really hot and really cool

And also you can get to do some really freaky sh1t in bed with some of them

I will admit the process of getting to that stage isn't straightforward and there is A LOT to be said for just having tranquility in your life

 

[corrector]

I think it makes total sense. Rather than being with women that annoy you and gaslight you having a peace of mind is priceless. Imagine being asexual. Might be nice not being a pathetic women chaser simp and have some dignity.

I'm not in that category of a woman chaser simp, but I think allot of other people are because either people believe that they don't want to be single, don't want to be an lonely old man, or believe the only reason they are breathing is to have sex with women. It sounds more deeper than just scratching an itch. When people believe that anything is better than being alone then they'll put up with all sort of abuse and simpery, or whatever to avoid that fate. You see people who have no peace unless they are with a woman.

Personally, being incel/dry-spell for 9 years, I don't get that mindset so you are preaching to the choir here.

 

[SW15]

Its very easy to become worn out with approaching and pursuing women because after 25 the reality is most men could approach 100 women only around 10% would actually end up sleeping with him

And the 10% that would actually have sex with him are likely to be damaged goods in some way, such as being an overweight single mom.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I started feeling this around 27 too. The only sex I crave is just seeing a new girl naked for the first time and knowing that she wants to hop on my dvck. I get tired of the sex part within 30 seconds lol.

 

[Mike32ct]

I'm not in that category of a woman chaser simp, but I think allot of other people are because either people believe that they don't want to be single, don't want to be an lonely old man, or believe the only reason they are breathing is to have sex with women. It sounds more deeper than just scratching an itch. When people believe that anything is better than being alone then they'll put up with all sort of abuse and simpery, or whatever to avoid that fate. You see people who have no peace unless they are with a woman.

Personally, being incel/dry-spell for 9 years, I don't get that mindset so you are preaching to the choir here.

There is this pervasive myth that, if a guy is a cel, then he is necessarily a super clingy simp.

I never understood how they arrived at that lol.

There are plenty of shy, aloof, highly introverted cels. They couldn’t “simp” if they tried.

 

[corrector]

There is this pervasive myth that, if a guy is a cel, then he is necessarily a super clingy simp.

I never understood how they arrived at that lol.

There are plenty of shy, aloof, highly introverted cels. They couldn’t “simp” if they tried.

Agreed, I don't understand how they arrive at that either. Throughout my time on the board, other posters have had those types of views. For example, @SW15 is a prolific poster, and he said the only reason or purpose he has in life, and believes other people have is to have sex with women. He frequenly uses Mavlov's pyramid and while he cites sex as a basic need, you would think with him, it probably fits into all parts of the pyrmaid including the top one, lol! You've seen a post earlier up on this thread about @kookdekoo not wanting to be a "Lonely Older Man", and recently from @CornbreadFed that anything is better than being single/alone, or @Gamisch, that he can't have peace unless he's with a woman. If you look at it, the people who hold to the beliefs that women and sex are the be all and end all are actually engaged and successful dealing with women, so it's quite a sick myth if at that. I can't afford the luxury of having mindsets like that.