No more online dating - am I being too rigid?

[TheTraveller]

So, I take down my online dating profile - from a pay site. It's been the only way I've met girls over the years. I never do cold approaches. I've been moderately successful in the online dating world, but all my relationships have been from online and all of them were girls I eventually realized I was not attracted to (either due to personality or looks). So, I was settling with these girls.

Fast forward to today - I know what I want in a woman, and I've shed a lot of my old AFC tendencies. My pool of available women went from the 4-6's on online dating sites that I've had in the past, to at least 7's and up today. Yes, this is more of a challenge for me but it's what I want. And it feels great to go for what I want.

What I've found recently is I've had to deal with a lot more challenges trying to game these 7's, 8's and 9's online. Once I get a date with one from online, I'm usually successful.

Why do I dislike online dating? I'm a direct person with a dry, sarcastic wit and personality that really doesn't translate well online. I'm also a few inches below average height, so that doesn't help things in the online world of search engine customization for matches. In person, height's never been an issue for me, I like girls shorter than me anyways. Just to get that out there, to give you all some context. Additionally, the time it takes to get a number and the idea that the girl is getting hundreds of emails just sets up the wrong frame from the get-go. I think it's actually fairly ridiculous, now.

I live in a very large North American city, so there are 7's and up everywhere. I never approach. I want to overcome this (assuming) social anxiety. Although I'd consider myself short, my only real flaw is my social anxiety. I believe I'm capable of doing great game in-person, with practice. Yet at the same time, I feel as if I've just eliminated a large pool of single women who congregate online.

My question to all of you is this: Starting out, sarging in person for the first time, does this seem like a correct decision to actually take down my profile? I have 2 prospects from online on the go at the moment. It's a liberating but very strange feeling as the crutch is gone. I will no longer check online to see if the girl I've seen a few times is logging in. I won't wonder how many silly emails she's received. Any advice that may help me get through the initial struggles of going cold-turkey on online dating?

Thanks.
-T

 

[PDubb75]

Well, I personally have never used online dating, but I have been considering it for a couple months now. What has held me back is just the way you go about it.

It just seems odd to me having multiple conversations before ever meeting someone. It's possible that this thinking comes from my past, where I used to be pretty insecure about my looks. I would always think she would like me until she finally saw me. So, I avoided that by only going for girls in person, so that the "tough part" was out of the way already.

I am now much more confident, and am told regularly that I'm a pretty good looking guy. So, I was debating the online thing just to increase the number of girls I could talk to/date, given a busy schedule that sometimes makes it hard to meet girls.

However, in your case, I think it is a good move to ditch the sites. At least for now. As you said, it is being used as a crutch, and I think your game can improve greatly by going out there and approaching. Might be tough at first, but if you stick with it, I think you will find it much more rewarding. Plus, once you improve your game by approaching in person, you may be able to get back onto the dating sites and have even more success.

I would give it a go without the sites for now and see how it works for you. You can always go back if you decide that is more your style.

 

[Larry Walker]

You have no online game. Face it.

Fix it.

I have tons of online game. Here is the profile I used to use and got tons of p/ssy.

Wouldn't it be surprisingly wonderful for you to meet a very special man on the Internet? I know you might be skeptical but please read on. I'm intelligent, direct, very honest and a little goofballish (in a positive way or so people say). I have a somewhat sarcastic sense of humor but I know when to restrain myself. I like to talk and love to listen to other people and usually don't have problems making friends. I look good (most people are able to look at me without throwing up) and I have great looking eyes (thanks mom). I play on a semi pro baseball team in my area. Here's what I'm looking for: a woman who is intelligent, honest, mature, and attractive. I'm looking for someone with a great sense of humor who can talk about anything and everything, who likes to have fun both outdoors and indoors and who is independent yet not afraid to let someone into her life and share her emotions. If this sounds like you then please reply and we'll take it from there.

Of course I had to follow it up with game. Here are my chat logs:

Amy : dont you have yahoo messenger . the new one
Amy : and thank you @ fat ass lips
metaphysikal_lover: I think I do..or maybe I should go look for an update you think?
metaphysikal_lover: and your welcome
Amy : yes update your yahoo
metaphysikal_lover: those lips are one of the reasons I sent you a message
Amy : ill try n send u the link,
metaphysikal_lover: ok
Amy : lmao, wow its not my brains
metaphysikal_lover: that and the honest look in your eyes
Amy : or its how i give brains?
Amy : lmao
metaphysikal_lover: well your brains still remains to be uncovered since we have only just met or kinda
metaphysikal_lover: lol
Amy : yes i am a very very very honest woman ....
metaphysikal_lover: you look sincere as fawk
Amy : Im a different breed
metaphysikal_lover: go slap ya self
Amy : i am , been through alot..im 100% all woman
metaphysikal_lover: dam that turns me on
metaphysikal_lover: 100% all woman thing
Amy : i am , a good woman, wife, mother, friend, companion, lover ect ect .. and all without a chem imbalance
metaphysikal_lover: 100% all woman meet 100% all man
Amy : nice to meet you
metaphysikal_lover: wife?
Amy : i have been
metaphysikal_lover: lol at the big tooth smile
metaphysikal_lover: what happened?
Amy : i just have all the qualities that i think females r lacking these days
metaphysikal_lover: I am looking for a soul connection and I will not settle for anything less
metaphysikal_lover: than 100
metaphysikal_lover: %
metaphysikal_lover: all woman
Amy : true, same here..as long as i can get the same in return
metaphysikal_lover: I have the rest of my life to wait
metaphysikal_lover: I agree
metaphysikal_lover: 100% both ways is the only way...cause when your heart is open you desire to give 100%
Amy : i dont ask for anything i cannot give.
metaphysikal_lover: true words
Amy : So i figured, it's going to be hard to find a mate
metaphysikal_lover: I am tired of the games and empty relationships and cheap sex
Amy : Hee Hee
metaphysikal_lover: I took a class on meeting your soul mate
Amy : thats why i gave up casual sex
Amy : really, how neat
metaphysikal_lover: yeah it was
metaphysikal_lover: I am intense in my search for a soul connection
metaphysikal_lover: which is why I put up my ad on yahoo
metaphysikal_lover: I'm tired of wasting my time
Amy : Understandable
metaphysikal_lover: Where you the one who left your husband?
Amy : yes,
metaphysikal_lover: why
Amy : i was young, grew up and wanted more in a man, a husband and a soulmate
Amy : he had no ambition to grow.
metaphysikal_lover: ahh yeah I've known a few women that way also...my ex wife
metaphysikal_lover: go on
Amy : he was comfortable the way he was. and i needed more, i love to learn.....and couldnt grow with him..
Amy : im always looking to improve..
metaphysikal_lover: hmmm you sound like me
metaphysikal_lover: in some ways
metaphysikal_lover: I like that
Amy : to learn, grow, in every area i can
metaphysikal_lover: I've heard this before though. My last relationship just ended. She told me she was 100% woman.
metaphysikal_lover: but it didn't prove to be that way
metaphysikal_lover: she lacked some things
metaphysikal_lover: I am a feeling kind of person Kinesthetic
metaphysikal_lover: you feel honest and sincere
metaphysikal_lover: I may not be the man for you..but one day you will attract him into your life
metaphysikal_lover: may or may not be
metaphysikal_lover: lol
metaphysikal_lover: we each will attract what is inside of us
metaphysikal_lover: to us
metaphysikal_lover: just gotta watch out for the sharks...hehehehe
metaphysikal_lover: male and female
Amy : i am very honest..thats one thing i feel strongly about..i only keep the best of friends and people around me..
Amy : very true
metaphysikal_lover: yes you are I can feel that
metaphysikal_lover: I like that your trying to improve yourself in all ways Amy
metaphysikal_lover: That is such a good quality to possess
metaphysikal_lover: not many have that
Amy : I agree,
metaphysikal_lover: I kept telling my last relationships that I was self correcting and improving
Amy : My daughter has been a huge influence
metaphysikal_lover: kids are
metaphysikal_lover: they change you
metaphysikal_lover: or you change for them
Amy : i swear thats how i felt.
Amy : with her father
metaphysikal_lover: I'm sorry it didn't work out for you
metaphysikal_lover: there is a reason for everything they say
Amy : Ohh, its ok, believe me..
Amy : yes, he was def a tool in my life.
Amy : in each others
metaphysikal_lover: we all are according to the course in miracles
Amy : i tried, very hard to keep my family..
metaphysikal_lover: we are all each others teachers
metaphysikal_lover: each relationship isn't good or bad...it's just lessons that we need to learn
metaphysikal_lover: a bad person is there for a reason
metaphysikal_lover: because we have something life wants us to learn
Amy : yes, i learned alotttt from him .
metaphysikal_lover: lol
metaphysikal_lover: I feel ya
metaphysikal_lover: I learned a lot from each relationship that I've had especially the last one
metaphysikal_lover: now I know exactly what I want
Amy : It's a shame it ended the way it did..Could have ended better..
metaphysikal_lover: how did it end
Amy : with him putting his hands on me and our daughter.
metaphysikal_lover: sorry
metaphysikal_lover: I don't know how to respond
metaphysikal_lover: your poor daughter
metaphysikal_lover: she is a innocent
metaphysikal_lover: and I feel for you too
metaphysikal_lover: domestic voilence is raw
Amy : yes, she was hit by him.
Amy : he didnt mean to , but he should have never been swinging on me in the first place.
metaphysikal_lover: I was physically abused as a child myself so I feel for any child of abuse
Amy : i was as well..
Amy 's status is now "Boyz II Men - End Of The Road". (10/9/2004 1:50 PM)

Amy : my mother was very abusive
metaphysikal_lover: I'm sorry Amy I have to go meet a friend for lunch. How about I call you later on or we can just chat online again another time
Amy : ok, we can tlk whenever u would like ..
metaphysikal_lover: ok
metaphysikal_lover: gotta run
Amy : ok, take care
Amy : http://messenger.yahoo.com/?i=1
Amy : ur link when u get back , for updates

 

[Larry Walker]

continued...

Romeo: Romeo's following you everywhere.
HB9: I'm ok with that for now.
Romeo: Promise I will only stalk you just a tad though.
HB9: lol All right it's a deal.
HB9: Although no hanging around outside of my bathroom this time lol
Romeo: You are no fun at all.
Romeo: What's a boy supposed to do?
HB9: hide in the bushes?
Romeo: So, if I can sneak really well, and don't tell you and don't get caught it's ok?
Romeo: <---- looking under his bed for his ninja slippers
HB9: Cute
HB9: It's ok, if I get to play with the dog
Romeo: No.. .can't bring the dog, she is no good at stalking. She likes to get up and lick people too much.
HB9: That's really cute.
HB9: Ok, are you a nightowl or not so much?
Romeo: Somewhat.
Romeo: Depends.
Romeo: I usually go to bed sometime in the next hour or so.
Romeo: Don't sleep much.
HB9: Join the club. But apparently my sleeplessness is taking me out with my best friend
HB9: So......................catch you later?
HB9: And PS. I think you're adorable.
Romeo: hehe... sounds like fun.
Romeo: You be good.
HB9: That's no fun
Romeo: Thank you. So do I. ;-) JK
Romeo: Depends on how you take it.
HB9: It's good to have modesty..........lol
Romeo: Nah, it's over rated. <grin> Have fun girl. Talk to you soon.
HB9: Sounds like a plan. Maybe you should take your 22 vacay days at home & send the lawyers away. j/k. have a great evening
Romeo: Nah, the lawyers help me to afford to have a blast on my vacation days.
HB9: Dare I ask? Maybe I don't want to know. Sounds lucrative. Hope you like it.
HB9: *poof!* *disappears*
Romeo: Nothing really exciting. Just real estate stuff.
Romeo: See, you can't get enough of me already.
Romeo: This is a bad sign.
HB9: lol Yeah yeah yeah
Romeo: I thought I was supposed to stalk you.
Romeo: You're ruining my plans.
HB9: Ok, then stop being intresting.
Romeo: That's it, we're breaking up if you don't stop ruining things.
Romeo: <grin>
HB9: lol Nerd
Romeo: lol Brat
HB9: lol Geek
Romeo: lol I still like Brat
HB9: lol and sometimes I am
Romeo: No spankings for you.
Romeo: I know.
Romeo: I'm a handwriting analysist, and I could tell that about you.
Romeo: It's harder with typing though. I still managed.
HB9: LOL
HB9: Hi I'm Jackie btw
Romeo: I'm not telling you my name, you're just going to have to find me again.
Romeo: <---- Is not an easy one to catch
HB9: Tigers (meaning me) like to chase things.
HB9: This could be a wise move on your part.
HB9: Or maybe you could just tell me
Romeo: back you catty little thing.
Romeo: Nope. Know why?
HB9: And yet I like dogs. Go figure.
HB9: Tell me.
Romeo: Because while you're out with your friend, you'll think about me. Wondering what my name is. If I'm really this funny. If I look even better in person. And what my name is. And what it would be like to have me whisper it into your ear. That's why
HB9: .............He's good
Romeo: IM me/email me tomorrow. I might tell you. I might not.
Romeo: Promise it will be fun either way.
HB9: I'm readily intrigued. ttys. Have a good Evening
Romeo: nite brat.
HB9 is away at 12:26:01 AM.

----------------


I am keeping her wanting more. I only chat for a few minutes at a time just enough to drive her crazy and then off I blow.

 

[Larry Walker]

Amy : sexy, but very soft...teddybear like
Amy : Just a Sweetheart
metaphysikal_lover: teddybear now thats a new one
metaphysikal_lover: lol
metaphysikal_lover: I'm a big ole teddybear
metaphysikal_lover: wanna hug me
metaphysikal_lover: and pet me
Amy : Well, i like teddybears.. soft , u can lay ya head on them, sleep with them..cuddle
Amy : And there so Damn cute
metaphysikal_lover: and..forgot the words from "Of mice and Men" by Steinbeck
metaphysikal_lover: that is an old photo...I lost weight since then...and gained weight and lost it again and gained...and now...
Amy : I read that many many many years ago . i believe 9th grade......maybe 10th ..
Amy : I like
Amy : Very sexy picture
metaphysikal_lover: I read it along time ago also
Amy : I see a nipple
metaphysikal_lover: well I will have to send you some more photos
metaphysikal_lover: lol
Amy : lol,yummy
metaphysikal_lover: lol..look at ya
metaphysikal_lover: a nipple
Amy : lmao sorry
metaphysikal_lover: no it's all good
Amy : Imma chest girl....
Amy : I love nipples
metaphysikal_lover: ahh then I've got the chesta for yousa
Amy : yaysa
metaphysikal_lover: ok I got 8 minutes to shower and get to my studio
Amy : I swear a nice chest ans a smile..OMG
metaphysikal_lover: gotta roll


_______________________________________

I have peaked her sexual interest. Showing her who is the boss...she admits that I intimidate her...

_______________________________________


Amy : Can i have that picture in poster size..
metaphysikal_lover:
metaphysikal_lover: sure I will send you a few
metaphysikal_lover: just so you can see my nipples and fantasize about em
metaphysikal_lover: kissing them
metaphysikal_lover: licking them
Amy : lmaoooo
metaphysikal_lover: touching em
Amy : How u know
Amy : lol
metaphysikal_lover: because you and I are forming a connection
metaphysikal_lover: soon I will be all up in ya mind
metaphysikal_lover: wait until you feel my vulcan mind probe
Amy : Lmao, ur sure of yself huh??
metaphysikal_lover: would you have it any other way
metaphysikal_lover: a man who had no confidence or a man with confidence
metaphysikal_lover: which would you preffer
metaphysikal_lover: pimp or symp
metaphysikal_lover: ?
Amy : a man with confidence..lol
metaphysikal_lover: then you are a real woman
Amy : no pimps..lol
metaphysikal_lover: lol
metaphysikal_lover: @ the no pimps
metaphysikal_lover: I do hate the useage of pimps in all those rap songs
metaphysikal_lover: now everybody wants to be a pimp
metaphysikal_lover: tell me what your thoughts are
Amy : u may intimidate me
Amy : my thoughts on pimps
Amy : lol
metaphysikal_lover: no just stretch your mind
Amy : True..hee hee
Amy : A sexy man with a mind...
Amy : Yummy


________________________________

Here I let her know that I am testing her. She must qualify herself to me and prove that she is worthy of my time

......

 

[Larry Walker]

metaphysikal_lover: lol
Amy : Could it be
metaphysikal_lover: you have no idea how deep the rabbit hole runs Amy
Amy : lmao@rabbit hole
metaphysikal_lover: you caught it
metaphysikal_lover: good
metaphysikal_lover: you've seen the matrix
Amy : Yes
Amy : Loved it
metaphysikal_lover: you passed another test
Amy : I loved the last one
metaphysikal_lover: yeah
Amy : The best
metaphysikal_lover: ohh yeah
metaphysikal_lover: would you take the red pill or the blue pill
Amy : So how was your day today ..Eventfull
metaphysikal_lover: I vote you would the red
metaphysikal_lover: good day today
metaphysikal_lover: I just woke up from a nap




Below she is talked about a drink called Pink Panties and I commented on it and then started to talk gently about her possiblilites on my team

__________________________________________
metaphysikal_lover: your making my mouth water
Amy : me or the Drink
metaphysikal_lover: that sounds almost as good as sex right about now
Amy : lol
Amy : I wouldnt know....Been to long
metaphysikal_lover: no you make me feel
metaphysikal_lover: deep thoughts
metaphysikal_lover: wonderings
metaphysikal_lover: of if
Amy : lol
metaphysikal_lover: or maybe...
metaphysikal_lover: you might be
metaphysikal_lover: "the one"
Amy : go ahead
Amy : Awww ,i am a good woman
metaphysikal_lover: my search is for more than a good woman
Amy : Im a Different Breed
metaphysikal_lover: I crave a connection so deep that we would become as one
metaphysikal_lover: when I make love to that person I want to be able to feel her soul
Amy : I feel you
metaphysikal_lover: and look her in the eyes
metaphysikal_lover: as we explode together
Amy : Thats what im talking about..
metaphysikal_lover: to reach places where no ordinary folks can reach
metaphysikal_lover: to feel the shifting of the universe
metaphysikal_lover: to be able to touch god in her arms
metaphysikal_lover: to create life as we were ment to as gods children
metaphysikal_lover: to do the unltimate creative act that god gave to us
metaphysikal_lover: to create love
metaphysikal_lover: I don't feel that from just ordinary people
Amy : You'r Very Good With Your Words..
metaphysikal_lover: there is no passion in the world anymore
metaphysikal_lover: women and men these days have lost that connection
metaphysikal_lover: oh well I'm rambling
Amy : I feel the same way ..
Amy : keep going
Amy : lol

**********Notice she said that I'm good with words****I gotta be careful she doesn't catch on to my game too soon

________________________________

Below I go into a slight sexual talk with her

_______________________________________
metaphysikal_lover: where should I start
metaphysikal_lover: making love to me is the highest act of love
metaphysikal_lover: it is way different from just having sex
metaphysikal_lover: anyone can do that
Amy : I think woman are to hard these days..
Amy : true
metaphysikal_lover: I agree
metaphysikal_lover: to hard
metaphysikal_lover: many don't even want to kiss
Amy : true
metaphysikal_lover: which is my favorite part
metaphysikal_lover: touching of the lips..and tongue
Amy : You may not like me then
metaphysikal_lover: mixing of the energies
metaphysikal_lover: why
Amy : I havnt kissed a man (w/tongue) in a long time.......
metaphysikal_lover: that is because you haven't allowed yourself to connect
metaphysikal_lover: when you kiss pheremones cross over
metaphysikal_lover: energies mix
metaphysikal_lover: with the right person you will feel a tingling in your crotch area
metaphysikal_lover: when you kiss
metaphysikal_lover: it will feel like a tickly sensation down there
metaphysikal_lover: and your nerves will stand up on end
metaphysikal_lover: so that soft strokes will send you too the moon
Amy : dang. i havnt felt that in yrsssss
metaphysikal_lover: I'm sorry to hear that

__________________________________________

Below I get her to tell me some of her best sexual past...it creates a door way of closeness between us.

____________________________________________
Amy : I would kiss my ex and it was cool. just lips..but i havnt felt the spine crawl in about 7 yrs
metaphysikal_lover: then he wasn't the right connection
Amy : One man would just hug me and my body would go limp
Amy : Now i see that
metaphysikal_lover: yes
metaphysikal_lover: and did his breath turn you on
metaphysikal_lover: or the feel of his breath on your skin
Amy : Just hearing his voice would make me smile for the whole day
metaphysikal_lover: now he was the right connection
Amy : the love making was the best i ever had..
Amy : Kept a smile on my face for dayzz
metaphysikal_lover: do tell..what was it like
Amy : He was the first man to ever make love to me..
Amy : i was going on 20 he was 33
metaphysikal_lover: uh huh
Amy : But he intimidated me soo damn much ..
metaphysikal_lover: uh huh
Amy : he was the 2nd man i ever slept with ..
Amy : I was whoooped..
Amy : but he would hug me and i remember my back would get weak ..
metaphysikal_lover: yeah
Amy : When he left , i missed him b4 he was in his car
metaphysikal_lover: he touched you deeply
metaphysikal_lover: as it should be
metaphysikal_lover: what was it like making love to him
Amy : H e was on my mind almost 100% of the time.. and i couldnt wait to just hug him. Couldnt wait to hold his hand..
Amy : I t was the Best ..Omg i cannot express how great it was..
metaphysikal_lover: tell me about it


-------------

Below I am digging into her memories to tap into that sexual state. My goal was to link myself to that feeling that she was getting from her memories.

..............

 

[TheTraveller]

Seriously Larry? No pics of Amy?! And I'm not talking about IM game here at all. It all seems like a huge waste of time.

I don't want to analyze or fix my online game. My profile is anti-AFC, my pics are fine. I'd rather game face-to-face and not lose out on all the non-verbal signals and fun of the chase. To each their own, I suppose. I was just wondering if, given my situation, cutting out online dating cold turkey (and thus saving me $$ each month as a bonus in all of this) is the best approach.

 

[MaddXMan]

Holy crap that was player_supreme (metaphysikal_lover)

 

[TheTraveller]

it could have been. But it's freaking IM convo's. I guess I was asking for it.

IM has very little meaning, IMO. Especially so if you've never met the girl. Thanks for confirming the cold-turkey no more online dating. Sure, have more of them. Glad I could be of service.

 

[Viagra4Soul]

Larry Walker - I don't know what happened to you ('Banned'), but your online 'game' is a random collection of responses, later justified by you as being a thought out 'plan'.

You cannot bullsh2t the bullshi22ers my friend.

I might add your 'game' puts me to sleep. You were/are a try-hard.

 

[ilikecharlene]

online dating to me is the same as real life dating, be confident, assured and ****y/funny.

I think relying on it solely is bad, but i guess it's subjective, since somebody may not have the time to meet in person.

 

[Robert28]

In my opinion Larry's profile reads and sounds like 99% of guys profiles on online dating forums. Sure he's got a few funnies thrown in there to break it up, but the body of it makes me think of dejavu because I've read that same profile by thousands of other men when I scouted my competition on various online sites. nothing really sets him apart from other men as far as I can tell from his profile. Unless he has some VERY good pics, I highly doubt that profile is getting many bites. the trick to writing a profile that WORKS is not to list a bunch of descriptive adjectives, but DEMONSTRATE them. any ol' fool can write "I'm funny, I like outdoorsy stuff, I have alot of friends, I'm smart, I'm outgoing, blah blah fvcking blah".

you have to SHOW them you're funny, don't tell them. you have to demonstrate the characteristics you think describe you best. Instead of saying something like "I like to laugh"(well no $hit Sherlock who doesn't?). instead say something like "I think it's funny as hell when......."

Online dating does take a little work but once you master it, you shouldn't be spending more then a few mins a day responding to the countless emails you recieve. hell eventually you'll get more emails then you can respond to, and you'll have the power of the women on there and weed through the have's and have not's. it'll become YOUR world, theyre just living in it. D@mn all that long chatting with a girl. your goal should be getting a number within 3-4 emails and go from there. it takes practice, but once you find your way of what works, it becomes like shooting fish in a barrel.

 

[blueeyedgent]

Try speed dating as a bridge between online and cold approach. I walked out of my last session with a yes from every HB7 or higher there. 6 phone numbers for 2 hours effort. A couple really panned out well too.