No matter how much I learn on inner game..

[Alex DeLarge]

It all gets thrown out the window when I talk to my father. He is always a person who will make me feel like scum and worthless. I don't know what the fvck to do anymore. I tried not talking to him for a few months before and eventually he got in touch with me again.. Only to ridicule me in front of his new girlfriend and her 2 sons.

The oldest memory I have of my parents being together is my father beating the sh1t out of my mother while he was drunk, then hitting me too and my mom calling 911 from the living room telephone. I still remember the police showing up and handcuffing him and dragging him out of the house. The only refuge I could seek that night was holding a tight grip on my favorite toy. A batman action figure.

I remember going through a chubby kid phase like all little kids do. Right before I hit puberty. My father would call me fat every day I saw him. He would say I needed to lose weight.. I wasn't sitting on my ass inside every day either, I was out running around with the rest of the neighborhood kids. I ran on the treadmill he had at his house one day when I went to visit him on sunday, I got really tired after running for a while and got off to take a break. My father started beating me for this.

In middle school I had really bad acne.. I went to a dermatologist to get medicine for it with him. I was hoping it would just be gone by using the medicine, but it didn't work too well. My father would tell me how ugly I was and how I would never get a girl looking the way I did, I was 12 years old.

When I was 18 I came home from college to my mom's house for christmas break. My mom has a really bad drinking problem and has her violent episodes as well. I remember coming home Christmas eve from hanging out with some friends and my mom was drunk. She was yelling at me about how my father never payed child support and how she was financially screwed. I helped my father get out of paying child support (mainly because he was abusing me and coercing me to do so) and my mother lashed out at me for this. She kicked me out of the house on Christmas eve. I called up my dad to see if I could stay at his place, but we hadn't been talking for a good 6 months. (His girlfriend didn't like me, so I wasn't welcome over her house which was where my dad was staying.) I wandered the streets walking in the snow on Christmas eve and slept in my car.

I don't know what to do anymore. I can't seem to avoid him. I can't have my father in my life anymore if I wish to be a happy person and step up. I remember trying to hang myself in my room when I was 12 because I couldn't be around my father without him screaming at me. I just wanted to die. I felt isolated from the kids who had fathers that motivated them.. I think my father tries to motivate me, but he does it be telling me how sh1tty of a person I am which he thinks will get myself to improve.. But what he doesn't understand is that I think his views are skewed and he doesn't really know what he's talking about.

I feel emotionally isolated, I tried talking to a therapist about my relationship with parents before but it didn't really help me. The guy just felt sympathetic for me and asked if my dad could come in.. Then I told him that he would probably beat the sh1t out of me for even talking to a therapist about this.

I remember I told an old high school girlfriend about my relationship with my parents, then she dumped me a few weeks later saying I was "too unstable". Which I was, but I just wanted someone to talk to.

Has anyone else on here had abusive parents? What did you do?

 

[backbreaker]

lol then stop talking to him.

i used to beat my head up against the wall with the same stuff. i was never abused but both my parents did some pretty F'ed up stuff. I have forgiven my mom and we have a decent relationship. My dad can go to hell. I don't like him and he doesn't particularly care for me.

But i'm not going to sit here and drawn my sorrows. it is what it is. at some point you have to cut your losses. if someone is being a negative influence on your life they have to go.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

lol then stop talking to him.

i used to beat my head up against the wall with the same stuff. i was never abused but both my parents did some pretty F'ed up stuff. I have forgiven my mom and we have a decent relationship. My dad can go to hell. I don't like him and he doesn't particularly care for me.

But i'm not going to sit here and drawn my sorrows. it is what it is. at some point you have to cut your losses. if someone is being a negative influence on your life they have to go.

I've tried to cut my ties with my father before but it didn't work out. He will call my phone 20 times in a row within an hour, show up at my house.

 

[r0cky]

I have a similar situation except it is with a big brother. It got to the point where I realized that he was such a burden in my life and source of negative feelings that it shouldnt matter what he did to me or said.So anytime he said or did something to put me down, I would repeat the thought "It doesnt matter, so i dont care". I repeated this to myself so much day after day, that it trully does not matter to me anymore. I dont care what he says or does to me anymore, and i dont care if he changes or not because he is not important to me anymore. At least not until he earns back my respect.

 

[Atom Smasher]

In this arena of life you have not grown up and become a man. In his presence you still feel like a helpless little boy. Else you would stand up to him and tell him how it is from now on.

You must treat him like we always advise men to treat a BPD women who is trying to suck them back into her vortex. You need to be positively ruthless. You can block his phone number. You can call the police to get him off your property. The fact is that you are not helpless to do anything about it. Only fear holds you back.

The tyrant in your life is not your father. It is the little boy inside of you who is torturing you. The scared little boy must die. When he dies, you will be reborn.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

In this arena of life you have not grown up and become a man. In his presence you still feel like a helpless little boy. Else you would stand up to him and tell him how it is from now on.

You must treat him like we always advise men to treat a BPD women who is trying to suck them back into her vortex. You need to be positively ruthless. You can block his phone number. You can call the police to get him off your property. The fact is that you are not helpless to do anything about it. Only fear holds you back.

The tyrant in your life is not your father. It is the little boy inside of you who is torturing you. The scared little boy must die. When he dies, you will be reborn.

I really like that Atom Smasher. Good advice. Thank you!