No idea what I am dealing with.

[StacksHitEmUp]

So I have been hanging out with this girl which I've known for like two years. I'm 22 and she's 19. We've been occasionally hooking up but it was always when we were going out. We occasionally chill together 1 on 1 but we have the same friends because my best friend is in a relationship with her best friend. So everything was going smooth, she started telling people she wanted me but she's afraid of the relationship not working out and thus losing me. Not sure if BS or nah because she was telling her friends that and not me. She's been doing this for a month and I was a challenge to her not giving in to her, never initiating texts and if she texts not going on long pointless convs, etc. I wasn't too eager or easy or nothing.

And then last week, on monday, I did the dumbest **** ever. We were studying in the same place for our exams next week. (We both go to different colleges). I took her on a walk with me and because everybody has been advising me to talk to her about us (NEVER TAKING ADVICE FROM THESE BETAS AGAIN AND NEVER FROM FEMALES). So I went full beta and followed this advice and went feminine mode on her. I asked her "what are we?" She said "I dont know" so I know I can't give myself away and I start just saying "I dont know" either, partly because I really don't. So we get up from where we were seated. I grab her hand, look her in the eye and went full AFC. "I want you" is what I said, I didn't let her respond and kissed het straight away in an attempt to cover up my rookie mistake. After the kiss she said: "That was... cute. Not as hard and tough as you always are." Not sure how to interpret that. Anyway, I decided to pull back, seeing I've pushed way too hard here...

ONLY TO MAKE ANOTHER ROOKIE MISTAKE PAST SUNDAY. We were studying in same place again. She texted me the night before "Can we talk sometime?". So me, being a ****in rookie, went to have one of those talks with her. I was prepared to hear the LJBF thing. Instead I got the "I want you but I'm not sure". I told her to either make up her mind or I'm gone which feels kindof like an ultimatum although I specified this was not an ultimatum. She said I could decide what we were. I told her we won't decide yet.

She's going to live with her sister 50 miles away from me from begin january to end january. So I said "I wont see you then, think about **** when you there. I'll do the same." Beta ****...

I came home thinking I was the ****in **** for telling her wtf to do. Then it hit me, THIS WAS AFC AS ****. So I was thinking she's gone. BUT TO MY SURPRISE, she started chasing me harder? She's been texting me every day (always initiating), hittin yo boy up on messenger, asking to see me. She even texted me she was gonna miss me during that period and that's so not her to admit **** like that. She also started runnin her hand through my hair because she knows I love that and that was without me doing anything for her. Basically she's doing **** to please me all the time now. Feels like she's anxious of losing me.

I've only started following this community since september and also read the DJ Bible. I'm re-reading the book of pook right now because of my AFC moment last week. Book of pook really motivated me to be a ****in MAN around her again though since last **** up. Anyway, I know I done ****ed up but I'm still learning. I'm trying to become a natural but that's going to take a lot of time.

Can anyone tell me what I'm dealing with here? Or any advice?

PS: I'm currently spinning another plate but she's boring as ****.

 

[parkthebus]

Just say youll let the relationship run its own course rather than trying to define it.

 

[RangerMIke]

You know what you are doing wrong.... you just have to stop doing it. It will take time to undo years of weak behavior. Be patient with yourself and don't worry about the occasional lapse... Sometimes you will make mistakes and screw things up with a woman... you just have to own the fact that you blew it with her and just move onto others and take a fresh start.

 

[fastlife]

Women have incredibly short emotional memories--to a large extent feelings = facts for them and you = whatever her perception of you is based on her emotions at that time. It's why you can know a girl for years and if you don't see her for a month you can totally change her perception of you based on your behavior. The new, immediate emotions overpower the old ones.

So don't stress it. The strongest impression of AFCness I get from your post is the fact that you're over-analyzing past interactions--those are things you can't control--and you feel like you have to keep up some sort of 'act' instead of just being genuine to yourself. Guess what? If you're 100% alpha all the time then you'll be unattainable and eventually she'll get frustrated, lose interest, etc. You showed a little bit of attainability--that's why she's investing harder than she was before.

So quit stressing ****. Quit worrying about her impression of you. Definitely don't try to over-correct. Get grounded--and carry on like nothing happened (because however you feel going into your next interaction will be who you are to her). If you learned one thing from the Book of Pook it should be that if you get where you need to be as a man, then you'll hit all the attraction/arousal triggers just by being honest with yourself and acting accordingly.

 

[Lozboss]

A true Alpha male does not care what others think of them- they simply do what they want.

Stop caring so much.

Also if you do a big post- please put in a TL;dnr sentence

 

[Maximus Rex]

Define "hooking up." If you're f*cking this broad it dramatically changes the dynamic and how you should deal with the situation.

 

[yungballa]

100% alpha is not always the way to go. you've got to show some vulnerability or else you'll scare the girl off. i don't see anything wrong here really, i mean the **** you did was kinda corny and everything, like you said, "AFC" moves, but in the end you still raised her interest right? thats good. just know this might not happen with other girls.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

Define "hooking up." If you're f*cking this broad it dramatically changes the dynamic and how you should deal with the situation.

Sometimes we just kiss and do nothing else and sometimes, if we can sleep together I get to 4th base. However, this doesn't happen often.

All your replies have been helpful.

 

[RangerMIke]

100% alpha is not always the way to go. you've got to show some vulnerability or else you'll scare the girl off. i don't see anything wrong here really, i mean the **** you did was kinda corny and everything, like you said, "AFC" moves, but in the end you still raised her interest right? thats good. just know this might not happen with other girls.

I agree. You can and should do this without coming off as whimpy and needy. In my experience the best way to do this is to ALWAYS talk about emotion in the first person when you are trying to build rapport. Use the word "I", rather than trying to get the women to agree with your emotional interpretation. Act like a man but communicate to the woman that you own your emotions, very powerful. For example:

Good when describing 'joy': "It was like Chiristmas morning when I was a kid."

Bad: "It was like Christmas morning when you were a kid."

The difference between saying 'I' and 'you' makes a world of difference. She has to except how you felt as a child because that is what you are saying, but when you use 'you', now you are subconsciously asking the women to think about how SHE felt.... what if she had a crappy xmas... or she is Jewish? You definitely have to open ourself up a little, but do it like you are putting a crack int he door.

 

[Tictac]

Just go out with her and enjoy each 'date'. If there's a relationship to be discussed, she'll bring it up.

"Hang out, have fun, hook up"
Corey Wayne

That's all a man ever needs to do.