No escape from friend zone?

[deslite333]

Ok, I have a problem. I think I have a bad case of oneitis but I really want this girl bad. First, lets see, I knew her for about 1 year. She went to my school and I got her AIM and I chatted with her a lot. I was kind of like an emotional tampon to her, and she was telling me emotional stuff and crap and I know I was in the friend zone. I even told her I used to have (still do as you can see) a crush on her. So anyways, after finding this site, and learning the stuff for about a month, I realized the following things:
1. AIM = BAD
2. EMOTIONAL TAMPON = REALLY BAD
3. TELLING you have a crush on her = BAD ALSO

But I wanted to renew my chances so I stopped going on AIM for one year. I want to try again this year fresh with her. Do you think it will work? How long can one be trapped in the ‘friends zone’? Is there no return? Thanks and please respond.

 

[Dirtheart]

Do you know any women who are the motherly type? You know, they dress in flowery dresses, they give you such advice as "button up your coat or you'll get cold" or "make sure you eat some vegetables" etc. And they walk around like a mother hen.

These women completely lack sex appeal and unfortunately this is kind of how you appear to a woman once she has forced you into the friendzone. It's not that you are ugly to her; you are just completely platonic.

In other words, you have to undego a major transformation before she'll see you as sexually appealing again...if at all. It's no good suddenly kinoing and sex-talking her because...well, you wouldn't want the "mother hen type" kinoing and sex talking you, right?

I have escaped the friendzone once, but it took me a year of not seeing her, a complete image change and a complete attitude change, by which time I'd lost interest in her.

Best advice is to learn from the mistakes you made and don't repeat them.

 

[SageOFAllenAge]

I was in the friendzone too with oneitis.

I struggled for a short while wanting to get out of there, then i realised that she & no-one else is worth the effort.

 

[Dukester]

I think you should stop trying to be more than friends w/ her. if she's not giving you the buying signals, and all that stuff, 4get her.
Being friends isnt so bad ya know. I'm sure she has plenty of hot friends, and you should get to know them, and do you DJ skills on them.

Being good friends w/ a girl is really good. They talk, and your name and rep gets around taht you're hot, nice, funny, sweet, etc...
Just b/c it doesnt appeal to this girl, doesnt mean it wont to others.

4get a/b going somewhere w/ this girl, just keep her as a friend, and move on to someone else, who shows a lot of interest in you

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Only go for women that are interested in you and avoid getting into the friendzone in the firstplace, then the argument is moot. This is the equivalent to chasing someone that isn't showing you the right buying signals.

 

[backbreaker]

The main thing is not to try to get everything back in 1 conversation... That's the big mistake most guys make. They realize that they have been messing up and they are quick to try to exert themselves as this new sexual being... which is what you don't want to do.

You have to take baby steps... A good rule of thumb, and this is if you are a true emotional tampon to her, meanig she only calls you when she needs some support is the following:

1. First, get her to want to talk to you on a constant basis, not because she likes you, but simply because you are a fun person to be around who always has something going on with themselves that is interesting.

2. Get her to want to hang around you more often. This doesn't mean get her to want to BANG you, just make her want to be in your company more often. As you can see, already you are a big step away from just the guy she calls when she need support. You acutally have things to talk about other than her problems.

3. Get her to think of you sexually. This is by far the hardest step, and where most men falter, but it's not impossible, and not really that hard if you put some thought into it. You do'nt have to groop her to make her think of you sexually. Talk about other women around her. Hit on a women or two...or three. Make sexual references to her in a joking manner. This is where the kinko has to really pick up if it hasn't all ready. You have to be comfortable with touching, not grooping her and her the same. You will know you are ready to move on when she a) stops talking about other guys around you as much if not all together, b) gets jealous when you talk about other girls and the biggie, when she starts to itionaiate physical contact.

4) Let her know you could possibly be interested if she played her cards right.

Let me repeat myself... IF SHE PLAYS HER CARDS RIGHT, not if you are luckly enough to get a chance. It's okay to let her know you like her... It's kinda ovbious by now anyway, but it's a difference in having to have someone and thinking you can't live without them. If she has a BF, this is the time where she really, seriously starts to either consider leaving him, or at least putting both of you on an equal playing field.

If she does not have a BF, wait around a week or so and make a move, ask her out, you usually know when the time is right. If she has a BF, NEVER talk about him if at all possible, and if she tells you how much better you are then he is, it's probably true, but don't say anything in response. If you have to say anything just say that why would you date someone who you admitingly know is not as good as you. If you made it this far, it won't be too long before they break up, probably sooner than you think, so just wait around for a little, and don't forgot to date other women, at least until she is ready to come around.

 

[deslite333]

Thanks backbreaker, thats some quality stuff. I wouldn't have done half the stuff.

 

[Player_Supreme]

I'm not even going to touch this one. Because I was only going to clown you. Folks told you the truth about the friend zone but....


Let's see if backbreakers advice comes to fruitition. Keep us posted.

 

[felix692]

Insert exactly what Dukester said here

 

[MindOverMatter]

Your main problem is not the fact you are in the friend zone, it is the fact you care about this girl enough to still wanna be with her. As long as you care about her like that, she will never be interested in you. She will keep you in the friend zone, fvck a guy after guy, while you listen to her ***** about them.

That leads me to another point. Why do you care about her? It's obvious that this girl has zero sexual interest in you. Yet you are still holding on the belief that she is worth all the effort it takes to escape out of the friend zone. When this girl told you that she just wanted to be friends, she verbally gave you a kick in the balls, yet you are STILL thinking about her. Where's your pride man?

Here's my advice. You will need a pen, and a piece of paper.

Step 1.) Take out your pen, and your piece of paper, and write down 20 mistakes you made since first meeting this girl that have put you in the friend zone.

Step 2.) Read this list often, until you have a photographic memory of it. Know every mistake you ever made, and add new ones that come to your mind.

Step 3.) Go out, meet new girls, and don't make these mistakes again. If you make any new ones, go back to step 1.

 

[Sexual]

DEWD, search for this post in the search up top and there's an awesome strategy to this problem. Can't remember who made it.

 

[backbreaker]

Originally posted by MindOverMatter
Your main problem is not the fact you are in the friend zone, it is the fact you care about this girl enough to still wanna be with her. As long as you care about her like that, she will never be interested in you. She will keep you in the friend zone, fvck a guy after guy, while you listen to her ***** about them.

That leads me to another point. Why do you care about her? It's obvious that this girl has zero sexual interest in you. Yet you are still holding on the belief that she is worth all the effort it takes to escape out of the friend zone. When this girl told you that she just wanted to be friends, she verbally gave you a kick in the balls, yet you are STILL thinking about her. Where's your pride man?

Here's my advice. You will need a pen, and a piece of paper.

Step 1.) Take out your pen, and your piece of paper, and write down 20 mistakes you made since first meeting this girl that have put you in the friend zone.

Step 2.) Read this list often, until you have a photographic memory of it. Know every mistake you ever made, and add new ones that come to your mind.

Step 3.) Go out, meet new girls, and don't make these mistakes again. If you make any new ones, go back to step 1.

That didn' t make much sense.

Just because a girl doesn't see you as bf material, doesn't mean she is a bad person. It doesn't mean she doesn't have good qualities.

However, if she is literarly toying with you, that's a totally different story.

You are taking extreme measures for no appearant reason. Want to make a girl stop talking about other guys around you. TELL HER TO STOP TALKING ABOUT OTHER GUYS AROUND YOU. I Promise it's that simple, and if she doesn't then you need to kick her to the curb because she is using you anyway.

However, your 3 peices of advice are golden. The worst thing you can do is "wait around" for a girl who at the time isn't interested in you. That's not saying you will never be together but you can't put your life on hold until you are, because it may never happen.

 

[MindOverMatter]

Just because a girl doesn't see you as bf material, doesn't mean she is a bad person. It doesn't mean she doesn't have good qualities.

If he just wanted to be friends with her, I'd agree with you, but he doesn't. You misunderstood my main point, which is, a girl that does not see you as bf material is not worth being gf material.

 

[backbreaker]

my man, I couldn't agree with you more.

However, I would say that you have to first look in the mirror and say, hey "would I date myself" because if you can't honestly say yes, then what in the hell are you getting mad at her for? you have work to do.

I am smart (won't post my IQ, not one of thoose guys that gets off on that, but just take my word for it), pretty good looking, never really had too much of a problem being attractive to the opposite sex (and to my disipointment, the same sex at times ), I run and own one of the fastest growing compaines in my state at the age of 21 and I make a more than decent living. Most of all,. I am a good person. I don't hurt, or at least try to hurt people, I am respectiful and I have values. Don't get me wrong, I am not a chump, but I am a man and always strive to be one.

Now, there is this one girl who I have known for a while now. We have always been pretty good friends, but recently she started taking more and more of my time. Also starting throwing out the normal intrest signs.k.. asking to see me, calling at 1am just to say goodnight, etc.

Any man of his worth sees these signs and makes a move before it's too late. So I make a move, let her know what I am thinking, and she says that she only sees me as a friend. Instead of getting mad, I smiled and said that's okay, and it is, because I realize that a woman that is dumb enough to pass up on me, isn't worth me.. In otherwords, she just saved me possibliy years of hearache and problems by turning me down, even if she did give me an open inventation.

So what I am trying to say is that, it is really a blessing in disguise more times than not. Even if they do have a BF, if you are a real DJ, you are better than him 8/10 times. It's okay to still be friends with them, but detach yourself. I swear, and it may not be soon, may not be for a couple years, but they eventually will come around, they always do once it really hits them how bad they ****ed up.

 

[p-tang]

If you really like this girl which it seems like you do you have to talk to her and tell her exatly how you feel. Say " i know that you and i are really good friends but i'm very attracted to you and would like our friendship to be more then just a friendship." And say that "i know that by tellin you this that it could hurt our friendship but i need to know how you feel because if i dont then i'll always wonder if it could have been."