No contacting a No Contact Ex - Switch Power

[HeadLightsOn]

Interesting reading all the NC posts here. I have used them in the past and they have worked very well.

As I'm out of practice at the moment, thought I'd ask your opinions.

Had NC with an ex. I initiated (and stuck to) it. Lasted 3 years. She contacted me recently. I'm not one to turn down a possible FB and have been sexting and flirting back and forth.

She has recently gone NC on me. There was always a power/one up(man)ship struggle between us.

My question is - once someone has applied the NC rules to YOU, what move, if any do you make? It would be easy to just leave it all at that. However are there any 'reverse' strategies, so to speak, that anyone would suggest?

One thing I do not want to do, is act AFC and delete/block FB etc, as I feel this makes me look angry and therefore I lose face.

Any stories, feedback or links appreciated.

 

[JohnyTheArrow]

She outsmarted you.Contacted you to see if still after years want her.You do.Ego boost achieved.Now you are useless for her again that's why she did NC with you.
You should have set up date and **** her to restablish power if not go NC instantly on her.Instead you got played like little puppy.

 

[zorg198]

Exactly.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

She outsmarted you.Contacted you to see if still after years want her.You do.Ego boost achieved.Now you are useless for her again that's why she did NC with you.
You should have set up date and **** her to restablish power if not go NC instantly on her.Instead you got played like little puppy.

Nailed it

 

[WanderingMan]

She outsmarted you.Contacted you to see if still after years want her.You do.Ego boost achieved.Now you are useless for her again that's why she did NC with you.

I agree with this

You should have set up date and **** her to restablish power if not go NC instantly on her.

This very well could have worked, however, if he immediately tried to set up a date wouldn't that confirm he still wanted her?

My question is - once someone has applied the NC rules to YOU, what move, if any do you make? It would be easy to just leave it all at that. However are there any 'reverse' strategies, so to speak, that anyone would suggest?

One thing I do not want to do, is act AFC and delete/block FB etc, as I feel this makes me look angry and therefore I lose face.

OP, you need to display, in one form or another, that you are officially over her. One way to to do this is to initially turn her down.

This accomplishes two things:

1) She will be re-assured that, if you two do start banging, won't fall into a needy lovesick annoying way. How can you be a ****buddy if you're constantly trying to cuddle and talk about your feelings?

2) It creates somewhat of a challenge. Chicks can pretty much bang whomever - whenever - they want. If you fall on your face trying to meet up with her again, she'll see you as a loser and therefore not worth her time so she'll retract and head for the hills. However if you put up a front - "Let's just go our separate ways - I've moved on" then it creates a challenge for her - "how am I going to get HeadLightsOn to have sex with me again?"

Get her chasing you. This is what you want, right?

 

[Slash Dolo]

Arousing her curiosity is an easy, manipulative way to get the power back.

Curiosity is a very powerful emotion. It isn't love/lust powerful, but it's probably the second best thing. I'd text her, ignoring the fact that she went ghost and acting as if you're the happiest guy in the world and let her know that something big and exciting happened in your life, and you'd like to tell her about it the next time you see her. Then disappear. Do NOT respond if she tries to contact you or asks what it is. If you guys are friends on Facebook, make sure she sees you talking/hanging out with other girls.

If that doesn't work, not much will and I'd give up, move on and try not to make the same mistake again later.

 

[GS750]

She outsmarted you.Contacted you to see if still after years want her.You do.Ego boost achieved.Now you are useless for her again that's why she did NC with you.
You should have set up date and **** her to restablish power if not go NC instantly on her.Instead you got played like little puppy.

If you're dealing with a game playing (or power playing) chick like this I'd go NC on her ass forever.

 

[Building_and_Loan]

She outsmarted you.Contacted you to see if still after years want her.You do.Ego boost achieved.Now you are useless for her again that's why she did NC with you.
You should have set up date and **** her to restablish power if not go NC instantly on her.Instead you got played like little puppy.

I don't understand this though. It's been years since they've talked. Doesn't it say he wants her if he asked her out on a date, after years of NC? Wouldn't that basically say you'd drop anything just to see her?

How exactly do you ask her out and not have it come off as seeming like you want her? Seems like that'd be quite a fine line.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

Frame it under "why dont you join me for lunch one of these so we can catch up?"

 

[ZTIME]

I don't understand this though. It's been years since they've talked. Doesn't it say he wants her if he asked her out on a date, after years of NC? Wouldn't that basically say you'd drop anything just to see her?

How exactly do you ask her out and not have it come off as seeming like you want her? Seems like that'd be quite a fine line.

I'd go with: "Cool to hear from you. We should catch up sometime. HMU in a few weeks."

Not to needy, and the few weeks doesn't seem to clingy.

 

[HeadLightsOn]

She outsmarted you.Contacted you to see if still after years want her.You do.Ego boost achieved.Now you are useless for her again that's why she did NC with you.
You should have set up date and **** her to restablish power if not go NC instantly on her.Instead you got played like little puppy.

Thanks for your comment. I did say I was somewhat out of practice. I did set up a meeting (I wouldnt call it a date setting), and knowing me, she assumed that I would try to fck her on the spot. Instead I did not. I subtly rejected her which DID up her IL immensely. The NC thing from her behalf came after several weeks of IM/Skype contact. I will add we do not live close to each other. The other point I want to make - I want her as a FB. She is good in bed and I make no apologies for that. I am spinning three other plates at the moment. She did catch me out with the NC thing from her side though...

 

[HeadLightsOn]

I agree with this


This very well could have worked, however, if he immediately tried to set up a date wouldn't that confirm he still wanted her?


OP, you need to display, in one form or another, that you are officially over her. One way to to do this is to initially turn her down.

This accomplishes two things:

1) She will be re-assured that, if you two do start banging, won't fall into a needy lovesick annoying way. How can you be a ****buddy if you're constantly trying to cuddle and talk about your feelings?

2) It creates somewhat of a challenge. Chicks can pretty much bang whomever - whenever - they want. If you fall on your face trying to meet up with her again, she'll see you as a loser and therefore not worth her time so she'll retract and head for the hills. However if you put up a front - "Let's just go our separate ways - I've moved on" then it creates a challenge for her - "how am I going to get HeadLightsOn to have sex with me again?"

Get her chasing you. This is what you want, right?

Good feedback WM. We have never had the cuddling type deal - its been sexual with constant one up manship back and forth. Yes the chasing thing IS important, let's be honest. And that also goes back and forth, however it is usually her doing most of the chasing. Due to her NC I have sent one (ONE) very brief email and have not received a response. It could, realistically, be years before there is any other contact made by either side. And yes that will be the way it is. There has been a subtle change of power and she probably has that in her court at present. I will be posting updates though.

 

[HeadLightsOn]

If you're dealing with a game playing (or power playing) chick like this I'd go NC on her ass forever.

As I said she is an excellent FB. Most of the FBs that I have been with ARE game palying/head case females. That just seems the way it is in my cases. However Im not in this for the luv - Im in it for the sex. Quite a difference Id say?

 

[HeadLightsOn]

Arousing her curiosity is an easy, manipulative way to get the power back.

Curiosity is a very powerful emotion. It isn't love/lust powerful, but it's probably the second best thing. I'd text her, ignoring the fact that she went ghost and acting as if you're the happiest guy in the world and let her know that something big and exciting happened in your life, and you'd like to tell her about it the next time you see her. Then disappear. Do NOT respond if she tries to contact you or asks what it is. If you guys are friends on Facebook, make sure she sees you talking/hanging out with other girls.

If that doesn't work, not much will and I'd give up, move on and try not to make the same mistake again later.

Slash - that is something I have thought about (it will be email though as txt/FB isnt doable for reasons I wont go into). I have thought about doing that and wanted to wait a few days before sending something off.
The whole point Im wanting discuss, is NCing a person who has NC'd you. I get all the comments on jere, but I know there will be various techniques/real life stories that people could share. Good forum tho... Thanks.

 

[Infern0]

If she contacts you then the idea is to arrange getting together as fast as possible.

Example

Slut: hey headlights on, I miss u

You: hey Slut good to hear from you, when are you free to get together.

That's it.

At the end of the day you aren't losing anything by doing that, a lot of posters will tell you oooooh you gave her the ego boost she knows your on the hook, beta friend zoned orbiter.

One thing I notice is that you went no contact initially. This tells me that you were emotionally overinvested. The point of NC is to get space and sort your emotions out and figure out your mistakes. If things got so bad and you were at the point you went NC I guarantee you dropped your frame and ****ed up. Sure she may have treated you bad or whatever but sluts only treat you the way you invite them to with your own behaviour. Own it, learn from it.

When they break NC it could be for the ego boost, but it could also be that she's absence makes the heart grow fonder and she's forgetting the mistakes you made, so you cut to the chase and got to the point. The aim is to hook up right so if she's putting herself into your orbit suggest the get together, if she doesn't reply you go about your life, if she gives you bs about wanting to text more first etc "hey I'm kinda busy right now let me know if your schedule frees up, bye.

You fouled up by texting back and forth first, by doing that you did give the ego boost and got nothing out of it. Overtexting is an attraction killer, even if it's sexting. Don't do it.

If you did it my way you'd have saved yourself a lot of time and the only ego boost you give is that she's only worth ****ing but not talking to.

That's my opinion on it

 

[HeadLightsOn]

If she contacts you then the idea is to arrange getting together as fast as possible.

Example

Slut: hey headlights on, I miss u

You: hey Slut good to hear from you, when are you free to get together.

That's it.

At the end of the day you aren't losing anything by doing that, a lot of posters will tell you oooooh you gave her the ego boost she knows your on the hook, beta friend zoned orbiter.

But in reality you cut to the chase and got to the point. The aim is to hook up right so if she's putting herself into your orbit suggest the get together, if she doesn't reply you go about your life, if she gives you bs about wanting to text more first etc "hey I'm kinda busy right now let me know if your schedule frees up, bye.

You fouled up by texting back and forth first, by doing that you did give the ego boost and got nothing out of it. Overtexting is an attraction killer, even if it's sexting. Don't do it.

If you did it my way you'd have saved yourself a lot of time and the only ego boost you give is that she's only worth ****ing but not talking to.

That's my opinion on it

Great post and something I will take on board. As I say, I AM a bit out of practice, but your comments have helped me to re think my strategy. Ugh - NOW I feel like an idiot. Never mind, I will make sure if I rescue the situation that I post the results here...

 

[Infern0]

Arousing her curiosity is an easy, manipulative way to get the power back.

Curiosity is a very powerful emotion. It isn't love/lust powerful, but it's probably the second best thing. I'd text her, ignoring the fact that she went ghost and acting as if you're the happiest guy in the world and let her know that something big and exciting happened in your life, and you'd like to tell her about it the next time you see her. Then disappear. Do NOT respond if she tries to contact you or asks what it is. If you guys are friends on Facebook, make sure she sees you talking/hanging out with other girls.

If that doesn't work, not much will and I'd give up, move on and try not to make the same mistake again later.

Hahahahahaha.

OP, keep NC unless she texts again. This **** will backfire I guarantee it.

 

[Infern0]

Great post and something I will take on board. As I say, I AM a bit out of practice, but your comments have helped me to re think my strategy. Ugh - NOW I feel like an idiot. Never mind, I will make sure if I rescue the situation that I post the results here...

I updated my posts with some more detail, good luck though brother, hope it works out and you get some good action

 

[HeadLightsOn]

Update - ugh

Well just a brief update as some of you may be interested.

The NC from the ex-oneitis (as I now realise thats what it was - that got me into this recent mess, where I lost the advantage Id had for years...

Not good, in fact I feel a bit crap. I have confirmed that she was in fact hospitalised with a quite severe illness. As I say that is confirmed by the hospital and other mutual contacts.

My point? Although I responded incorrectly eg over texted her back when she contacted me, after I went NC for several years and I have learned from that mistake - herNC on me was, in fact, for a genuine reason.
I dont really care what other people post here about this scenario. As Ive said on other posts, I dont want bad sh*t happening to anyone who has been/is in my life. Thats just my take on life in general.

Still, I have learned from the mistakes I made and do not like the fact that I lost my upper hand, after several years of NC, by responding too eagerly when she did re contact me. I can tell now that her IL/Pursuit of me is low. Man, was it high IL when she first got hold of me after years of NC ("you damaged my confidence", "I never stopped thinking about you" etc). Lesson learned. Either FB her instantly or dont respond.

Never. Never, again...

 

[Lozboss]

The DJs have it nailed.

It's now a waiting game.

You DON'T contact her.

When she does:

"Hey Ex, good to hear from you. Free to get some drinks this weekend?"

If she flakes then just go:

"Too Bad, well if your schedule frees up let me know, gotta run, laters"

Then go FULL NC.

Every time she contacts you the aim is to make her commit to a date, if she flakes then she's playing games.

Personally I'd give her one more chance then drop her for good.