No contact works but is a dangerous tool

[Flokitricks]

This will be my first post on here. I wanted to share my recent experience, it may help someone in the future. I would appreciate some pointers and feedback.

I dated an older woman for about 7 months.The relationship ended when she gave me an ultimatum and I let her walk.

Or so I thought, let me explain.

Immediately after the breakup I went into NC. I caved around 2 months in and messaged her to meet up. We met, drank and did the deed.
The next weekend she messaged me we met up and did the deed. However this time she brought up the relationship and I knew it was not going to last much longer. The sex that is.

Another month of NC went by I messaged her we met up and did the deed.

Another month of NC went by and I was driving around town when I ran into her in traffic. I got a look in as I drove by and a man was driving her car while she was in the passenger seat. I got overwhelmed with emotion and felt physically sick. I went home and messaged her to meet up, she told me there was a passing in the family so she couldn’t see me that night. The next night she messaged me out of the blue and came over.

I made a mistake here and revealed my emotions to her (how I felt seeing her with someone else) and asked who the man driving her car was. She told me it was a relative. Spoiler alert, it was the new boyfriend. We briefly spoke about the relationship and she told me why she will never message me first. (She wants something serious, I don’t etc.) She briefly mentioned feeling contradicted being there with me in that moment. I asker her if she had a boyfriend, she said no but there are potentials. She tells me I turn her on we do the deed. her saying “never message you first” really ****ed with my ego. This is when I suddenly started seeing things, and putting things together.

The next day, first day of 2022 I invited her over and she told there was a gathering due to the passing in the fam and she couldn’t make it. I had messaged her in the morning so that in case she bailed I could make other plans. She messaged me at night. My gut was telling me something wasn’t right. Spoiler alert, she couldn’t meet me cause she had plans with the boyfriend the next morning, thanks social media. I deleted her number and removed her from my socials. It may seem like I’m being a brat here removing her. Obviously after the breakup exclusivity is gone but I had a gut feeling that that wasn’t the whole story here.

I was ready to move on. I wouldn’t message her unless she messaged me first.

A month of NC went by and she messaged me.
Her:hi
Me:hi
Her: how are you
Me:I’m going great! You?
Her:I’m good

I left her on read.

One week later I’m going on my first date since this woman. My date is going great there is good attraction between us and BAM my phone rings. I immediately recognize the number. In a moment of hesitation I pick uptell her I’m busy and I’ll call her back.

I get home and call her. Big mistake. I can’t control my feelings and really have a go at her. I ask her why she is calling, I tell her she ended the relationship 6 months ago, she needs to take responsibility for her actions, she can’t just decide to walk back into my life when she wishes. I can tell she is about to cry, she blurts out she still has feelings for me, she mentions she can’t make the other guy wait anymore. Spoiler alert she has been dating him for 4 months now I think? Thanks social media. She says she wasn’t ready for this conversation right now and that she has to hang up.


However I wanted closure. Before going to bed I messaged her and told her she was coming to see me tomorrow. In the morning she replied, Friday after work. I said no. She said she is busy the next two days. I tell her thats too bad.

She blocks my number. Now my take on this here is that I am not giving her the attention she seeks when she seeks it so she can’t handle her emotions and blocks me. Also Valentine’s Day is around the corner and she can’t have me contacting her. The blocking is unacceptable. The following day I go ahead and change my number.



Fast forward to today (2 weeks after the block) I wake up to a message request on social media asking if I am free, I see the message, don’t respond and she pulls back the message after 5 hours. Still hasn’t blocked me yet so that’s a surprise. This is where we currently stand.

Knowing all that I know about hypergamy. She is fully aware that she is coming to a stage where she needs to settle. When she told me she couldn’t make the other guy wait, I went and did some digging, this is when I found out she had been seeing him since mid november. Thanks social media. We broke up in September. She clearly monkey branched on me and while I thought I cut her loose for not wanting to settle with her. In fact SHE got ME to break up with her so that she can pave the way for the new guy. She literally met up with him the day after we saw each other , that’s why she wouldn’t meet with me New Years. She had plans with him the next morning.

Now my question is, follow my logic here, if the new guy is a better option for her than me why is she risking her 5month relationship and reaching out to me?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If you aren't serious after a certain point, all relationships will fizzle out. You have a limited time to "just have fun" with a woman, after that you either need to move forward with things or she will move on.

 

[spred]

This will be my first post on here. I wanted to share my recent experience, it may help someone in the future. I would appreciate some pointers and feedback.

I dated an older woman for about 7 months.The relationship ended when she gave me an ultimatum and I let her walk.

Or so I thought, let me explain.

Immediately after the breakup I went into NC. I caved around 2 months in and messaged her to meet up. We met, drank and did the deed.
The next weekend she messaged me we met up and did the deed. However this time she brought up the relationship and I knew it was not going to last much longer. The sex that is.

Another month of NC went by I messaged her we met up and did the deed.

Another month of NC went by and I was driving around town when I ran into her in traffic. I got a look in as I drove by and a man was driving her car while she was in the passenger seat. I got overwhelmed with emotion and felt physically sick. I went home and messaged her to meet up, she told me there was a passing in the family so she couldn’t see me that night. The next night she messaged me out of the blue and came over.

I made a mistake here and revealed my emotions to her (how I felt seeing her with someone else) and asked who the man driving her car was. She told me it was a relative. Spoiler alert, it was the new boyfriend. We briefly spoke about the relationship and she told me why she will never message me first. (She wants something serious, I don’t etc.) She briefly mentioned feeling contradicted being there with me in that moment. I asker her if she had a boyfriend, she said no but there are potentials. She tells me I turn her on we do the deed. her saying “never message you first” really ****ed with my ego. This is when I suddenly started seeing things, and putting things together.

The next day, first day of 2022 I invited her over and she told there was a gathering due to the passing in the fam and she couldn’t make it. I had messaged her in the morning so that in case she bailed I could make other plans. She messaged me at night. My gut was telling me something wasn’t right. Spoiler alert, she couldn’t meet me cause she had plans with the boyfriend the next morning, thanks social media. I deleted her number and removed her from my socials. It may seem like I’m being a brat here removing her. Obviously after the breakup exclusivity is gone but I had a gut feeling that that wasn’t the whole story here.

I was ready to move on. I wouldn’t message her unless she messaged me first.

A month of NC went by and she messaged me.
Her:hi
Me:hi
Her: how are you
Me:I’m going great! You?
Her:I’m good

I left her on read.

One week later I’m going on my first date since this woman. My date is going great there is good attraction between us and BAM my phone rings. I immediately recognize the number. In a moment of hesitation I pick uptell her I’m busy and I’ll call her back.

I get home and call her. Big mistake. I can’t control my feelings and really have a go at her. I ask her why she is calling, I tell her she ended the relationship 6 months ago, she needs to take responsibility for her actions, she can’t just decide to walk back into my life when she wishes. I can tell she is about to cry, she blurts out she still has feelings for me, she mentions she can’t make the other guy wait anymore. Spoiler alert she has been dating him for 4 months now I think? Thanks social media. She says she wasn’t ready for this conversation right now and that she has to hang up.


However I wanted closure. Before going to bed I messaged her and told her she was coming to see me tomorrow. In the morning she replied, Friday after work. I said no. She said she is busy the next two days. I tell her thats too bad.

She blocks my number. Now my take on this here is that I am not giving her the attention she seeks when she seeks it so she can’t handle her emotions and blocks me. Also Valentine’s Day is around the corner and she can’t have me contacting her. The blocking is unacceptable. The following day I go ahead and change my number.



Fast forward to today (2 weeks after the block) I wake up to a message request on social media asking if I am free, I see the message, don’t respond and she pulls back the message after 5 hours. Still hasn’t blocked me yet so that’s a surprise. This is where we currently stand.

Knowing all that I know about hypergamy. She is fully aware that she is coming to a stage where she needs to settle. When she told me she couldn’t make the other guy wait, I went and did some digging, this is when I found out she had been seeing him since mid november. Thanks social media. We broke up in September. She clearly monkey branched on me and while I thought I cut her loose for not wanting to settle with her. In fact SHE got ME to break up with her so that she can pave the way for the new guy. She literally met up with him the day after we saw each other , that’s why she wouldn’t meet with me New Years. She had plans with him the next morning.

Now my question is, follow my logic here, if the new guy is a better option for her than me why is she risking her 5month relationship and reaching out to me?

She has an emotional connection with you but not yet with the new bf. That's why she keeps meeting and connecting with you.

 

[SW15]

@Flokitricks -- You are 29. That's one of the best ages for younger women. At 29, it's still easy to date someone 21-25. Focus on that. You're wasting your time with an older woman. Eliminate her forever.

 

[jimwho]

Follow my logic here. She's an old bat sht crazy lying manipulative female that likes being railed.

 

[logicallefty]

OP, welcome to the forum and making your first post. Your scenario is very typical. Others have given you some good input here. I will comment by agreeing with you about no contact; it's a VERY powerful tool. I also liked this part of your post a lot:

However I wanted closure. Before going to bed I messaged her and told her she was coming to see me tomorrow. In the morning she replied, Friday after work. I said no. She said she is busy the next two days. I tell her thats too bad.

She blocks my number. Now my take on this here is that I am not giving her the attention she seeks when she seeks it so she can’t handle her emotions and blocks me. Also Valentine’s Day is around the corner and she can’t have me contacting her. The blocking is unacceptable. The following day I go ahead and change my number.

Clearly she is trying to be the dominant one between you two. You can't meet Friday. So she said she was busy. Then you said "thats too bad". It couldn't be on HER terms so she blocked you.. lol I've had this happen before.

My advise would be don't get your heart wrapped around this woman. Contact her again later if you want. You may be able to get another lay or two out of it because again, NC is very powerful and will make her miss you. But don't go falling in love with her or you are in for some major disappointment.

 

[FenixRising]

For someone "knowing all [you] do about hypergamy" you sure are attached to this one. The only way to heal from this fling (no matter the outcome) is to do NC properly...
Stop looking at her socials, block her num and move on to a better match and more plates...

Focus back on you again and really look into if you actually want casual or emotionally attached relationships. Good luck

 

[DonJuanjr]

she blurts out she still has feelings for me, she mentions she can’t make the other guy wait anymore. Spoiler alert she has been dating him for 4 months now I think?

Wait for what? Sex?

 

[Dr.Suave]

Op I had to stop reading about halfway because I was like wtf? You guys broke up, u never go back to an ex or give her exclusivity again, U were still getting sex from her which is the best possible scenario for an ex.

Dosent matter if the sex wasnt going to last forever. She was demoted to a plate, plates fall, it happens. U had sex, u won. Next.

 

[Flokitricks]

She has an emotional connection with you but not yet with the new bf. That's why she keeps meeting and connecting with you.

This makes sense but then again she has been with him almost as long as with me. Makes you wonder.

 

[Flokitricks]

Wait for what? Sex?

I think she meant she was taking things slow with him in case we got back together.

 

[DonJuanjr]

I think she meant she was taking things slow with him in case we got back together.

It sounds like she was making him wait 4 months for sex. This is the biggest thing I took away from your post.

 

[Flokitricks]

OP, welcome to the forum and making your first post. Your scenario is very typical. Others have given you some good input here. I will comment by agreeing with you about no contact; it's a VERY powerful tool. I also liked this part of your post a lot:



Clearly she is trying to be the dominant one between you two. You can't meet Friday. So she said she was busy. Then you said "thats too bad". It couldn't be on HER terms so she blocked you.. lol I've had this happen before.

My advise would be don't get your heart wrapped around this woman. Contact her again later if you want. You may be able to get another lay or two out of it because again, NC is very powerful and will make her miss you. But don't go falling in love with her or you are in for some major disappointment.

There was definitely some power play going on during the relationship. I think I squeezed out as many lays as I could at this point but may be there could be more. It’s clear to me that at some point I ended up catching feelings. Oddly enough, the feelings caught up to me after we had broken up. I initially only accepted her exclusivity because I wanted to experience a mature relationship and because the sex was good. Of course after we became exclusive her competition anxiety dropped and the quality got worst over time.

 

[Flokitricks]

It sounds like she was making him wait 4 months for sex. This is the biggest thing I took away from your post.

Knowing her, she probably isn’t.

 

[Flokitricks]

If you aren't serious after a certain point, all relationships will fizzle out. You have a limited time to "just have fun" with a woman, after that you either need to move forward with things or she will move on.

Move forward as in? She wanted exclusivity did that. What would have been the next step? Get engaged? Propose to her? My biggest mistake was dropping my plates for her exclusivity. She literally had me by the balls.

 

[logicallefty]

Move forward as in? She wanted exclusivity did that. What would have been the next step? Get engaged? Propose to her? My biggest mistake was dropping my plates for her exclusivity. She literally had me by the balls.

We've all done this. Learn from your mistake, that's most important..

 

[Billtx49]

She literally had me by the balls.

This only happens when a man gives up his personal power.
Quote of the day -
The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.
~Alice Walker

 

[Toddz]

If it didn't work the first time it's not going to work the second time, the third time, etc... Things ended between you both for a reason.

All this back and forth between you both is nothing more than a waste of time and mental energy. Blocking, keeping track of who messages who first, and worrying about other guys she's seeing is not healthy for you.

Why is she suddenly contacting you? Who knows but who cares. It's better to find someone new and develop a relationship that has a healthy solid foundation. Learn and grow from this experience and be a better man. Both for yourself and for the next woman.

 

[Pandora]

Yep. And there are dudes here still trying to convince this forum that women want casual sex as much as men do. (@Pandora)

I think men in general will improve themselves a hell of a lot when they come to terms with the fact that nobody will ever be more interested in his own penis than he is.

Women use sex as an investment vehicle as OP clearly demonstrates. Yes, it also feels good for them, but nowhere near the level that men experience it.

Stop misquoting what I said. I never said that women want casual sex as much as men do. Show me where I said that you lying coward.

I am saying that your blue pill fantasy of them being relatively chaste is wrong. They like casual sex ( not as much as men do, but they still enjoy it). IF they didn't like casual sex then their sexual partner number count would not be as high as it is. Females enjoy casual sex until they need a break and then they become temporarily "monogamous" with jokers like you.

The average hot woman has almost triple digits ( im counting bjs, handjobs, sex, makeouts etc) by the time she is 40. Of course you blame this on evil feminism. I am saying that its not mostly feminism. It is in their nature to be go through "hoe phases". Again, you dont have as much experience with women as you claim or else you would know this.

 

[Pandora]

haha quite the step back you’ve taken from “women want to be shared around their tribe.”

Check it out @Zimbabwe
there is hope!

Show me where I said they want to be shared by the whole tribe. I said it is not uncommon for them to be passed around by members of the tribe. Let's end this debate bro. Don't mention me with this topic again.