"No Contact" success stories?

[Zunder]

I hear alot about "No Contact".

So, ok, you have been persuing this chick and can see some of your old AFCness creeping in.

The frame is hers, you have slipped up. She's cancelled a date or two. her interest level has obvioulsy waned. You became "too available".

So you say - right: No Contact! No texts, phoncealls, facebook, emails....

I would like to hear some success stories of guys using this somewhat simple (in theory) practice, and have managaed to regain the frame.

Lets hear 'em, I need some inspiration.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

No Contact means start looking for other girls. Once the frame is gone, it's gone. Contrary to what many other posters may say, "no contact" is not some scheme to "win the frame back" and get the girl interested in you again.

No Contact = Next

It also means no thoughts of her inside your brain as well. No contact, no thoughts, no wishing things were different. She's done, learn from your mistakes, and do better next time.

In fact, I'd go so far as to say you know you've successfully pulled off a "no contact" when(if) she shows up again and you think "crap, not her again..." and you get rid of her as quickly, effortlessly, and diplomatically as possible.

Of course, some may confuse "no contact" with setting solid and unbreakable boundaries, but they are two different animals.

Sometimes a temporary withdrawal is an effective way to reinforce a breached boundary, and it can appear to be the same as "no contact," but it's only for a little while figures out what your boundaries are. If she continues to break them, then the temporary boundary enforcing "no contact" becomes the permanent "no contact," or "next."

The case you are describing, where the frame has been lost, you are already and forever put into a category in her mind that you don't want to be in.

If this is the case, "next" is the only option.

The paradox is that although this can be the toughest thing for a guy to do, nexting girl who've you lost the frame with, it will increase your value immeasurably with the next girl you get with.

 

[Falcon25]

It has worked for me once. I completely pulled away, when she called after a couple weeks, I didn't budge, just didn't return her call. Then she called three days after that, I took that call. She asked me what the matter was. I said that it seemed like she wasn't interested and I was moving on. Said it was nice to meet her and I enjoyed our time together but that I wanted to spend time with someone who is looking for the same thing as I am. She was distraught. Another three weeks passed, and she came back. It never worked out in the end but NO CONTACT works only if the girl and you made a connection, that is to say, if she liked you and kept you in her thoughts. Otherwise, she could give a rat's ass that you don't call her.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Zunder,
Works like a charm,used it twice,once had it used on me,bit frustrating....But remember No contact is just that,not even the tiniest bit.

 

[grinder]

There is a difference between “no contact” and scarcity. As taiyuu states, no contact means you completely alter your focus away from her with no intention of EVER returning it. With scarcity, you are increasing your value by being less available.

However, its important to see the subtle difference between using these as some tool in your toolbox for an effect and BEING scarce or changing your focus away from her. If you are less available because you are busy doing other things, or if you are not contacting her because you are contacting others then this is a natural method.

If you have nothing else in your life and you are sitting around counting how many days it’s been since you last contacted her, obsessing about how much it must be bugging her that you have not contacted her….then you are toast and the frame, the game, and you are lost!

Don’t ACT scarce, BE scarce!

I have been scarce a number of times and yes indeed it works. But at a certain point, you just don't really care if it works or not. It becomes irrelevant. You are on to the next one.

 

[quicklearner]

don't overanalyze women

________

Zunder

As you stated “She's cancelled a date or two…”

I wouldn't have cared if she won the miss universe pageant afterwards. If a girl every canceld on me, she got nexted, no exception.

As for using scaricity to increase interest. I had no time to sit around and wait for some girls interest to increase. I made the move, if they were not interetested, I moved on.

Every girl I ended up with always showed up at MY REQUEST. not the other way around.

its that simple.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Don’t ACT scarce, BE scarce!

Maxim from "The Tao Of Steve":

Be Excellent, Be Gone.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

After things went south with my last gf (5 yr LTR), I got on my horse and rode out. Six months later, the phone calls began. She left typically ambiguous messages about how "strange life is" and the like. She called for two weeks, and when she received my message, I have never heard from her again.

What was my message? Static.

That is how a successful no contact goes. BUT, I will add that NC need not always be your perpetual exit.

If you were serious and there was any cheating or disrespect, THAT is when she is banned forever.

If you didn't have much invested in the deal, but you lost ground, that is when you make what the Marines call a "strategic withdrawl". You either A.) Weren't that into her anyway, but wouldn't mind fvcking her sometime down the road or B.) Were majorly into her, maybe showed your hand too soon BUT you were smart enough, this time, to catch it early enough to make your withdrawl before embarrassing yourself.

Option B happened to me with a rich girl last year, I was a wreck and lost it. But I took my medicine, went complete NC after that night and the few times I have ran into her since then, she has been exceedingly friendly. I may fvck her sometime or I may not, I have enjoyed profound development as a DJ in the last 16 months.

Also, sometimes exercising NC proves to be wiser than you originally thought when you later discover you were playing with a rattlesnake.

 

[horaholic]

It works EVERY time. It is ALWAYS a success. If you walk away, and dont waste any time on the bytch, its a success. If it make the bytch chase you, and eventually get naked, its a success.

It gets me laid with my ex all the time. he pisses me off, and I cut all contact. After a month or so of her calling me all the time, I'll give in, and bang her for a month till she pisses me off again, rinse and repeat.

I have also had one night stands by being scarce too.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Zunder,
I have not come to bury Seizeher,but to praise him.....Again Julie Baby has it right.....In the two cases I initiated the first was a BPD the next was a Woman who humiliated me in front of a group of my best friends,the Men are still laughing the Women still going Tut..Tut,a real bucket job,couldn't retrieve anything there....My general attitude to Old flames,is similar to doing up an old Car,you put a lot of time,effort and Money into it and then have to let it go,but if someone is happy to garage,maintain it and put the petrol into it,why not take it for a spin now and then....there will still be a bit of the Old Magic and when you are finished there is no servicing you put it back into someone elses garage and hop into your old Jalopy.

 

[jophil28]

Zunder, A girl who has canceled two or more dates is telling you that she does not want to see you again. Her IL (if it ever existed at all ) has tanked.

One cancelation is perhaps tolerable IF her "reason" is credible and she combines an effusive apology with a makeup offer.
However another cancelation by her, for whatever "reason", is grounds for dismissal.
Then "No Contact" is applicable- not to create some temporary sense of unavailability in the hope that it may bring her to heel, but rather to end the game itself with that particular woman.

 

[Zunder]

Yup I'm gonna have to "let her go" from my mind. She is so ****ing hot, but I lost the frame.
Uh, I did fvck her once, then did the old "think I need to do more" when I should have pulled back.
Mucked it up.
Fvck it. Fvck it hurts. But need to harden the fvck up.

 

[jophil28]

Uh, I did fvck her once, then did the old "think I need to do more" when I should have pulled back.

.

And there, gentlemen, is the cruel paradox and the awful irony of fukking and falling for a hottie. We are so intent on keeping her for our own that we seek ways of nailing her down. The latent 'people pleasing chump' in all of us takes a deep breath and begins to direct our thinking and, as Zunder said, we " think we need to do more".
And so, in our besotted state we "work" at keeping her close and locking her down with actions and gestures designed to endear us to her .We are on an endless audition of our own invention. Little do we realize that if we have fukked her we have done our job. She has bought the package...the sale is closed.

But that is not enough to dissolve the churning anxiety - the fear that we might not be 'enough ' to keep her haunts us, after all she is a HOTTIE ..a glittering prize sought by men.
Our fear of losing her lingers, and little do we realize that we are transmitting our desperation and urgent need of her attentions..and then the inevitable happens - we unwittingly define ourselves, by our behavior as just another spellbound chump who is happy and grateful to bask in her royal presence.

Her LJBF speech follows soon enough.

 

[Zunder]

And there, gentlemen, is the cruel paradox and the awful irony of fukking and falling for a hottie. We are so intent on keeping her for our own that we seek ways of nailing her down. The latent 'people pleasing chump' in all of us takes a deep breath and begins to direct our thinking and, as Zunder said, we " think we need to do more".
And so, in our besotted state we "work" at keeping her close and locking her down with actions and gestures designed to endear us to her .We are on an endless audition of our own invention. Little do we realize that if we have fukked her we have done our job. She has bought the package...the sale is closed.

But that is not enough to dissolve the churning anxiety - the fear that we might not be 'enough ' to keep her haunts us, after all she is a HOTTIE ..a glittering prize sought by men.
Our fear of losing her lingers, and little do we realize that we are transmitting our desperation and urgent need of her attentions..and then the inevitable happens - we unwittingly define ourselves, by our behavior as just another spellbound chump who is happy and grateful to bask in her royal presence.

Her LJBF speech follows soon enough.

Spot on Jophill. You feeking nailed it, I have to admit.

 

[scorpio1138]

It gets me laid with my ex all the time. she pisses me off, and I cut all contact. After a month or so of her calling me all the time, I'll give in, and bang her for a month till she pisses me off again, rinse and repeat.

I'm in this situation right now.

It's happened twice before since january:
her: "I'm done with that, I've moved on.."
me: "good, bye"

weeks later:

her: "wanna pick me up and fvck?"
me: "I'm with someone else tonight"
her: "tommorow then?"
me: "maybe"

then I fvck her the next day.

History repeating itself over and over...love it!!

 

[tinctrar]

No contact is really for breakups only. Its supposed to be used as a time to move on. It should NEVER be used to try and get a girl back.

Think about it...more times than not a breakup is warranted.

 

[scorpio1138]

tinctrar you're right.

But If I can get a few extra lays in from an EX (like horaholic) before I never hear from her again I'm going to do it...

 

[tinctrar]

scorpio...I used to do that. But honestly even if the sex was awesome I would still hold back now.

Why? Cause honestly it aint worth it. After a breakup I usually shut it down with that girl. So the sex isnt even good anymore.

Id rather try what I learned with my other girls on some new one that digs me. Happened last night as a matter of fact. Much better experience.

 

[scorpio1138]

I'm in this situation right now.

It's happened twice before since january:
her: "I'm done with that, I've moved on.."
me: "good, bye"

weeks later:

her: "wanna pick me up and fvck?"
me: "I'm with someone else tonight"
her: "tommorow then?"
me: "maybe"

then I fvck her the next day.

History repeating itself over and over...love it!!

an update to this:

she called me late saturday, I was working which is rare at that time and she was at her friends house a few blocks away. Met up and had some s3x and then again in the morning.

now she says she's used to the way we're doing this and likes it. 2 weeks ago she made it sound like we would never hookup again like she has the last couple of times. I'm getting a different vibe now about it, but won't rule out her saying she's moved on again.

There is something I find very enjoyable about it. I called her a "flip-flopper"

I make zero effort in contacting her and she keeps coming back for more.
All I want is casual fun from time to time from her and thats what I'm getting.
I consider this a no contact success story.

 

[jophil28]

.
I consider this a no contact success story.

Well to be pedantic here - it is not really a "NO Contact" story because you and she still contact each other, albeit infrequently.
What you have is a sitation in which both of you are engaged in a loose and casual sexual arrangenent which is triggered by desire borne from absence and scarcity .

Nice job if you can get it.